Imitor Vita Pro Amor
by PeroxidePest NocturneWytche
Summary: A few surprise visitors come back to town and shake things up in Buffy's life, leaving her to decide just what Spike means to her. A demon causes some changes for the blonde vamp, making things even more difficult! S/B Winner of 2 Watching You Awards!!!
1. Chapter 1

ImitorVitaProAmor

Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show. We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life. She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

and without further ado...   


Imitor Vita Pro Amor   


A swift roundhouse kick to the chest, and the vampire went flying to the grassy floor of the cemetery, with a loud thud. Out of the darkness, another form jumped to his knees. In a quick swift motion, and a flash of black leather, the wooden stake flew into the heart of the demon, turning him to dust.   
The leather-cloaked vampire shrugged and snorted. "Easy pickin's again ducks..." He dusted off his hands, getting off his knees. "No match for a slayer and her side kick vamp puppy..."   
Buffy shook her head with a small smile. Sometimes Spike just really got on her nerves with his sarcasm, but lately, all she could do was smile and shake her head at him. "Good boy," Buffy patted the peroxide blonde's ruffled hair fondly.   
Spike scanned the dark cemetery. "Hum. I don't think they're done playing with us yet, luv..."   
Buffy sighed, also sensing some demony presence. "You think after the whole Glory spiel, they'd be a bit more afraid of the slayer!"   
Spike chuckled softly. "Especially when she has nine lives..."   
"Only three so far..." she sighed, forcing thoughts of her latest kicking of the bucket out of her mind.   
Footsteps caused them to remain silent, waiting for the demons to attack. With a growl a group of vampires emerged from all sides.   
"Oohh…" Spike stepped back to back with Buffy. The heat from her small form caused him to jump. "Look's like we've got a party waitin' to happen..."   
Buffy tossed him another stake, clutching Mr.Pointy in her hand. "Well, so much for a peaceful night of patrolling. Guess we'll get a workout after all..."   
Spike shrugged his indifference, staring at the ugly game faces of the vamps. One of them growled, hissing at him. He bared his fangs, snarling. Spike raised a brow. "That all mate? Seen cats with better spitting." He put on his own game face, snarling back in a more savage, primal manner than the younger vampire before him. The blonde leapt forward into action, throwing punches and kicks at his opponent fervently.   
Buffy jumped forward, kicking at the group of vamps, and tossing a fist into one's sharp, ridged face. The two fought down the group of vamps with skillful jump kicks, punches and stab attacks. They moved fluidly together, watching each other's backs, as if they owned minds attached to one another by some invisible coil.   
  
The vampire who had attempted a growling match with Spike had managed to dodge past him as the duster-clad do-gooder attacked another vamp nearby. He grabbed Buffy from behind, catching her by surprise.   
Spike flipped the vamp he was fighting over his shoulder before leaning down and staking him. He looked up just in time to see Buffy in trouble, and he staked the demon attacking her from behind.   
"Thanks," she called hefting Mr.Pointy back into an offensive grasp. She saw another vampire running at them from behind, intent on attacking Spike unawares. "Duck!" she commanded.   
Spike did as she told and she jumped up on his back, pounding off him like a springboard, flipping over the vamp and thrusting her lucky stake into him from behind.   
Spike turned his head in her direction and nodded. "We're even..."   
"…but not finished..." Buffy looked at the circle of hissing vamps surrounding them.   
  
A dark figure hidden by the shadows watched the two combatants carefully, and his breath caught in his throat as he saw how they defended themselves. He couldn't believe how well they worked together; how they seemed to know what the other was thinking. They worked in perfect synchronization to take down the group of bloodthirsty vampires, and now there were less than half left. They stood; slayer and vampire, side by side, prepared to take on whatever came at them next. Jealously boiled in the figure's blood, jealousy and anger. In spite of his anger, there was still a part of him that made his heart stop beating every time danger grew closer to her. He had been prepared to jump from his hiding place to help if the need arose, but currently, it seemed that neither the vampire nor the slayer needed, nor would appreciate, his aid. What were the odds... 

"What do you say we make this a quick fight so we can go home?" Buffy asked Spike conversationally.   
He looked at her with a wry grin. "'Bout time for a cigarette break anyway..." He lifted the slayer into his arms and flung her in a circle.   
Buffy used her borrowed momentum and lashed out, kicking each of the surrounding vampires soundly, knocking them down like demonic dominos. As one managed to rise before the others, she jumped up and kicked him fiercely, sending him back into a tree. Lucky for her a branch stood out, staking the vamp for her.   
Spike easily blocked a blow from another vamp, using the opportunity to get under his defenses and stake him without too much trouble.   
His opponent vanquished, William looked at Buffy, to make sure she was okay. She was holding her own. "Two to go..." he mumbled.   
Another vampire took notice to Spike's distraction and attacked from behind. He knocked the blond vamp to the ground, and they wrestled on the floor. They battled, rolling into a headstone. Spike hit his head and fell limp to the grass on his back. The vamp jumped on top of him, stake in hand. "You should be ashamed of yourself... killing your own kind."   
Spike was slightly dazed. "Sod off..." he moaned, trying to regain his balance. The vamp raised his stake, ready to kill him.   
Buffy's eyes widened in terror after she finished off another vampire. "No!!!" she shouted, hurling herself at the vampire, knocking him off Spike. Spike jumped to his feet, shaking his headache off and clearing his vision. He found a stake on the floor where it had been dropped, and went to help Buffy.   
The vampire threw a punch into her face. "Stupid Slayer..."   
"Don't you know it's not nice to call Slayers names?" Buffy huffed, seeing Spike standing above the vampire that straddled her.   
Spike crammed the stake into the vamp with unnecessary ferocity, turning him to dust.   
Buffy coughed and her face scrunched up slightly. "Gross, vamp dust..." she wiped ineffectually at the dust now covering her blue shirt.   
"Thanks for the help, sweet cheeks..."   
Spike helped her off the ground, smiling inside. Seems the Slayer did care a bit for him after all, despite what she always said.   
"We may need to brush up on your training Spike... That one almost got the best of you," she teased, taking Mr. Pointy from him.   
He looked indignant at her accusation, playful or not. "No way, the Big Bad had everything in control," he straightened his leather duster.   
"Yeah, right," Buffy mocked. "I..."   
"Shh…" Spike, grabbed her arm. He sensed someone still close by.   
"What?" Buffy whispered.   
"Someone's still here..." he searched the shadows.   
  
The figure gasped softly, making a quick and timely exit from the cemetery before he was spotted, and worse, recognized. 

Spike took a step toward the shadows, cocking his head. "Hmph." He turned back to the Slayer, searching his pockets for his cigarettes. "Looks like they don't want to play anymore..."   
She shrugged. "That works for me. Let's get back to the Magic Shop."   
He sighed and watched her march off into the night as he pulled out his cigarettes and lighter. He was still worked up, and Damn it all if he wasn't ready to fight some more. Bouncing slightly on his toes, he lit up and made after Buffy. Maybe if they were lucky, they'd run across a few more vamps; maybe a baby stealing, puppy kicking demon, or two, as well. He caught up to her in a couple of hasty strides, cigarette clutched between his teeth, hands shoved into his coat pockets. "Eager to get back, Luv?" he asked, noticing her ground breaking pace.   
"I promised Dawn I'd help her with her history tonight," the Slayer replied. She looked at her watch. "And it's getting late."   
Spike nodded in agreement. "Right, can't have Nibblet catchin' her Z's in class, now can we?"   
She nodded. "I wish I was any good at history in the first place. But at the time, I didn't really think I'd need it. Especially with everyone telling me I was going to die young in the first place…" she trailed off suddenly, and looked at him from the corners of her eyes. "Sorry," she muttered, staring back at the ground, and kicking at a rock in her path. "Bad subject."   
Spike's brow furrowed. "'S all right, pet. Just prove 'em wrong, eh?" he asked, trying to sound casual about the whole thing. He pushed the fear of possibly losing her again to the farthest part of his mind and puffed on his cigarette thoughtfully.   
"Those things kill people too, you know," she said, out of the blue.   
He looked around, alarmed that something had snuck up on them and he hadn't noticed. "Where? What will?"   
Making a face, she reached up and plucked the smoke from his lips, examining it even as she scrunched up her nose. "THESE will. Eeeuw. You do know second hand smoke is deadlier than all the vampires in the world, right?" she asked, trying to lighten the mood.   
"Hey! Give it…" he whined, trying to get his cigarette back. She shrugged and popped it back between his lips. "I'm already dead, ducks, so it doesn't matter anyway."   
"Fine, but, on the average, non-dead human, each one of those things takes off around 5 minutes of your lifespan."   
Grumbling, he gave it one last, heartfelt puff before tossing it on the ground and stomping on it. That wasn't playing fair. The thought that he might be the reason she lost 5 seconds of her life, let alone 5 minutes, was enough to make him wonder how hard it would be to quit permanently. She tried to hide her smile at his antics. He really could be very sweet, if he tried.   
They were silent most of the trip back to magic shop. It wasn't a completely comfortable silence, yet, but they both imagined it was getting there. It was close, anyway, and their friendship was growing. She could still sense his occasional, furtive glances in her direction as they walked, and she was pretty sure he had caught her occasional perusals of his face in the dark, as well. Yeah, it was getting there.   
Things had changed so much since she had gotten, "back" as she liked to say. Perhaps, the vampire beside her had changed the most. She had woken up from death, and the first thing she had seen upon her return to the living plane was Spike jumping protectively between her and Dawn, incase something was wrong. Then, to find out that he had picked up her slaying duties for her later… well, it had been a surprise, to say the least. Xander had even developed a modicum of respect for the vampire, telling Buffy about Spike's intensive training schedule, his help with research, and the numerous injuries he had sustained in a line of duty that wasn't even his to begin with. She had been touched. He had earned the love of her sister, the respect of her friends, and most especially, her trust.   
"Er…I could help."   
She looked at him, puzzled at his seemingly random statement. What was he talking about? "Help with what?" she asked, curiously.   
He fidgeted with the collar of his coat a little, obviously nervous about something or another. It could have been classified as adorable, but Buffy didn't feel like going there. Into, friendly *Spike can be adorable* territory. "I could er, help with Nibblet's history. You know, I lived a lot of it and…" He stopped, seeing the look on her face. She looked like she was going to laugh. "Never mind. You're right. Stupid idea," he mumbled under his breath. The vampire kept walking.   
She stopped him, gently putting her hand on his arm. He turned around to face her, eyebrows quirking with his unasked question. She smiled. "I think, that would be great. Helping Dawn, that is. Cuz, she always listens to you and…" Buffy took a breath, trying to find something else to say.   
He smiled ruefully, saving her from herself. "Right then. We'll get back to report to the Scoobs, an' help Bite Size with the school work."   
She nodded, and took her hand off of his arm. "Right."   
"Right."   
They got back to the shop a little after 10:30. Spike brushed past Buffy and burst inside, with his usual blaze of glory; arms high, chest jutting out, eyes closed. "'Allo kiddies!! Big Bad 's back, and he managed to keep the slayer in one piece once again!!!"   
He opened his eyes when there was absolute silence. He had at least expected a rebuttal from the whelp or a snort from the watcher. "Tough crowd…" he muttered, looking first from Willow, Dawn, and Tara to Xander, Giles and Anya. "What's the trouble, Scoobies?" He tried to keep the worried tone from his voice. It would do no good for Big Bad to lose his head. Or for the gang to find out he cared, one way or another, about their well being. The door opened behind him, and Buffy followed the energetic vampire inside.   
Willow's expression was regretful, as if she were in part, apologizing to Spike. He didn't like that look on Red's face, it usually meant real bad was comin'. He tested the air around the room to see for himself, hoping to find something that would clue him in as to why his Scoobies were so uncharacteristically somber. The witch ignored him and looked straight to Buffy when the Slayer entered. "Um… Buffy…"   
"Hey guys! What's…" she paused when she heard Willow's tone. "What? Wills, what's wrong?" Buffy went on high alert, otherwise known as 'All business, no fun, slayer mode,' to Spike. He was still standing in front of her, head tilted slightly in the direction of the checkout counter. She pushed herself around him, ignoring the vampy moment he was obviously having. "What's going on you guys? More unspeakable, hell-mouthy horrors? Another apocalypse? Mucus demon? Kathy Lee staging a comeback?"   
"Uh, well… you see, it's like this Buffster…" Xander started.   
  
Dawn leaned over to whisper to Tara while Xander rambled on about the past being the past and something else about friendship. "What's with Spike?" the girl asked, gesturing to the vamp with a toss of her eyes in his direction.   
The blonde witch looked over towards the door, where the vamp still stood, as if he were testing some invisible, supernatural waters. "I think he…um…might smell something? Or hear something? Vampires have good…hearing, right?"   
The teenager nodded. "Yeah, must be all those super cool vampy powers at work. Do you think he can smell what's going on? Boy, are they going to flip when they see Ri…"   
Spike suddenly jumped off the stairs near the doorway, emitting a miniature growl from his throat when he landed on the showroom floor. His duster billowed behind him and his eyes flashed yellow, a sure sign of barely controlled rage. Tara and Dawn both realized how intimidating the century old vampire could be if he really wanted to. "Where is he? And what the bloody hell does he want?" Spike demanded.   
Xander looked up from his explanation. He had been planning on easy Buffy into the news… but he figured Fang Boy's method would have to stand.   
"Who's here? Want what?" Buffy asked, looking back and forth between her partner in crime and Xander. Someone had better explain fast, because she was beginning to get seriously brassed off.   
Spike was poised at the front of the store, in a ready stance, crouched ever so slightly at the knee, head turned slightly upwards. He couldn't believe he smelled what he smelled, but it was definitely there. William wondered if he wouldn't get to work off all his extra energy tonight after all. *Oh damn…that's right. The chip. Bloody hell. * He debated with himself if it would be worth the pain, giving White Bread a good seeing to. He decided it would be.   
Buffy saw his stance, his offensive posturing, and she couldn't take it anymore. "WHAT is going on?!"   
Riley chose moment to step out of the shadows and into the warm light of the shop. "Hi, Buffy." 

TBC.. 


	2. Chapter 2

ImitorVitaProAmor2   
Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show. We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life. She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

**Imitor Vita Pro Amor **   
** Part 2**   


Spike glared, growling low in his throat at Riley as the young man appeared before them in the full light of the store. The vampire's anger boiled deep within him and he knew he was going to explode at time. The second he saw the look of utter shock and hurt on Buffy's face when Finn had appeared drove him over the edge. "Who the hell do you think you are?! You think you can just toy with her with her some bloody more?! You think you can just come and go as you please?! Angel, the second wave, that's all you are! You stay the HELL away from Buffy, she doesn't need you going around messin' with her life, you bloody wanker!" Spike spat out, his anger growing furiously. "I say...we have a go at it, you and me... I'll rip your arms off!"   
"Last I checked Spike, you were still… chipped..." Riley smiled, smug.   
"I'll bleed you dry anyway...The pain be worth it... you lousy..." he hissed, fangs emerging.   
"Spike!" Buffy shouted, cutting him off. "Please..."   
"So what are you now, Spike? Buffy's watch dog?" Riley crossed his arms. Spike snarled, stepping forward.   
"Spike, no!" Buffy gripped his arm. "Spike, please… go home..."   
At the sound of pleading in her voice, his game face instantly melted away. Deep blue, human eyes searched Buffy's for an explanation. "Why?" And there he saw it, her slight frown at him, the accelerated pulse of her heart, the uncertainty. His heart ached at the realization that she was taking Finn's side. Now that White Bread was back, she obviously didn't need him anymore. He raged inside. "Right then... I see how it is, Slayer..." he knocked over a small statue in anger.   
"Hey! You'll have to pay for that!" Anya shouted.   
"Bugger off... " Spike growled, stomping towards the door.   
Xander grabbed Anya's arm, giving her a look to calm down. He actually felt bad for the guy…vamp…thing... Spike.   
"Spike! Wait!" Dawn called, going after him.   
Buffy continued staring at Riley. She'd talk to Spike later. Right now she needed to talk to Riley. "Why did you come back Riley?" Buffy asked, her eyes beginning to water. She cursed herself and strengthened her resolve, forcefully telling herself she would not let this boy make her cry. Again.   
"Is there someplace we can talk, alone?" Riley asked. 

"Spike wait!!" Dawn called, chasing after the pissed off vampire.   
"Nibblet, go home its dangerous out here," Spike stalked down the street.   
"I wanna talk to you, Spike!" Dawn grabbed his arm, spinning him around. The look in his eyes made her frown. He looked angry, which wasn't new for Spike, but now, now he looked genuinely hurt, as well.   
"Buffy didn't mean to hurt you, she knows you just wanna protect her from Riley," Dawn sighed. "We all know how much you care about her Spike. We're on your side, really, we are."   
Spike calmed a little. "Thanks Little Bit, but it doesn't matter." He slipped a cigarette from his pocket. "She doesn't need me when Riley is here."   
"She does need you! We need you. She's just shocked, you know? You gotta give her a minute to pull herself together and figure stuff out!" Dawn explained. "Please… come back inside."   
"Can't... I'm sorry, but I can't go back. Go on back before you worry big sis," Spike turned and lit his cigarette, walking away. Dawn sighed, frowning. It wasn't fair. She turned around and headed back to the shop. Why did Riley have to come back?! 

"So..." Buffy paused, sitting on the couch in the training room. "How you been?"   
"Good..." Riley sat beside her. "How about you?"   
She nodded silently, lowering her gaze. "Well... I'm better now." Her mind reflected on everything that had happened since he left.   
He eyed her carefully. "I... I'm sorry that I left so... abruptly."   
She nodded. "It's okay..."   
"How's your mom?" he asked, trying to make light.   
"Dead," she replied shortly.   
His eyes widened. "Oh, Buffy..." He frowned. "I'm so sorry..."   
"Yeah," she sighed, her mind going over everything that happened.   
"I wish I could've been there for you," Riley frowned.   
"I had plenty of support... Will, Giles, Xander…Dawnie, Tara..." Buffy rattled off.   
"Spike." Riley added.   
Buffy studied his face; already knowing what he said was true and unable to hide it. "Yeah, and Spike..." she paused. "He...he's been a good friend. He tried to save Dawn and me from Glory."   
"Tried?" Riley asked, confused.   
"Yeah..." Buffy brushed back a strand of her hair. "He risked his life...or well...undead life...for us." She wasn't sure she was ready to tell Riley about her 'death'.   
"So, you and Spike..." he started.   
"Don't..." Buffy chuckled. "No. We're just friends." she sighed, making a note to go see him as soon as she finished talking to Riley. She needed to explain a few things. She bit her lip, wondering why she felt the urge to explain anything at all to Spike. He is just a friend, after all. She looked up at Riley. "Now, you still haven't answered my question…" she changed the subject. "What are you doing here?"   
He shifted on the couch so he could look at her. "Buffy, I…I missed you."   
She immediately looked downward. "Funny way of showing it, Riley," she said, quietly. "I mean, no phone calls, no letters, nothing. You just went… poof."   
He sighed. "I know. I thought that if I tried to forget about you that the hurt would go away, and I'd be able to move on. It didn't work." He laughed to himself. "Every time I told myself I wasn't going to call, or wasn't going to write, I just kept on thinking about you for hours after that. After our last mission, I just left. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to see you, I had to let you know I still… that I still love you."   
She should have felt flattered at his admission. She should have blushed, should have moved closer to him on the couch, taken his hands in hers, or something. That was what her brain said she should do, anyway. This man loves you. He came back after you hurt each other so badly, because he couldn't stand the thought of not being with you. You have a second chance, now. But she didn't move, didn't blush, didn't do anything but force a smile. Him coming back just made things so complicated.   
He had that earnest, hopeful look in his eye, a sorrowful puppy. And her heart didn't have it in her to just put him down. "That's really sweet Riley…"   
He heard the underlying tone in her voice, and took her hands in his larger ones before she could say another word. "I know, it'll be tough, and I know, this makes things complicated. But, if you're willing to, I'll wait for as long as you need me to, to sort things out. But please…think about it. About us."   
She looked up, gently withdrawing her hands from his. "Thank you."   
He pulled a card out of his back pocket. "This is where I'm staying, with some friends. Call me when you're ready to talk, okay?"   
Buffy took the card, slipped it between her fingers, and looked at it. She recognized the name by the address, more of his ex commando buddies. "All right."   
He smiled, gentle. "I think, we can make this work," he said softly, cupping her face with one hand and stroking her cheek. "We'll be good together, Buffy. We'll be even better than before" He kissed her forehead and got up off the couch, heading towards the door. She watched him go in silence, suddenly dreading what his return might bring. Why did he have to make things so complicated? 

Spike sat watching TV in his crypt, flipping the channels idly and not really watching what was going on on the screen. He had switched the blasted telly on to see if it would calm him down some, but it obviously wasn't working. All he could see was Cap'n America coming back into Buffy's life, chest puffed and arms on his hips, hair slicked back and all super-man looking. It made him sick. If it had been Angel it might have been easier for him. He could hit Angel, after all, pound Peaches into oblivion like a punching bag and not feel guilty about the mental pain of killing a human. He supposed if he killed Angel, he'd have to worry a little about how it would hurt Buffy, and in turn, have him endure a greater pain than the chip, his guilt. He contemplated his shotgun and Riley one more time, but realized Buffy might not appreciate him shooting her ex for her, either. Absently, he wondered if he would remain just her ex, for long. The look on the pup's face had told him all he wanted to know and more, of Commando Boy's intentions. He wanted her back. He needed her, because he knew he was nothing without her.   
Would Buffy just jump back into White Bread's arms? Would they get their bleedin' happy ending now, start over, and all that crap? He knew that she deserved every bit of happiness the powers that be granted her, but he really didn't think she'd be able to find it with the Soldier. She might think otherwise of course. She might be willing to have another go at loving him, because he represented everything she had wanted in her life. Normalcy, humanity. He was the poster boy fore regular Joe-ville. Why shouldn't she go back to him then, to be a happy girl with her happy boy instead of creating death with her hands as the Slayer? Even for just a while, she could just be Buffy, the girl, maybe make a little life, in spite of all the death. Why shouldn't she run to Cap'n Cardboard's arms? He wanted her to be happy; God and everyone else knew that she, of all people deserved it.   
But in the process, she might just break his undead heart. He sipped at the beer on his table, not really tasting the bitter liquid. Look at him, brooding like a soddin' ponce. Brooding like his damned Grandsire. Furious, he slammed the off button on the universal remote Dawn and the gang had chipped in to buy him, and the television blacked out and went dead, leaving him in complete silence. What he needed, he decided, was a good fight, a tough kill, and maybe even some minor injuries, to deal with his frustration. Leaping up, he grabbed his duster and one of his favorite axes before bounding out the door. Villain baddies of Sunnyhell beware, Spike was extremely brassed off.   
He walked around his own cemetery for a spell, but realized before too long, that he had scared off all the potential demons and vamps from here long ago, right after Buffy had died. He remembered sweeping the entire area that night, killed everything non human in his path. The details were hazy, but he remembered the sounds, the screams, the pleading, the crunch of bones and the squirt of blood. It had been therapeutic then, too. It had satisfied his need for something to do with his hands, other than realize how badly he had failed Buffy and Dawn. He needed to do something that she might approve of, to wash himself of his failure to keep his promise. So he had massacred every group of evil doing Demons he could find that first week, until word was out amongst the underground was that Spike was not to be messed with if one wanted to stay alive, or in some cases, undead. He still remembered washing demon bits out of his hair, green, yellow, orange, red, blue, gray, black.   
The most satisfying kill had to have been Doc. The little bugger had survived the fall from the tower, and scurried off in search of safety. Spike had found him three weeks after the incident at the tower, via Willy, and the former master vampire had ripped him into so many pieces that the wretch couldn't pull himself together again if he tried. Then he pulled out a gallon of kerosene and had himself a good demon barbeque. It hadn't helped much with the pain of losing Buffy, but Doc's screams of agony had made him forget about that hurt for a little while, and that was all he had wanted in the first place, anyway. At the time, it hadn't mattered how short the respite from the suffering had been, as long as there was some respite.   
He headed off in the direction of the cemetery across town, taking the main road, after finishing his rounds near his crypt. Maybe he'd run into a group of the biggest, ugliest, strongest demons he could find and have a go with all of them. He needed a REALLY good fight, right now. He spun his ax in a lazy arc, parallel to his body, which was really more a force of habit than a show of skill, and he listened the entire time. He sensed a group of humans nearing, and quickly covered the ax with his duster. It would do no good to frighten the locals with his impressive weaponry, and he really didn't know if he wanted to hear their bloody annoying screams right now. A group of college kids walked nearby him on the sidewalk, the girls giggling and hanging off of each other in the way that college kids sometimes did. The two boys with them rolled their eyes, but held the girls' hands anyway and let them giggle and talk. One of the girls eyed Spike appreciatively, until the boy pulled her back slightly, and Spike smiled at her, taking care to use the sexiest grin imaginable. It did the trick and she turned very red in the cheek. Her boyfriend shoved her ahead of him, and glared at Spike. The vampire just shrugged back at the boy, cocky grin saying that it wasn't his fault he was so damn good looking.   
Walking on, Spike wondered why he could drive every Mary, Jane, and Julie that walked by crazy with a simple smile, but not get anything but nervous around Buffy. It wasn't very "Big Bad" like. He sighed as he reached the cemetery and slid the ax back from under his duster. Time for some entertainment. Time to get his mind off of Buffy. Time to kill something. Or hopefully, a lot of somethings. 

Spike entered the cemetery, desperate for a good kill. His chin was set determinedly, as he strode down the grassy lanes of the dark cemetery. His eyes scanned his surroundings, and he breathed in the smell of the air, hoping to pick up some demonic scent. After a moment, his heightened senses found, and consequently, latched onto something, his eyes lighting up and his lips spreading into a wry, half-smile. He chuckled, with anticipation. "Time for some demon thrashing..." he said in a singsong voice. He listened again, cocking his head to the side, as if the wind were whispering its secrets into his ear. He sighed in slight disappointment. He only sensed vampires. Young, stupid vampires. He had been hoping for some big, gruesome demons to battle, something 7 feet tall with arms like tree trunks and a body covered in razor sharp edges. But he supposed his kind would do in a pinch. Maybe they'd be tougher than the ones that had frequented his own cemetery. He stepped deeper into the shadows cast amongst the moonlight and the graves, hearing the slight commotion.   
A growl broke the silence and a snarl hissed in his ear, causing him to stop moving. "Well if it isn't Spike the neutered vampire..." a vamp mocked, as the entire group turned to look at him, hearing his bold approach. He hadn't even bothered to sneak up on them. He didn't need to. "Spike, the vampire slayer's pet vamp. You're worse than a little harmless puppy..." the vamp hissed. The others chuckled, all gathered around a certain fresh grave, obviously waiting for a companion. Spike smirked. Probably a girl. These blocks looked like they needed one.   
Spike was nonplussed by the insolent vampire's "witty repartee" and he let the young one continue his verbal assault. "You make me sick. I remember when you'd kill a vamp for turning soft. Now look at you. At the slayer's beck and call... You're a disgrace to all vampires!! Hunting your own kind... What kind of demon are you?" he continued to mock. "The slayer must really give it to you good for you to hunt down your own kind…" he goaded.   
Spike snorted with disgust. He turned his head, as if he was ignoring the vamp's gibes and nodded his head to himself slightly, mentally ticking off the ways in which he should kill the loathsome little rat. After a second, he made his decision, and turned back to the chattering vampire. The vampire stopped his tirade, seeing the look in Spike's eyes, a look of something old, something powerful. In that moment, he transformed before the eyes of his kind, and once again became William the Bloody, a legend in ferocity and ruthlessness, not the Slayer's vampire squeak toy. In one quick, swift motion, Spike hefted his ax easily in an up down arc across, lopping the vamp's head off, along with some of its shoulder. The head hit the ground with a thump. "That's no way to speak about a lady you bloody ...headless... wanker!" he ground out, shouting at the headless body. The body went limp and hit the ground, turning to dust. Spike could take blows against his reputation, because in truth, they seemed pretty accurate. But he would not tolerate that sort of talk about Buffy. That girl had been through too much for too long to have her name tarnished like that, especially by the likes of this lot.   
Spike, satisfied with his handy work, rolled his shoulders backwards and then forwards, loosening up. And the best part was, he was just getting started. He sprung around, pouncing like a cat down the aisle of graves, eyeing the vampires that had spread out and faded into the dark a little since the guillotine act on their leader. "Step right up and see how well you can do against the Slayer's pet puppy kiddies, if you think you can..." He lurched forward fluidly, a light, anticipatory bounce in his step, searching for any shadows in the bushes. "When I find each of you, 'm gonna rip you your arms off and bash your bloody brains in with 'em before I stake what's left of your broken, bleedin' bodies!!!"   
No sooner had he spoken, two vampire jumped out from behind, tackling Spike to the floor. His ax flew from his grip and skidded some distance away as he and the two younger vamps hit the floor with a thud. He managed to get to his feet before his attackers. "Come on you sorry excuses for demons!! I'll rip you both into snack size pieces!" he waved them on. It was finally starting to get interesting. The vamps looked at each other, then one threw a kick into Spike's ribs, causing him to stumble backwards. The other jumped at him, hoping to tackle him again, but Spike grabbed him by his shirt, and flung him into a tombstone.   
His partner clutched Spike by the wrist, twisting it till the bone inside snapped. Then he kicked at his ribs again.   
Spike howled in pain from his broken wrist, but still grinned like a mad man at the rush fighting gave him. His eyes lit up, sparkling with blue fire.   
The attacking vampire stared at his elder with confusion in his demon eyes. Were all Masters this insane?   
Spike chuckled at the whelp's expression. "Looks like 'll be having a good night after all..." The pain in his arm was searing, yet it all felt good at the same time. It made him forget about his frustration and his pain. It emphasized the anger that swelled within him, and gave him a vertex to focus it on. "I'm gonna break every bone in your body..." he threatened, cheerily.   
"You talk a lot of crap for someone who's all-alone against us all..." the wrist-breaker laughed, as two more vampires appeared, ready to fight the vampire who killed his own.   
A second vamp approached an unsuspecting Spike from behind. He gave thrust his elbow in Spike's spinal cord ruthlessly, sending him to his knees. He then proceeded to kick at the vampire with disgust.   
The other vamps flocked in, all grinning down at the fallen Spike. Spike coughed up some blood. He blinked his eyes closed. The vamp had broken a rib or two. His smile still could not be marred. These guys thought they had the upper hand, but they forgot who they were dealing with... He was William the Bloody... a legend, to be feared for ages to come, whether it be in the hearts of humans or demons or both, it didn't matter. He was Spike, and he hadn't even just begun to fight. 

TBC... 


	3. Chapter 3

ImitorVitaProAmor3 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show. We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life. She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

  
** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 3**

Buffy watched Riley leave the magic shop, closing the door behind him. She sighed softly, confusion clouding her mind.   
"Well… what did he want now?" Anya asked bluntly.   
"Ahn..." Xander sighed, wishing she wasn't so direct sometimes. Actually, wishing she wasn't so direct all the time.   
"What DID he want?" Dawn asked, looking disturbed, her arms crossed defensively.   
"To talk," Buffy answered simply. She knew she couldn't lie to the Scoobies. "He wants us to have a second chance."   
"Oh? Well... what did you...um, say?" Giles asked, removing his glasses. He rubbed at his tired eyes. Buffy didn't need all this confusion in her life right now.   
She sighed. "I told him I'd think about it."   
"We're with you whatever you decide Buffy..." Willow smiled, trying to be supportive.   
Dawn snorted, looking miffed. "Spike was right."   
"Whaddya mean Dawnie?" Buffy frowned.   
"He knew why Riley was back. He knew he'd want to try and get back together with you," Dawn revealed.   
"Well, it doesn't really matter what Spike thinks Dawn..." Buffy lied. It mattered, it mattered a lot. She wasn't sure why it did, though.   
"Of course not. He only risked his hide for us time and again. He was there for the whole Glory thing. Where was Riley then?!" Dawn defended Spike. Buffy just watched the girl. She knew she had a soft spot for the vampire, and part of her couldn't blame Dawn. In the time she had been gone, Dawn and Spike had latched on to each other. They'd needed to.   
"Yeah, and well he did bring you flowers when Joyce passed. He was there then..." Xander revealed. "Wow, am I defending Spike? How's that for giving junior dead boy a chance?" he huffed, amazed.   
"He bought me flowers?" Buffy asked. She never knew.   
"Yeah he did. They were kinda dying and stuff, but it's the thought that counts!" Willow said in her chipper voice.   
"Yeah Riley wasn't there for you then, either," Dawn pointed out.   
"Riley also never made a robot of me to use for..." Buffy paused not wanting to go down that road. "Or… chained me up with Drusilla, willing to kill her to prove his sick, perverse aspect of love..." She was tired of everyone picking on Riley, even if they were defending Spike for a change.   
"He also didn't promise to die fighting to help you," Tara added, remaining out of it till now. She'd grown to appreciate the vamp and she thought Buffy had as well.   
"And kept the fact that I was the Key a secret after a major beating from the bitch," Dawn added with fury.   
"Hey... watch the language..." Buffy scolded. "And I know this! I was the first person to jump on the Spike's an okay…vamp...demon...guy... bandwagon, remember? But you don't need to trash Riley either. It was MY fault he left anyway..."   
"Wait, it WAS your fault? I thought it was the fact he was getting vampire suck happys that did it..." Xander interrupted Anya by making a swift cutting motion across his neck. "What?" she asked, cocking her head to the side regarding her fiancé, confused. The first time she'd heard this story, Riley and Buffy had broken up because he was getting suck jobs. Apparently now, Buffy was admitting that she'd done something to drive him away?   
Buffy shook her head, tired, getting angry and more confused. "Yeah, well, the vampire thing was partially my fault. I think. And hey, just cuz Spike's not a potential boyfriend doesn't mean I don't value his opinion," she added, though not quite sure why she had felt the need to emphasize that. "Look guys, for whatever reasons Riley left, he's back now because he wants to give us a second chance, and Riley's as close to normal a man I'll ever get for a boyfriend. I'm not gonna pass up thinking about giving something I know was good for me a second chance. Everyone makes mistakes, right? Everyone deserves a second chance..."   
"He'll just break your heart Buffy..." Dawn frowned.   
*And Spike wouldn't??* She thought. He was a vampire, someone she shouldn't be with. She groaned, her head beginning to ache. Why was she even thinking of Spike that way?! He just wanted to defend her from being hurt... as a friend…   
"It's been broken before Dawnie. I'll live if it happens again..." she shrugged. Like it was just that simple…   
"Whatever you say Buffy..." Dawn was angry with her sister. Couldn't she see how much Spike cared for her? Dawn saw the way he wept over Buffy's lifeless body the day she was killed. She saw the torment and torture in the vamp's dull eyes. He felt guilty for Buffy's death, and not protecting her and Buffy as he had promised. Dawn didn't hold it against him. He did everything he could. He even became a temporary slayer in the days after her death. And most of all? He'd been a destroyed man without Buffy there. Why could no one see him as more than just a vampire, as more than just the monster he wasn't? Dawn thought   
Buffy was finally seeing past the demon. Spike told her the short conversation he had with Buffy at the house, the night of her death, about treating him like a man. Dawn jumped up, stalking over to a spot to read books to be alone. Why couldn't Riley just stay away?!   
Buffy shook her head. "Why is she so against Riley? She used to like him..."   
"Spike means a lot to her Buffy... She saw how hurt he appeared when you told him to leave. She's angry, she'll be fine..." Willow whispered so Dawn wouldn't hear. Buffy groaned, her headache thumping. She just wanted to go home and sleep on everything, but she had been short with Spike before and something was digging at her heart, telling her to go see him. It was telling her she needed to speak with him. "I've gotta take care of something… Will, Tara, can you take Dawn home for me and keep an eye on her till I get back?"   
"Sure," Tara smiled. "It'll give us a chance to let Dawn unload some feelings and maybe she won't be so angry when you get home..."   
"Yeah, we'll take care of her," Willow smiled, knowing where her best friend was headed. Part of her was glad she was going to see Spike. Another part was frightened of what may happen between her, Spike and Riley.   
"See you guys later," Buffy grabbed her short, knee length, brown leather jacket.   


Spike, weaponless and injured, was having a great night. He reached out with his good hand, grabbing a vamp, which had lunged at him, and flipped it over his knee onto the ground. Smashing a boot down onto its throat, he gave a sharp jerk to the left with his ankle and its neck snapped, causing the fledging to howl in pain. The older vampire knew it wouldn't kill the git, but hearing screams were always good for a few chuckles. Grabbing his closest adversary by the back of the head, he used all of his strength to drive the vamp through a nearby headstone. There was a bone splitting crack, and the fledging fell unconscious upon impact. Dodging another flying leap from one of his attackers, Spike grabbed him midair and pushed him to the ground savagely, kicking it in the head once for good measure. It hissed in pain and writhed as he jumped around it to face the others.   
He almost wished he had a stake now, or at least his ax. As much as he loved a bloody brawl, he didn't fancy leaving the kiddies alive and kicking. Dodging the left right combination of one of the remaining two vampires, he wondered what a suitable death would be. He leapt and rolled out of the way when the second vampire tried to lash out at him with a spiked chain that it had picked up from one of its fallen comrades. Then, William the bloody got a wonderful idea. Spinning to face chain vamp and his buddy, he crouched low in preparation. As the demon let lose with another whip-like attack, Spike stuck his arm out and let the chain coil around it, before giving a sharp yank. As the surprised vamp surged forward from the strength of Spike's pull, the master vampire drew back that same arm and punched hard. The spiked end of the chain pierced the throat of his adversary, causing it to let out a gurgled noise of pain and fall to the floor, clutching its shattered neck. The second fledging, surprised now, stayed back, not sure what to do all by itself. Shrugging mentally, Spike looked at the vamp on the floor, mace like spikes embedded halfway through its neck. He bent down, unwrapped a length of chain from around his arm and circled it around the gagging Vampire's throat, giving a sharp pull and a twist. There was a snapping sound and his enemy turned to dust beneath him as he wrenched its head off with the help of the cold metal line.   
He looked up, very self satisfied, at the last standing vamp, who was circling nervously. Spike gave a push and the chain loosened from his arm and fell off of him completely. He saw the younger demon look to his fallen ax, and even let him run towards it and grab it. He didn't even laugh when the scared little thing whirled on him with it, holding it in a defensive position, warning him to get back, or he'd "slice you like a Christmas ham". The master vampire couldn't help it upon hearing the threat at that point. He had tried to hold it in out of courtesy earlier, but now, it was just too damn much. He laughed. He was so looking forward to this fight… or scuffle rather…   
And then Spike sighed when the vamp holding the ax crumbled to dust. Buffy stepped from behind the still swirling ashes, catching the ax before it hit the floor and swiftly beheading the unconscious vamp whose neck Spike had broken. She tossed him the ax, giving him a look that bade him take care of the last one, and fast. Catching the weapon, Spike raised it over his head and brought it crashing down on the vamp that he had thrown into the tombstone. It disintegrated upon impact. He watched the body float to the ground, gathering in a pile at his feet. Not that he hadn't seen that a hundred times before, he just didn't really want to accept the fact that Buffy was standing here, and more likely than not, ready to break his undead heart with her good news. After he couldn't prolong it any further, he faced her, and the two looked at each other rather warily. Spike raised a single eyebrow at the slayer's intrusion to his fight. "Can I help you, Slayer?"   
She was all business, counting the piles of dust that were scattered around them. "You could have been killed."   
"I was having fun."   
She glared at him, brushing vamp dust off of her jacket. Pocketing her stake, Buffy closed some of the distance between them, hating the feeling she got when facing him like this, alone. "You're hurt," she stated, biting back her retort upon seeing the blood that stained his cheek and bottom lip. She made as if to touch his face, but drew her hand back sharply at the last minute. She looked at the hand a second, as if it had attempted a terrible crime, and finished it off by sticking it into her pocket rather hastily. "You should have just killed them right away, Spike."   
He resisted the urge to look incredulous and merely cocked his head in a half shrug, half, "go to hell" gesture. "Thought I'd have some kicks first, luv. Was gettin' to the killin' part. " As if that explained it all, he turned around and started walking back towards his crypt without another word.   
"So let me get this straight, you were going to kill them AFTER they broke you?" she called after him, lengthening her stride to catch up with him. They weren't done talking, after all. And she wouldn't let him just walk away like this. Especially since she was so annoyed, having seen him take on that group of vamps all by himself without a weapon, and enjoying every minute of it, on top of all that. What if the idiot had gotten himself killed? Did he know what his recklessness would do to her? It wasn't just about him anymore. He had friends. He had… she stopped, realizing that he had gotten ahead of her again. "Spike, stop."   
He turned around suddenly, and she almost crashed into him. The vamp studied her, really wanting to be angry with her right now. But, looking at her standing here with him, and having her want to talk to him allowed some of the fury to fizzle out. He was only slightly annoyed, for the most part. "How'd it go with White Bread?" he asked, after an uncomfortable silence. He tried to sound casual. Tilting his head downward, like he normally did, he waited for an explanation, and really wished he could have a cigarette right about now.   
She sighed, seeing the intense scrutiny she was under. It infuriated her, how she could burn under his gaze like this. "Riley…well, he, he wanted to get back together."   
The vampire's eyes flared rage and indignation for a second, but he willed himself calm. If he had learned anything from the humans, it was when to not say anything that might get him staked. So he bit his tongue, and thought of something constructive to say. It didn't have to be nice; it just had to be something that wasn't anything like what he was actually thinking right now. Because, he was thinking about ripping Riley's intestines out and hanging him with his own internal organs. "Congrats, Slayer," he said after a while, in clipped, even tones. He really couldn't think of anything else to say.   
Her eyes narrowed. What did he think of her? That she was so desperate and lonely that she would hop at the chance to be with the first guy that popped into her life? With Riley again? Though it was a definite possibility, she wouldn't deny that, it didn't mean that she had to accept just because he was her only option at the time. Why had peroxide boy damned her so fast, anyway? "Are you even going to LET me talk?" she asked him, seeing that he had taken her silence as a definitive yes.   
This time, both eyebrows quirked upward. "So talk."   
"God, I don't even know why I have to explain this to you," she muttered. "I didn't say yes."   
The vampire was almost elated at the news, but he knew better than to get his hopes up about certain things. And, he heard the 'but' in her tone. "But…what?"   
She sighed. "I didn't say no, either. I said I'd think about it."   
"Oh." He turned around and started walking again.   
She didn't believe this. "That's it?! I come to talk to you, tell you what's going on in my life, and you say, "oh"?!" she shouted after him, growing angrier with each passing second.   
"Go think, then Slayer," Spike replied over his shoulder, trying his damndest to not whirl around and try to convince her to forget about the ole Cap'n. He tried to rationalize that she needed to decide this on her own, with as little interference from him as possible. He knew that if she thought she could be happy with Soldier boy, then she should go for it. Any happiness the Slayer could find during her short life was precious. With that thought, Spike suddenly realized he was turning into his sodding poof grandsire with each passing second. Disgusted with himself, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, just to be defiant. He was still the Big Bad, after all.   
She watched him go, dumbfounded. No reaction? No anger? No cursing Riley's name and lineage? Just… 'oh'? She was surprised how hurt she was at his indifference. Fine. If he wanted to be like that, she would humor him. What did she care what he thought in the first place, right? This was ultimately, her decision. In fact, it had nothing to do with Spike. He was just a friend, whom she THOUGHT should have the courtesy of an explanation. Spinning around, she stormed off into the night, in the opposite direction the vamp was headed. Fine.   


TBC... 


	4. Chapter 4

ImitorVitaProAmor4   
  
  
  


Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

  
** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 4**   
  
  
  


Her anger was boiling as she took fuming steps back home. How dare he react so...so...nonchalantly... Like she suddenly didn't matter to him at all?? Her anger subsided slightly to hurt. She bit her lip, eyes wide, fighting off tears. She growled. "God Buffy!! What are you thinking?!" she shook her head, trying to relieve her thoughts, but they weren't coming from her mind, but from her heart. Her strides were so lengthy, she could see her home nearby now. She stalked in and out of the street shadows, arms wrapped around herself. She sighed heavily. "I need to go home, take a long hot shower, eat some ice cream, pout and whine...maybe wake up Dawnie...pout and   
whine some more... and get some sleep..." 

Spike threw himself into his armchair and ripped the cork out of wine bottle. "Damn you Slayer, and damn your bloody goody pansy, live, poofy Riley. Boring lil twit. Sodding wanker, Nancy Boy...and I thought Peaches was bad..." He growled, stomping his foot. He took a swish of the liquid.   
"Don't you realize he's not good enough for you slayer? He's not the staying kind, luv..." he yelled into the air. "He'll only hurt you damn it... When he does, chip or no chip, 'll break each of his bloody limbs is all... 'tll be bleeding good fun..." Spike chuckled with the visual image of ripping Riley's limbs from his body. "It will..." he brought the bottle to his cool lips again. He sat back in his armchair, mentally killing Riley. Anything to distract his mind from the Slayer.   
  
Buffy smiled softly, stepping out of the shower, and into her most comfy PJ's. She opted not to wake her sleeping sister, because well, she did have school in the morning. As much as her tummy argued with her, she also passed on the ice cream. It would only lead to brooding and pouting and the waking up of Willow with an ill timed phone call. Besides, she was tired of thinking about all her problems. For goodness sakes, she just got back from kicking the bucket a second time, she should be happy to just be alive. And she was certainly happy to see her bed. With a sigh, she slipped under the covers, letting her body relax, even if her mind wasn't ready. She leaned her head into her pillows, eyes glaring at the ceiling. Damn it... All she wanted was to live as normal a life as a Slayer could, and instead it just kept getting more and more complicated. On top of the demons and apocalypses she had to deal with on a regular basis, there was also the soap opera that was her life. As much as part of her was glad Riley was back, she wished he'd just have stayed away and kept things simple. Having him gone kept him out of her mind. Now, having him home, it hurt to see him, but it felt good all at once. He was something safe and familiar that she didn't have to think much about. It left her heart and mind in a battle of tug o' war for her feelings for him.   
Her eyes darted to the moonlight outside her window. As if that wasn't bad enough, now Spike was obviously upset with her. Again, she wondered why it mattered so. He was just a friend, a new friend, and someone she'd never thought she'd ever trust. They'd had the talk when she'd returned. But she did, and she didn't want to lose any friendship they were building. There really couldn't be anymore for them than just friendship. He'd accepted it, and they'd done just that. Become friends. But she supposed, she should've known talking to him about her love life wasn't something she could rely on Spike for. Watching her back and defending and protecting her and Dawnie... that she could rely on the vamp for, which was a big step alone. Not long ago, Spike wanted her dead and   
vice versa. They'd come a long way. Question was; how much further did they   
have to go?   
She groaned, burying her face in the pillow. Why did she keep questioning her relationship with Spike?! They were friends, just friends and that's all that she'd ever let it be. He was a bad guy! Well, a former bad guy. Not that all the men she's had in her life hadn't turned out to have a really bad streak. Even Riley, in a, leave in the night, don't call or keep in touch kinda bad. Not only that, but Spike was only somewhat good because he was chipped. If that thing ever were to malfunction it be all over. He'd be back to finding ways to kill her, and he could just walk right into the house. God, what if he tried to hurt Dawn? Buffy frowned. She couldn't believe her own thoughts. Deep down, somewhere in the dark, hidden place in her heart she knew Spike would never hurt either one of them. But she wouldn't let herself fully believe it. Plus, first and foremost, he was a vampire. Not that Angel wasn't... Why did she have to make an excuse for every bad reason to be more than friends with Spike?! She growled, hitting her head on the pillow. "Just stop Buff... Just stop thinking of Spike! You're supposed to be concentrating on Riley!" Yet, that was the furthest thing from her mind. 

Spike flicked his lighter on, lighting his cigarette. He took a long drag and inhaled the smoke. He walked out of the cemetery with a purpose. He was so tired of thinking and speaking aloud to Buffy when she wasn't there. He was going to talk to her and she was going to listen, whether she liked it or not. He knew how much she liked to hear herself talk and how much she detested anything he had to say. Especially when she knew deep down in that slayer gut of hers, he was bloody right. He was gonna make her see that he   
was right somehow. He exhaled the smoke, snorting. "Like that blond, stubborn lil slayer would ever see the truth right in front of her big ol' beautiful eyes!" he flicked his ashes and stalked down the streets. He wondered again why he was doing this? "Right mate, you're doing this so she'll stop dancing around in that bleeding mind of yers. Like she ever would... the...the..lil...dancer of my bleeding mind..." Spike groaned. "Yer long   
gone mate, you're even sounding like the slayer now." He put the cigarette in his mouth. "With all that nonsense talk she and her mates make up..." his cigarette hung loose on his lips. Buffy talk, he liked to call it. The worst part was, deep in his cold heart he knew he was doing this out of his sick, sadistic, (as she liked to think) prisoner in jail waiting to break free kinda love he felt for her. Or as he thought, his pure, good, life altering, mind boggling, heart renewing pumping, true love. He sighed, shaking his head. He took another puff of his cigarette and the slayer's lighthearted voice sounded in his head, "You do know second hand smoke is deadlier than all the vampires in the world, right?   
Spike laughed wickedly. "Nothing's more deadly than the 'Big Bad' on a rampage, luv..." he tossed his cigarette into the street for good measure.   
"Spikey's comin' for you slayer..." he grinned, licking his lips. Her house was right upon him now. He stalked up to the house, leaping up the house to her window. He slipped in and was about to start yelling at her when his voice caught in his throat and he smiled an ear splitting grin. She was so precious, so beautiful... She was fast asleep, snuggling a small stuffed pig, like a child, to her chest. A small smile played on her lips and the girl known as Buffy shone through for Spike to see. The girl he saw inside her fiery nature as the slayer. Good lord, she was so perfect. His anger suddenly drifted, not wanting to yell, but to help this girl he loved so. He slipped into the room, and like a person suffering from a split personality, he took another look at her and he growled silently, shaking his arms, fists bawled in the air. He ran his fingers into his white hair, remitting another purring growl. She was going to be the death of him! He was turning himself into a nancy boy with all this mushy love for her!! When would he get to   
show the fiery passion he felt too?!!   
Buffy's slayers senses kicked in, and her eyes flew open. She shot up outta bed and scanned the room. "Holy cow! Spike, geez, you scared the mess outta me!!!" she gasped, seeing a figure in the corner of her room. The moonlight illuminated his peroxide hair. Her heart slowed its furious pace slightly. It was still racing from the handsome man staring at her with searing blue eyes.   
Spike tilted his head, slightly cocky. "Well slayer, glad to know I still frighten you since 'm turning into a bloody nancy boy!!!!" he growled, shouting, his temper snapping.   
"Shh..." Buffy warned. "You'll wake Dawn..." She paused. "Do I have to de-invite you again?!"   
Spike lowered his voice slightly. "You don't know what you're doing to me, luv! You have to listen to me!"   
Buffy crossed her arms, staring at him. "Spike, what do you want?" she looked at her alarm clock. "It's nearly 4am..."   
"Slayer...Buffy..." he came to her, sitting on the bed. "Please, luv... You don't know what you're getting into with Riley. He'll only hurt you luv, he'll just leave you again! I can't stand to sit by and watch you be hurt all over again!"   
"What do you care?" Buffy frowned. Now, of all times, he wanted to talk.   
"Damn it Buffy. Whether you believe me or not, I LOVE YOU..." Spike cupped her cheek with his cool palm. "Please... I know you detest me, know that 'm lucky we could just be friends, but Riley isn't right for you!" Buffy stared wide eyed at him. She was speechless, for a change.   
Spike stared at her, waiting for her interruption, waiting for her to drop kick him outta here and tell him never to come back. When she didn't it took him by surprised and he didn't know what to say next. "It's just lunacy to consider Riley! The bloody poof is just too sodden sappy! You need someone who understand YOU Buffy." he paused. "The rotten wanker left you and expected you to forgive him for getting some good times with some vamps?! What kinda poof does that to you?!"   
"Spike, everyone makes mistakes..." Buffy excused.   
"But how many times had he left you in the night, leavin you lonely in this very bed luv, to get a thrill with some vamps?!" Spike was detested by the thought of her being left alone. "You need someone who'll be there when you wake up, who'll reach over and love you all through the night! You need someone who not only see Buffy Summers, but see that a part of you is the slayer... that fiery passion inside your heart and soul..."   
Buffy's throat was dry. She listened with such care. Her heart was melting. She was beginning to think he was right.   
"Someone who knows you're job is to save the world and that you're still just a girl. A girl who needs and deserves love more than anyone else I know... A girl who's heart is so..." Spike paused, gathering some strength. "Tender, sweet, caring, and so loving she'd give a monster a chance to prove himself a man to you..."   
"Oh Spike..." her heart was thudding so hard. "I..."   
Spike put a finger to her soft lips. "Buffy, I know you. I know the sweet girl in you, I know the fiery slayer who wants to help everyone. And I even see the deep dark side of you. You need a monster in your man... Not someone like Riley..."   
Something in the way Spike said that made her heart clamp up and she pulled away from his hand. Her eyes glared at him. "One second... just who are you to tell me what I need?"   
Spike saw the change in her eyes. He'd gone too far, said too much. Now, she was mad. "I… I just meant... since you came to me to talk..." Spike sighed.   
"Yeah, and a big mistake that was. You're just using all this trouble with Riley as a chance to get with me, aren't you?!" she shoved him off her bed. "I thought we were friends Spike?!" her temper was building again. "When are you gonna realize I don't love you! And I never will!" she glared hard at him. Spike looked up at her from the floor. Damn his big mouth! He'd gone too far, pushed her too soon! His blue eyes watched her, his own temper growing.   
It was all his fault. Now, he'd probably force her into the arms of that wanker! 

She glared at him, standing up. "Spike, I think you should leave."   
He struggled to find something to say, anything that would get that look of utter disappointment off of her face. Contempt, and fury, even disgust and hate, he could deal with, but her disappointment cut him like a knife. Because he knew she had trusted him to be her friend, and to support anything and everything she did, as a friend was supposed to. And he had just blown it. He looked downward, unable to hold her gaze, unable to face that sad, resigned look that crossed her face, full of that damned, disappointment. Why wouldn't she hit him, be furious at him, curse him? If she would just be angry with him, yes, he'd get beaten, and broken, but at least it would be normal. He would expect it. But seeing that disappointment… it made him relive the night of a thousand nightmares. The night she died. It was as if he'd failed her, again. He couldn't take that. Not again. He'd die a thousand deaths, endure having every bone broken in his body, to avoid living that moment again.   
Choking back a sob, he got up off the floor slowly, eyes not even seeing anything around him. She was right; he should leave. He turned and headed out the window, pausing slightly at the sill, as if he were going to say something. Instead, he let out a breathy shudder and climbed out. He was vaguely aware of the window closing behind him. And for the first time in 120 years, Spike truly felt dead inside.   


She watched him go, a shattered, torn expression left unguarded on his face. For a moment, she forgot her anger, felt her heart go out to him. She could see the pain he was in, sense the anguish radiating from his body like fever. But her resolve didn't crumble, because she wouldn't let it, and she told herself, that no matter how much it hurt to see him like this, he had brought it upon himself when he breached her faith in him. It was his fault. He should have stayed back and let her deal with this herself. He shouldn't have tried to influence her decision… he shouldn't have told her what was in his heart.   
She put her hand over her mouth. What was a friend? Someone to talk to, to share your deepest secrets with. Someone you could be yourself around. A friend was someone who loved every bit of you, even at your worst. A friend was honest with you when the world lied, told you what you needed to hear, and not what you wanted to hear.   
With her hand on her face, she felt wetness on her face, not having realized the fact that she was crying until now. The window shut behind him, and she watched him climb out, a mysterious disquietude surrounding him as he did. He seemed to truly fade with the shadows, tonight. She wanted to open the window, call out to him, and stop him from leaving. She wanted to erase that dead look from his face, and that haunted, emptiness in his eye. But her tenacity held true to form and she stood rigid, unmoving from the spot, tears she did not feel sliding down her cheek, before falling to the floor in crystalline droplets.   
She tried to ignore that ache in her chest and tried to focus on how wrong he had been, to say those things to her. How wrong it had been, for him to say what was in his heart. She tried to tell herself that he had crossed a boundary, that he had broken a sacred trust. She tried to tell herself that he shouldn't have tried to influence her. She tried to admit to herself, that he wasn't an influence, already, whether he tried or not. Sitting back onto her bed desolately, she stared at the window in which she had seen him go. Maybe if she kept telling it to herself, she'd start to believe it. He had been wrong. 

Dawn withdrew her ear from her sister's door and slipped back into her room silently, closing the door behind her. Tears tracked down her face, and she buried herself into her pillow to drown out the sobs. Her heart went out to the vampire that had been her best friend, her guardian, her keeper, and for a while, her only everything. Was she the only one that could see his love? Was she the only one that saw past the classification, into the heart of the man? His love was pure, even if he was not. He was not a monster. He had more soul than many humans. His heart was real. Why was she the only one that saw that?   
And with each indignation the youngest Summers came across, the more her empathy for Spike turned to anger at the world. She raged internally, against Angel, against Riley, against Parker, and against even Buffy, for the injustice of Spike's situation. Why should he, her protector, her keeper, and most of all, her friend, pay for the crimes of those before him? Why should he be put into a glass box, classified with a species and set aside as a beast just because of what he was? What about who he was? It wasn't fair, and she refused to let the brash, egotistical, honest, gentle, passionate man she loved so much be destroyed because of it. Getting up and wiping her face with the back of her hand, she headed to her closet and changed hastily. She wouldn't let him walk away from here thinking no one cared.   
She was ready in record time, truly not even remembering what happened between her room and the street as she crawled out the window. Taking off at a dead sprint down the road, she could still see his dark figure walking slowly by the end of the street. She resisted the urge to call out to him, and sped up to meet him, instead. He had to know that someone, anyone, cared. He had to know someone believed in him. 

TBC... 


	5. Chapter 5

ImitorVitaProAmor5 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

  
** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 5**   
  
  


Spike walked slowly, his head in a tizzy over what had happened. He was vaguely aware that he was moving, towards the crypt most likely, though he couldn't recall giving his feet the direction to move there. What had he done? He'd destroyed that friendship that was forming, had shattered that bond before it had time to set. Could he ever get it back? He would move the earth itself if that were the price, but he wondered if Buffy would even give him the chance. Not that he could blame her. He had failed her expectations, again. He had let her down when he promised he wouldn't, just like that night, on the tower. He was a miserable hero.   
The vampire wanted desperately to blame tonight on someone else, to erase the hurt of disappointing the person that was his sole reason for living, the one who had given him his only purpose in life. He even wanted to blame her, because she should have known better than to trust a soulless demon to do a job. He wanted to convince himself it was her fault in the first place, because she should have known that in the long run, he would betray her, because he was evil. But, he just couldn't find the heart to do it. He couldn't blame her as much as he could hate her, and so it settled that his pain would rest solely on his shoulders, from now until eternity.   
So immersed in his thoughts was he, that he didn't hear the crunch of boots on wet grass, didn't sense the enraged heartbeat or the adrenaline pumping blood of the mortal that charged him. He staggered at the first punch, but managed to stay upright, spinning around to face his attacker, the blow having caused his game face to emerge, unconsciously. It was just another reminder that he would always be a monster, hiding behind a crude, human mask. When he saw who had attacked him, the sudden tension left him, his demon mask sliding back with a shake of his head. He did nothing, said nothing. He simply turned around, telling himself to keep walking. He wouldn't give the bastard the pleasure of sneering at his pain.   
"What were you doing in her room?" Riley demanded, eyes blazing with jealousy.   
Spike ignored him. He didn't want to face Finn. The all too plain, all to real man that had come out ultimately victorious through their monumental struggles.   
"I'm talking to you!!!" Riley demanded, indignant and full of rage. He grabbed Spike by the arm and spun him around bodily, glaring hard at the insolent vampire.   
Spike looked at the boy, for that was all he really was. An irritating, overconfident, puppy of a boy. He could not find a reason the be afraid, seeing the soldier glaring down at him. He held back the urge to laugh and goad the whelp into putting him out of his misery. The only reason he didn't, was his promise. Until the end of the world. "You shouldn't be spyin' on her, Finn," he replied, shrugging the arm the held him off.   
Riley was floored. No smart crack? No dry witty remark? "What happened, Spike? Why would she even let you in?" he growled.   
The vampire turned around, facing Riley head on. "Why don't you ask her, lover boy, instead of going around behind her back?"   
Enraged, Riley drew back and punched Spike hard. "Don't you dare act better than me. You're just an animal." He grabbed the duster collar and pulled his fist back again, a menacing look in his eye. "Tell me."   
The commando wasn't sure what happened next, but something attacked him furiously, jumping on his back and screaming barely coherent demands that he let go and leave Spike alone. Dazed, he lot go of Spike, grabbed the assailant, and threw whomever it was, off of his back.   
"Oh god…" Spike dove to the ground at Riley's feet, his back cushioning Dawn's fall.   
Riley heard the startled yelp, and the soft groan, and he froze. Looking at the pile that he had thrown to his feet, he felt his throat go dry. "Dawn? Oh god, Dawn, I'm so sorry…" he started, moving down to pick her up.   
She slapped his hand away, scrabbling to get off of Spike. "Spike? Are you okay?" she asked, ignoring Riley.   
The vampire rolled over onto his back, and looked back up at her. "You all right, pet? GI didn't hurt you?" he asked, groaning and sitting up.   
She smiled, though he could still see the tear stains on her face in the moonlight. "Something big and bony broke my fall," she responded, as they pulled each other up.   
"Dawn, God, what were you doing? Why are you out here, at this time of night?" Riley demanded. "You should be in bed. Buffy could be worried sick…it's dangerous out here." he started, frantically.   
She glared at him. "Yeah, I could get thrown around by big Boy Scouts," she quipped, eyes narrowed.   
Finn ran a hand through his hair. "Aw kid, I'm sorry. But you shouldn't have jumped me like that."   
"You shouldn't have jumped Spike!" she shot back, infuriated that he thought he could treat the vampire that way just because he couldn't defend himself.   
"He was in Buffy's room. I wanted to make sure he hadn't done anything to her." It was a lame excuse, and everyone there knew it.   
"So you decided to attack him instead of going to see if she was all right?" Dawn drawled. "The army teach you that?"   
"Dawn, stop," Riley said. "C'mon… I need to get you back home."   
She ignored him and looked back at Spike. "I had to talk to you, before you walked away, thinking no one cared," she said quietly. "I…I heard what happened in Buffy's room, and…" She leapt into his arms, pushing her head against his chest as a fresh bout of sobs escaped her. "She shouldn't have said what she did. You're not a monster."   
"Shhh, Nibblet. You know you shouldn't be out here," Spike said quietly, avoiding her statement. He laid his cheek on the top of her head and hugged her tightly. "It's dangerous."   
"Not with you protecting me," she responded, voice muffled by his thick leather jacket.   
He looked down at her adoringly, realizing for the umpteenth time that he loved this little girl so much it made his heart hurt. "You should go with Riley and get home, Bite Size," he whispered against her.   
She pulled back slightly, knowing he was right. He was always right, her Spike. "I just needed you to know that I love you, Spike."   
He smiled a little, and she saw some life spark back into his eyes. "You shouldn't love me, pet. I'm a monster."   
She felt infinitely less sad, seeing that look in his eye. Seriously, she put a hand over where his heartbeat would be, had he one. "You're not a monster where it counts," she assured him, looking straight into those swirling oceans of blue that were his eyes. His heart was all that mattered to her; it was all that should matter.   
"It doesn't beat, luv," he responded sadly, looking down at chest as he put his hand on top of hers. God, how he wished it beat, in times like these.   
She withdrew her hand from his heart and wrapped him into a fierce hug again, leaning against the crook of his neck. "It doesn't have to."   
He smiled wanly at the thought. "You should get back home, pet."   
She withdrew and nodded. "Yeah. Tomorrow night…" she trailed off, wondering how to say this. "The gang is still going to be at the Bronze tomorrow night. Come?"   
"No Nibblet, you know I can't…" He stepped back warily, shaking his head. "Sis'd stake me 'fore I was halfway through the door."   
Her eyes pleaded with him. "Please, Spike? Don't let that bother you. Don't let the Captain back there influence it."   
"Hey!" Riley protested, halfheartedly. Since when did Dawn dislike him so vehemently? They used to get along, all right.   
She ignored his outburst. "Please? You still need to teach me how to shoot right, and Xander will be disappointed if you and he don't get in your weekly Pool game. You know he can hang with just girls for only so long…"   
He studied her face, eyes wide with hope, old tears starting to dry in the warm night air. His little angel, his promise. He swore he wouldn't let anyone hurt her, and that threat included him. He sighed in resignation, and looked downward, not saying anything.   
He didn't have to say anything. She knew. "Thank you Spike!" she squealed, kissing him on the cheek quickly.   
"All right then brat, get on home," he urged, smiling fondly.   
"Bye, Blondie," she called back, letting Riley pull her back down the street, towards the house. He watched them go in silence; saw Finn put his arm on her shoulder. It was decidedly, the most normal thing he had ever seen. And for once, for once he didn't care if he acted like a bloody poof. His heart was broken and damn it all to hell, he hurt. He felt awful and broody and for once, he was going to go with it. He pulled out his smokes and defiantly pulled out one.   
Then the sodden slayer's voice played in his head like a broken damn record set to drive him nuts. He growled in pain and anguish. To hell with it... He lit his cigarette. He took a long drag. "I really am love's bitch..." He turned on his heel, shuffling his feet towards the cemetery. His normal swaying saunter just gave way to depression. He   
was only half way down the block by the time his light was gone. He lit another. He needed to get good and drunk and then get the hell outta Sunnyhell. It really had seen some serious whoopings of his ass, but tonight may have been the worst night of his life. Strike that, second worse night of his life. Flashbacks of weeping over Buffy's dead body corroded his heart and mind. Her rejection tonight hurt more than anything he could've imagined, well almost anything. To see her live and hate him would not nearly hurt as much as to see her frail, weak body sprawled out and lifeless, again. He knew he'd never be able to fully escape this place though.   
Only one thing kept him here, kept him from running away... Dawn. No matter how much Buffy rejected him, Bite Size always needed him and he had promised her. For that he was grateful, and at the same time, bloody regretful. As long as he stayed in Sunny D keeping an eye on Nibblet, his undead heart would be completely miserable. So be it.   
If he'd die for Dawn, he'd suffer torture for her as well. At least someone believed he was capable of love. He only wished he could prove it to someone else. But, Summers women were stubborn that way. That he knew well. He decided to visit the last of the lot of them tonight, on his way back. Maybe she'd know what to tell him... 

Dawn shrugged Riley's arm away from her. "I'm not your lil buddy Riley, and sorry to say I wish YOU were the one Buffy wanted to stake."   
Riley frowned. "Dawn, what did I ever do to make you feel this way?"   
She glared at him. "Not that I owe you any explanation what so ever, but you suck. You left Buffy just when she needed you most."   
"I heard about your mom, I am sorry..." Riley apologized.   
"Yeah well, that was only the half of it..." Dawn raised her brows, turning her head away. Her eyes welled with tears. She blinked them back.   
"What else happened Dawnie?" he questioned.   
"Nothing you need to hear from me...." she huffed. "Why DID you decide to come back now Riley? Why couldn't you have just stayed away?" she snapped.   
"Well, I'm sorry you felt that way Dawn, but I missed your sister a great deal. I want to make amends," he explained.   
"Well beating up on Spike isn't going to change her mind. Regardless of how Buffy's feelings for Spike differ from mine, I know she thinks of him in a slightly higher regard than most vamps. He risked a lot for us." they approached the Summers' home.   
"Like what Dawn? He's already dead!" Riley argued.   
"And he'd die again, for either one of us..." Dawn huffed, defending her friend.   
"Why would he do that?" Riley asked, disbelieving.   
"For love..." Dawn stared him down. "Something you obviously know nothing about, Riley Finn." she broke him down with a penetrating glare. He remained silent, speechless. She snorted, shaking her head. Then she turned to her house, stalking up to the door and unlocking it with her key. "Goodbye, Riley."   
He watched as she locked the door behind her, shutting him out.   
  
Spike plopped down on the soft grass. He frowned, staring at the tombstone in front of him. He touched the cool stile, making sure it was real. " Allo mum..." he whispered. "Sure could use some of your hot cocoa..."   
The thing he loved most about Joyce Summer's cocoa was her special presence that came with it. She, much like Dawn, always treated him with kindness and generosity. She saw past the monster in him, and Spike made no quorums about it. He was indeed a monster. He thought of all the people to see past it, it would be Buffy, because she had always wanted the same thing Spike wanted. She wanted someone who would see past the Slayer and see Buffy Summers.   
"How's heaven been treating you mum?" he murmured with affection. "They got those cool marshmallows there?" he smiled fondly. "I wish I could erase time and bring you back. I know you weren't really on my side or anythin'... but I really could use your help with the Slay... Buffy..." he paused, heart shattering. "I messed up real good this time, luv..." he sighed, overcome with sadness.   
He sat and talked, whispered and even said nothing at all until the telltale signs of the sun rising began to show. He bid the resting place a goodbye, with a short smile. "Thanks for the talk mum... Until next time," he grazed the tombstone in finality. Then he walked backwards, eyes not coming off the tombstone. He finally turned and headed for his crypt before he turned into dust. 

The morning sun crept into the kitchen windows as Dawn and Buffy sat at the table in silence. The only sounds were of spoons dipping into cereal bowls. Buffy eyed her sister, wondering what she was angry about. "So, you gonna talk to me at all this morning?"   
"Not if I didn't have to," Dawn shrugged, anger burning inside her.   
"What did I do?" Buffy frowned.   
Dawn glared at her, her tone not softening. "You acted like a real jerk! Sometimes, you can be so mean I wonder if it's YOU that doesn't have the heart..."   
Buffy sighed, her temper rising a bit. "You were eavesdropping last night?"   
"Yeah... heard Spike climb in..." Dawn crossed her arms. "Don't try to turn this around on me Buffy."   
"It's not nice to eavesdrop Dawnie," Buffy scolded.   
"And it's not nice to treat your friend the way you did! He was only trying to help you! Not get in your pants!" Dawn fought back.   
"Dawn!" Buffy's eyes widened. "Really! C'mon..."   
"It's the truth! He was just telling you what was in his heart. And he DOES have one Buffy. He risked his life, be it may that he's already dead, he'd have died again for REAL for us!" Dawn continued. "Can't you see past the monster? It's not him anymore! He's changed!"   
"Because of a chip Dawnie. Because of a tiny, electronic chip!" Buffy tried to reason. "If that chip were to ever malfunction we'd all be in real danger from Spike! He's a master vampire!"   
"Than why hadn't you killed him before the chip?!" Dawn protested. "And if you really thought it was all because of the chip would you really let him in my life, in our lives? If you thought for one second he could only be acting this way because of the chip, you wouldn't have re-invited him in or into our lives!"   
Buffy didn't have an answer for her. Her anger was at its boiling point. She was the adult, not Dawn. "Look Dawn, we're not discussing this any further. Spike had been a great help and I do want to keep him as a friend and trust him further, but right now I don't know what to think of him." she paused, wishing she'd treated him better last night."   
"Riley attacked him," Dawn tattle-taled. "Last night, after Spike left. I followed him. I don't care if you punish me for leaving the house, but I couldn't let Spike leave like that." Dawn continued on in a rush. "When I caught up to him, Riley was attacking."   
"What?" Buffy gaped.   
"He came up with a lame excuse that he was afraid Spike hurt you... like he could..." Dawn snorted. "I think he just beats up on him now cuz he knows he can..."   
"Enough Dawn..." Buffy snapped. She ran a hand through he blonde hair.   
Dawn glared. "I can't bel..."   
"Dawn, I said stop. Please, I can't take anymore this morning," Buffy's mind was spinning with information. Her heart went out to Spike again. Yet, she couldn't believe Riley would just attack Spike with no cause. She'd speak to both of them later about it. If she could face Spike. "Let's get you to school," she sighed. "We'll talk more at the Bronze."   


TBC... 


	6. Chapter 6

ImitorVitaProAmor6   


Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG* 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 6**   
**** ****

That night at the Bronze, Spike held his promise to Dawn and showed up. When he walked in, his eyes drifted on Buffy and his whole being lifted. He couldn't help but want to smile. The smile faded though when she turned and frowned at him.   
Dawn ran over and hugged Spike. "You're here!"   
"Easy Pint Size," Spike eased the young girl off of him. "Don't want to piss of big sis..." he paused. "Anymore…"   
"Screw her," Dawn waved.   
" 'm not big on affection anyway, Nibblet...." Spike chuckled.   
"Sure Spike," she rolled her eyes. "C'mon Xander's waiting for us at the pool table!" she gripped his cool hand and never once flinched from the coldness.   
Spike found her energy infectious, but when his eyes fell on Buffy his cold heart seized to beat again. 

Buffy watched Spike from across the club, where she sat with Wills, Tara, Riley and Anya. She felt sad seeing Spike's expression, but she saw him pick up a bit at a joke Dawn told him.   
"You want him to leave?" Riley began to stand.   
"No," Buffy ordered. "Spike's fine with Dawn. Leave them alone." she glared at Riley, not having the opportunity to talk to him about last night yet. 

From across the room Spike was watching Xander set up the pool table, his eyes kept drifting back to Buffy. The music in the club slowed down, an announcer mentioned it was 'couple's night' and a familiar ballad started. Couples drifted to the floor. Buffy and Riley included. 

_Like anyone would be_   
_I am flattered by your fascination with me_   
_Like any hot-blooded woman_   
_I have simply wanted an object to crave_   
_But you, you're not allowed_   
_You're uninvited_   
_An unfortunate slight___

_Must be strangely exciting_   
_To watch the stoic squirm_   
_Must be somewhat heartening_   
_To watch shepherd me shepherd_   
_But you you're not allowed_   
_You're uninvited_   
_An unfortunate slight___

_Like any uncharted territory_   
_I must seem greatly intriguing_   
_You speak of my love like_   
_You have experienced love like mine before_   
_But this is not allowed_   
_You're uninvited_   
_An unfortunate slight___

_I don't think you unworthy_   
_I need a moment to deliberate_

Spike felt the words hit home and he felt suffocated suddenly. The vampire hadn't needed to breathe in over a 100 years, but suddenly he felt as if he was choking. He set down the cue and put a hand on Dawn's shoulder, steadying himself.   
"What? What is it?" Dawn asked worried.   
He shook his head, trying not to worry her. "I'm fine, just need...need to go outside a minute..."   
"I'll go with…"   
"No...Stay with Xander. Play... I'll be...right...back..." Spike wheezed.   
Xander watched Dawn worriedly as Spike jogged out of the Bronze, seeming as if he was about to pass out. "What happened?"   
"I don't know..." Dawn pouted. "I should go after him..."   
"Stay Dawn, you heard him..." Xander warned. She bit her lip with worry. 

Buffy saw Spike run out of the Bronze, looking like he was in trouble. She left Riley on the dance floor and ran after him.   
Spike burst into the cool air and took a deep, shaking breath. His eyes shone with some deeper meaning and he mentally cursed the singer of the song, because this was obviously a sick joke to get a rise out of him. He growled, almost out of control, before pulling out his smokes and lighter, hoping to calm his nerves.   
"Spike!" Buffy called, running down the alley after him. 

She found him around the corner, leaning against the wall, arms around himself as he shakily smoked on a cigarette. He stared straight ahead, but she knew he knew she was there. He always knew where she was. And she could always feel him, too. He didn't turn his head, didn't acknowledge that anything might have been wrong. But she saw the dash from the club. She saw that pained look on his face, and she couldn't help but want to be there for him, in spite of everything that was happening right now. She tried to convince herself that it was simply in her nature to do such a thing, but looking at him there, she wondered why she didn't just let him go, if she really was as mad at him or loathed him as much as she told herself she did.   
She leaned against the wall next to him, shoving her hands into her jacket pocket absently. She waited for something from him, some indication of what she should do. He kept looking ahead for a while, calming himself inside. Buffy stood next to him, back to the wall, quietly. She was waiting for him to say something. Presumably, something stupid again, so he could get yelled at some more. He was tempted to just go home, walk straight to his crypt and drink himself into blessed oblivion. But, he had promised Dawn. And he realized, that with all the wrong he had done here, he wasn't about to shatter the one thing he had done right. They stood for a few more minutes, just like that, quiet, and awkward and silent, listening to the soft music drifting to them from the Bronze. 

_If you knew what I knew_   
_You wouldn't say what you said_   
_ If you knew what I knew_   
_We'd be together instead_   
_ Of you breaking my heart_   
_With things that aren't true_   
_ My lady, yes,_   
_If you knew what I knew___

_Time passes by_   
_The only tears I cry_   
_Are filled with this illusion_   
_Fears I have inside_   
_Like a lost soul_   
_I feel like I'm all alone_   
_If only I could feel your pain_   
_Within your heart of stone_   
_I wish, I may_   
_I wish, I might_   
_Be that certain someone_   
_You wish for every night___

_If you knew what I knew_   
_You wouldn't say what you said_   
_ If you knew what I knew_   
_We'd be together instead_   
_ Of you breaking my heart_   
_With things that aren't true_   
_ My lady, yes,_   
_If you knew what I knew_   
  
They listened in silence, until Spike couldn't take it anymore. Until he couldn't ignore the blasted song and the blasted words and every damn thing that the Slayer made him feel. He tried, in any case. "Why did you come out here, Slayer?"   
She looked at him in surprise, so caught up in her thoughts, as if she hadn't expected him to say a word, let alone ask her that. In all honesty, she really didn't know why she was here, either. It had just seemed like the right place to be. The right time. It was just, right. "I… I saw you run, I wanted to, I don't know," she sighed.   
"You wanted to what?" he pushed, actually looking at her this time.   
He always pushed, she realized. He always brought her to the edge, made her see herself. He didn't let her run away from herself. She hated him for it. She hated how he made her feel when he did it. "I wanted to make sure you were all right," she admitted, seeing the intense look on his face.   
"I'm okay," he said quietly. As an afterthought, he realized he was smoking again, and the Slayer was there. He tossed the cigarette on the floor and snubbed it out with the toe of his boot, expelling the last of the smog from his lungs. "I just…"   
"I'm sorry," she blurted out, because she knew there was no other way to do this. She couldn't just lean back and let him be the scapegoat whenever her life was in upheaval. He was easy to put in those shoes, and she realized no friend, human or not, deserved that sort of abuse.   
He looked at her, not believing he heard what he just heard. He wondered if he should get his ears cleaned. "Er, come again, Buffy?"   
"I'm sorry. For yelling at you last night."   
He sighed inwardly. Last night. He just wanted to push the memory of it away, pretend it had never happened. But he knew it had. He knew they had to do something about it, or be forced into this awkward, quiet relationship that neither of them wanted. "No, luv, I'm sorry. I know I shouldn't have tried to influence your answer in anyway, but I just couldn't bloody well stand the thought of that git…er…Riley…making you cry anymore."   
She looked down at the floor, still leaning against the wall. "I talked to Dawn today. Or at least, she talked at me. I tried to tell her that it was all because of the chip. I tried to be all, 'Spike's only helping because of the chip, and the second he gets it out, he'll kill us all'…" she sighed, looking at him out of the corner of her eye. Hurt flashed across his features for a brief moment, so brief that she almost wondered if it had been her imagination in the first place. But he didn't say anything. His jaw clenched and unclenched a little, but there was no other reaction. She took a deep breath, before going on. "I've been thinking about this all day, trying to figure out what I believe. I saw you in the Bronze just then, and I thought you'd come to pick a fight with Riley." She chuckled a little, but realized she had gone off topic. He was just looking at her, head cocked to the side curiously, hands stuffed into duster pockets. "You're my friend, right, Spike?"   
He looked positively aghast at the question. "Buffy, if you don't know by now, luv…"   
She stopped him. "Yes, I know. You ARE my friend. And last night, you were only telling me what you thought. I shouldn't have gotten all worked up about it, read things into it that might or might not have been there."   
He sighed, and withdrew his hands from his pockets. "I think…" he looked downward, realizing what he was about to say might not be as profound as it felt. "I think we both mucked up a bit, luv."   
She couldn't help but chuckle a little at his awkwardness. It was such a human quality of his, positively mortal and adorable in its normalcy. "Yeah. I guess we did. Mess up, that is." She turned and looked up at him, all nervous and hopeful in the moonlight. "Should we go back then? Dawn might worry."   
He nodded. "Yeah. We should." He turned around and they walked side by side down the alley. "Er…Buffy?"   
"Yeah?"   
"Could I…if you and Riley aren't… I mean…"   
She instinctively knew what he was thinking. It wasn't hard with him; they could read each other so well that it frightened them both at times. It was as if they were completely transparent to one another. She wondered if she should be scared at the concept, but decided to ignore it for now. "Spike, would you dance with me?"   
His mouth quirked into a self-depreciating little half-smile, and his gaze wandered down towards his shoes. This vampire, this intense, passionate vampire that radiated sex appeal and danger and edginess, looked shy. She smiled at the thought. "Yes."   
She touched his arm, without thinking. "C'mon. Then you and Xand can catch up on your manly pool game."   
They entered the Bronze, and Spike's gaze automatically landed on Dawn, who had stood, worrying, as she tried to pretend she was listening to Xander's great pool tips. She knew he always lost to Spike, anyway. When she saw her guardian vampire still there, and more importantly, still in one piece and unharmed, the tension left her. He smiled reassuringly at her from across the club, and bade her go back to the game with a nod of her head in Xander's direction.   
Riley walked straight up to them, eyes shining with worry, ready to pummel Spike if need be. "Buffy? Are you okay? What happened?"   
"I just…" she looked at Spike. "I had to talk to a friend."   
"Oh." Riley bit back the comment he had about Spike's status friendship. "Is everything okay?" He put his hands on her shoulders, and the vampire had to bite back, literally, his growl.   
"Yeah," she nodded. "We're going to dance now," she added quietly, not meeting Finn's eyes.   
"Okay." Riley thought she meant him obviously, and moved to take her hand. But when she slipped by him, the fabric of Spike's coat clutched in her fingers, he realized who she was talking about. "Oh." He physically restrained himself from going after them. They were friends. She could dance with her friends. He would let her have that. But if that damned blood sucker touched his woman…   
They reached the floor and she stopped walking, turning to face him nervously. He didn't know what to do as the song started, it was slower than she might have liked, he supposed. He put his hands on her waist and held her at arms length, taking the first move so that she didn't have to. Grateful for his actions, she relaxed a little and rested her arms on top of his, clutching his forearm lightly. 

_If I die tonight_   
_I'd go with no regrets_   
_If it's in your arms_   
_I know that I was blessed_   
_And if your eyes_   
_Are the last thing that I see_   
_Then I know the beauty heaven holds for me_

They swayed to the music slowly, never looking at each other. He looked past her shoulder, eyes not really focused on any point. He concentrated on the feel of her body and the warmth and smell of her. 

_But if I make it through_   
_If I live to see the day_   
_If I'm with you_   
_I know just what to say_   
_The truth be told_   
_Girl you take my breath away_   
_Every minute, every hour, every day_

He feared that if he ever looked into her eyes, he wouldn't be able to look away. He would break down at the thought of not having more than her friendship. He would be trapped there, staring and gawking and loving her but no closer than arms length. It would be as close as he could ever get. Her friendship was all she would ever give. And he had to accept that. Despite what he felt, the electricity between them, he wouldn't hurt her by forcing her to accept more than friendship. She would never love the beast, anyway. So he just danced with her. He pretended that that was all it was. Just one dance.   


_Cause every moment_   
_We share together_   
_Is even better_   
_Than the moment before_   
_If every day was,_   
_As good as today was_   
_Then I can't wait til_   
_Tomorrow comes___

_A moment in time_   
_Is all that's given you and me_   
_Moments in time_   
_And it's something you should seize_   
_So I won't make_   
_The mistake of letting go_   
_Every day you're here_   
_I'm gonna let you know___

_That every moment_   
_We share together_   
_Is even better_   
_Than the moment before_   
_And if every day was_   
_As good as today was_   
_Then I can't wait til_   
_Tomorrow comes_

She didn't realize how close they had gotten until he heard his murmur low in his throat, right at her ear. Instead of being startled by his closeness, she wondered why he made that sound, like a lion purring. She rested her head against the crook of her neck, arms wrapped around his throat. He rumbled when he made that noise deep in his chest. She wondered if he even knew he was doing it. She rather enjoyed it, she realized. The way it tickled something inside her. Unconsciously, she pushed closer to him, wanting to hear it reverberate in all of its fascinating glory. It got louder as she grew closer, and she felt his arms tighten around her waist, meeting at the small of her back. 

_Each morning_   
_That I get up_   
_I love more than ever_   
_So girl I'd never go away_   
_Never stray___

_So every moment_   
_We share together_   
_Is even better_   
_Than the moment before_   
_If every day was_   
_As good as today was_   
_I can't wait til_   
_Tomorrow comes___

_Every moment_   
_We share together_   
_Is even better_   
_Than the moment before_   
_And if every day was_   
_As good as today was_   
_I can't will til_   
_Tomorrow comes___

_I love the moments_   
_Moment we share together_   
_Every Moment_   
_I love every moment_   
_I pray they last forever_   
_I love the moment_   
_Moments we share together_   
_I love the moments_   
_I pray they last forever more_   
  
She danced with him as if in a haze, the parts of her brain that should have told her they were too close, and that she was too comfortable were far away. She didn't realize what she was doing, because if she did, she would have pulled away. Because it was wrong. 

_Send someone to love me_   
_I need to rest in arms_   
_Keep me safe from harm_   
_In pouring rain___

_Give me endless summer_   
_Lord I fear the cold_   
_Feel I'm getting old_   
_Before my time_

For now, there was just the music. There was the strange purring noise in his chest, the smell of smoke and leather and spice that lingered on him and was, uniquely him. And there was her, dancing with him now. This was her moment separated from the world, her dance behind the curtain. This was her moment with Spike, where she was just a girl, and he was just, a man. 

_As my soul heals the shame_   
_I will grow through this pain_   
_Lord I'm doing all I can_   
_To be a better man___

_Go easy on my conscience_   
_'Cause it's not my fault_   
_I know I've been taught_   
_To take the blame___

_Rest assured my angels_   
_Will catch my tears_   
_Walk me out of here_   
_I'm in pain___

_As my soul heals the shame_   
_I will grow through this pain_   
_Lord I'm doing all I can_   
_To be a better man_

Spike was drowning. He was surrounded, the smell of her, the feel of her, she was everywhere. It made him ache, in his un-beating, long dead, cold, monster's heart. She was here, with him in his arms, and he couldn't really touch her. He supposed that was all that mattered in the long run though. She was here. 

_Once you've found that lover_   
_You're homeward bound_   
_Love is all around_   
_Love is all around___

_I know some have fallen_   
_On stony ground_   
_But Love is all around_

He tried to concentrate on the song, tried to cut off that ridiculous noise he was making in his throat at her closeness. Would she realize what she was doing to him? Torturing him in the sweetest way, by letting him be so close? Did she even know? Would she suddenly realize, and shove him away, her eyes shouting "monster!" to the world? He almost waited for it. But when she pushed closer against him, he realized maybe, he would have his moment in the sun, tonight. His arms tightened around her. Maybe tonight, he could be more than a monster. 

_Send someone to love me_   
_I need to rest in arms_   
_Keep me safe from harm_   
_In pouring rain___

_Give me endless summer_   
_Lord I fear the cold_   
_Feel I'm getting old_   
_Before my time___

_As my soul heals the shame_   
_I will grow through this pain_   
_Lord I'm doin' all I can_   
_To be a better man_

As the song ended, neither of them stopped swaying slowly. It was as if they were in their own world and nothing and no one existed around them. Their music never stopped. Spike buried his head into her sweet hair, sniffing the warm vanilla scent. He grinned, knowing the familiar smell of her.   
He was almost afraid that he was waking up, just as he was getting closer to heaven, but if tonight would be his only night to be given such a gift, he was going to do what he'd always done with the woman in his arms...take it one step further. He closed his eyes, turning his head in lower. It was buried deep within her pulsing neck. He felt her veins throbbing, the heat from her body was just radiating off her skin. His nose was tucked in the warm vanilla scent of her silky hair. His senses were beginning to go into overdrive and he couldn't control the purring any longer. He murmured, purring her name softly, like a lion cub gently purred. "Buffy...."   
It was so intoxicating. She couldn't get enough of the rumble in his throat, how it tickled her and reverberated into the very innermost depths of her person. Her eyes fluttered close and her warm body swayed into his cool muscular one. She let him rest his chin on her shoulder, his head buried in the burrow of her neck. She felt herself pressing her cheek against his head. She no longer was in control of herself. Something inside her was using her like a marionette. And she enjoyed every minute of it. 

_I don't know how_   
_I don't know why_   
_But girl it seems_   
_You've touched my life_   
_You're in my dreams_   
_You're in my heart_   
_I'm not myself_   
_When we're apart_

He wanted so bad to kiss her. His entire being ached, but he knew it was too soon. No matter how much he pushed the girl into things, he'd never rush her into something that just could possibly send her running away from him forever. He did run his cool lips across her neck, sending waves of radiating heat into him. God, for once, he was warm inside. Perhaps that's what drove him to purr and whimper like the lovesick puppy he'd become. 

_Something strange has come over me_   
_A raging wind across my seas_   
_And girl you know your eyes are to blame_   
_What am I supposed to do_   
_If I can't get over you_   
_I've come to find that you don't feel the same_

She smiled so deeply, so contently. His arms around her felt so comforting and safe. She felt like a totally different person. She felt like...like...she was complete. She felt as if she was finally Buffy Anne Summers. She felt herself snuggling into Spike's embrace and her body felt electric currents running through her at the feel of his cool lips on her hot skin. She heard the rumbling in his chest increase dramatically, and the sheer eroticism of the noise caused her to whimper softly in the back of her throat.   
He heard her moan and it drove him insane. He wanted to caress her everywhere, to kiss her, to do things he wasn't allowed to do with her. He wanted her to fill his cold world with warmth. 

_Cuz 'm fallin...fallin..._   
_Girl I'm fallin for you_   
_And I pray you're fallin too_   
_I've been fallin...fallin_   
_Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you_   
_Fallin...fallin...fallin..._   
_When I laid eyes on you_   
_Fallin...falling..fallin_   
_Yeah_

He suddenly felt unsure and afraid, like this was some surreal fantasy he had drunk himself into, and that in actuality, he was still on the floor of his crypt, miserable and too drunk to walk. He slipped his head up, pulling back slightly so he could look at her.. He examined her small frame wrapped in his. There she was, eyes shut so tight, body so warm and wrapped around his, a smile dancing on her lips. And much to his delight, re realized he was completely lucid, and this, this was very, very real. This was his moment. This was his salvation, his one chance at reaching skyward, and he'd live a hundred more years with this memory forever emblazoned in his mind.   
She opened her eyes, looking up into the swirling blue eyes penetrating her. His smile was totally infectious and she felt hers grow. For a moment, she saw a flicker in his eyes. In that flicker was love, innocence, respect, tenderness, honesty, sadness, and just raw beauty. She tilted her head, examining his features. Inside that soulless undead body was a heart. Something she thought vampires could never possess, even soulful ones. But   
she saw his briefly. It was there, bare and naked to her eyes, for just a moment. She felt part of her fixed resolve to hate him always, deteriorate.   
She realized she wanted to kiss him. It scared her at first, but her body was not her own tonight, her soul and heart had taken premise. Her voice was trembling as she whispered his name. "Spike..." For she was beyond shocked to feel the emotions that coursed through her. She never thought a vampire could give off so much heat, so much...life. His eyes showed her tonight that being a monster didn't make you who you were. It was your heart who made you who you were. It was terribly frightening to Buffy to take in, though she told herself she always should have known it. However, she didn't want to admit it in its entirety, because if this was the case, how could she ever explain what happened with Angelus? But, her heart wouldn't let her go off into that heated debate right now, and she let herself become fixated to Spike's eyes and arms. She wasn't ready to leave. She wasn't sure she ever wanted to.   
  
_I lose my step_   
_I lose my ground_   
_I lose myself_   
_When you're around_   
_I'm holding on_   
_For my life_   
_To keep from drowning in your eyes___

_Girl what have you done to me_   
_To make me fall so desperately_   
_To think that I don't even know your name_   
_No, no_   
_How am I supposed to live_   
_If I can't get over this_   
_If you decide that you don't feel the same_

He cradled her in his arms, close, but not too close that he couldn't look into her beautiful eyes. He couldn't find a name for the feelings he suddenly felt. He looked in her eyes and there was so much written in them, he was afraid she was seeing right through him and looking at someone else. She couldn't possibly be looking at Spike with admiration and content, with trust and....love????? He reached up, cupping her cheek. He brushed her soft skin with the pads of his fingertips. He brushed them so gently across her cheekbone down the base of her neck, like she was made of fine china. He leaned in, forehead against hers. He took a breath; he had to. He was suffocating in her smoldering eyes. He breathed on her lips, tickling them. "Buffy...luv...can I please kiss you?" His voice was raw, pained, like he had trekked across the desert to the gates of oasis and had to wait for admittance.   
Her eyes fluttered and closed as she leaned in, with a minute motion as her answer. She pressed her hands on his leathered back, pulling him even closer. She could feel the coolness of his lips close by, and sense his unneeded shuttering, labored breath. The quivering anticipation nearly destroyed her, right then and there. She was going to drown in him. 

_Cuz 'm fallin...fallin..._   
_Girl 'm falling for you_   
_And I pray you're falling too_   
_I've been fallin...fallin.._   
_Fallin..._   
__ __

TBC...   
  
  
  



	7. Chapter 7

ImitorVitaProAmor7   
Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG* 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 7**   
  


Suddenly, it all came crashing down. Unfortunately it wasn't his lips upon hers, but hands gripping his shoulders pulling him away. He growled in pain, as if someone had poured holy water on his very heart.   
"No way Spike! Get your cold, dead, rotten hands off her!" Riley growled,   
pushing him away.   
Buffy's eyes flew open and her heart dropped, and suddenly she was aware of everything. It was as if time had stopped and now it was all rushing back to catch up. It felt almost as if an enchantment between them had been broken, like when Willow had put a spell on her and Spike before. But this time, it wasn't a spell for magic, it was just a real, live tender moment and the magical spell between them was shattered. She looked around the Bronze, and her eyes fell on Spike and Riley.   
Spike was thrown bodily to the side by Finn, and stood there, looking at loss. He stared at Buffy, hoping to see what he saw moments ago, and not anger. But, unfortunately the fires in her eyes kicked in and she was fuming.   
Xander and Dawn were rooted to their spots in shock. Neither one of them wanted to get killed, so they stayed out of it.   
Tara, Anya and Willow had been watching the scene unfold from their table. They tried to stop Riley from interrupting the tender moment. Willow was angered. Spike really had grown on her and she was hoping Buffy felt the same. It looked as if she did, until Riley went and ruined it.   
She didn't know what to say or do. For once, the slayer stood, angry as all hell and didn't know what to do. She glared at Riley with daggers in her eyes. Her eyes fell on Spike again and there was some anger there too, but her feelings from before still lingered deep inside and she turned her aggressions away from the vamp. He looked as if his whole world had been taken from him...little did she know, that was exactly what it had felt like.   
Spike wanted to kill Riley Finn right now, more than he had ever before, for taking his one sweet moment with Buffy away from him. But, he knew Buffy would never forgive him for harming the blooded ponce if he did. Not that the sodding chip in his head would let him, either. He just stood, hidden in the corner, surrounded by shadows like a peripheral specter.   
Riley began walking to Spike. He was gonna beat the vamp to a pulp and then stake him. Buffy stalked up to Riley, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. "How dare you Riley! Just who do you think you are?!"   
Riley was shocked by her aggression towards him. "But Buffy, he was all   
over you like white on rice! He was trying to seduce you!"   
Buffy knew damn well Spike was all over her and she let a feverish part of her let him do whatever he wanted, and that was her own fault. That was something to deal with later. "Look Riley, I'm a big girl and can handle myself. Spike and I were just dancing!"   
"C'mon Buff! If he got any closer to you he'd practically be on top of you! For God sakes it looked like you two were going at it on the middle of the dance floor!" Riley argued.   
Buffy slapped him, not thinking at all, just reacting. "How dare you! You're not my boyfriend Riley Finn, and I don't know if I ever want you to be my boyfriend again, but damn it if you wanna try, stop trying to run my life! I don't need your protection! I can handle myself!" Buffy fumed. She hated when people crawled all over her like she was a helpless child who constantly needed to hold someone's hand. "If you want another chance Riley, you better stop acting this way, cuz if you ever EVER hurt Spike, I'll kill you myself..." Riley was taken aback by her statement, and his expressive face told her just so.   
Spike frowned. She just pitied him so. The neutered vamp who couldn't handle himself. He was a bloody fool for showing her so much of him tonight. She'd never love the monster inside him.   
"Do you hear me?!" Buffy growled.   
"Yes," Riley frowned, nodding. "You're right, 'm sorry..."   
"Spike is my friend, and either learn to like it or leave," Buffy ordered.   
There was that dreaded word again...friend.   
He nodded. He stared at her for a moment, before storming off to the bar.   
Buffy walked over to Spike, holding out her hand with a displeased, tight grin. "You okay?"   
"Just peachy, ducks," he stepped out of the shadows, afraid to touch her. He was still on a high from their dance. He was afraid to feel the loathing and hatred for him in her touch again. "Are you okay?"   
She nodded forcefully. "Yeah." Her mind wrapped around the concept of what had happened. Had Spike kissed her, she would've never stopped him. She had been lost in his ocean eyes and she would never have returned. She would've melted on his lips. Her heart ached to wonder what it would've been like, but she knew now that it was best she didn't kiss him. Sadly, a part of her was thankful Riley interrupted. But the other part was still angry that he thought he could control her.   
"I...I...I'm sorr..." he stuttered.   
"Shhh...don't say anything you don't mean Spike," her eyes sparkled again. And there she was, once again, his Buffy. Eyes bright and beautiful, heart and soul sending his body to the flames. He stared at her, unknowing what to say.   
Then, as if a mask had been slipped over her, she was gone. "Think Xander and Dawnie are waiting for you..." she urged, nodding towards the pool tables. 

_Will you stay or will you go_   
_Heaven_   
_Heaven knows what my future holds_   
_Questions_   
_Questions linger on my mind_   
_Daybreak_   
_From daybreak to dark of night_   
_'M fallin_   
_I dont know whats come over me_   
_Can't you see___

_I'm fallin...fallin.._   
_Girl 'm fallin for you_   
_And I pray you're fallin too_   
_Yeah...yeah.._   
_Fallin...Falling_   
_Ever since the moment I laid eyes on you_   
_Ooohhh_   
_'M falling_

"Yeah..." Spike nodded, as if nothing had mattered. His heart tightened as the song ended. He'd fallen for Buffy again tonight. Only problem was, he thought, was she only loathed and felt sorry for him. He felt the demon in him raging to get out. "Guess 'll be getting back to them..." he pulled out his cigarettes. "See you later, slayer."   
She winced at his tone. It was like he'd been a different person before and now it was back to being the 'Big Bad'. "Right..." she whispered, her heart at a loss for words. 

Riley fumed over by the bar; ordering a beer before plopping down on a stool, his head in his hands. What had gone on since he left? He knew Buffy had said she and Spike were only friends, but God, the way they danced. There was something disturbingly intimate about it. The way his arms held her, the tilt of his head against her cheek. It was in the way her arms clasped around his neck, and she rested her cheek against the column of his throat. They fit together perfectly when they danced, and if he hadn't have stopped them, they would still be out there, pressed against each other with such disgusting familiarity. He touched his cheek gingerly, where her hand had landed. It still stung. Music floated down to him from around the club, and ignoring it, he decided Buffy hitting him was worth the embarrassment and the pain if he had kept that vile monster away from his golden, perfect girl. 

_Tell me one sweet lie_   
_Tell me our loves just fine_   
_And everything will be all right_   
_Say you're not gonna leave_   
_That you still love me_   
_And we'll start all over tonight_   
_That look is in your eye_   
_And all I can hear, is the sound of goodbye_

How dare that animal touch her like that! He growled and slammed back a mouthful of beer, whirling in his bar stool. Buffy was sitting at the table, still looking slightly cross, talking with Anya, Willow and Tara. How was it that when Spike had touched her, she looked to be in complete peace with herself and everyone around her? Yet the moment Riley had intervened, that angry, worried, guarded look had returned to her face? 

_You're gone_   
_No two ways about it_   
_Though you stand in front of me_   
_It's real easy to see_   
_That you're gone_   
_And it's time to face the truth_   
_That my world just fell apart_   
_And I don't know what to do_   
_You're gone_

He glared towards the pool tables where Spike had his arms around Dawn, teaching her where to angle the shot against the cue ball. The vampire growled in annoyance as Dawn slipped, and she and Xander both giggled. What had happened while he was gone? Xander and Spike had bonded? How? Why? Xander had been the most vehement advocate against vampires becoming equal members of the working community that Riley had ever known. But there they were, drinking beer, playing pool, laughing. And Dawn… Dawn had used to like Riley, he remembered. They were okay with one another. He had bought her ice cream. But seeing her with Spike, the ex-commando could tell she was absolutely smitten with him, and he with her. Bitterly, he decided Spike could have Dawn, as long as he stayed away from Buffy. Then he realized what a horrible thought that was to have. Wasn't it true though? They could do whatever they wanted with Dawn if she wouldn't have him as a friend. Let Spike take her. And Xander too, since they'd obviously become so chummy. When Xander made a joke and Spike actually laughed, genuinely, and offered to buy the 'whelp' a beer, Riley couldn't take it anymore. He slammed a five onto the bar and walked over towards Buffy. 

_I could turn my head_   
_Forget what we said_   
_All the words that cut like a knife_   
_Whether you go or stay_   
_You're gone either way_   
_And I'll love you the rest of my life_   
_I can tell your mind is set_   
_And the words you didn't say,_   
_I will never forget___

_You're gone_   
_No two ways about it_   
_Though you stand in front of me_   
_It's real easy to see_   
_That you're gone_   
_And it's time to face the truth_   
_That my world just fell apart_   
_And I don't know what to do_   
_You're gone_

Everyone looked up at him, and all conversation at the table stopped. Willow actually snapped her jaw shut, cutting of whatever she had been going to say while Tara just looked at him a second, then back to the table top. Anya regarded him with her head at a funny angle, and he felt like he was being dissected, complete with scalpels and probes, under her gaze. Buffy just stared him straight in the eye. He lost some of his nerve under her gaze, and tried to deflate then tension. "I'm leaving. Do you want to come?" 

_I'll never give in or believe it_   
_And I know one day I'll win you back_   
_And you'll love me just like I love you_   
_Right now it's a matter of fact_

She was amazed that he had asked her that. Here she was expecting the Cap'n to pick her up, sling her over the shoulder, grunt, and say "Want go home now. Go home now?" but instead, he had asked. Oh God. She suddenly realized she had used Spike's nickname for him. She rapidly shook her head. "No… um, we're gonna hang out a little more."   
"Okay," he nodded, hiding the hurt that flashed in his eyes and walked away, making his way slowly towards the door. 

_You're gone_   
_No two ways about it_   
_Though you stand in front of me_   
_It's real easy to see_   
_That you're gone_   
_And it's time to face the truth_   
_That my world just fell apart_   
_And I don't know what to do_   
_You're gone_

Buffy watched him go with a frown. He still wanted to be her big protector, her all important manly man. Sighing, she sipped her coke and turned back to Willow. "You were saying?"   
Willow paused. "I was going to say…what are you going to do about Riley?"   
Buffy almost retorted indignantly, but realized her friend only had her best interests in mind. She wouldn't make the same mistake she had made last night. "I don't know. I've been trying not to think about it," Buffy admitted.   
"Isn't that…sort of…I don't know…sort of a sign?" Tara offered shyly.   
Buffy smiled to reassure her. "Maybe. I don't know. It's complicated. I mean, I screwed up last time."   
Willow's nose scrunched indignantly. "YOU screwed up? What happened to his suck off fest with the skanky vamps?"   
Buffy's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "Suck off, Will? A new phrase for Willow's collection of phrases?"   
The witch shrugged. "Been hanging around Spike too long, I guess. But, really. You can't possibly blame yourself for what Riley did."   
"I made it seem like I didn't need him. He needs to be needed."   
"It doesn't mean you should change just to accommodate him."   
Buffy sighed and fiddled with her coke can. "I don't know."   
"You just need someone who likes you for you, Buffy. You shouldn't change just for some boy."   
"You make sense Will, but I still don't know. Riley's my shot at normal life."   
"Um…slayer…" the redhead remarked. "Not exactly normal."   
Shaking her head, Buffy stopped her with a hand. "Let's just forget about Riley for now all right?"   
Anya, head still tilted slightly shook her head. "What?" Buffy asked, almost afraid to ask.   
Anya took a sip of her soda. "Riley has a nice body. But he's not that good looking when you really study him. His nose is crooked. And the sucking off thing? Not a good thing. You should tell him to leave. Or, beat him up, or something."   
Willow and Tara actually laughed. Buffy just shook her head, but said nothing. When Anya turned her attention to the pool game, they figured they were safe while the ex-demon was in lusty Xander land. Until she muttered something about how nice Spike's ass was. Buffy nearly choked on her drink.   
"You can't possibly think that…" Buffy gestured towards Spike.   
Anya shrugged. "I think he has a nice ass."   
"He…sort of does," Tara agreed.   
"Tara!" Buffy gave the blond her best, 'for shame' look. Tara shrugged, and Buffy turned to Willow. "You condone this?"   
"I can't tell her not to think Spike's ass isn't nice," Willow admitted. "It sort of is. And he makes cute, purry sounds when he's happy," she added, perkily. "Like a big blonde kitty."   
"And you would know this, how?"   
He fell asleep on the couch during movie night and we heard him. He was having a happy dream," Anya responded. "Xander wanted to tape it and use it as blackmail, but Dawn wouldn't let us. We couldn't find the camcorder anyway."   
"Oh, and remember when he…"   
Buffy let them go off on their memories, turning her attention to the pool game where Xander, Spike and Dawn palled around, laughing and drinking and generally having a good time. She couldn't help but feel like she'd missed out on a lot, that time she was gone. They had Bronze night, and movie night, for crying out loud. Spike had fallen asleep on the couch! She studied the vampire from across the room, and realized, watching him play without his duster, that he did have a nice ass. And if two lesbians could admit it, then why the hell couldn't she? And he had nice eyes. And when he smiled, in anyway, it was strangely seductive. And the purring thing? Very cute. She sighed and realized Spike, happy, and purring were leading to bad Buffy thoughts.   
She relaxed in her stool after a moment and decided relaxing would keep her from bad Spike Buffy thoughts. So she just listened to the music, and watched them for a bit. 

Spike put on a cheerful front for Dawn. He hated seeing her worry about him, or sad because of him. What he really felt right now was a whirlwind of emotion, the most prominent, being a raging self-loathing for the tone he had used with Buffy earlier. It was a defense mechanism he had, acting like he didn't care. But if she had just looked up at him again, seen his eyes, she would have known that he hadn't meant a word of it. He cared more than he was supposed to, and it scared him. Scared him more than sunlight, more than losing Dru, even more than death. He'd never felt so earnest in his un-life, and it was making him positively radiate humanity. It was an unnerving, new feeling. He felt like a newborn child, not knowing what he was supposed to do with himself. He had felt pathetic in the light of her pity, and he had lashed out. It was in his nature.   
He realized she had every right to hate him for it. He hated himself for it. 

_I think I've already lost you_   
_I think you're already gone_   
_I think I'm finally scared now_   
_You think I'm weak_   
_I think you're wrong___

_I think you're already leaving_   
_Feels like your hand is on the door_   
_I thought this place was an empire_   
_Now I'm relaxed, I can't be sure_

She fiddled idly with the rim of her Coke, watching Spike pummel Xander at the tables. Dawn had grown bored and snagged a boy from school to dance with. God, why did he have to be so infuriating? One minute, he was everything. He was fire, passion, gentleness, and love. The next, he was aloof, irritating, and distant. Spike was like a roller coaster, up and down, something different and new at every time. She never knew what he was going to do next, couldn't anticipate it like she could an attack. It made her mad at him. Why couldn't he just be one thing, instead of all these everythings? That way, she wouldn't go on this long emotional ride, going high then plummeting down. If he would just stop surprising her, maybe she'd know how to treat him. She could be nice to him, or she could hate him. It should have been that easy. 

_And I think you're so mean_   
_I think we should try_   
_I think I could need_   
_This in my life_   
_And I think I'm scared_   
_I think too much_   
_I know its wrong that's the reason_   
_I'm feeling_

Maybe she should make him leave. She realized it would be easier for her, she wouldn't be feeling like this. Like she had been dropped off by the emotional tornado into the land of Spike Oz. But then, she realized that was what she had done with Riley. He had been too predictable. She had known how to deal with him. And then he finally lost it, snapped, and strove to be different, dark, for her. He had tried to change for her. Spike changed by his own volition, and forced her to deal with him on each level, instead of passively, as she had with Riley. It was what made her want to kill him, but stopped her from doing so all together. She sighed. Maybe she should make him leave; go to LA or something. It would definitely make her think less about this entire mess. Forget how much Dawn would miss him. Or about how much she would miss him, too.   
After a second, she sighed in frustration. What kind of a slayer was she when she didn't even have the heart to make a vampire leave? 

_If you're gone_   
_Maybe it's time to come home_   
_There's an awful lot of breathing room_   
_But I can hardly move_   
_If you're gone_   
_Maybe you need to come home_   
_Come home_   
_There's a little bit of something me_   
_In every thing in you_   
__

He hated her. Hated her for making him love everything about her so completely. It made him helpless when he saw her, made his knees shake and figuratively took his breath away, like a schoolboy. He hated her for making him love this feeling he got when he was around her.   
Xander gasped when Spike missed an easy shot, hearing the vampire curse to himself. "Not concentrating tonight, Spike, ole' chap?" he asked, taking advantage of the easy shot himself.   
Spike growled. "Somethin' like that."   
"Something to do with our old friend Captain America?"   
Spike's eyebrow quirked slightly at the reference. "Captain America?"   
"Hey, I made that one up, okay?" Xander replied, sinking the ball easily. "You have Captain Commando and Cap'n Cardboard. I made Captain America."   
"It's not bad," Spike admitted, allowing a little smile. "But no, I'm not thinking of that wanker."   
Xander shrugged. "I do my best. What with all the nicknames you deal. Um… it's about Buffy then?" he asked, taking his next shot and missing completely.   
Spike stepped up and did the same. He cursed under his breath. He needed to concentrate if he was going to keep his undefeated winning streak against Harris. "Yeah."   
"You two got cozy on the dance floor."   
Spike's features softened visibly. "Yeah."   
"How was it?" Xander asked, almost nonchalantly.   
Spike eyed him, and he gave the vampire his best, 'you can confide in me' look. Sighing, Spike relented, propping his pool stick on the floor so he could polish off his beer. "It was the closest to heaven I've ever been," he said after a while. "And now I know I have to forget it ever happened."   
  
_I bet you're hard to get over_   
_I bet the room just won't shine_   
_I bet my hands I can stay here_   
_And I bet you need, more than you mind___

_And I think you're so mean_   
_I think we should try_   
_I think I could need_   
_This in my life_   
_And I think I'm just scared_   
_That I know too much_   
_I can't relate and that's a problem I'm feeling_

"Why?"   
Spike was thrown from his brooding at Xander's question. "What do you mean why? I'm a monster remember? All evil and no good. I thought you knew this, Harris."   
Xander shrugged. "You seem like a pretty decent guy when you peel back the less than attractive exterior personality."   
The vampire was skeptical. "And why's that?"   
"You helped Buffy on the tower with Glory that one night."   
He snorted. "Fat lot of good that did anyone."   
"You tried. That's all we could ask for anyway, right?" Xander winced as he made his next shot go too wide. "And after Buffy…erm…went on that really long vacation? You slayed. You got bones broken, and cut, and ripped and bitten, and she wasn't even around to give you brownie points for it. I figure you were past the brownie points and getting to the caring area around then. And when you ignored the chip to punch that guy that was harassing Tara for her lifestyle choices a month ago? That was proof that you were passed the care area and all up into the friend area."   
Spike was oddly touched by the display. "Friend I may be Harris, but monster is always on top of that."   
"You still didn't answer my question."   
The vampire regarded the young man warily. After a minute, he pulled out a cigarette and lit it, a sure sign that he was going to talk. Spike looked at Dawn on the dance floor with her friend, and decided she would be all right without his attention for a bit. "You loved her once, didn't you, Harris?"   
Xander nodded. "Yeah. Long time ago. At least, I think I loved her. Not so sure anymore."   
"I watched you two dance once, out on that very floor you know. She was like a cat. All sleek and graceful. I saw the way you looked at her out there. Do you remember how it felt?"   
"Like I was going to explode?" Xander offered.   
"Yeah. Something like that." Spike puffed his cigarette thoughtfully. "I felt that tonight. I felt like she was everywhere and I was drowning. I was surrounded, and it was lovely. It was heaven. Then it ended, too fast, for my liking. She was gone. And I know I'll never get that again. Not from her. She let go tonight for a little bit, but she won't let herself slip again. That was all I got, my crumbs." He laughed to himself. "I'll probably die trying to touch the sun," he muttered. "Maybe I should just leave. Get out of town, get away from her. Maybe I'll stop loving her then, and it won't be such torture."   
  
_If you're gone_   
_Maybe it's time to come home_   
_There's an awful lot of breathing room_   
_But I can hardly move_   
_If you're gone_   
_Maybe you need to come home_   
_Come home_   
_There's a little bit of something me_   
_In every thing in you_

"Leave?" Xander asked. "You couldn't."   
Spike growled. "Why not?"   
"You promised Dawn, for one. And you care too much to just turn around now." Xander sunk another shot, as if proving his point.   
"How do you know I care?" Spike fumed. He hated this, the assumption that he was soft, pathetic. He hated that he needed anyone. "I'm a monster, remember?" he added, punctuating his argument with the inarguable.   
"You keep telling yourself that, Spike. If that's what comforts you." 

_I think you're so mean_   
_I think we should try_   
_I think I could need_   
_This in my life_   
_And I think I'm just scared_   
_Do I talk too much?_   
_I know it's wrong_   
_That's the problem_   
_I'm feeling___

_If you're gone_   
_Maybe it's time to come home_   
_There's an awful lot of breathing room_   
_But I can hardly move_   
_If you're gone_   
_Maybe you need to come home_   
_Come home_   
_There's a little bit of something me_   
_In every thing in you_

She watched him from across the room, noting that Willow and Tara had taken to the dance floor, while Anya went to collect her fiancée for a dance before they left. Buffy looked around, suddenly realizing how alone she was. She saw Spike wave Xander off to go dance with Anya, insisting. She watched him finish the game by himself before polishing off his beer and plopping down at the bar. He looked around, studying Tara and Willow, and smiled crookedly. He turned in Dawn's direction, and clenched his jaw when he saw her slow dancing with one of her schoolmates, a silly grin on her face. He made as if to move in-between them. Buffy agreed that the two seemed a little closer than they should be. But he stopped himself and sat back down, running a hand through his hair, looking at the girl in part frustration, part adoration.   
His gaze landed on her a second after, and he was surprised to see her looking back. They caught and held each other's eyes for a moment, before she looked away, back down at the table.   
Buffy sighed and fiddled with her straw, looking at the empty table around her, and then to her friends on the dance floor. Buffy alone again. Spike alone again, too. She finished off her drink without much flourish, and rested her head in her hand, watching them dance with their significant others. Maybe if Riley hadn't left… she shook her head. She was still too annoyed at him. Who was he, to march into her life after a nearly a year of absence, and tell her who she could dance with? The slayer turned back towards the bar and Spike, but he wasn't there anymore. She frowned. 

TBC... 


	8. chapter 8

ImitorVitaProAmor8   
Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG* 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 8**   


"Hey Bite Size, mind if I borrow you for a second?" Spike tapped Dawn's shoulder while she danced with her friend.   
"What's up Spike?" Dawn frowned, seeing his tight, 'I don't care about anything' expression on his face.   
He pulled the young girl into a private corner. "I'm gonna go ducks. Think 've worn out my welcome with big sis."   
"Don't be silly Spike, this is a public place. You can stay here as long as you want," Dawn pouted.   
"Sorry luv..." he frowned, hating to disappoint her. "Look...Nibblet...I just think its a good idea if I laid low for a little bit." he couldn't look her in the eyes. "I've ruffled your sis' doilies enough to know when enough is enough."   
Dawn's heart was pounding. "Whaddya mean?"   
Spike heard her heartbeat become agitated. "I think 'm gonna stay outta your sis' hair a bit is all..."   
Dawn bit her lip with worry. She knew he was thinking of leaving. "Spike..." she whispered. "Please don't leave. I need you."   
Spike's undead heart broke. He kissed her forehead. "I'll always be here for you luv." He smiled, trying to let her down easy.   
She felt tears spring to her eyes as he eased away, turning his back to her. "Spike!"   
He turned worried blue eyes to her.   
"I love you..." she stated. He just smiled tenderly, then turned, striding away in silence.   
Dawn turned to her friend.   
"Everything ok?" he asked, concerned. Dawn shrugged her shoulders halfheartedly, not having the strength to speak aloud. She was worried. 

Buffy searched by the pool table, hoping Spike would appear there. He wasn't. She sighed. Well, at least with him gone she could stop thinking about him. Yeah, right. She rolled one of the pool balls across the red table. Her mind flashbacked to earlier that night, and she thought about dancing with Spike. It was almost like an out of body experience...as if someone else had taken over her and let her dance with him. It felt so...God, she hated to say it...good. She leaned against the pool table, a tiny smile playing on her lips. The way he purred made her tingle and her heart pound. It was so stimulating. The fact that she could do that to the big bad vampire, make him react so extremely, made her tingle inside. She just couldn't seem to get enough of it. Her heart jumped at the memory, wanting suddenly to be close to him. She sighed, knowing she shouldn't let herself be a slave to such thoughts. The way she acted earlier really scared her. It made her think about things that were probably better left buried. Like the question, if Spike could be so good...than how come Angelus couldn't have changed for her?? She groaned, tossing a ball into one of the pockets.   
"That's cheatin', luv..." the sound of Spike's deep, rich brogue interrupted her musings.   
Buffy jumped, turning. "I thought you'd gone back to your crypt..."   
"Don't worry, 'm bout to get out of your hair, slayer..." he put his hands up in defense.   
"You don't have to leave cuz of me," she couldn't believe what she was saying. Not more than a few minutes ago she was complaining about him being here. Now that he was this close, she didn't want him to leave.   
Spike studied her. She seemed scared of him, in a not so 'ooh you're the big bad' type way, but a 'now that you're important to me you have the potential to really hurt me' sort of way. It was odd. "C'mon Buffy. I know you don't want me around..."   
"Spike, about before..." she started interrupting him. He raised his brows with curiosity. "I...I..." she stuttered, staring in his blue eyes.   
"I know... I'm sorry… I didn't mean to get all..." he looked away from her. "Well…the whole purring bit..." if he could blush he would. "Can't control it..."   
Buffy wanted to tell him how cute it had seemed. Instead, all she managed to choke out was a lame, "It's okay." 

_And I'd give up forever to touch you_   
_Cause I know that you can feel me somehow_   
_You're the closest to heaven that 'll ever be_   
_And I don't want to go home right now_

For a long time, they just stood, staring at once another uncomfortably. It was suddenly silent as the song ended. "I'm sorry if I messed up things with you and your poof... er…Riley…" he continued. He was arguing with himself inside about how to tell her he was leaving.   
She sighed. "He's not my poof, Spike." She paused. "I'm sorry he attacked you... again..."   
"I'm not made of glass luv, 'll live..or well...you know...un-live." He shrugged. 

She needed answers. She needed to know what exactly happened between them tonight, but she was scared of the answer. She was scared all together. Spike could see her growing more and more uncomfortable. With each passing moment he knew leaving had to be the right thing. He groaned. If he was going, he was gonna go with a bang, not fade into the background like his Poofter of a Grandsire. He cupped her cheek, cooling her hot skin with his touch. 

_Say goodnight not good-bye_   
_You will never leave my heart behind_   
_Like the path of a star_   
_I'll be anywhere you are___

_In the spark that lies beneath the coals_   
_In the secret place inside your soul_   
_Keep my light in your eyes_   
_Say goodnight not good-bye_

"Look Buffy..." he leaned in closer. "I know what you think of me, I know what a monster I am in your eyes. I know you try to overlook it because we're friends. Thank you for giving me that chance at least." He paused. "I said this once before, but 'll say it once more... I know that you could never love me, I know 'm a monster, and you're right about it. But thank you for givin' me the benefit of the doubt tonight. And thank you, for our dance..."   
Buffy's eyes found his icy blue ones. She tried to read him, but he wasn't letting on to anything, not now.   
"I know you want to try and work things out with Captain America," he paused, mentally thanking Xander for the new ammo. There was a bout of silence between them, while he tried to force himself to do what was best for both of them. He just couldn't spit out the words. What he wanted to say was, 'm going to leave, so you can be happy'. But, he just couldn't say it. "I don't mean to get in the way. Our friendship isn't as special as what you shared with him. He's human." He bit back the bitter taste in his throat. He just wasn't getting this out the way he'd like. "Listen luv, 'm gonna go now. Get outta your hair." he chickened out. William the Bloody chickened out. "If you ever need me...'ll be there." 

_Don't you fear when you dream_   
_Waking up is never what it seems_   
_Like a jewel buried deep___

_Like a promise meant to keep_   
_You are everything you want to be_   
_So just let your heart reach out to me_   
_I'll be right by your side_   
_Say goodnight not good-bye_

Buffy couldn't understand what Spike was trying to get at. His thoughts and expressions were so jumbled. She watched him, trying to understand.   
Seeing her confusion, he saw his opportunity, and seized it, wondering absently as he did, if he would come out of the club fitting in a vacuum cleaner. He dove in quickly, before she could move, and pressed a gentle, lingering kiss against her left temple. "Goodbye Buffy...." With that, he stalked off, duster flapping behind him like a harbinger of bad tidings.   
Buffy turned, in shock. Her cheek felt white hot from his lips and she couldn't believe how quickly he'd disappeared. Without hearing a word she had to say at that. He didn't seem to want to hear anything she had to say. It felt strange. Something inside her broke, and she didn't quite understand why. Just yet. "Goodnight Spike..." she whispered. 

_You are everything you want to be_   
_So just let your heart reach out to me_   
_Keep my light in your eyes_   
_Say goodnight, not good-bye_

He walked outside, willing himself not to turn around and look at her one more time. He really didn't know what he was going to do with himself. He needed to get away, give both he and Buffy a chance to breathe on their own. Walking down the alley by the Bronze, he already missed her. Her and Dawn. He hated himself for having to do this to Dawn and leave. For three months he had been her whole world, and she his. They had held on to each other in their grief, because they had had no one to turn to. No one else felt as they did for their part in Buffy's death. No one had their guilt over it. If Spike had been faster, fiercer, stronger. If Dawn had jumped before Buffy could stop her. Theirs had been a bond of pain and quietly sobbed reassurances. If it hadn't been for her, he might have just ended it all, to stop the pain. But she had needed him, he'd needed her, and he had had a promise to keep. It was most likely, the only reason he was still alive at this very moment.   
Sighing, the vampire leaned against the wall at the end of the alley; the very one he had come to earlier. He pulled out a cigarette, not seeing the harm in lingering a bit to console the part of his heart that would always be here, with them. He flipped his lighter, causing a spark and sighed as the smoke poured into him. He would have to give these up, if he stayed here, he mused. It was an excuse he was giving to convince himself that leaving was better. Yeah right. He snorted. Smokes VS Buffy. He would quit cold turkey if she asked him to. He would never even crave the blasted things again, if she wanted him to. But, he reminded himself; he was leaving. So it didn't matter. He leaned up against the wall, and listened to the music wafting from the club, puffing on his smoke quietly as he remembered the feel of her in his arms, and the smell of her, and the look of her. It would be his fondest memory from now until eternity. 

_If you wanna know…___

_Tomorrow morning I have to leave_   
_But wherever I may be_   
_Best believe I'm thinking of you_   
_I can't believe how much I love you_

Back at the Bronze, Buffy had wandered back to her table, plopping down onto a seat that faced the door. What did he mean, getting out of her hair? She sighed. It seemed about time she drove another man away from her, friend or not. They always left her, to give her time, to let her think, to let her be normal, because she wasn't good enough, because she wasn't dependant. So many reasons, the same result. They left. She touched her face, where he had kissed her. She ached like she was missing something. 

_All we have is here tonight_   
_We don't want to waste this time_   
_Give me something to remember_   
_Baby put your lips on mine_

She listened to the music in the club, watching Xander and Anya dance, Willow and Tara. They all looked so content, in the arms of someone, just moving to the music, nothing else on their mind. She remembered the feel of her dance with Spike, and she imagined it was he and she there again, just dancing. Forgetting the world. She closed her eyes, sighing to herself. Just one dance. 

_And I'll love you forever_   
_Anytime that we find ourselves apart_

He pictured her in his arms, happy and content, as if the world around them had disappeared at there was only them, in their moment. He sighed and shoved his hands into his duster pockets, imagining her pressed against him. They fit so well. It felt so right, so perfect. But it was wrong. Every part of it was wrong. The world dictated that there could be no Buffy and Spike. He hated that; he hated rules. Always had. But when the whole world was against you, what could you do? He puffed on his cigarette. He could dream. He could imagine. And he had his memory. He shut his eyes lightly, listening to the music, picturing them dancing again, in his mind. It soothed him some. 

_Just close your eyes_   
_And you'll be here with me_   
_Just look to your heart_   
_And that's where I'll be_   
_If you just close your eyes_   
_Till your drifting away_   
_You'll never be too far from me_   
_If you close your eyes_

She wondered what he was thinking now, walking away from her to his crypt. Did it hurt him? She knew he loved her. She knew he was doing this to make life easier for her. But it didn't seem easier. She wondered how a soulless vampire could have more heart than men who did have their souls. He would be walking, and she could see him muttering to himself, cursing himself for being a wanker, but not really meaning it because deep down inside he knew he was doing the right thing.   
How would it be, all of a sudden? Him being in the shadows instead of in the foreground for a while? Staying in his crypt all the time instead of coming to Movie night, or Bronze night? What would the others say? Would it be weird without him? Stranger than it had been with him? 

_I know I'm gonna see you again_   
_But promise me that you won't forget_   
_Cause as long as you remember_   
_A part of us will be together_   
_So even when you're fast asleep_   
_Look for me inside your dreams_   
_Keep believing in what we're sharing_   
_And even when I'm not there to tell you_

_I'll, I'll love you forever_   
_Anytime that I can't be where you are_

He realized, somewhere in the back of his mind, that he should leave now, before he chickened out and rushed back in, telling her he would never go. He had to keep reminding himself it was easier if he vanished for a bit. She needed to sort out her life, and he needed to learn to deal with these feelings. He wondered if he should visit LA, maybe see the grand poof, and get some advice on how to deal with loving someone so much it made everything about you ache all the time. Like he loved her. He had to go. He banged the back of his head against the wall, because something stopped him for a bit. Maybe he wanted to finish out the dance in his imagination, finish this song out.   
  
_Just close your eyes_   
_And you'll be here with me_   
_Just look to your heart_   
_And that's where I'll be_   
_If you just close your eyes_   
_Till your drifting away_   
_You'll never be too far from me_   
_If you close your eyes___

_Is there anywhere that far?_   
_Anytime you're feeling low_   
_Is there anywhere that love cannot reach?_   
_Oh no_   
_It could be anywhere on earth_   
_It could be anywhere I'll be_   
_Oh baby if you want to see___

_Just close your eyes_   
_And you'll be here with me_   
_Look to your heart_   
_That's where you'll be_   
_Just close your eyes_   
_Till your drifting away_   
_You'll never be too far from me_

As the strains faded out and another song started, he pushed himself upright and put out his cigarette, exhaling the last of the smoke from his long dead lungs. It was time to go. Striding with purpose this time, he headed for his crypt. He would go to LA. Far enough to think but, close enough to come back the moment anyone needed him. With new purpose, he strode towards his crypt. He and Buffy, they'd both be okay without each other for a bit. 

"Buffy?"   
She was startled out of her reverie by Dawn. "Oh. Hey Dawnie. How was your dance?" she asked, trying to keep from sounding too distracted. "A boyfriend on the horizon I should be working on scaring off?"   
Dawn shrugged. "I just saw Spike," she stated, ignoring the boyfriend statement. It would be Spike's job to scare him off, in the future, as far as she was concerned. Buffy was the one that was supposed to take her side and tease him about it later. "He said he needed to go."   
Buffy nodded. "Yeah. He said he'd lay low for a while."   
"No…" Dawn trailed off. "He said he needed to GO."   
The slayer's eyes narrowed. "You mean…"   
"He's leaving," Dawn nodded. "I was looking for you to tell you…but you weren't here."   
"I was talking to him." Buffy paused. "He said goodbye," she said softly. His words echoed around her, like a haunting love ballad. He'd said goodbye. Not, I'll see you later, not good night, not, 'til next time. He'd said goodbye. 

_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_So much that the earth moved_   
_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_Even though it hurt to?___

_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_Nothing else the heart could do_   
_Did you ever love somebody,_   
_Who never knew?_

"Buffy, you can't let him leave."   
She was almost startled at how the voice in her head and Dawn said the exact thing at the exact time. "Dawn, I can't do anything about it. If he wants to go, it's his choice."   
Dawn looked incredulous. "Buffy! You can do something about it! It's always been you."   
"Dawn, what are you talking about? I can't keep him here."   
The younger girl barely kept herself from screaming, eyes looking beseechingly at her sister. "God, he LOVES you Buffy! All you'd have to do is ask him, and he'd stay!" 

_Did you ever lay your head down_   
_On the shoulder of a good friend?_   
_And then have to look away somehow_   
_Had to hide the way you felt for them_

"I know that Dawn! Maybe he just needed to get away from me."   
"Maybe he thought you wanted to get away from him!" Dawn stated back, just as vehemently.   
The reasonable part of Buffy screamed at her to argue that Spike could very well do as he pleased, here, or not. The small part of her that cared about him told her to go and demand that he stay, because it needed him. It seemed like the reasonable part was winning now, telling her that it would be giving him the wrong idea, if she asked him to stay.   
  
_Have you ever prayed the day would come?_   
_You'd hear them say they feel it too_   
_Did you ever love somebody,_   
_Who never knew?_   
  
She knew he would do it, too, if she asked him too. He'd walk into sunlight or bathe in holy water, if she'd needed him to. Dawn knew it too. Perhaps, Dawn had known it before Buffy had. "I…I can't."   
"Why?" Her little sister's hand rested against her arm, squeezing it gently. "Why not?" 

_And if you did,_   
_Well, you know I'd understand_   
_I could I would_   
_More than anybody can_

"Why? I can't because, it's…" she trailed off. Was it wrong? If it was right to let him go, why did it make her feel so terrible?   
"It's what Buffy? Wrong?" Dawn asked.   
"Yes, it's wrong."   
"You were going to ask Riley to stay!"   
"But that was different… he and I …"   
"Maybe you're just scared." 

_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_So much that the earth moves_   
_Did you ever love somebody,_   
_Even though it hurt to?_

Buffy looked at her sister. Scared? Why would she be scared? He was harmless… he loved her. Love scared her; it was true. The hurt just never stopped. And she couldn't love him. The world told her she couldn't love him. The reasonable part of herself told her she didn't love him; that she never would. But there was still that small part of her that cried out for his touch, his smell, his love.   
Yes, she was scared. "Oh god," she whispered to herself. "I have to go…" she looked at her sister, who just nodded. "I have to talk to him." 

_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_Nothing else your heart could do_   
_Did you ever love somebody?_   
_Like I love you_   
_Like I love you_   
_Like I love you_

Spike entered his crypt, mind working fluidly. He would get the bare necessities, clothes, and money, what blood he had in the fridge. His one remaining picture of Buffy. The one Dawn had given him, because she'd said she'd needed something to look at, that was just Buffy. She'd said he needed one too. They'd even gone to get it framed. She was beautiful in that picture, golden haired and happy. Genuinely happy. He wondered what had brought that smile to her face. Had it been Riley? Dawn? Joyce? Her other friends? He wondered what it would take, to get a smile like that for him.   
Sighing, he stuffed his clothing into a duffle bag he had gotten from the back of his car, and gently put the picture on top of everything. Then with purpose, he emptied the fridge of beer and the two packets of blood he had. If he left now, he'd get to LA by three, plenty of time to find a place to stay before sunup.   
Fully packed, he jumped the back wall of the cemetery into the street, where his DeSoto was parked. He loaded his belongings into the back seat, and tossed his case of beer onto the passenger side. He would probably need that soon.   
He should have been pleased with himself. He had packed in less than 10 minutes, gotten everything planned and settled. He was ready to go. Then why did he feel like the reprise of his bloody grandsire, leaving the one person he loved more than anything else in the world, in the middle of the night, to an uncertain future? He growled low in his throat and made for the driver's side of the car. Then, he heard a scream.   
Ignoring the part of his head that said the PTB's were giving him a sign, he debated whether or not he should go, see what all the distress was about. He didn't need to do good anymore; he'd be leaving. Buffy wouldn't be around to watch him, or Dawn, or the Scoobies. He could just ignore it… leave. Go now.   
Giving an aggravated snarl, he slammed his car door shut and scrambled back towards the forests behind the cemetery, where the sound had come from. He was getting softer, as he grew older, and the Slayer's influence wasn't helping. Part of him wanted to walk around and take off in the DeSoto, while the other part of him was thinking about some poor girl getting ripped apart by a group of fangs. Was that girl as important to someone as Buffy and Dawn were to him? Would he be responsible for shattering someone's entire world if he didn't go after her? He couldn't bear the thought. Taking off at a sprint towards the smell of human fear, he ducked low, edging along the shadows at a ground eating pace. 

Buffy entered Spike's cemetery at a brisk pace 15 minutes later, senses on alert in case of danger. Part of her knew that there would be no trouble here. Apparently, Spike had been thorough in his clean up after Buffy had died. Willy had said there was a rumor in the demon underground that Spike had gone completely nuts and killed every demon in his path after the death of the slayer. Demons were told to avoid him. He was generally feared, as much as he had been during his days as the Sunnydale master. He had been the boogey man of the boogey men. A fearsome, destructive force of pure anguish. She didn't doubt it.   
She found herself at the door to his crypt, and contemplated knocking or barging in. She tapped the back of her hand against the door twice, and waited a second. When there was no answer, she pushed herself inside. "Spike?"   
Her eyes searched desperately. "Spike?!" she called, louder this time, her voice a little more shrill. She tore apart the crypt, searching for him; in the tunnels below where he'd first chained her up with Drusilla, hoping that he was hiding, moping, hell, even smoking. But he was nowhere to be found. It looked like she'd done a bang up job again. The one person who never seemed to go away as much as she'd get annoyed and angry with, had gone. She was definitely the queen of chasing men away. Even William the Bloody got tired of her. She scaled the ladder back up to the mail floor and looked lazily around the crypt, before falling into his armchair.   
To her surprise tears trickled down her face. Why'd she let him go in the first place?! So what if Spike would've gotten the wrong impression if she asked him to stay?! At least he'd still be here. If there were never to be a Spike and Buffy romance, at least they had been amazing partners in battle. Buffy pondered why she could trust the vamp with her life, but not her heart.   
The room was still dark, and she took a moment to try and adjust to it, hoping she would see him appear out of the shadows at any second, like he had done on occasion upon occasion. But instinctively, she knew she wouldn't. She couldn't feel him. Sighing, she flipped on the lamp at his table, and looked around the empty crypt once more. The fridge was open; empty. The picture of her that Dawn had given him was gone. He had missed a shirt while packing, and it laid on the floor in a heap, a testament to his speedy departure. "Wow, when you drive 'em out, you really drive 'em out," Buffy muttered to herself, fighting past that feeling of hopelessness and loss swelling in her chest. She got up off the armchair and walked across the crypt, and picking up the forgotten shirt. A black silk button up with white dragons twisting around the sleeves like wisps of smoke. She studied it, smelled it. It smelled like him. She tucked it into her arm, the last sign of him she might ever see.   
She crossed the room again, and sat down, staring at the blank television screen for a moment. He'd be watching Passions, or Dawson's Creek if he were here, she realized. He liked that Pacey character. Something about how Dawson might be Joey's soul mate, but Pacey was her equal. He could become her soul mate. She absently rubbed the material of his shirt with her fingers, and told herself she wasn't going to cry. He had been her friend. And he could be back again, one day.   
So for now, she thought about him. When they'd slain together they always moved as one, as a team. She knew where he'd be at all times and what he was doing. She thought like he did, as if their minds and body's were of the same spirit. When they fought, he was the one person she didn't feel she needed to keep an eye on like Riley, or Xander or any of the Scoobies... He was an asset in the slaying department, and, though she had been the slowest to admit it, in the friendship department. As a friend, she shouldn't have let him leave.   
She brought her knees to her chest, hugging them close. She leaned her head back and was enveloped in the essence of him. His scent surrounded her like a lazy, smoky blanket. The leather, cigarettes, and warm scent of him was and forever would be, embedded in the over worn old chair. She sighed heavily, her heart feeling leaden. How was it that she would put her life in Spike's hands, but she couldn't even ponder giving him her heart? If he was good enough to be her friend, good enough to trust with her life, how was it he wasn't worthy of her heart? He was the one who knew all of her, knew what it was like to live an un-normal life, to be the Slayer. The only one who really knew her at all.   
She tried to reconcile that thought with the fact that he was a killer, and that the chip was the only thing standing between him and a murderous rampage. But then again, she had to ask, was it really that chip that she thought made Spike the man he'd become? No, of course, it had to be. Vampires just didn't change, they stayed, as they were; violent and bloodthirsty and remorseless. It's not possible for them to truly love! If it was possible... then why hadn't Angelus been able to subdue the nature of his demon? She screamed internally, pounding her fist on the arm of the chair. Why did she constantly compare Spike with Angelus?! Just because they were both evil didn't mean they were equal. Angelus had always been a cruel and heartless bastard. Even as a 'big bad' Spike wasn't as nasty. He'd helped her back then too, just for the sake of saving the world. And to get him and Dru out safe of course, but he'd ultimately done it for love. She stopped breathing a moment. He'd LOVED Dru. Her mind reflected back on the night Spike made her go on that fake stakeout, and nearly confessed his love for her. She'd said some horrible things to him. She'd told him it wasn't possible for him to feel love for her or anyone.   
She'd told him he was like a locked up serial killer waiting to break free. She'd said that the chip was the entire reason behind his sudden change of heart. The question was; what could possibly have been in it that made Spike do a total 360'? No, of course not. Computers weren't that advanced. They didn't tell a person, undead or not, what to do, how to feel, who to love. Was it Dawn, then? He loved that little girl with all his undead life... had it been her that made him change? Or had it been something completely different? Perhaps, boredom… tired of being the 'big bad'? Was it because Dru left him? No matter how much the chip kept him from killing the innocent, it never made him risk his life helping her and the Scoobies, Buffy could admit that now. And it never made him fall in love with her. It never made him want to keep promises to a little girl and her big sister, or look out for their best interests even at the cost of his life. Spike had done that, still did that, on his own. He chose to do those things because deep down, he'd do anything for Buffy Summers. Anything for her love. A love she'd never return. He'd known that, yet he'd still been there. He'd known she'd never love him.   
Sighing to herself, she realized she wished she had told him. The night she had died, he had said he knew she'd never love him. That he was a monster. She had wanted to tell him there, that he wasn't a monster. She had wanted to tell him maybe she might love him one day. But there hadn't been time. There hadn't been enough of her to think about that with everything else going on. She had wanted to tell him when she came back too, but things had been awkward. And lately… she hadn't thought about it. He had been there, with her, and she had decided that was enough. He had been her friend.   
Now, he was gone again. And she hadn't told him. She hadn't told him that he was more of a man than anyone could ever have known. She hadn't told him that she could maybe love him, one day. She hadn't thanked him for staying strong and taking care of Dawn and the rest of them, or taking her slaying duties. She hadn't apologized for being so terrible to him during their problems with Glory. She hadn't told him that Joey chose Pacey over Dawson because he was more than her equal, or her soul mate. She hadn't fought enough with him. Hadn't seen enough of that smirk, or that spark they had when they battled, together or against each other. They hadn't danced enough.   
She brought the shirt up to her face and rubbed it against her cheek. They hadn't danced enough. Buffy buried her head in his scent and wept.   


TBC...   



	9. Chapter 9

ImitorVitaProAmor9 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG* 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 9**   
**** ****

Spike skidded to a stop near the new end of the cemetery just at the border to the woods, where all the fresh headstones were being plotted. His keen eyes searched the dark, seeing something sparking like lightning just ahead. He sprinted towards it, and the sound of electricity charging and zapping rang in his ears. And as he stumbled upon the scene, he came to see a young girl near Dawn's age was lying on the floor, eyes wide and frightened. She was crying and backing up against a headstone. The look on her face made him think of his Platelet, and he growled internally.   
Spike followed the girl's gaze to a tall demon with blue, yellow and white light illuminating off of its skin, like a freakishly twisted variation on the Aurora Borealis. He sizzled and buzzed with electricity. "What the bloody hell are you?!" Spike questioned, puzzled face on. The demon didn't speak but instead, the buzzing grew louder and a bolt of electricity zapped out, setting a patch of grass at Spike's feet on fire.   
The girl screamed again as a small flame erupted. Spike moved quickly, rushing to her side and keeping a wary eye on his opponent, who's crackling seemed to grow louder with each passing second. He lifted her from the ground as if she weighed nothing. Making his voice gentle, so as not to frighten the poor lamb anymore than she had already been, he looked into her eyes. "Can you run?"   
She nodded, wide eyes on the demon, not Spike.   
"Then go on, get out of here..." Spike ordered, shoving her away from the monster.   
She ran off, not looking back. "Now... how to get rid of you..." Spike turned his game face on. "What I wouldn't give for a giant wall outlet to zap you into right now... you'd probably bloody power Sunnyhell for weeks!"   
The demon zapped another bolt at Spike, sending him scurrying out of the way. "Ya missed, General Electric..." Spike chuckled, though the shot had come alarmingly close. He suddenly froze, his undead heart breaking. He frowned thinking how much he sounded like the slayer.   
In his moment of weakness, the demon caught him off guard and sent another bolt of electricity at the vampire.   
This time Spike couldn't jump out of the way quickly enough. The bolt hit him and he feared catching fire and becoming a smoldering pile of gray dust. He vibrated with the shock of the blow, and was vaguely aware of the smell of burning hair. Another jolt sent him falling to the ground, smoke coming from his head. The vampire twitched in shock, the pain overcoming him. His whole body trembled as the white-hot current ran through his long dead veins, coursing through every inch of him. He cursed into the night air before passing out from the pain in his head.   
The demon moved towards the intruder it had knocked unconscious, as if wanting to touch it. But it suddenly reared back, realizing that the form held no life. It lacked the energy its master was searching for. So the hulking ball of condensed electricity left the demon lying there, because it would serve no purpose. It required life energy. 

It was nearly 2am when Buffy finally left his chair, taking his tear stained shirt with her. She slammed the crypt door close behind her with a finality. As much as she wanted to believe Spike would be back, she wouldn't allow herself to get her hopes up. They never came back.   
She'd walked home in record time, and all she wanted to do was get in her bed and close her scratchy, bloodshot eyes. One part of her was still in shock and disbelief while the other was numb to all thoughts or feeling. She hadn't felt so upset since Glory had taken Dawn from her. If someone had seen her at that moment, they would have realized Buffy has the same wide-eyed tortured expression on her face now as she had then.   
She slipped in the front door, locking it behind her. She was about to slip quietly up the stairs when Dawn appeared out of the shadows of the living room. "Buffy??"   
She didn't even jump or react to her sister's sudden presence. She just turned her wide eyes towards the young girl, biting her lip.   
Dawn saw her sister's distraught expression and for a moment, she dreaded that they'd fought again, and Buffy had killed Spike. "Oh God, what happened Buffy? Where's Spike?!" Buffy stared blankly at the younger girl. She didn't know how to break it to Dawn. It would shatter her heart.   
She gripped her shoulders. "Buffy, you're scaring me! Tell me what happened?!"   
"I'm sorry Dawnie. He...he's gone..." she stuttered her voice raspy.   
"What?" Dawn's heart plummeted to her feet. Tears immediately filled her eyes. "What do you mean?!"   
"He was already gone by the time I got there. I was too late, Dawnie. Spike left," Buffy explained, trying to keep calm, but seeing her sister so upset was making her cry all over again.   
"Nooooo...." Dawn howled, stomping her feet. She felt cold inside. "HE CAN'T BE GONE!"   
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry..." Buffy repeated over and over, touching her shoulder.   
Dawn shook off her hand like she'd been burned. "Don't touch me! It's all your fault!! This is ALL YOUR fault Buffy!! You made him leave!"   
"I didn't mean to!" she said with sincerity. "I didn't!"   
"It's your fault! I'll never forgive you for this! NEVER!" Dawn threatened with venom. "Never!" she stormed up the stairs, slamming her bedroom door shut.   
Buffy's shoulder's shook with sorrow. She'd really screwed up. She felt lost and alone for the first time in a long time. She stepped up the stairs slowly, walking into her room and stood with her arms wrapped around herself. She closed her eyes, wishing she could feel Spike close by, but she felt nothing at all. He was no place close. She threw his shirt on her bed and turned on her radio, slipping into bed beside the shirt. She curled up against it, breathing in the scent.   
Her mind drifted to tonight again, dancing with him. Everything seemed so different, like they were 2 different people then. Like the world around them didn't exist. 

_I have a smile_   
_Stretched from ear to ear_   
_To see you walking down the road___

_We meet at the lights_   
_I stare for a while_   
_The world around us disappears_

When they'd danced tonight nothing else seemed to matter. They held each other close and for once, it hadn't seemed as wrong as it was supposed to. In fact, it had felt right. They were two in the same. Had she seen it sooner, maybe things would be different. 

_Just you and me_   
_On this island of hope_   
_A breath between us could be miles___

_Let me surround you_   
_My sea to your shore_   
_Let me be the calm you seek_

She knew she cared for Spike. She wouldn't deny that anymore. Whether it was love or not, she wasn't sure. She wanted to know, wanted to discover what reasons the vampire had to choose to be good; why he chose to love the one person he should never love, why he was all the things he was. But now, she wasn't sure she'd ever find out. 

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_   
_There's too much I can't say_   
_And you just walk away___

_And I forgot_   
_To tell you_   
_I love you_

She closed her eyes so tight they burned. She huffed, breathing heavily from crying. "Spike...please come back..." she begged. But she knew the plea was empty. They never came back. 

_And the night's_   
_Too long_   
_And cold here_   
_Without you_   
_I grieve in my condition_   
_For I cannot find the strength to say I need you so_

She could be the slayer, and show such physical strength, such emotional strength to battle demons everyday and risk her life. It all seemed so routine and easy that she never thought she had a weakness. Her weakness was the inability to admit she needed help sometimes and that she needed love. A cold chill made her shiver and she grew uncomfortable. She was so alone. 

_Oh and every time I'm close to you_   
_There's too much I can't say_   
_And you just walk away___

_And I forgot_   
_To tell you_   
_I love you___

_And the night's_   
_Too long_   
_And cold here_   
_Without you_

Spike's eyes shot open and he gasped for air that he didn't need. He felt odd right away. His head was pounding and searing. His undead heart accelerated for a moment, and his lungs filled with air. Then it all went black and his heart stopped and he no longer needed to breathe. He was scared with the momentary brush with life. It must have been some type of side effect to the electrocution. He was just glad it hadn't been hot enough to torch him completely. Though he was sure he was burned in some places. He groaned, his whole body aching. He moved his legs, trying to sit up. The world moved in circles and for a moment he thought he'd drank too much had a real bad hangover. But the searing pain in his head was so different than anything he'd felt before. He put a hand to his head and he hissed from the heat scorching his hand. He finally got his feet under him and stood.   
"Spike!!" Buffy's voice filled his ears.   
He stared ahead, eyes trying to focus. "Buffy?" He stumbled forward, nearly falling over. "That you, luv?"   
"Oh God, Spike, what happened to you?!" Buffy panicked looking over his burns. Even his hair was singed.   
"Some electric problems..." Spike shrugged. He leaned into the petite blonds arms. "I'll be all right now luv, you're here..."   
"Oh Spike, I'll take care of you..." she hugged him close.   
He smiled. "I need you Buffy. I need you so much. I love you. I can't live without you..." he purred.   
"Spike... I love you too!" Buffy proclaimed.   
He smiled, resting his weight on her. He felt so serene, so calm.   
Suddenly her voice was screeching at him. "Get off! Get off me!!"   
Spike's head shot up and he was no longer in Buffy's arms, but the young girl he'd saved from the demon. He stared with confusion at her, stumbling back. "What the..."   
"I... I think you're delusional mister..." she glared at him. "I came back to see if you were okay. I wanted to thank you for helping me..."   
Spike focused on the dark haired, short girl with some difficulty. She was slightly blurry. "Er, no problem..."   
"Looks like that thing electrocuted you...." she frowned. "You're all singed. You feel okay, other than the delusions?"   
"Just peachy," Spike hissed, his head throbbing.   
"Maybe we should take you to a hospital. It's nearly dawn. If we hurry we'll beat the morning rush..." the girl offered.   
"No!" Spike stepped back. "I'll be fine. You run on home..."   
"C'mon mister, you saved my life! At least lemme help you!" The girl grabbed his arm and started tugging.   
"No!" Spike shouted, tossing her off with more force than he had intended.   
She hit the ground with a soft thud. "Ow!"   
He waited for the shock in his brain from the chip. But there was nothing. No shock, no pain. Spike hit his head, wondering if he'd been dreaming this too.   
"Hey, that hurt!" the girl huffed.   
"Sor....sorry..." Spike shook his head. The throbbing was lessening and his eyesight was clearer. His vamp powers were already at work, helping to heal this horrid headache. But what about the chip... He picked the girl up and let her fall to the ground again.   
"Hey! Ow! Whats the big idea?!" she shouted.   
Nothing. Nothing at all. No zap, no pinch, no pain.   
Spike chuckled. "What the... Cor? Could it be?"   
"Okay, I really think you need some help. Other than the white hair, black nails bit. You're like psycho... That electric bolt really musta got you good..." the girl stood.   
"Cor! The bloody electricity short-circuited it! The sodden chip is deactivated! I'm not a bloody poof wanker no more!" Spike cried out for joy.   
"Okay..." the girl raised her brows.   
The sun started peaking through the clouds. He didn't have much time. He needed to get moving. "Thanks for coming back," Spike told the girl. "I'm fine, go on home."   
She shrugged, "You sure?"   
He nodded, still wearing his silly little school-boy grin.   
"Okay then. Thanks again..." She didn't wait this time, before taking off.   
Spike bit his lip, subduing his smile long enough to think about this seriously. What was going to do now? He wanted so badly to run to the slayer and tell her his good news. But... good grief...she'd never trust him if she knew. She might even stake him! She believed all this time that it was just the sodding chip that kept him from killing her and her friends. He snorted, thinking of how she put it. A serial killer in prison. No… he couldn't go to Buffy. She'd think the 'big bad' was back and he'd be a ruthless murderer in her eyes again. For a brief moment, Spike thought about it. He COULD go back to killing people now if he wanted to. Not that he would. The slayer changed him too much. She was in his gut, in his heart. For her, he'd still harm no one, because he couldn't stand to have to see that look on her face again, the one that told him he was the most disgusting dreg of the earth and defended no less than being squashed beneath the heel of a fashionable poof. He didn't know if he'd be able to live with himself if she ever looked at him like that again. He laughed bitterly to himself. It had never been the bloody chip that turned him to the good side; it had been her. Hell, it was always about her. It was because he loved Buffy.   
And she'd never feel the same. So he'd do what was best for them both. The situation tonight hadn't changed anything. He was still going to follow his initial plan, because now, it seemed even MORE sensible than before. He needed to leave, to sort things out without Buffy or Nibblet, or the Scoobies' influences. This had to be about him, his choice. He strode fast, back towards the DeSoto. In minutes the windows were covered in black, leaving the inside safe from the sunlight. He sat in the driver's seat, turning the engine. The radio blared in his ears and for a moment he sat. 

_What ravages of spirit_   
_conjured this tempestuous rage_   
_created you a monster_   
_broken by the rules of love_   
_and fate has lead you through it_   
_you do what you have to do_   
_and fate has led you through it_   
_you do what you have to do ..._

He knew Buffy's trust was in the chip and part of Spike feared what she may do now that the chip gone. A part of him was also afraid of himself, the raging killer he knew living inside of him that could burst out at any second if he wasn't careful. And Spike knew he'd never purposely endanger Dawn or Buffy, not if he could help it. He put the car in drive and pulled out, tires screeching, from the lot. 

_And I have the sense to recognize that_   
_I don't know how to let you go___

_Every moment marked_   
_With apparitions of your soul_   
_I'm ever swiftly moving_   
_Trying to escape this desire_   
_The yearning to be near you_   
_I do what I have to do_   
_The yearning to be near you_   
_I do what I have to do_   
_But I have the sense to recognize_

He sped up his car, burning rubber down the streets of Sunnydale as fast as he could. Where he'd go now and what he'd do was a toss up. He needed to find someplace to stay till sunset though. He needed to escape and he didn't know what led him to believe leaving Sunnydale would make his feelings for Buffy, or the awful uncertainty that was his future, disappear. 

_That I don't know how_   
_To let you go_   
_I don't know how_   
_To let you go_

He'd never escape the love for the slayer. He'd never be able to let go of it. He'd never run from anything in his life, until now. He ran and he'd keep on running. 

_A glowing ember_   
_Burning hot_   
_Burning slow_   
_Deep within I'm shaken by the violence_   
_Of existing for only you___

_I know I can't be with you_   
_I do what I have to do_   
_I know I can't be with you_   
_I do what I have to do_   
_And I have sense to recognize but_   
_I don't know how to let you go_   
_I don't know how to let you go_   
_I don't know how to let you go_

The Sunnydale sign flew by as he left the town behind, and his heart.   


Dawn sighed and turned on the clock radio on her table before plopping full length onto her bed and swiping ineffectually at a few tears that lingered on her face. She had felt bad about yelling at Buffy the moment she had slammed the door to her room, but damn it, if her sister would just see what the rest of the world already knew! She sniffed and pulled open her nightstand drawer, as the little radio played, pulling out a bundle of pictures from the side. Spike had hated taking pictures, but one flash of the puppy-dog face and he was hers to do as she pleased with. She'd begged the others to do her little photo session, because it was something she'd needed in lieu of Buffy's death. It helped her forget the bad that her life was for a just a little while, and helped her remember everything her sister had sacrificed herself for. She'd invited Spike, even though the others had been against it back then, but she'd convinced them to let him come. She'd needed him to be there. And as always, he'd came. She had even gotten a picture of him flashing an exaggerated piece sign and his "blank, happy surfer" face. He had been making fun of the way Xander hammed up for the photos and she had turned it on him unrepentantly, capturing the moment forever. He had vehemently tried to get the film back, but she'd begged for him to let her keep it, on the basis that she would show no one once it had been developed. 

_Didn't they say that I would make a mistake_   
_Didn't they say you were gonna be trouble_   
_People told me you were too much to take_   
_I couldn't see it, I didn't wanna know_   
_I let you in, and you let me down_   
_You messed me up and you turned my life around_   
_You left me feeling I had nowhere to go_   
_I was alone, how was I to know that_   


She smiled a bit as she began to flip through the thick stack of pictures. It had been something of a habit that she'd picked up after her sister had died. She had realized then, how short and precious life was, and strove to preserve every moment of it so one day, she could look back and smile when she remembered. 

_You'd be there, when I needed somebody_   
_You'd be there, the only one who could help me_

She wondered where he would go, if he would ever come back. She wondered if he would think about her out in the world by himself, and remember. He had a picture of them all, the Scoobies and him. She had given it to him and he had acted like it was an insignificant little thing that he'd never wanted in the first place, but she knew he kept it in his wallet. He'd never been able to hide anything from her. She had several rolls of pictures, of him and of the others. She feared they would be the only things she had of his, from now on.   
  
Buffy knocked softly on the other side of the door, hearing her sister's music and the occasional sniff, evidence of crying. Dawn had the tendency to switch on music when she was feeling any emotion of any kind strongly. She supposed it helped her cope. "Dawnie?" she called, her voice loud enough to be heard over the music.   
Dawn didn't answer, still too shocked at Buffy to want to see her. She knew her sister wouldn't barge in on her unless there was danger, and she had learned long ago not to compromise a fifteen-year old's privacy.   
There was silence for a while, and Buffy just stood by the door, listening to loud the music, knowing that Dawn would let her in, eventually. They needed to talk, about her, about Spike. 

_I had a picture of you in my mind_   
_Never knew it could be so wrong_   
_Why'd it take me so long just to find_   
_The friend that was there all along_

Buffy sighed, blinking back more of her own tears. She had thought she'd cried herself out at the crypt, but apparently not. She wanted to blame it on Dawn's stupid mind reading radio. Her fingertips brushed the door, and she wondered how often Spike had stood outside this very door while she herself had been gone, waiting Dawn out. She knew he must have done it, could see it in her mind's eye. For every time he had tried to kill her, for every time that he had made her life miserable, it was nothing compared to every time he had made her mom laugh, saved her friends, or took care of her sister. She knew he had been there every step of the way during the hard times for Dawn. Willow had told her they were there for each other, because otherwise, they wouldn't have made it. And now, she'd driven him away. 

_Who'd believe that after all we've been through_   
_I'd be able to put my trust in you_   
_Goes to show you can forgive and forget_   
_Looking back I have no regrets 'cause_   
_You'd be there, when I needed somebody_   
_You'd be there, the only one who could help me___

_I had a picture of you in my mind_   
_Never knew it could be so wrong_   
_Why'd it take me so long just to find?_   
_The friend that was there all along_

Dawn knew Buffy was still there, waiting, being silent and letting her gather herself. She knew they needed to talk, and she tried to remember that she was supposed to be angry with her sister for driving away the one thing she didn't think would ever leave her. But all she could find herself to be was sad. A little lost. She wished he was here, hugging her in that awkward, but tender way he did, and murmuring in her ear, telling her it was all right. He could almost picture him there now, telling her to talk to big sis, because she needed to talk to somebody about what had happened. She could hear him telling her he'd be there for them soon; that he just needed a little time away. She heard him tell her he loved her, too. 

_You'd be there, when I needed somebody_   
_You'd be there, the only one who could help me_

Dawn sighed and turned down the radio a little, grabbing a Kleenex out of her box and wiping her face. "Come in," she said, her voice thick. She coughed a little to clear it.   
Buffy didn't hesitate and slipped in through the door like a shadow. So many times Spike had done the same thing, Dawn mused. She sat on the edge of the girl's bed and looked at her, eyes luminous in the dim light of Dawn's beside lamp. 

_I had a picture of you in my mind_   
_Never knew it could be so wrong_   
_Why'd it take me so long just to find_   
_The friend that was there all along___

_I had a picture of you in my mind_   
_Never knew it could be so wrong_   
_Why'd it take me so long just to find_   
_The friend that was there all along_

The slayer sighed and turned the radio off with a click after the song finished, and looked at her sister. "We need to talk about this." 

He drove in silence for 30 miles, alone with his thoughts on the open road. It did not bode well for other motorists. He growled and searched around for the tape Dawn had kept in here, some odd collection of music she had made when she told him his cassettes were lame. He was missing her and big sis already, and he thought maybe something of hers would ease the hurt a little. 

_We've been walking in the same situation_   
_We've been walking down the lonely road_   
_Try to find the world, what can I tell you_   
_All my feelings that you just won't let go_   
_And I don't know how, and I don't know why_   
_But I can't stop now until I make you mine_

"Oh god, not another boy band," he muttered under his breath. To lazy to change it, he let it go. When Dawn played her music in his car, she'd bobbed her head along and more often than not sang along, though the poor girl really couldn't sing a note. For some odd reason it had been beautiful to him anyway. He groaned to himself. This wasn't helping any, thinking of her, and promises broken and failures, and abandoning her. Grabbing a beer, he vamped out and sunk his teeth into the top, before spitting the cap out the open window of the car. He supposed being a bloodsucker was good for something.   
He nearly laughed aloud to himself, if his subconscious didn't tell him laughing to oneself was weird. That had been the first time since he'd been changed that he wanted to be human again. He suddenly realized how much he wanted to walk in the sunlight with Buffy, maybe give her that family. Create some life amidst so much death. It was a silly notion, he knew, but he'd always had an incredible imagination when it came to his fantasies. 

_Can you imagine you and me_   
_Falling in love so tenderly?_   
_Can you imagine that we are one?_   
_That we are one_   
_Every moment goes by_   
_I find another reason why_   
_That you and I should be lost in love_   
_Can you imagine girl?_

Before it had just been Buffy loving him. Now, it was about giving her everything possible that could ever make her happy. He dreamed as he drove, picturing picnics in the park, little blond haired boys and girls running around screaming, laughing, crying, birthday parties and coming home after a long day at work. It should have been disgusting and outright disturbing. Since when had he wanted more than just love? 

_Every night goes as I lay here dreaming_   
_I imagine that you are here with me_   
_Have to wonder do share this feeling_   
_Have you ever thought how we would be_   
_If you have a doubt_   
_I'll make it right_   
_Cause I can't stop now until I make you mine_

Snorting, he downed half of his beer. He'd always been ambitious, he supposed. Always wanted something different, something more than what he was supposed to have. He'd wanted things he wasn't supposed to want, done things no vampire had ever done, just to say he'd did it. And maybe for something more. He never really thought about it, until now. He had just hated living inside some box or label someone else gave him. Boundaries were made to be broken. 

_I've been waiting for this perfect moment_   
_I've been waiting I'm so lost_   
_I gotta make you see that I need you here with me_   
_In my arms is where you belong_

He sighed. As much as he believed that, he knew that these particular boundaries were set in stone. But not in his imagination. 

_Can you imagine you and me_   
_Falling in love so tenderly?_   
_Can you imagine that we are one?_   
_That we are one_   
_Every moment goes by_   
_I find another reason why_   
_That you and I should be lost in love_   
_Can you imagine girl?_

The song ended, as did the flow of beer, and he tossed the empty bottle into the back, contemplating another one. He decided against it, because he needed a clear head if he was going to get into LA and find a hotel before he was to become a crispy critter. If he had been human, that wouldn't have been a problem, he mused. Then he realized he was a stupid wanker and he needed to get past his Grandsire-esque fantasies and think logically if he was going to survive outside of comfortable old Sunnydale for a bit.   
He also wondered vaguely about the chip, but didn't dwell on it. It had become a part of him, a sort of referee if he were ever to need one. It couldn't be gone, as far as he was concerned. Perhaps the demon had thrown it out of whack for a bit. Maybe because he hadn't really intentionally hurt that girl very much, it hadn't worked. He didn't know. He didn't want to find out, even though a large part of him knew he was swimming along the banks of denial. The thing was short-circuited to hell, and he was free to kill and maim and torture anyone he liked. He made a face.   
When it came down to it, he knew he'd have to let Buffy know. Possibly, let her kill him. He would let her, open up his arms, close his eyes, and tell her he loved her when she plunged Mister Pointy in, good and proper. He knew it, she knew it, and everyone else knew it as well. If she had to kill him, if he ever became his true self, the monster, again, he'd let her kill him. He couldn't risk hurting her, or Nibblet, or even the Scoobs, if his true nature started to show. He'd let her kill him. But he told himself that wasn't an option right now. The girl he had saved had just fallen on her rump, of course. He hadn't intended to hurt her. Well, maybe a little the second time, but it hadn't been life threatening. The chip was still there…the chip was still there…   
Oh god, he was babbling in his thoughts now. Like some dazed schoolgirl who had just had the captain of the football team wave at her in the hall. He was an absolutely pathetic, disgusting, pitiful example of a once high and mighty master vampire. He had to be honest with himself. The chip was gone. The chip was gone. The chip was gone.   


TBC... 


	10. Chapter 10

ImitorVitaProAmor10 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 minor complaints/mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor**   
** Part 9**   


Buffy woke up the next morning more tired than she had been when she went to sleep. It was an odd sensation, and she walked around in a nebulous cloud all morning. Dawn didn't seem much better, but at least she had gotten her history homework done. Buffy realized in the middle of making her coffee that Spike had volunteered to help her with it. That had been sweet.   
  
She packed Dawn's lunch without really thinking; tossing in a banana, some cookies, a juice box, and a peanut-butter sandwich. Spike had packed Dawn's lunches while Buffy had been gone, she remembered him saying peanut butter made his fangs stick. The comment had made both her and Dawn laugh.   
  
"I'm going now Buffy. See you at the Magic Shop," Dawn stated briskly, grabbing her sack and walking out the door.   
  
She remembered Dawn doing that one-day after Spike had packed her lunch. It had been just after Buffy had gotten back, and he had still come, just because of the routine of it. Dawn had snatched the bag and headed for the door, but the vampire had yanked her back by her backpack and demanded that she wasn't going to bloody well leave after he'd gone through all the trouble without so much as a damn goodbye kiss. It had been really cute. "Bye Dawn. Have a good day!" she stated, realizing it was a little too late. Today was not going to be a good day.   
  
Their talk last night had been awkward. Buffy would never be, no matter how much practice she got, as good as her mother had been in talking with Dawn. She vaguely wondered if she'd ever be as good at dealing with her sister as Spike had. Dawn had apologized for yelling at Buffy the way she did, but under no uncertain terms, had said she was no longer angry with Buffy. She'd stated quite clearly that her sister had better realize what Spike meant to her and let him know, because he of all people deserved that much. Whether Buffy loved him as a friend or more was up to her. But he had deserved to have a definitive, completely honest answer. The moment he got back, she would have to deal with him. The 'if he came back' never quite made it into the conversation.   
  
Dawn had also mentioned that she had to deal with Riley. Either take him back or make him go, because she couldn't stand to see him get strung along by someone who obviously didn't want him. It had been a short talk, kind of awkward, the answers short and to the point. It seemed surreal.   
  
She jumped when the phone rang. Shaking herself to get over whatever her problem was, she headed over to the counter and picked it up off the wall. "Hello?"   
  
"Buffy. Hi."   
  
"Riley?"   
  
"Yeah. Um, I was wondering, if you wanted to go out for lunch today? I know I haven't been here for a while, but Graham's roommate says that there's a great new French Café in town," 

"Um, sure," she responded automatically.   
  
"All right! I'll pick you up at 11 then?"   
  
"Kay."   
  
"Bye."   
  
"Bye."   
  
She hung up the phone and headed back to the sink. She'd just agreed to have lunch with Riley. Something normal to an otherwise rather odd week. Spike wasn't here anymore. Who would she patrol with tonight? Alone again? They fought well together. And she liked talking with him. She'd just agreed to have lunch with Riley. It seemed normal. Truthfully, it felt like nothing.   


"It's a date then," Riley said to himself happily, hanging up the phone in Graham's apartment, where he was staying. He had decided this was a good time to remind Buffy that she and he could have sunshine together, and that Spike's unhealthy obsession with her would wash away in time. He was a stubborn bastard, but he wouldn't last. Not when he was here. Buffy and he had been together once, and maybe then, she hadn't been ready to fall completely in love with him, but now, things were different. And he forgave her for everything she had done to drive them apart. He hoped she forgave him for his incident with the vampires. They could start over. She deserved a normal life, after all.   
  
Perhaps in time, she'd be convinced that Spike needed to be staked. As a former government employee, Riley knew that what the government did never really lasted forever. He just hoped that he'd be the one to do it. Maybe then, Buffy's unhealthy obsession with the undead would finally be put to rest, and she could move on with her life. With him. He grinned at the thought and whistled to himself, heading over to his suitcase to find a suitable outfit.   


Spike entered LA within record time. He pulled his DeSoto into a spot at the nearest manhole. He'd need to spend the daytime in the sewer until he could find a cheap hotel room willing to block the sun. He turned the car off, took his duffel bag, threw a heavy blanket over him and ran for the manhole. He sizzled in the heat of day. He worked quickly, slipping into the manhole, dropping his bag at the end of the ladder. He tossed the blanket over his shoulder, hissing from his already scarred flesh growing hotter. He'd cool off soon. He ducked into the shadows and headed down the dark, dank sewer.   
  
After travelling down for some time, he found a cubby hole big enough to rest in. He should've went to Angel. He'd put him up for the day but he didn't really want to deal with the grandsire-poof. Plus, there'd be questions and answers he wasn't in the mood to give Angel. Especially when he'd tell him he was in love with Buffy. He could see the fireworks now. No, he'd much rather deal with the sewer.   
  
He sunk into the small space, pulling the blanket around him for comfort. He set his duffel bag to the side and without thought, pulled out his picture of Buffy. He traced her lips, her eyes, her nose. God, she was so beautiful. So precious; so amazing; so... so out of his reach. He was so not good enough for her. But then, no one else she knew could be any better. Atleast he knew the girl. Knew the girl, and the slayer. He knew they were one in the same. Like him. The man and the monster. If only she'd see through the monster and see the man. If only she just recognized it was a part of him and loved him anyway.   
  
He snorted, setting down the picture to light up. He inhaled the smoke, flicking some ashes to the ground. He pulled the blanket up further. It was only wishful thinking. He was able to see past the slayer in Buffy only because of her love. Her love made him believe he was more than just monster, that deep down, even without a soul, there was a man in Spike. He'd believed it over time and he only wished she would as well. He thought she'd be the one to accept him for what he was and love him anyway, as Dawn did. After all, the slayer only wanted the same thing. To be loved for all she was.   
  
He leaned his head back, tossing the bud of the smoke across the sewer. He blew out the smoke and closed his eyes. His aches and pains that were more physical were making his body tired. The emotional ones were weighing him down. He took one last look at the picture of Buffy and fell into a fitful sleep. 

  
Buffy sat with Riley at the pretty little french cafe. They sat outside in the warm sun, much to Riley's liking. She stirred her straw in her drink. Her eyes searched the streets, staring at people's faces.   
  
Riley thought it a good idea to be sitting outside in the sun, as a reminder of his humanity. And hers. He watched her with impatience. She seemed totally in another place. Her face was distraught and distracted. He sighed. Would she ever totally be his? "Buff?"   
  
She didn't answer. Just kept staring, as if searching for someone. But, she'd never find him in the sunlight.   
  
It was like she was in a trance. "Buffy?" he tried again.   
  
"Mmmm..." she murmured.   
  
"Buffy, is everything ok?" Riley asked, reaching across the table to grip her hand.   
  
The touch sent her back to reality and she shot her eyes to his. "Huh?"   
  
Riley frowned. "You're a million miles away instead of here with me. What's going on Buffy? Is something going on?"   
  
"Why you say that?" Buffy asked.   
  
"Buffy, I thought we could go out to lunch and talk. Work on us. All we've done so far is order and thats it. I haven't heard a peep from you in over a half hour." Riley frowned. "If you didn't want to be here than why did you say yes?"   
  
"Its...its...not that..." she sighed. "I.." she couldn't tell him.   
  
"What? What is it?" Riley urged.   
  
She tossed her napkin on the table. "Riley... this just isn't working..."   
  
"What?" his heart sank.   
  
"I'm just not in the mood today to be sitting here having lunch," she shook her head, full of excuses.   
  
"Ok, so we'll leave, but not till you tell me what's got you so bothered Buffy. I'm worried," he squeezed her hand.   
  
She sighed, a part of her still happy he cared. "It's really not something I feel comfortable talking to you about." she tried honesty.   
  
"Oh come on Buffy. You know you tell me anything!" Riley wasn't going to let her give in that easily.   
  
She bit her lip and sighed. "Ok, fine. You win." she stared at him. "Spike left Sunnydale last night."   
  
Riley wanted to scream for pure joy, but he kept it built inside. But he couldn't help but smile. "About time."   
  
She pulled her hand away from his. Anger flashed in her eyes. "See, I told you I couldn't talk to you about this!"   
  
"I'm sorry! I really am... its just I always expected that news to be happy news to you." he paused. "Look Buffy, I know he's your friend and he's supposedly done a lot to help you and Dawn out, but he IS a vampire. A vampire on reprieve cuz of the chip. You do know that if he ever got that chip removed he'd kill you, Dawn and the scoobies. Spike's like a dog on a leash..."   
  
"A serial killer in prison," she snorted, wishing she could take those words away.   
  
"Exactly." Riley smiled, glad she was taking his point of view. "This is for the best you know. Atleast you don't have to watch your back wondering if he's gonna turn on you."   
  
"Spike wouldn't do that," she defended.   
  
Riley chuckled, disbelieving his ears. "Are you serious?" he sighed. What had this vamp done to make her accept him so much? "Buffy, are you talking about the same Spike as me. Tall, extremely blonde hair, black nails, leather duster, FANGS...."   
  
"He's not all fangs and gruesome you know. He..." she gaped at what she almost said. She was going to say he had a heart. "He..he cares about us. He does."   
  
"He can't Buffy. He's a vampire! He has no soul! He can't stand in the sunlight, he casts no reflection...he's a killer. A neutered one, but still..." Riley argued.   
  
She wanted to believe him so badly, cuz it was what she told herself all the time about Spike. But Spike's actions were louder than words. The vamp was not all monster and she only wished she'd realized it sooner. "Spike's done a lot for us! He risked his life for us. He'd have died for us."   
  
"When Buffy? When has Spike ever put his undead life on the line for you?" Riley was tired of being left in the dark.   
  
She felt her heart accelerate. It was time to let Riley know the truth.   


Dawn slipped into the magic shop an hour early. She walked over to the Scoobies table and plopped down. "Hey." she muttered to the group.   
  
"Dawnie? You're a little early? Something happen at school?" Willow saw the girl's dim expression.   
  
"Naw, just skipped last period. I couldn't take it anymore," Dawn shrugged, opening her school books.   
  
"How'd your history homework go?" Tara smiled. "Spike give you a lot of help?"   
  
"No, Buffy helped me," she kept her eyes on her book.   
  
"Dawnster!" Xander smiled, coming from the back room. His smiled died on his lips seeing her sad face. "Whats with the pouty face Dawnster?"   
  
Willow frowned. "Spike and Buffy fighting again? Wouldn't she let him help you with your homework?"   
  
Dawn's lower lip trembled with emotion. She didn't have the strength to answer.   
  
Giles, and Anya gathered round the table, sensing something was up.   
  
"Dawn, whats wrong?" Willow brushed back her long, brown hair.   
  
Dawn's eyes filled with tears and they streamed down her cheeks. "Spike's gone!!!" she cried, burying her head in Willow's chest.   
  
Willow gaped, pulling the traumatized girl into her embrace. Her friends wore the same grim expression.   
  
"Wha...What..what happened?" Xander's throat went dry. He'd grown fond of the bloodsucker.   
  
"What do you mean he's gone?" Tara's voice was filled with saddness.   
  
"Did..did Buffy??" Giles took his glasses off, starting his nervous cleaning habit.   
  
Dawn cried, muffled from Willow's embrace. "He left Sunnydale. To let Buffy be happy with Riley. She chased him away! It's all her fault!" Dawn's cries grew.   
  
"Sh..shhhh..." Willow soothed. She was in shock.   
  
They'd all grown fond of Spike. They all had traits in common with the vamp surprisingly. He'd become a Scooby gang member in all their eyes. All of them except Buffy.   
  
Xander sat in his chair, feeling numb. He couldn't believe the vamp was gone. 

  
Buffy caught him up on the info on Glory and Dawn he missed out on. "The night we battled Glory for Dawn's life..." Buffy started, her eyes darting all around. "We went as a team. The Scoobys, Spike and I." she paused, wondering what to say next. "I'd beaten Glory down, but this crazy man was determined to open the portals and he was about to cut Dawn. Willow and the others told me Spike went after the guy, tried to stop him. He was stabbed and throw from the 200ft drop." Buffy stopped letting that info sink in. She was wondering how to explain the next part.   
  
"He managed to cut Dawn and it was too late by the time I got up there..." she continued.   
  
"But then how did Dawn live?" Riley frowned, wishing he'd been there to help. He'd let her down. Not that Spike didn't let her down as well.   
  
"I...I...threw myself into the portal and closed the dimensions." she answered.   
  
Riley's eyes widened. "I thought you said only when the blood stopped flowing the dimensions closed?"   
  
"It did." she sighed, nervously. "Riley, I died that night."   
  
Riley nearly passed out. He stared at her, afraid even though she was sitting here with him. He was speechless.   
  
"Spike risked everything for us, and he did try. I'll never forget that. I don't blame him for not stopping the guy. I know he did all he could."   
  
"But...but Buffy..." he was in utter shock.   
  
"The others told me he wept that night, and he's William the Bloody. Crying... over me....his enemy." Buffy tucked back a strand of hair. "Guess we're not enemies anymore. He took over my slaying, he helped Dawn everyday. He looked out for her and my friends. He...he cared for us all Riley..."   
  
Riley was beyond stunned. "Buffy, how....how?"   
  
"The Powers That Be came to me, shortly after my death, and I can't remember much, its all blurry and fuzzy. They told me my death wasn't meant to be and I was still needed on earth. They brought me back." Buffy watched his face for his reaction. He looked positively stunned. "From that moment on, Spike and I have slayed together as a team. He's done so much for me, and my friends and Dawn." she felt her eyes water. "I'll miss him."   
  
Riley felt sick in his stomach. This couldn't be... It just couldn't. "Buffy.. tell me something..."   
  
She looked into his eyes.   
  
"Do you love Spike? Are you in love with him?" Riley asked, dreading the answer. 

She blinked at him in surprise. "Why would you ask me that?" she questioned, trying to avoid the answer. She didn't want to think about it right now. The fact that she'd even think about it instead of saying flat out, "no" on the first place was disturbing enough.   
  
"Well, you two seemed to have grown really close lately, and I know he has some twisted obsession with you. I just wanted to know how you feel about him. And where I stand."   
  
She glared at him. "You're jealous? You're…you're actually comparing yourself to Spike? Riley, what is this?"   
  
His eyes hardened slightly. "Buffy, I deserve the truth, you know that. And with the way you've been acting, and how I've seen you two since I've gotten back, I'm starting to have my doubts. I want to hear it from you. What do you feel for Spike?"   
  
She looked away from him. "I don't believe this. Less than 24 hours back into my life and you've given yourself the right to barge in and ask questions on something you know NOTHING about?"   
  
He looked hurt. "No, Buffy, I'm not forcing you to do anything except tell me the truth." He stared into her eyes, his beseeching hers.   
  
She turned away with him. He was right, he deserved to know if she did or didn't. But so did Spike, and so did she. She needed to figure this out first, before she said anything that might come back to haunt her in the future. Looking at the tabletop a moment, she took a deep breath. "I don't know."   
  
"You don't know?!" Riley looked so disappointed. He was hoping for a definite no, some sign that she'd gotten over that thing with Angel, that sick, fascination with the undead community. "So you're saying you…you might?" he asked, face crinkling before he could stop himself.   
  
She wanted to be outraged at him. How dare he judge her? The reason they had broken up was because of HIS dalliances into the vampire underworld, not hers. But she couldn't find a way to be more angry at him than she was at herself. She knew it was wrong to have feeling for something she was supposed to kill. But she couldn't help it, not the first time, maybe not even now. She wanted to tell herself it was nothing, that her memory of Angel was fueling some weird yearning for Spike, though whether it was love or not remained to be seen. "I might. I don't know," she responded to Riley, automatically. She paused and looked at her glass of iced tea, the sunlight, the people milling about around them. "Riley, I can't do this. I need to go."   
  
Before he could stop her, she'd jumped the short fence surrounding the patio of the café and was down the street. He cursed and crunched his napkin in hand. He would kill Spike if he ever saw him near Buffy or Dawn again. 

TBC... 


	11. Chapter 11

ImitorVitaProAmor11 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 minor complaints/mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor**

** Part 11**

That evening Spike had found a demon bar to hang out in, somewhere away from the human population. He didn't want to deal with his humanity tonight. He wanted to drink, smoke, listen to some music, and brood by himself. Oh God, he wanted to brood now. He cursed Angel under his breath and knocked back his drink, emptying the glass easily before alternating it with a sip of blood.

  
"Well hey there, blondie, haven't seen you around before. You new in town?"   
  
Spike was startled from his brooding about brooding when a smooth voice intercepted him, taking a seat on the bar beside his. He looked up to see a green demon with copper hair and red eyes. Wearing a bright orange suit that looked like it had leapt out of a 70's disco movie. "Can I help you?" he asked, looking annoyed.   
  
"I couldn't help but feel a frustrated aura about you my friend. I can help."   
  
"Oh, so you're going away, then?" Spike shot back.   
  
"Whoa, feisty. Look handsome, I can read your aura for you, help you find your path, if you want me to."   
  
"How about I rip off your head and use it to decorate my car with? You know, like fuzzy dice?"   
  
The demon took a step back. "Hey there, I don't allow violence in my club, bub. I just thought you looked like you could use some guidance."   
  
"I know you don't want violence. Caritas. Good name," Spike commented. "As for guidance? Not interested."   
  
"If you do, drinks and blood are on the house," the owner prompted, smiling largely.   
  
Spike raised an eyebrow. "You want to tell my fortune then? And I get drinks…" he held up his liquor glass. "…and blood…" he held up the bottle of O positive he had ordered. "For free?"   
  
"That's the jist of it darling."   
  
"One more thing."   
  
"And what's that?"   
  
"You bloody lay off the pet names and I'll consider," Spike stated. He didn't have a lot of money with him, and he figured if this lunatic club owner wanted to poke his mind a bit he'd let him, for free drinks. It wasn't like he hadn't let anyone poke his brain before. He grumbled about the commandos somewhere in his subconscious. "All right then. Say I'm interested. What do I have to do?"   
  
"Well, um…your name again?"   
  
"Spike."   
  
"Spike, all you have to do is…" the host motioned to the stage, where a Morha demon was belting out a hideous rendition of RESPECT.   
  
Spike looked at the green demon incredulously. "You," he pointed to the demon. "Want me… to sing?"   


They'd ordered pizzas. Lots of pizzas. Cheese, pepperoni, Mushroom, Ham, supreme, thin crust, thick crust, stuffed crust, breadsticks. Willow and Tara had brought ice cream. It was time to console with the consuming of the food. Giles had even opted to pay for it. Xander had gotten movies. They were all at the watcher's house now, trying to cheer themselves up.   
  
Anya realized she missed having her back and forth commentary's with Spike during the movies. Though everyone told them to shut up, she knew they enjoyed listening to him. He was witty, for a vampire.   
  
Dawn had taken in an unbelievable four slices on top of three scoops of ice cream. She was miserable. Buffy had gone on patrol after Dawn had given her the cold shoulder, more or less. They guessed she needed to kill something, to get her mind off of Spike. Everyone was sort of edgy that way, today.   
  
"This movie sucks," Dawn stated after they got five minutes into it.   
  
"They're still running the opening credits Dawnie, give it a chance," Willow urged, trying to be sympathy girl.   
  
"Like Buffy gave Spike a chance?"   
  
"She was his…friend," Xander put up in the Slayer's defense.   
  
"WAS, is a good word," Dawn replied, shoving another spoonful of Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough in her mouth. Spike preferred Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup, she remembered.   
  
They all looked up when there was a knock at Giles' door. The watcher got up and set his tea aside before opening the door. "Buffy?"   
  
"Um… I was sort of hoping you knew where she was," Riley responded from the other side. Giles had kept the door opened to the bear minimum, but everyone had heard the voice. Dawn immediately exited the living room with her bowl of ice cream. Willow went after her to try and talk to her.   
  
"Can I, come in? Or is this a bad time?" the soldier asked, sounding awkward.   
  
"Um, yes, of course. Come in." Giles opened the door.   
  
Riley stepped over the threshold, rubbing his hands together. "So…what's going on everyone? Party?" he asked, smiling big.   
  
Xander smiled back, albeit nervously. "Yeah, just watching a movie. Gaining 20 pounds," he explained, shoving a spoonful of ice cream in his mouth for emphasis. "Want some, Cap…er…Riley?"   
  
Riley frowned a bit, hearing Xander's slip. "Um, no, it's okay. I just needed to talk to Buffy."   
  
"She's patrolling," Dawn said coldly, from behind the kitchen cabinets.   
  
"She's patrolling? Alone?" Riley was incredulous. "What if she needs help?"   
  
"She did have help. Until Spike left," Dawn replied as she washed her bowl.   
  
"I better go find her… incase she needs me," Riley excused himself awkwardly, feeling the ice in the room from Dawn's presence alone.   
  
"Since when did she ever need you?" Dawn responded, loud enough for him to hear, though he ignored it and continued out the door. When had she?   
  
  
Spike downed another 4 shots of whiskey. He agreed to sing for the free drinks and blood, and if only they threw in one of those onion flower things too. If he was gonna get up there and make a total wanker of himself, he was gonna at least be off his bird to do it.   
  
"Well?" the owner pushed. "Are you gonna sing or do I need to charge you for the 12 shots of whiskey, and 3 glasses of scotch you've killed?"   
  
"Don't push me, 'm thinking about what I wanna sing!" Spike swayed to his feet. After another minute he sauntered over to the small stage. He took a giant step up the stage a little faster than he perhaps, should have in his state, and nearly fell over. After regaining his sense of equilibrium, the inebriated vampire picked up an electric guitar he found laying near the karaoke machine and strummed it, figuring it was enough in tune that he wouldn't be completely offensive. He slipped it around his body and wobbled to the microphone. "Allo you demons and vamps..." He smiled, completely drunk. "I'm not one for a karaoke party..." he paused, swallowing one last shot. "But a bloke's gotta do what a bloke's gotta do..."   
  
He strummed the guitar, and the karaoke machine behind him played along as well. Normally, he couldn't believe he'd do this, but he couldn't even think straight right now. 

_Shot through the heart, and you're to blame_   
_Darling, you give love a bad name___

_An angel's smile is what you sell_   
_You promised me heaven, then put me through hell_   
_Chains of love got a hold on me,_   
_When passion's a prison, you can't break free___

_You're a loaded gun, yeah___

_You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run_   
_No one can save me, the damage is done___

_Shot through the heart and you're to blame_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_I play my part and you play your game_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_You give love a bad name___

_You paint your smile on your lips_   
_Blood red nails on your fingertips_   
_A school-boy's dream, you act so shy,_   
_Your very first kiss was your first kiss good-bye___

_You're a loaded gun, yeah___

_You're a loaded gun, there's nowhere to run_   
_No one can save me, the damage is done___

_Shot through the heart and you're to blame_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_I play my part and you play your game_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_You give love a bad name___

_Shot through the heart and you're to blame_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_I play my part and you play your game_   
_You give love a bad name_   
_You give love a bad name_   


He finished the last strums of the song, prancing all over the stage like a maniac. He truly looked like a rocker with his leather duster, black fingernails, boots, and peroxide blonde hair. The crowd gaped at the vampire. He was certainly drunk and out of his mind...but it was entertaining.   
  
He took another whisk this time, of blood. He wiped at his mouth. "Tha' wadn't so bad now was it??" Spike slurred, talking more to himself than the audience. "Ah well, one more song than eh?"   
  
The crowd cheered raising their glasses.   
  
"Well then, what next?" Spike pondered, not in his right mind at all. He grinned like a fool, strumming his guitar thoughtfully, once again. 

  
Buffy staked another vampire with ease. "Ugh!" she growled, angry. The best way to release her frustrations was slaying, but she was slightly distracted. Normally when she was out slaying, even upset and fuming, it was with Spike. Then after a few good slays they'd sit and talk until she felt better. A lot of times it was about how frustrating raising Dawn was, and Spike always seemed to know the answers when it came to Dawn. It was frustrating doing everything without him so suddenly. It bothered her further that she'd come to depend on him so much to help her with, well, with everything. At first, it had always been about killing something with Spike, or so she thought. It'd probably become just about helping her with her problems along the way. As it had been with helping her with Glory, and Dawn and...oh God... even with Riley. Another vamp jumped out and she turned it to dust with a flick of her wrist.   
  
She sighed, sitting upon a tombstone. "God, Spike... When did you become so good?" She paused, brushing back her hair. "And why hadn't I noticed the change in you? I noticed you helping me, I noticed you taking care of Dawn, I noticed you thought you were in love with me and I thought it was sick and perverted." she looked up to the stars. "Now, I honestly don't know what to think of it..." she hid her face in the shadows, afraid of her own admissions. "Or of how I feel about you."   
  
Her mind went back to this afternoon with Riley and his question.   
  
"Do you love Spike? Are you in love with Spike?" 

Her mind toyed with the question all day long, trying to figure it out. She'd never come to a resolution with the man gone though. The man… not the monster. She was utterly confused, her mind still whirling. She played with Mr. Pointy absently. There were so many cons against Spike. The whole vampire bit. The sunlight thing, and crosses and churches and the chip. The badass attitude... Okay no, that was a good thing. Se smirked to herself a little. So were the accent, and the duster.   
  
The black clothes she was used to. But the eyes... oh the eyes were such a pro... And the purring... oh God!! What was she doing to herself? She'd once said to Willow that the bad boy thing basically turned her on, unhealthy as it was. But Spike was more than a bad ass... He was the walking, talking definition of the term. And on top of it all, a vamp.   
  
He was immortal. And when she thought about it that had been reason for breaking up with Angel so long ago. Because of the whole no kids, no sunlight, no happy normal life...the whole growing old while he stayed young thing... Was that really her reason though? Or was it the fear of Angelus? The whole not choosing his own path thing as Spike had... At least Angel wanted a soul. Spike wanted no part of that. But then, that's what made Spike who he was. He was himself and that's what Buffy lov...no...liked about him best. Was it love though? Was it infatuation, or just friendship?   
  
"Buffy!!!"   
  
"Spike?!" her head shot up.   
  
Riley jogged over to her, his heart breaking. "No."   
  
"Oh. Hi..." she avoided his gaze.   
  
"Buffy, I came to talk." he stated. "And I want you to listen."   
  
She glared at his commanding tone. She raised her brows. He had a serious look on his face.   
  
"It's time, time to stop denying and running from me Buffy. Do we have a future together or not? Is it Spike, or me?" he asked, before he lost the courage. "Tell me the truth." 

  
Spike had done 4 songs now and he was so drunk, he could barely stand. "Ok kiddies..." he chuckled wildly. "How bout one more?" The crowd had thinned, as they grew tired of the lovesick vampire who refused to relinquish the stage. They groaned as   
he started belting out another song in his thickly accented, alcohol laden voice. 

_It must have been cold there in my shadow,_   
_to never have sunlight on your face_   
_You were content to let me shine, that's your way_   
_You always walked a step behind___

_So I was the one with all the glory,_   
_while you were the one with all the strength_   
_A beautiful face without a name for so long_   
_A beautiful smile to hide the pain___

_Did you ever know that you're my hero,_   
_and everything I would like to be?_   
_I can fly higher than an eagle,_   
_for you are the wind beneath my wings_

  
The owner ran up pulling the drunken vamp off the stage.   
  
"Wait you wanker!!!" Spike whined. "I wasn't finished you bloke!! Can't you hear me?!!"   
  
"You're killing my customers, no violence remember?" the demon chuckled.   
  
"I am not! Are you bloody blind? I'm heartbroken!" the vampire pouted, still clutching the mic tightly. He whined. "That was gonna be our first dance at our weddin'!!!!" Spike cried into the mic.   
  
The crowd laughed.   
  
Spike frowned miserably, resting his drunken head on the owner. "Bloody hell..."   
  
The host dragged him to the back of the bar, taking him in a back room and dunking his head in cold water.   
  
Spike shot up, game face on. "Hooooly Shiiit!!! That's blooody coollddd you poof!"   
  
"But it'll make you sober. And it's time to have your aura read. Trust me sweet cheeks, you'll want to be awake for this." The owner sat Spike down gently.   
  
"What if I'm not bloody well ready?" Spike wiggled his head, poking the demon in the chest defiantly.   
  
"Spike, if you don't leave LA now, you'll lose her forever." the owner stared him down, all pretense gone.   
  
Spike went silent and still. He stared into the owner's eyes and he was scared.   


"Riley, why are you here?" Buffy asked, avoiding the question.   
  
He looked frustrated. "Because I was worried about you all by yourself out here."   
  
She grew annoyed with every sentence that came out of his mouth. "So you came out here so I'd have SOMEONE to worry about as well?" she asked, glaring. She turned around and started walking.   
  
"Buffy! C'mon…" He put his hand on her shoulder. "Why are you avoiding the question?"   
  
"Because I'm on patrol. I need to concentrate," Buffy replied, trying not to sound as lame as the excuse itself was.   
  
He deflated a little. "Oh, sorry. I didn't distract you, did I?"   
  
"Yes! You did. I could have gotten killed," she replied.   
  
"Geez, I'm sorry!" he responded, putting his hands up in front of his chest as a sign of surrender. "I just thought, you could use some help."   
  
"It's all right Riley, I have it covered," she responded, trying to keep civil with him. She just wanted to kill something quickly and violently, was that too much to ask? Did she not deserve some reprieve from the soap opera that was her life?   
  
"If you have it covered, why do you always patrol with Spike?" he growled, getting annoyed as well.   
  
"Because he can take care of himself!" Buffy shot back.   
  
Hurt flashed over the ex-commando's face. "Buffy, I can take care…"   
  
She sighed. "Yeah, I know you can. Most of the time. But I can't deal with anything right now, okay? I'm just, slaying. Slaying is me right now. That's all."   
  
"You don't mean that," Riley responded. "I mean, I saw you and him fighting the other night together…"   
  
She whirled on him. "That was you watching us? You were spying on me?"   
  
"No! No! I was just, looking on, incase you needed help."   
  
"Which I obviously didn't." She turned back around and kept walking, briskly.   
  
"Obviously," he noted. "Now will you stop avoiding the question?" he lengthened his stride to catch up with her.   
  
"I'm not avoiding anything," she stated, speeding up again.   
  
"Then why are you practically running from me?" he asked, speeding again until he was alongside her.   
  
She looked at him. "Riley, I'm slaying right now."   
  
"I don't see any vampires."   
  
"Well maybe because you don't have super powers, like me."   
  
His eyes narrowed. "Or Spike."   
  
She groaned. She'd walked into that one. "That's not what I meant."   
  
"Okay, say it wasn't. You still haven't answered me. And be honest, Buffy, because it's not fair to either of us if you keep going on like this."   
  
She stopped walking abruptly. "You're right," she sighed. Who would she choose? "I, well, I think that it'd be best if…"   
  
Riley grunted and pitched over backwards as a dark form leapt out and attacked him. "Oh see!? I told you we had to concentrate!" Buffy remarked, poising her stake before tossing the ravenous fledgling vampire off of Riley before it ripped his throat out. 

  
"What do you mean lose her?" Spike muttered, shaking his groggy, alcohol clouded head. "I never had her in the first place, mate," he growled bitterly, sipping at his warm cup of blood.   
  
Lorne sighed and shook his green head. "Did you ever ask her that?"   
  
"What, asked if she loved me?" Spike snorted.   
  
The host nodded.   
  
Spike sighed. "Not in so many words, but, I got the point, all right? She and I, we never could have happened."   
  
Lorne looked at the lovesick vampire sadly. "You really believe that?"   
  
William's laugh was bitter. "Yeah, me'n the slayer, that's a real fairy tale, mate. The princess never falls for the villain. We've got the whole bloody damn world against us, she and I. It would never happen."   
  
"Because you're a vampire?"   
  
"Because I'm a monster." Spike looked through his glass of blood, further proof of his belief.   
  
The host patted him on the back. "You're a vampire."   
  
"Exactly."   
  
"But I don't think you're a monster."   
  
Spike looked up at him. "Shows you what you know."   
  
"Hey blue eyes, I've seen some real bad things, and whether you like it or not, I don't think you're one of them. Look pal, you have to get back to her, and I mean tonight. She needs you, whether you think so or not. But I guess I can only tell you so much. From here on out, it's up to you."   
  
Spike looked at him and knocked back the rest of his blood, trying not to let his concern show. He eyed Lorne out of the corner of his eye. "Thanks for the fortune telling mate, but I'm out for the night." He got up and started towards the exit.   
  
The host smiled after him knowingly. That was a good vampire.   
  
Spike climbed the stairs to the street where the club exited, and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it. He heard a noise behind him, but he gave no indication that he knew what it was. It seemed, LA hadn't changed much since the last time he'd been here. He puffed on his smoke languidly, stuffing his hands in his duster pockets, looking loose and defenseless. The vampire began to walk along the sidewalk nonchalantly, noting that the street was empty. That was usually the case in areas with high demon activity. The humans stayed away after dark. He tested the air around him, using all of his heightened senses to filter out what was happening. Four, five things. Not human, definitely. He could only imagine what they wanted. He didn't have enough money on him to be much of a target, and he was certain they knew a well-aged vampire when they knew one. Well, it seemed his reputation preceded him. Word had spread from Sunnydale, then?   
  
He stopped his walk and threw his cigarette butt down after he'd had enough. "If you'd just up'n tell me what you blokes would like, It'd probably piss me off a lot less," he announced into the night air, his voice loud and clear despite the alcohol he'd consumed. Nothing like a good fight to sober one up quickly.   
  
Five creatures stepped out of the shadows, fanning out in a half circle around him. A large Ascaroth demon stepped up in front of him. He studied it. Nothing more loathsome than a demon who's soul purpose was to spy. "Can I help you? Kill you? Tear you apart, maybe?" Spike asked conversationally.   
  
The demon studied him back. "You are William the Bloody?"   
  
"Yeah, that'd be me. Sounds like you're lookin' for a good blood spillin' then?"   
  
"My kind heard you went insane on the hell mouth," the demon hissed. "That you went mad and killed every underworld dweller you came upon. Slaughtered them like cows and reveled in their blood."   
  
Spike flashed back. Mad? He'd gone pretty insane that first week after Buffy's death… killed everything he could get his hands on. But that was only until she'd come back… he growled. "Get your blood facts straight will you? I was just mightily pissed off."   
  
"We've heard that you don't harm humans anymore," a Bucon demon piped up. "That you side with the slayer."   
  
"Yeah, there a problem with that?"   
  
"Traitor," the smaller Andras demon scowled.   
  
"That's me. So, you want to die or not boys? I'm a busy vampire. Places to go, demons to kill." He looked around at the five demons. "Or are you all scared? I did bloody 'go insane' and whatnot…" He grinned, shaking himself into his vampire visage. "What do you think? Think I'll go nuts and rip your parts off and make your mate's eat 'em fore I kill you?"   
  
The Ascaroth demon muttered something in it's own tongue, enraged, and charged.   
  
Spike decided he'd have a little fun in the City of Angels after all.   
  
He growled and ducked, sending the first charging demon over his shoulder. The second and third attacked simultaneously and he flipped behind them and kicked out hard, spinning around and pulling a stake from his boot, impaling another of his attackers in the eye. It screamed and fell backwards, clawing at the bleeding hole that used to be its eyeball. Withdrawing his stake, Spike grabbed the hand of the half blind demon, which held four sharp claws, using it to impale the next of his charging adversaries. The Andras demon gurgled and died, its comrade's claws imbedded into its abdomen. The half blind demon died when Spike whirled around to snap its neck. "Thanks for the hand, mate," he quipped, tossing the limp form to the floor. He looked at the remaining three demons, who were regrouping.   
  
"Traitor!" the Ascaroth hissed.   
  
Spike shrugged. "You do what you can get, I suppose. Who's next, then?"   
  
They all charged at once, hissing and spitting, and growling.   
  
  
"Okay, vampire is dust," Riley breathed, taking Buffy's proffered hand and letting her help him up off the ground. "Can we talk now?"   
  
"So you can jumped again like that?" she replied.   
  
He realized her wit hadn't changed any since he'd last seen her. Nor had her subtlety. "Look Buffy, this is important. I need to know what you feel for Spike. Exactly what you feel for Spike."   
  
She turned around. "How can I tell you when I don't even know?"   
  
"What do you mean? How can you not know? You either do or you don't."   
  
"I don't think I love him," Buffy responded. "But I don't think I don't love him either. It's complicated."   
  
"Why?"   
  
"Why? What do you mean why?" she looked exasperated. Did he knot know her at all? Spike would have understood… she stopped that thought. Too complicated. "I just…right now? All I know, is right now, I miss him."   
  
Finn's countenance fell. "Oh."   
  
"I miss talking with him, and fighting with him, and working with him. I wish he were here."   
  
"Buffy, you do realize this is Spike you're talking about."   
  
"Who else?!" Buffy replied, growing exasperated. Spike did that to her. Whether she was talking to him or about him. It got her all excited and agitated inside. She loved it and couldn't stand it at the same time. "Why can't I miss him? Is it so wrong?"   
  
"Truthfully? Yes. Buffy, he's a killer. Remember that in-prison thing we were talking about during lunch? Monster. If he ever got that chip out…"   
  
"I don't want to hear it, Riley."   
  
"But you're not denying it as a possibility."   
  
"No, I'm not. But I just can't seem to think of him that way anymore. After I've seen him cheat at cards so Tara would win, and seen him make cocoa for my little sister before bed, and the way he looks at me? The way he looks at me, I feel like the most important thing in the world. I just can't see him like you do anymore."   
  
Riley growled internally. "Buffy, I think you're seeing things that aren't there…"   
  
She shook her head. "I know they're there Riley. Spike's a good man."   
  
"A man? A man? How many men do you know with no soul and a set of fangs?" Riley sputtered.   
  
"Truthfully?" she looked up into his eyes. "Only one."   
  
  
Spike let the three demons charge him and he shook his head, ducking underneath as the demons all jumped up, crashing into one another and crumbling to the ground. Spike put his foot on the pile of demons and glared at them, his yellow eyes glowing in the dark alley. "Never mess with a master vampire you ugly, disgusting pile of demon garbage."   
  
The demons all glared up at Spike, getting ready for a second attack. The snarling, scaly demon on top threw Spike's foot off, sending the half drunken vamp onto his rear.   
  
They all stood, gathering around the fallen, vampire. The scaly one mumbled something only the other two understood.   
  
A larger, purplish, horned demon grabbed Spike by his throat lifting him off his feet. He growled loudly, threatening Spike with orange eyes.   
  
Spike turned his nose aside, glaring at the stinky demon. "You ever heard of mouthwash mate?"   
  
This angered him further and he tossed the vampire into brick wall. "Three on one William. I think the odds are too overwhelming for a drunken, neutered vamp. You're a disgrace to all demons alike." The scaly demon's tongue hung from his mouth in a rather grotesque manner. Spike wondered how much the thing would like it if he ripped that drooling piece of flesh from its mouth.   
  
Spike glared up at the creature with absolute rage. He growled furiously, his temper boiling. He was no disgrace. Shooting to his feet, he landed in a catlike crouch, despite the swaying in his head.   
  
His eyes shot from one demon to the next. "I may have this bloody damn chip in my head mates, but nothing keeps me from killing you all like your lil pals here." Spike circled. "You've heard of me, William The Bloody, then you know my reputation, eh?"   
  
"Before you went soft and turned into a traitor," the purple-horned demon snorted.   
  
Spike smiled wickedly. "A bloke's gotta kill somehow eh? And this lil chip in my head kept me from harming those innocent humans. So, why not rid the world of some really...bloody ugly wankers, like yourselves?" Spike shrugged. "Big Bad just loves a good thrashing, whether you're human or not. And like my reputation precedes... 'm a cold blooded killer...and just… just a little bit insane." He continued circling the demons. "A little bit insane, and in the mood to rip off your limbs and use 'em to write my name on the wall." He was having fun goading these blokes. He wanted it to be known, no matter what he was killing, he was still killing. And he was damn good at it.   
  
Something inside him felt it was violently wrong to be thinking this way, but he also felt something inside him, he hasn't felt in a long time. No remorse. "One of you will live tonight. Cuz you're going to let everyone know that the Big Bad's still something to fear." He made sure to growl, emanating low in his throat, then letting it accumulate and rumble into the night air. He snarled, licking at his fangs. "Too bad all you blokes are cold blooded..."   
  
"Too bad you can only pick on demons and not humans..." the scaly demon huffed, trying to plan an escape. He could tell the vampire was brassed off from the threatening growls coming from his chest.   
  
Spike smiled maliciously. If only they knew... His growls stopped with thoughts of killing humans. He couldn't. He'd… he wouldn't allow himself too. For Buffy and for Dawn, he... He remembered Lorne's prophecy and he realized standing around with these blokes was getting him nowhere. He sniffed, shrugging his shoulders. He moved in one fluid motion and grabbed the purple demon by the throat, his hand gripping like a vice around the demons large neck. He laughed maniacally. "I don't care who or what I kill mate..." he squeezed harder, snapping the bones in the demons neck.   
  
It coughed up blood before gasping to his death.   
  
Spike dropped the lifeless body to the floor. "Long as they bleed..." he turned to the two watching demons. "Next?"   
  
The demons looked to each other, then bolted, making a run for it.   
  
Spike grabbed the scaly one's wrist, flinging him into the brick wall. It groaned in pain, clutching its long nose. Dark blue blood trickled from his face.   
  
"I told you," he growled. "…only one of you will live tonight." He turned, seeing the last demon was at the end of the alley already. Then he looked back at his cowering captive, smile wide and fangy. "Guess that means you pulled the short straw, ducks." He stalked over to the demon, who was looking less and less scary as the vampire bore down on him. Spike knelt down. "Did I also mention it doesn't matter what color you bleed either?" He asked conversationally, before grabbing the creature by his shoulder's tossing him like a rag doll. He walked over to where he'd thrown him, feeling so much like his old self, he almost forgot where he was and what he was doing. He lifted the demon, kicking at him, and throwing a few punches at him for good measure, but the demon was too small, and weak to fight back. "Oh c'mon mate! Make this SOMEWHAT challenging, will you?"   
  
The demon breathed raggedly, choking on it's own blood, which oozed from numerous abrasions on it's face.. He looked at Spike, speechless.   
  
Spike sighed. "Bloody hell, ruin my fun why don't you?" he pouted. "Aw hell, might as well bugger off like your mate then..." Spike crossed his arms. The demon stood, trying to make a run for it. Spike grabbed his neck from behind and shoved his face into the hard cement. 

"Second thought..." Spike took his foot and poised it against the base of the demon's neck. He slammed down, snapping the demon's neck right in half. Blue blood pooled around his shoe. "Go to hell."   
  
He smiled, dusting his hands off. "Well then..." he paused, wiping his shoe against the demon. "Big Bad's had enough fun." He shook off his visage. He stepped over the carnage; a stab of guilt ate at him. He enjoyed that way too much. LA was changing him. Being chipless was changing him. He needed to go home. Home was in Sunny D with the slayer and her adorable lil sis. Yet, how could he go home chipless? Buffy would kill him; she couldn't trust him. Hell, he wasn't sure he could trust himself. What if he couldn't control the demon and something like tonight happened? They were demons though.... Then there was Lorne's prediction. He took an un-needed breath and looked to the stars. Nothing frightened him more than losing Buffy, as a friend, or anything else. He feared for her life again. He'd find someway to control his demons, and he'd find someway to make Buffy see that he was still good, that he still wanted to be good, chip or no chip. He knew deep down going back was the right thing to do. He'd talk to her, tell her he was good, make her see. He had to. Their lives depended on it.   
After she finished kicking his ass for leaving in the first place, he was sure. Or more like, he hoped. She could be rejoicing his departure too. But something in the stars told him that wasn't so. 

  
Riley couldn't believe this. Had something changed inside Buffy after she'd been...'reborn'?? He could not grasp the concept of her having any feelings for Spike than utter disgust. "Buffy..."   
  
"No Riley." she cut him off with a wave of her hand. "Look, you don't think I don't know how ridiculous this sounds? This is a vampire, who happens to LOVE being a vampire, and is the epitome of evil. But he's changed. He has and no one can convince me now that he hasn't. After you left, Spike took care of us all, even after we drove him away. He wanted to help us, wanted to protect Dawnie. He took a severe punishing from Glory to protect her. He was practically dead, but he wouldn't rat on us. I'll never forget that. He did something good, because he wanted to."   
  
"To score points with you! Buffy, I've found Spike in your room, stealing your clothes and things so many times. He's sick and perverted! He showed you that vamp place that night just to get me out of the picture!" Riley argued.   
  
"Maybe he did. But, he didn't make you go there, Riley. If I can forgive you for the mistakes you've made, I can forgive Spike for the ones he's made. At least Spike's more than made up for it. Spike stuck around when it got tough, not hightailed it the other way." Buffy pointed out. "He cares for us, and whether or not it's love on my end isn't the point. Spike's a part of my life, and if you can't handle that, leave." Buffy was through defending herself and Spike.   
  
"Spike's gone though, Buffy. He left too," Riley snubbed.   
  
"He'll be back," Buffy walked away, her back turning to Riley. "He always comes back. He's good and Spike does whatever he wants. He always has. He chose to be good, for what reason I don't know, but I intend to ask him. I'm tired of running around in circles with men. Vampires, men and the whole male...male...group thing...." she trailed off dumbly. "I'm tired of seeing men run out of my life and for once, 'm not gonna let that happen..." Buffy assured herself with her words. She turned, a soulful pair of eyes in him. "I'd like for us to work on things too, but that can't happen until you leave Spike alone."   
  
"I want to resolve things too, Buffy." He knew she was slipping from his grasp. He could see it in her eyes. And it was all because of a heartless, soulless demon. The very things she was supposed to kill. He stood stock still with disbelief, but she seemed quite adamant about how important Spike was to her. She just didn't classify what kind of important. "Until you decide what Spike means to you, I don't think we can talk about what we mean to each other." Riley was tired, but he wasn't giving up yet. "I'm staying in town till you tell me otherwise, Buffy. I love you and I'll fight for you, even against demons." he started retreating into the shadows. He brushed her cheek softly. "I'll be around."   
  
She watched him go into the cold shadows of the night, and shivered coldly from his touch. It didn't feel so good anymore. That's when she realized loving Riley again just didn't seem feasible. She sighed dramatically. Her life was worse than a daytime soap opera. She grunted, thinking of Spike and his obsession with Passions. She needed to find that damn vampire, kick his ass for leaving and make him come home. Where he belonged. She looked at her watch and decided to head home. Tonight was not the night to search for him. It would be sunrise in a few hours.   


TBC... 


	12. Chapter 12

ImitorVitaProAmor12 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 12**   
  
  


He drove hell bent back towards Sunnydale, trying to outrun the impending sunrise. He didn't know why Lorne's reading had unnerved him so much, but it had, and he was going back; whether it was good for him or not. He let his mind drift back to those demons he had killed, and he smirked to himself in satisfaction. After the brawl he had come upon a human walking down the street, and just to see if things were holding out, he'd punched the bugger. No pain. It was weird, not feeling some mind-numbing pain when he hit someone. It had almost been like a part of him for so long. Strange that it felt odd, rather than normal. He'd let the man live, complaining about a sore jaw. Spike figured he could have gotten out worse than that if he'd been in the mood. But he hadn't been. 

He'd had plenty of action earlier with those ugly monsters that had jumped him outside of the club. Who needed to kill humans when there was a challenge to be had there? Demons were bigger, stronger and more importantly, deadlier than humans. They were a real challenge; not one of Angelus's precious easy kills. Spike had always been a fighter, and tonight's battle had only confirmed the fact that he could still do it without killing humans. He was still a brawler. 

And he didn't need to kill humans to prove it. It lifted a tremendous weight from his undead heart. The choice was his. He didn't need to kill humans. He had his pig's blood, demon slaying, Buffy, the bit, and the Scoobs. He could be happy.   
  
He realized he didn't EXACTLY have Buffy yet, per say, but he knew his chances were better with the whole, not killing humans. And he didn't have to. He rolled down the window and laughed to himself. He wasn't just some neutered vamp that couldn't hurt people. It was his choice now. And for Spike, that made all the difference. He didn't feed on humans because he didn't bloody well want to, and anyone who wanted to test his power because of his choice was welcome to step the hell up and see if they could back up their theories. No one could call him a bloody ponce without answering to him. He was the big bad. And how he chose to live his life was his own business, now. It was his bloody choice! He discovered that he'd be in Sunnydale within two hours; plenty of time to head back to the crypt for a nap before stopping by the house on Revello drive. He was going to see about his women. Spike grinned and turned on his radio, blaring the music loud and clear as he zipped on the California highway, his car the only one for miles. 

  
Riley walked back to his car and jumped in. He would have offered Buffy a ride, but it would have been too awkward, and he wanted to be alone with his thoughts for now. What was it about Buffy that made him so crazy inside? And what was it about him that drove her back to her obsession with the undead? He shoved his keys into his ignition and the SUV roared to life, the radio at a comfortable level as he pulled out of his spot at the cemetery gate. He drove into the street slowly, his mind wandering all over the place, instead of concentrating on the small stretch of deserted Sunnydale road. The music played softly in the background. He sighed, seeing Buffy in his mind, telling him about Spike. He saw the far off look in her eye when she spoke about the vampire, the way her hand unconsciously rested on the curve of her stomach, like the mention of Spike's name made it ache and flutter. 

_Baby I know the story_   
_I've seen the picture_   
_it's written all over your face_   
_Tell me, what's the secret_   
_That you've been hiding_   
_and who's gonna take my place___

_I should've seen it coming_   
_I should've read the signs_   
_Anyway, I guess it's over_   


He should have known this was what he'd return to, he supposed. He had been asking for it, looking for the attractiveness of a vampire himself. What was it that made them so alluring to Buffy, and eventually, to himself? What was it about them that was so irresistible? He wondered if it was just Spike. But recalling Angel, he guessed it wasn't so.   
  
He groaned inwardly. Had his leaving driven Buffy back to something familiar? Or had she been playing him like that during their entire relationship? Had everything, past and present been in Angel's shadow, only to fall into Spike's as they progressed? He supposed he should have seen it coming. Her little Freudian slips. He distinctly recalled a, "if I wanted super powers, I'd be dating Spike," somewhere in the back of his mind. Or, the way they made fun of each other, how he'd smirk with all that sexual allure, and how she'd flush and turn away from him, calling him all sorts of names that she obviously didn't mean when push came to shove. The fire in their eyes when they fought each other, his fury seemed a little too strong at times, and her annoyance a little too vehement. There was passion there, amongst the raging insults and the flying barbs. 

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_I thought this love would never end_   
_How was I to know_   
_You never told me_   
_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_And I who thought you were my friend_   
_How was I to know, you never told me_

  
This was partially his fault. He'd seen bits and pieces of their tumultuous fire, and had ignored it, preferring to live blissfully unaware to the flame that was sputtering to life under his very nose. He'd been in too much denial to see it. Buffy, his precious golden, perfect Buffy could not fall for an animal. That had been his opinion at the time however. But, Spike had made him aware that perhaps that was exactly what she needed.   
  
He displaced the blame again. If that's what she had wanted, all she had to do was tell him! He could be all about passion, emotion, flame. But he had thought she wanted a rock in her raging sea, something steady and always there. How did he know she'd fall for the raging wind?__

_Baby, you should've called me_   
_When you were lonely_   
_When you needed me to be there___

_Sadly, you never gave me_   
_To many chances_   
_To show you how much I care_

  
And now? Now, it was obviously too late. The spark of flame between Slayer and vampire had grown to such extremes that apparently, their contact had to be evacuated. Spike had gone when the heat had overcome him and her both, only to have her missing every second of it. What a ride those two must be on, he thought to himself. He wondered why someone would want such an up and down relationship, so much hate and love all at once. He, personally, didn't like complication.   
  
Maybe that was part of his problem as well, and with it, something innately unattractive about him to Buffy. Her life had always been a whirlwind of everything, all tossed about and thrown in at once, chaos and disorder. He'd thought he could fix some of that for her, be her steady, guiding hand. He'd thought she'd wanted that order in her life. He was wrong. And apparently, he was paying for it now.__

_I should've seen it coming_   
_I should've read the signs_   
_Anyway, I guess it's over___

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_I thought this love would never end_   
_How was I to know_   
_You never told me_   
_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_And I who thought you were my friend_   
_How was I to know, you never told me_

  
The ex-commando sighed, trying to stay optimistic. She hadn't said she hated Spike. She'd only said she'd missed him. But how could he ignore what every one of his senses was screaming at him? Just the looks they shared seem to have more heat than any of his lovemaking with Buffy. He felt so insignificant. And that made him angry. He didn't want to loose that way. Not to Spike, of all people. 

_About the pain and the tears_   
_If I could I would_   
_Turn back the time___

_I should've seen it coming_   
_I should've read the signs_   
_Anyway, I guess it's over___

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_I thought this love would never end_   
_How was I to know_   
_You never told me_   
_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_And I who thought you were my friend_   
_How was I to know, you never told me_   


Turning onto the street that housed Graham's apartment, he slowed his car down, and lowered the volume on the radio. That look in Buffy's eyes tonight had told him so many things. The truth, for one, even when she'd said she didn't know. It hurt him, what he saw, and he convinced himself he needed to find a way to bring her back to him. They belonged together. For now, he'd ignore what he'd sensed, and he'd work harder on them, as a couple. He needed her. Maybe, if he tried hard enough, she'd need him just as much one day. 

_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_I thought this love would never end_   
_How was I to know_   
_You never told me_   
_Can't believe that I'm the fool again_   
_And I who thought you were my friend_   
_How was I to know, you never told me_

  
  
Spike parked his Desoto behind the cemetery in its usual spot and hopped the fence, sprinting towards his crypt as the first rays of sunlight began to bounce off the horizon. He shut the door with a definitive clank behind him, smiling ruefully as he took in the place. She'd been here. He could smell her. It made him feel happy, knowing that she'd thought enough about what he'd said to come and say goodbye. He wondered if he should have taken longer to see that. 

Shaking his head, he decided that there was nothing he could gain from being nostalgic, and instead, he pulled the blood packets he had kept in the car from his duster pockets and stuck them in the fridge, along with his beer. He'd spend the day thinking. When the sun went down, he'd find her. 

  
Sunlight streamed into Dawn's window, making her groan. She turned her head from the blinding light. She'd fallen asleep so quickly last night; she'd forgotten to pull in the shades. She threw her covers off and sat up, rubbing her sleep filled eyes. She turned to the clock and groaned again. If she didn't move now, she'd be late for school. With a sigh, she hopped out of bed to shower and change.   
  
Twenty minutes later she knocked on her sister's door. "Buffy!! Wake up already! I'm gonna be late!" 

No answer, not even a tired moan.   
  
"Buffy?" she knocked again, then opened her door. Her sister's bed was empty and made. Dawn turned and hurried down the stairs, her heart filling with worry. "Buffy?!" she called. It was totally unlike her to not be here.   
  
Dawn sighed with relief, finding her sister asleep on the couch.   
  
"Buffy..." Dawn called, annoyed at her brush with worry. She shook her gently. "Hey! C'mon!!" Dawn shouted.   
  
Buffy groaned tiredly. She turned over, facing Dawn, still asleep. She smiled and mumbled, "Spike..."   
  
Dawn's eyes widened and she put a hand to her mouth, holding in her bubbling giggles. "What did you say?" Dawn whispered, as not to wake her completely.   
  
Her smile returned. "Spike..."   
  
Dawn fell on her rump in disbelief. She couldn't believe it...   
  
She stretched like a feline and sighed. Her eyes opened slowly. She looked over at Dawn and smiled. "Hey..." she said, her voice filled with sleep. Her eyes widened suddenly. "Oh my God! What time is it?" she jumped up, looking for the time.   
  
She slapped a hand to her forehead and gasped. "Oh...oh go eat something fast, while I change! I made your lunch last night," she jumped off the couch, running for the stairs. She looked back at Dawn, who hadn't moved. She stared, perplexed. Then she groaned again. "Is it Saturday?"   
  
Dawn had a giant grin on her face and she just shook her head no.   
  
"Then why are you just sitting there with that silly grin on your face?! You'll be late Dawnie!" Buffy gaped. 

Dawn just beamed more brightly, finally starting to giggle. 

"What are you laughing about?!" Buffy sighed, tiredly.   
  
Dawn had a 'I told you so' look on her face as she finally sat up, walking to Buffy. "You were sleeping on the couch..."   
  
"And the humor in this, is?" Buffy wasn't following.   
  
"And you were dreaming..." Dawn continued.   
  
"Again, not finding any humor here." Buffy crossed her arms.   
  
"You were dreaming about Spike!" Dawn let her grin split her face. "You were moaning his name!!"   
  
Buffy raised her brows, staring at the girl. "Huh?"   
  
"You were saying... 'Spike...Spike...' I heard you!" her smile not losing any flare, as she mimicked her sister's voice.   
  
Buffy sank to the steps. She flushed red. "So... maybe I was finally staking him..."   
  
"Or kissing him...or…or… doing...more..." Dawn hinted.   
  
"Oh no. Don't even… you're only fifteen, what do you know about...oh....geez... Dawnie!!!" Buffy groaned unbearably embarrassed, head in hands. "I was NOT dreaming of Spike!"   
  
"You were TOO!" Dawn argued. "I HEARD you!!!"   
  
"Just cuz I said his name doesn't mean I was dreaming bout him! And...and...if I was, it was of me killing him!" Buffy argued back lamely. She'd been caught red-handed. Truth was, she was dreaming of Spike, but it was a sick and twisted dream. That's all...   
  
"Sure Buffy," Dawn nodded sarcastically.   
  
"It was!" She was losing the argument.   
  
"Whatever you say..." Dawn crossed her arms, her grin not lessening.   
  
"Ugh… I don't believe this... I was not kissing Spike!" she stood up, go eat before you're late for school!" Buffy ordered.   
  
Dawn turned on her heel, walking into the kitchen. "Were too!!"   
  
Buffy growled, stomping up the stairs. 

  
Buffy walked Dawn to her building. "Ok, 'll see you later then, have a good day at school." She smiled.   
  
"Don't forget my dentist appointment today!" Dawn told her.   
  
"I won't, just don't you forget missy," Buffy said sternly.   
  
"Oh, I won't... Don't get caught up daydreaming about Spike though!" Dawn teased, before running for her life towards the building.   
  
Buffy growled and stomped her foot. The girl had bothered her about it the whole way to school! She couldn't believe she'd actually said his name aloud. Sighing, she turned and headed towards the magic shop, thoughts (not all clean) ran through her head before she could stop them. God, had she really dreamt of Spike like that?   
  
After her ordeal with Riley last night, she'd gone home and crashed on the couch immediately, refusing to think about him, or his accusations, or that kicked puppy look he got on his face. She'd fallen asleep within minutes, and in her dreams, found herself in a dark cemetery. She'd been dressed in a sheer black, knee length dress, and her hair hung loose, in curls. She carried Mr. Pointy at her side, poised and ready, and she was moving in and out of the thick fog and the shadows cast by the trees and the moonlight. She had been walking forward, searching for something, or someone.   
  
Suddenly, out of the fog, she saw a flash of black and turned towards it, stake poised, but when she looked, there was nothing there.   
  
Then, out of thin air, cool hands gripped her arms, pulling her body backwards from behind, sending her flush against something solid.   
  
She gasped in shock, but soon relaxed at the sound of his voice as hands ran up and down her arms with feather light touches.   
  
"Easy luv..." he purred, his cool lips tracing the back her hair. He took one hand and brushed away her curls, putting his cool lips against her neck, sending a ripple through her skin. He nipped gently along her neckline, purring softly all the while.   
  
She leaned her head back, inviting him closer. She smiled with complete satisfaction as his tongue darted out of his lips, tracing the pulse point at her throat.   
  
His hands slid down the length of her arms, circling her abdomen. His purring grew louder at the intense pleasure of the feel of her against him.   
  
She dropped her stake and found his hands with her own. She squeezed them affectionately as he continued nipping at her neck playfully with blunt teeth. She leaned into his coolness, her body radiating heat from his ministrations. She felt one hand leave her body, only to have his fingertips trace her cheek, down her throat, along her shoulder blade, to the strap of her dress. 

He brushed it off her shoulder with ease, replacing the newly exposed flesh with his lips. His hand worked its way back to her body, and found her tiny hand again, entwining their fingers.   
  
She turned to face him, wanting so badly to see him. Her eyes found his chiseled, beautiful face and she studied the planes of it intently. Then, giving up on finding the part about him that she loved most, she cupped his cheek, the warmth of her hand, burning the sensation into cool skin. His eyes were the color of the ocean after a storm. His lips were pale and pressed together, wanting to continue his onslaught of tender kisses. She smiled at him; eyes alight with barely contained love and passion. She leaned in closer to him, inhaling the scent of leather and smoke and spice that was uniquely his, smiling tenderly at the familiar sensation. She rested her head on his sculpted chest, burying her face in his soft, well-worn duster.   
  
His hands played anxiously against her back and shoulders, pulling the other strap of her dress off her shoulders, his cool palms pressing against the sheer fabric, sending waves of coolness over her skin. He pulled at her heatedly, pushing her as close as he could, while he rested his cheek against the top of her head, his chest vibrating with a deep, rumbling noise. He inhaled the scent of her moaned at the sweet familiarity of it. "Buffy... I love you..."   
  
She looked up to him and his lips crashed down on hers, cold and hot all at once. She moaned in utter ecstasy as his tongue traced erotic patterns on her now parted, swollen lips. His kiss was full of such intensity it made her head swim. She kissed him back, with as much fervor, perhaps more, darting her warm tongue along his cool lips playfully, before biting on his bottom lip gently. He growled low in his throat, and she pulled back slightly, wanting to see his haunting eyes, clouded with passion for her.   
  
"Spike..."   
  
He caressed her shoulder with his hand, smiling at her gently, hearing the lusty trembles in her voice. His eyes were warm and tender, and were full of such uncontrolled emotion. More emotion than she ever dreamed he could have. He kissed her forehead, gently his lips lingering there in a sweet gesture. "God, you make me feel so alive Buffy."   
  
"Spike..." She looked up at him, lips slightly parted, a pleasantly mussed, dazed expression on her face. She had been about ready to explode if he didn't kiss her again. And then, she'd woken up…her dream had ended. 

Thank God. Right? Of course!   
  
Buffy argued with herself all the way to the magic shop, feeling her heart race as she relieved the best moments of the dream again and again. And again.   
  
Oh God... What was happening to her? Fantasizing about Spike?! She wanted to feel repulsed and sick by the mere thought of it, but it had been such a tender, sweet dream. It had been anything but the bad dream she kept telling herself it should have been. "UGH! Bad Buffy!! NO!" she chastised herself sternly upon reaching the shop. She took a steadying breath, trying to force the dream out of her mind. But it wouldn't leave. She stepped inside the store, grinning largely, though she didn't know it.   
  
"I told you Spike could do it!" Xander huffed, full of himself, and no small amount of shit.   
  
"He did it, and she didn't even make him!" Willow agreed. "He did it cuz he wanted to! I knew he would..."   
  
"Spike do what? What are you guys talking bout?" Buffy interrupted.   
  
"Slayer Master General!" Xander looked up. "How's it going? How's the Dawnster?"   
  
"She's fine." Buffy quirked an eyebrow warningly at her friend. He was obviously trying to change the subject. "Now, what are you guys talking about?"   
  
Willow was more than happy to tell her. "Spike saved someone's life!"   
  
"And you weren't around for him to try and score 'points'!" Tara added, proud of the vampire she had come to call friend.   
  
"I..." Buffy paused. Was he back?? Had he come back to them?! "Spike's back?!" Buffy's eyes lit up.   
  
"No, this was the other night, Buffy. Apparently just before he left Sunnydale..." Giles explained, a rather fascinated look in his eye from the strange events. A vampire voluntarily saving a stranger. Odd.   
  
"Oh." She frowned.   
  
Giles watched the girl curiously. Why did she seem disappointed that he wasn't back?? He watched her slip into a chair at the table, looking somewhat saddened and just a little bit lost. "Is everything quite alright?" Giles asked gently, brow furrowing with concern.   
  
"It's fine." She smiled short and sweetly.   
  
Something was definitely wrong, the watcher knew. He knew the slayer, who was like a daughter to him, and consequently, could read her like a book. Written in English. With pop-out pictures.   
  
"Yeah, so back to Spike saving people!" Xander grinned.   
  
"I can't believe how much all of you have changed your opinions. You of all people Xander… When did you turn into a cheerleader for team Spike?" Buffy questioned.   
  
"Right about the same time he went out, risking his undead life every night to slay and protect Dawnie." Xander shrugged. "Guess he kinda grows on ya... like mold." His smile changed to a stern look. "But... he IS still a vamp!"   
  
"Oh, come off of it Xand. You know you like the guy!" Willow pushed. "You're just jealous cuz he beats you in pool all the time! Not that anyone couldn't beat you. Cuz you know, you really suck and stuff."   
  
"Soooo not the point. But thanks bunches Wills...for pointing out my suckiness... because I'm sure before just now, no one noticed." Xander smiled sarcastically at his oldest friend.   
  
She grinned, bouncing in her seat, eyes alight with mischief and good humor.   
  
"Anyway..." Anya rolled her eyes at how childish they both could get. "We found out that this girl had been attacked in the cemetery the other night. She was going for a stroll..."   
  
"An obvious newcomer to Sunnydale," Tara added.   
  
"Or otherwise very stupid," Anya agreed.   
  
"And it appears some type of demon...attacked her..." Giles continued.   
  
"We've covered all that so far. My questions are, who told you, and how do we know Spike did the saving?" Buffy asked.   
  
"And what kind of demon is important too!" Anya put in. "Because we'll probably need to kill it."   
  
"It seems the girl had told a few friends, who also shop here..." Willow informed Buffy, ignoring Anya's statement for now, however wise it may have been.   
  
"Way to go on spreading out the business Giles," Buffy grinned.   
  
Giles returned the gesture, eyes scrunching up with fondness, before turning his attention back to the matter at hand. "It appears she saw some flashing lights nearby and went to check it out…"   
  
"Checking things out is a major no-no in Sunnydale..." Buffy stated. "What was it?"   
  
"The demon who attacked her," Xander told.   
  
"The flashy lights were a demon? What? I've got to worry about General Electric making demons now, too?" Buffy joked.   
  
"Yes, something like that..." Giles took off his glasses. "It appeared to the girl as some type of... electrical demon... in any case…"   
  
"Okay, and wackiness ensued..." Buffy shook her head. "How does Spike fit in?"   
  
"Well it seems, the girl began to scream and out of nowhere Spike pops in to help. Like Superman. Except without the cape. And the tights. But hey, his name starts with an S, too!" Willow babbled excitedly, though with a keen eye on Buffy. There was something her best friend was keeping inside. She'd have to talk to her later. "It's a little foggy from there. Apparently, Spike told the girl to run but she came back later to see if he was okay. Said he seemed a little... out of it? I don't know what they called it, really. Maybe he was drunk or something… Anyway, the girl said she thought he'd been hurt, but he insisted he was fine and made her go..."   
  
"After he called her Buffy and tried to kiss her..." Xander added, smirking. Boy, was he gonna tease Flashlight head when he got back. You know…if he got back. "That's the 'how we know it was Spike' part."   
  
Buffy lowered her eyes, and coughed. "Oook..."   
  
"Not to mention, she said he had the coolest white hair..." Willow added, grinning.   
  
"So score one for Spike, eh? Go Team Spike! And other stuff you say to celebrate," Anya rambled, watching some customers over in the front of the store. "Whoops... Hey! I'm here to help! Lemme help you!" she called to them, getting up. "I can show you the expensive stuff if you'd like!"   
  
"Still working on that 'let's not be blunt' thing with her, huh?" Buffy chuckled, changing the subject.   
  
"And people say it pays to go to college. I'm a learning machine!" Xander cracked, and then winced when Anya pushed a statuette into one of the customer's faces. "Or not. Well, maybe she needs the remedial course."   
  
"Back to the matter at hand..." Giles cleared his throat, hoping Anya wouldn't permanently traumatize one of the customers. "No one's seen Spike since then and you're pretty sure he's left Sunnydale, right Buffy?"   
  
"His place sure left enough evidence to back that up, yeah..." Buffy thumbed through a book. "So what do we know about the electricky demon?"   
  
"He's electrifying..." Willow teased.   
  
Buffy smiled gently. "Other than that?"   
  
"Nothing that research can't uncover," Giles sat at the table, book in hand.   
  
"Research...yay for research!" Buffy drawled, though she immediately buried her face into a book. At least if she was reading, she wouldn't have to think of Spike.   
  
Willow watched her friend from across the table, wondering just what was up with her. 

  
Hours later, Dawn stood outside her school building, impatiently waiting for Buffy to pick her up. She glared at her watch for the umpteenth time and sighed. Her sister was already a half hour late picking her up, and her dentist appointment was slowly ticking away. She sighed, hoping her sister was okay. Something must have come up. She paced the steps for a little while longer, watching the cars and people go by, until it slowly died down to a trickle, and there was just Dawn. Waiting. Still.   
  
"Okay, this is fine," she said to herself, taking the steps down two at a time. "I'll just take myself to the dentist." she shook her head. "It's bad enough I have to go..." she shook her head. But if she skipped it, Buffy would still kill her. If she didn't kill her for leaving the school alone first. But hey, it was getting later, and Buffy she forgot then it wasn't Dawn's fault. Right?   
  
She stalked down the sidewalk, headed for the dentist.   


TBC... 


	13. Chapter 13

ImitorVitaProAmor13 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 13**   


Buffy stood in the training room; book in hand. She walked lazily in circles as she read, because she couldn't stand to sit any longer. In the hours of research that they'd done, they'd turned nothing up on any type of demon that could harness electricity, let alone one made OF it.   
  
"Hey..." Willow's voice echoed in the quiet room as she joined Buffy inside.   
  
"Hey," Buffy greeted back, looked up. "Find something? Anything?"   
  
"Nope," Willow shook her head. She stared at her friend, wondering what to say.   
  
"What is it, Wills?" Buffy asked, setting down the book.   
  
"Well... I was wondering...what's bothering you?" Willow questioned, deciding to just get to the point. Like Spike always said to. Cuz, she had this habit of rambling, and over the summer, she'd done a lot of it, and Spike had always been the one tell her to get to the point and stuff, so she figured she'd try it and see if it worked and… oh wait.   
  
"Nothing at all..." Buffy lied, eyes darting away.   
  
"C'mon, Buffy. I know something is bothering you..." Willow pressed her friend gently. Buffy bit her lip, wanting to share with Will, but not knowing where to start. How could she tell her friend that what was really bothering her was that dream about Spike? It was driving her to complete distraction! She couldn't stop thinking about it. And then there was Spike in general, for that matter... Than she'd have to admit there was feelings there for her to be bothered by in the first place. She faked another smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.   
  
"I'm fine, really..."   
  
"Ok, yeah, and I'm straight," Willow snorted. She gripped her friend's wrist gently, trying to ease her into conversation. "C'mon Buffy, you've been acting strange all day..."   
  
"I have? How?" Buffy argued.   
  
"Researching? Actually reading the stuff? Instead of skimming pictures? Sooo not the Buffy I know..." Willow pointed out.   
  
"I miss school.." Buffy lied lamely. "The whole college thing."   
  
Willow's eyes widened. "Okay, now I KNOW something's wrong. Very wrong." She tugged her friend down onto the small couch to the side of the room. "It is Riley?"   
  
Buffy didn't answer.   
  
"Or Spike?"   
  
Her head shot down, eyeing the floor. Willow smiled (or frowned, she wasn't quite sure) to herself. Bingo. 

  
Dawn smiled at the dentist with relief, three hours later. She'd had no cavities so there was no need to see him again until it was time for another cleaning. A definite ray of sunshine amidst all the clouds today. Now she had to head home and do her homework. Joy.   
  
"Are you sure you don't need a ride, Miss Summers? It is dark out now..." the dentist, Doctor James, asked.   
  
"Oh, no thanks Doctor James. I'll be fine, my house isn't too far from here..." Dawn responded.   
  
"I'm surprised your sister isn't here to pick you up..." the dentist frowned, disapprovingly.   
  
*Me too*... Dawn thought, growing slightly worried. Maybe Buffy had run into trouble? Of the slimy, green, scaly, fangy, oozy type? She forced the thoughts from her head. "Um, she was...uh…food shopping…so since home isn't too far, she figured 'd be ok. I'm a big girl."   
  
The dentist smiled. "Yes, you are. Just be safe."   
  
"I will," Dawn nodded, grabbing her backpack. "Goodnight..."   
  
"Good night, Dawn," the dentist called as she left the offices.   
  
She stepped out into the cool night air, straightening the straps of her 50 lb. backpack as she did. She sighed, a bit frightened at the completely bare, silent street that greeted her. The smarter residents of Sunnydale were inside locked doors at this point, she surmised. She suddenly wished Spike was around. Well, she had been wishing he was around all day, but she wished he was here even more than before right now. He had always been there to protect her, when Buffy wasn't.   
  
And with that, she began wondering just where the in the bloody hell Buffy was, and if her sister was okay... She started down the block, her fears relenting slightly. At least it wasn't a long walk to home. Once she was home, she'd call Giles to ask him if he knew where the slayer was. 

  
Riley strolled into the magic shop, ringing the little bell on the door as he did. The members of the gang all looked up, half expecting to see William the Bloody waltzing into their mists after realizing that he had become an integral part of the group and couldn't just LEAVE like he had.   
  
"Hey Spike we found…" Xander trailed off as he realized who it was. "Oh. Hey Riley!"   
  
Ignoring the younger boy's slip and giving him points for the cheery greeting, Riley smiled smally. "Hey everyone. Um… so, is Buffy…"   
  
"Training room," Giles responded, not taking his eyes off of the fascinating book he was looking at. Riley wasn't someone he worried about often. As long as he wasn't terrorizing Buffy, everything was fine. Though, the watcher wondered if the boy wasn't the reason Spike had left recently.   
  
Riley nodded and headed back towards the training room, straightening his shoulders and setting his jaw. He ignored the offhanded way the Scoobies had dealt with him. To them, he was just harmless, old Riley. Good old, dependable Riley. Well, he needed to be different from here on out. Fiercer, more passionate, more tumultuous. He could do that. He really could.   
  
The ex-commando creaked the door open, revealing the training room, where Buffy and Willow sat, talking deeply about something or another.   
  
The girls looked up at the sound of his footfalls on the tile, and abruptly ceased their conversation; bathing the room in silence, save for his footsteps and their breathing. He pretended not to notice how silent they had gotten upon his arrival. "Buffy." He tried to put force behind his voice. "We're going to talk."   
  
"Um…I'll go," Willow stated quietly, looking from her best friend to her ex, then back again. Buffy nodded, and with that small motion of consent, the witch quickly made her way out of the room, smiling awkwardly at Riley as she passed. He smiled back just as awkwardly, and she hurried out the door, closing it behind her. She had research to do, anyway.   
  
"Hi, Riley," Buffy greeted, regarding him curiously.   
  
He tried not to do anything awkward, like run his hand through his hair or fidget. He tried to exude confidence, ferocity. If that was what she wanted, that was what she'd get.   
  
She was puzzled now, not seeing any of his usual foibles. He didn't rub his neck with his hand or fidget with his arms or hair. You know, those little things that made him Riley to her. "What's up?" she asked, slightly worried.   
  
He didn't respond at first, completely blanking on what he had planned to say to her. He only knew it had been something passionate, a declaration of love more heated than anything he'd ever been known to do. But it had suddenly left him in her presence, and his throat momentarily went dry. Noting the look she was giving him, he decided it would be best to say SOMETHING. Anything.   
  
"I can be what you want me to be," he blurted before he could stop himself. He mentally smacked himself the second he said it, noting her immediate, bewildered reaction. Whatever happened to cool aloofness to sudden passion, to nothing again? That had been his plan, in any case.   
  
She looked surprise. "What?"   
  
He decided to be straightforward. "You want some monster? You want an up and down ride? Heat? Passion? Hate? Love? I can give it to you. Just give me the word. And it's yours."   
  
Buffy realized Riley was sounding desperate, and it sort of scared her. Good old, reliable Riley wasn't so good or reliable right now. "Are you okay?" she asked. "I mean, I know what I said last night must have been weird…but… it didn't DO anything to you, did it?"   
  
He looked at her. "What do you mean? It did EVERYTHING! I know what you want now. You want someone who drives you nuts and up and down and all over the place. You want something unpredictable and crazy."   
  
His words stunned her. She didn't want that… did she? Inwardly, she sighed. What did she know? She never knew what she wanted. Or she wouldn't admit to herself what she wanted. In ether case, his words hit something. Pushing that little twang of panic and shock back, she tried to face him with reason. "What are you talking about, Riley? That's not what I want."   
  
He was immensely frustrated right about now, and he couldn't help but run both hands through his hair simultaneously, emitting a high-pitched sound of frustration as he did. "Fine. Fine, let's say for a second, that ISN'T what you want. What DO you want, then?" 

  
Dawn walked briskly, trying to remember that Spike had said if she needed him, he'd be there. It sort of gave her comfort, even though she knew he wasn't here, right now. But the mantra gave her enough confidence to continue her solitary walk down the street, backpack bouncing noisily behind her as she did. She pictured anything out there that would even dare touch her being ripped apart by her guardian vampire, then spit upon and made fun of as it died a horrible, pain filled death. The thought of him tearing into anything and anyone that wanted to hurt her eased her internal worry. She strode with a little more confidence after a while, as she neared the Magic Shop. She was soooooo going to kill Buffy for this once she got there. That's what she told herself, anyway. She knew her sister was preoccupied with Spike and Riley issues, but still, Dawn figured this little situation was good enough to get her some 'get out of jail free' cards when it came to Buffy. If she played her cards right, anyway. She smirked a smirk reminiscent of Spike's at the thought.   
  
"Hey Dawn!!! Dawn Summers!!! Hellooo!!"   
  
Dawn jumped visibly at the sudden sound in the previously dead silent night. Obviously, she hadn't been as calm as she first assumed. Taking a deep breath to quell the sudden tremors racking her body, she turned around to see who had called her. She saw her friend Lisa and a group of others walking on the opposite side of the street, back in the direction of town. "Um…hey guys!" she called, smiling and waving at them. "Where're you all going at 8 o'clock at night?"   
  
Lisa waved her over so they wouldn't have to shout across the street. "We thought we'd go study at the Bronze, you know, for that HUGE English test we have tomorrow over Great Expectations? Most of us need to do some major cramming for Mister Wilson's exam. I hear it's going to be a killer."   
  
Dawn blanched. "Oh my God, I forgot completely..."   
  
The group looked at her, incredulous. "How could you FORGET?" Jasmine asked her friend, disbelieving. "It's like, the biggest grade of the six weeks!"   
  
"God, I've just been busy," Dawn sighed. "Hey, can I come with you guys to study? I mean, if you don't mind or anything."   
  
Lisa nodded. "Sure D. There's live band tonight at the Bronze, so we thought we'd check it out amidst all the studying," the girl explained, grabbing onto Dawn's arm and marching them back in the direction from which she had first come, towards the club. Dawn just hoped Buffy didn't kill her for this. She needed to study, anyway. It was important. Plus the whole live band at the Bronze? Definitely something to go see. Buffy would understand. 

  
Spike polished off the rest of his blooming onion and pushed the plate away from him at the Bronze. The band blew, the sound a mix between alternative and folk, and he had been asked to dance by so many Goth chicks tonight he really was tempted to take one out and kill her just because it was wearing on him. But then he thought about Buffy, and about beating the odds and breaking the rules, and all he could do was politely decline each offer they made him.   
  
He sipped his Guinness and sighed. Here he was, again. Good old Sunnyhell. The one place that drew him like a moth to a flame. He toasted it with his bottle and grinned ironically to himself. So… now what? He was here… and after numerous tests to just make sure he hadn't been hallucinating, he could hurt humans. If the man he'd slugged was any indication, anyway. But that man had been a ponce, and as far as Spike was concerned, had deserved the broken jaw for the way he had been treating his girlfriend.   
  
He set his drink aside and watched the evening crowd gyrating to the terrible music. What the hell were they all doing here anyway? It was a weeknight. They should be at home, studying, like his Nibblet was. No question that Buffy'd be helping little sis for that big Great Expectations test coming up tomorrow. He had been the one to help her with summer school after Buffy had died, studied with the Bit and all that school stuff she'd been forced into. They'd done good together, she and him. He wondered what she was doing right now. He missed her. Her and big sis. 

_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost_   
_Tell me who_   
_Are you?_   


As if some higher power was out to play with his mind, Spike saw Dawn walk into the Bronze, surrounded by a group of her mates. He gaped, frozen for a second, surprised to see her here on a school night, without anyone to watch out for her, on top of that? The vampire grew annoyed. Was that it, then? Was Spike the only one who had time to keep an eye on Platelet? He growled low in his throat and left his table by the bar, fading back into the shadows of the dimly lit club. He'd watch out for her, like always, but she didn't need to know he was here. One thing good about being a vampire, he mused, was that he could fade in and out of the dark with little effort. Before long he was sidled up not 10 feet from her and her little buddies who were gathered around some of the old couches, books on the table and soda money in hand. 

_I think that you know what to do_   
_Impossible? Yes, but it's true_   
_I think that you know what to do, yeah_   
_I'm sure that you know what to do_

  
He watched them from behind, and studied Nibblet. She looked tired. A little frazzled. Spike realized he must have forgotten to study for the bloody test. And didn't she have a dentist appointment this week? Where the hell was Buffy? She hadn't ditched Bit to run off with Cap'n Styrofoam, had she? Worry gnawed at him. Dawn looked slightly disturbed, like something was weighing on her. 

_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost_   
_Tell me who_   
_Are you?_   


Then one of her fella friends put his book down and asked her to dance, being all goofy about it and making her laugh a little, but it was mostly forced. That whelp of a boy with his hand on Dawn reminded Spike a lot of Xander, and he swore that he'd die before he saw Dawn get picked up by the likes of that. The two headed for the dance floor and Dawn looked around, in the group of writhing people, looking somewhat uncomfortable. He wondered why. 

_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost little girl_   
_You're lost_   


Dawn let Ronald lead her out on the dance floor just because she didn't really know how to say no to him without hurting his feelings. All she really wanted to do was study for her test. Normally, Spike would have helped her, and she would have been safe and sound at home, but things hand changed drastically between then and now.   
  
She was sort of afraid here, knowing that no one knew where she was, or was looking out for her. She realized she should have called Buffy to let her know where she was. If her sister had figured things out buy now, she would be worried sick.   
  
She danced with Ronald for a little bit, so as not to insult him, but halfway through excused herself and headed towards the bar, where she knew she could borrow a phone to call Buffy.   
  
Dawn walked up to the bar and coughed, alerting the bartender to her presence. He frowned at looked at her. "Look kid, there's no way in hell you're old enough to…"   
  
"I don't want alcohol," she responded hastily. "I was just wondering if I could borrow your phone."   
  
"Uh, yeah," the man agreed, pushing a tan phone towards her. "Local calls only."   
  
She nodded. "Yeah. Just a local call…"   
  
She waited, the sound of the phone ringing at her house on Revello drive. She patted her fingers on the countertop while she waited for an answer, noting a bunch of guys wearing UC Sunnydale shirts screwing around and grinning as they strolled up the bar. One of them looked right at her and she turned away, just waiting for Buffy to pick up. Then, a meaty hand suddenly pushed down the button on the phone and all she heard was the dial tone. "Hey!" she protested, glaring at the college boy.   
  
"Hey yourself girlie," he responded, leering.   


Buffy turned her eyes and walked away from him. She sighed, looking heavenward. Is this what she came back to life for? To be tortured to death until she made a decision about her romantic life?! Especially considering how every decision she's made in the past has been a bad one. She groaned, turning on her heel to face him, a few feet away now. "Riley, why can't you just settle for being really important to me right now?" Buffy asked, almost pleaded. 

He frowned slightly at her statement.   
  
"I don't know what I want, okay? I told you a thousand times over. I just DON'T know!" She exclaimed, before calming herself with a deep breath that inevitably turned into a long-suffering sigh. "Can't we just take this slow? Why do we have to rush into decisions?"   
  
"I don't wanna be strung along like a lapdog, Buffy. It may work with Spike, but it doesn't work with me," Riley shook his head. "I don't think you'll ever decide if we just keep putting the issues on the back burner."   
  
"I don't string along anyone, Riley," Buffy snapped back, lips pressing into a thoughtful frown. Did she? She bit her lip, unsure of herself. Why did he have to tear all her resolve apart?! "If you can't give it time Riley, than just go on and walk out of my life again. Except, this time, don't come back!"   
  
"You know that's not what I want, Buffy. I don't know if that's what you want, but all I'm saying is, how much longer can you keep putting it off?" 

Riley stepped closer to her, wrapping his arms around her. "I'm a good man Buffy. I try, I really do. But it never seems enough. If you need more than I'll try to give you more. If you want a little bad boy in your man... I...I... could try..." 

Buffy shivered in his embrace. She turned her eyes. "Riley, you can't change who you are to make me happy. Just like I can't change who I am to please anyone, I've tried. I'm the slayer, and no one seems to get that. They're never satisfied. They want more Buffy, or more of the slayer. When will anyone be satisfied with just me?!" She pulled away, uncomfortable in his embrace. "I don't want a bad boy Riley, or a good boy or whatever it is you've gotten into your head. How can you possibly know what I need, if I don't?!"   
  
"Buffy, I'm a human being. I can do all the things you need and want. To walk in the sunlight, to get a job, take care of you, give you a family..." Riley pleaded, trying to dig his way out of the hole she buried him in. "Spike can't do that. He can't give you children; he can't walk in the sunlight. He's a killer! A soulless demon! He's an evil monster, who's nothing but a killer!"   
  
"He's not a killer!" Buffy defended. "Not anymore!"   
  
"All because of some extra hardware in his brain!" Riley tried to rationalize. "Can't you see he's a killer! He's soulless."   
  
Buffy glared. "I know plenty of killers with souls!" She couldn't believe the lengths she was going to defend Spike.   
  
"What if he turns on you??! What if you wake up one day and he kills you, or your friends?! Or Dawn?! How can you risk that? Look what happened with Angel! And he had a soul!" Riley argued. "There's no remorse in Spike. No love. Just evil."   
  
"Stop it!" Buffy wanted to pull her hair out in frustration. "Spike wouldn't hurt Dawn!! I know it! In my gut! In my heart! In my head! It's all bubbling around inside! Can't you see it?! Spike's changed!"   
  
"Changed for how long? I'm the closest you get to perfect Buffy. I love you so much, can't YOU see that?" Riley was losing badly.   
  
She stared at him like he was made of glass. Her jaw dropped.   
  
"What? What did I say?" he asked.   
  
"Oh God... Dawn...." Buffy mumbled. She broke her transfixed gaze. "I forgot Dawn! I forgot!" her eyes welled up with guilty tears and she ran from the room.   
  
"Buffy!! Wait!!!" Riley called.   
  
"I can't! Dawn's all alone!" she burst into the other room.   
  
"What's wrong?" Giles asked.   
  
"Dawnie... we need to find her..." Buffy rushed out the store, not bothering to explain anymore than that. She ran towards the school first, and if she wasn't still there she'd check the dentist.   
  
Riley looked at the stunned group. "I'll go check home and the cemetery," he stated, a bit meekly. Tara and Willow offered to check their place and school. 

Xander took Anya's hand and led her towards the door. "Anya and I will check the streets and hospital." 

Giles nodded. "I'll wait here incase she decides to come by."   


"I'm using the phone, you'll just have to wait your turn," Dawn pulled the phone   
towards her and started dialing again., sparing an annoyed look at Frat boy.   
  
The older, bigger boy ripped the phone from her hands. "Screw you, little girl. I'll use the damn phone whenever the hell I want to." He picked up the receiver.   
  
Dawn growled angrily and glared at him. "Yeah, piss off," she muttered, unconsciously uttering one of Spike's favorite phrases.   
  
The college boy stopped dialing and turned his head to her. "What did you say to me!?"   
  
"Wow, Frat boys really are dumber than your average dumb person..." Dawn snorted. "I said… piss off!" She grabbed the receiver away from him.   
  
His friends laughed at him. "You gonna let a high school brat overpower you, Terry?"   
  
"Easy now..." the bartender warned. One of his friends laughed drunkenly and socked the guy right in the face, knocking him out. Dawn swallowed hard, her heart pounding in fear as she regarded the expressions of her oppressors. She'd gone too far. She just couldn't stand bullies, never had been able to stomach them. So as her principles dictated, she stood toe-to-toe bravely with the taller, muscular, football type guy. She stared hard, hoping her fear wasn't showing in her eyes.   
  
"You're a dead little bitch..." the one called Terry grabbed Dawn's arm forcefully.   
  
"Ow!" she grunted. "Lemme go, you jerk!!!" She squirmed, and smacked at the offensive appendage holding her in his grip, but it was too tight. She was going to pass out soon, from fear. Oh God... what had she gotten herself into?! 

Dawn had always thought a vampire, or demon, or something dark and ugly living inside of Sunnydale would eventually kill her. She, for the most part, had forgotten that there were human monsters out there as well. And sometimes, they were far worse than any demon she could ever have met. Dawn tried to get the bully to leave her alone, but he just laughed and shoved her into a group of his friends on the far side of the bar, near the wall at the back of the club. She could smell the alcohol on their breath as she stumbled into two of them, and she scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Leave me alone!" she protested, when one of them smacked her rump and grinned. "Don't touch me!" 

  
Spike stuck to the shadows, noticing Dawn had made her way off the dance floor. He took the long way around the club to keep from being seen, following the familiar smell and feel of her. He didn't want to alert her to his presence, just yet. Technically, he was supposed to be gone. Slinking around towards the bar, his brow furrowed when he didn't see her right away. He had been sure this was where she was headed…   
  
"Ow! Stop it!!!"   
  
The sound of her voice caught his attention, and he immediately stood straight up, hearing the distress and the pain there. He growled low in his throat, and had to hold him self back physically for a moment so he wouldn't vamp out right then and there. Forgetting his carefully laid plans, he charged forward, shoving his way through a necking couple and a group of kids smoking and laughing by the stairs. And when he came into full view of the bar, the tenuous hold he had on his calm severed completely. Three lugs in UC Sunnydale sweaters were laughing and grabbing at his Platelet like stray dogs nipping over a king's meal. He could see their slightly dilated pupils and smell the beer on them from a mile away. The vampire frowned. This just wouldn't do, now would it? There were certain things in his life that he would not watch, would not allow. One of them was daytime talk shows. Another of them was seeing Dawn that bloody terrified. So terrified that she was shaking, that her voice floundered and she looked absolutely hopeless. He had seen her wear that expression only once before, back at the tower with Doc, and by the life and un-life of him, he bloody well refused to stand by and see it again. Fail her again. This time, this time, he could handle it. He strode forward purposefully and shoved the one kid with his back to him out of the way, intercepting Dawn as she was shoved in his direction and pulling her behind him.   
  
"Spike!!!" Dawn exclaimed in surprise, relief flooding her immediately, though he noted her voice still shook slightly. "What are you…"   
  
"I told you I'd be here if you ever needed me, didn't I, Nibblet?" he asked, letting go of some of his anger to look at her reassuringly. His eyes were so much softer when he looked at her. Her and Buffy.   
  
Dawn took in the warmth of his fondness in his expression and relaxed a little, though she was still terrified. "You always have been," she stated quietly.   
  
He smiled at the irony of the statement, recalling the tower again briefly, before dropping it for another brood time, another brood place. He turned back to the three college blokes, who looked quite indignant, now that their fun had been stopped. "Hey, who the hell do you think you are, you 80's punk reject?" a blonde one asked, crooked nose turned up at the smaller, more wiry Spike. The vampire growled.   
  
"I think, I'm the one that's going to take the lady home. And I think, I'm the one that's going to make you apologize to her. What do you think, if you do at all?" Spike asked conversationally. But Dawn could hear his fury bubbling just below the surface. Whenever he got like that his voice was flat and cold. It meant he was pissed. It meant that he needed a decent spot of violence, and that if anyone touched her again and scared her like that, he would rip them apart, human or not. He had always been like that for her. She realized it was because they needed each other. They had needed each other to convince the other that Buffy's death hadn't been either of their faults. And over the months, they had clung to that need rather than separate when Buffy had returned. He was her best friend.   
  
Every time she had been remotely hurt, Spike had been there for her. Whether it had been something as terrifying as reliving nightmares of Buffy's death at night or something as trivial as scraping her knee. He protected her. Not just because he had promised to, but also because he loved her.   
  
"I think you're stupid, cuz there's three of us and one of you," one of the jocks responded, a decidedly stereotypical sneer in his voice. "That's what I think."   
  
Dawn stepped back a bit from Spike, knowing he'd need room to maneuver. He wouldn't be able to hit the humans without setting his chip off, but she knew he'd do it anyway. He was just that way.   
  
"I'm impressed. You counted past one," Spike responded. Hearing Dawn step back, he turned slightly to look at her out of the corner of his eye. "Bit, get ready, we're leaving."   
  
"Yeah, in a body bag," the college boy with the surfer accent scoffed. The one next to him, the brunette with the spiked hair, grinned and nodded like an idiot.   
  
"Both of them," he agreed.   
  
Spike was incensed. He would let them threaten him because he was an equal match for them, whether they knew it or not. But threatening to kill Dawn just made him see red all around. He wanted to snap their necks between his hands, or drain them dry and laugh as the life faded out of them slowly and painfully. He wanted to kill them for even thinking that he'd let them hurt his Nibblet. But a voice in the back of his head told him that doing that WOULD lose for him, one of the most precious things in his life right now. Killing them would estrange him from Dawn. She would fear him, would loathe him. Be disgusted and call him murderer. He didn't think he could take that, not from her.   
  
Hearing one of the jocks sneaking up on him, Spike made a decision, right then and there. He worked around his fury. So instead of spinning around like he had wanted to so he would end up behind his attacker to be in a good position to rip the kid's jugular out, the vamp he simply ducked the punch from the side easily, having heard the clumsy git move to draw his arm back in preparation for an attack. Spike hated sucker punchers. The jock, completely off balance from missing Spike, lurched forward, and the vampire caught his extended arm, pushing it downward and breaking it across his knee. The sound of shattering bone was pleasant, a sensation he had sort of missed since the insertion of the chip. The boy cried out in horror, seeing the jagged end of bone extending through the meat of his arm. Spike brought up his elbow and clocked his opponent in the face, knocking him backwards into the bar hard and rendering him unconscious. He knew Dawn wouldn't have liked to see the bone breaking, but Spike REALLY hated sucker punchers.   
  
The other two jocks, still standing stock still from utter surprise, looked at each other, the heap on the floor that was their friend, then back at Spike. They charged forward at the same time, intent on driving the bleached blond man in the black duster back into the edge of the bar and winding him. The vampire leapt over them in a graceful arc, executing a perfect flip over them at the last second. Imagine their surprise when he clanked their heads together harshly from behind and shoved them into the bar, to land other friend, who was already unconscious and twitching on the floor. Both of them slid bonelessly to the ground, completely blacked out. They would probably be like that for a long while. 

Taking a moment to admire his handiwork, Spike smirked at the three unconscious lugs, who all reminded him in one way or another, of Captain Cardboard. Then, he remembered that this little altercation hadn't been a simple bar brawl to satiate a little bit of blood lust. Dawn was still here. Spike stiffened and turned around slowly, so he could look at her. 

The girl stood behind him with her mouth open slightly, eyes big and bewildered. She stared at the pile of College boys for a minute, as if coming to terms, and then forced her gaze back to William. Her brow furrowed, and she moistened her lips, speaking slowly to keep her voice from shaking. 

"What…what kind of demons were they?" she asked softly, though she already knew the answer.   
  
"You and I both know you know the answer to that one, pet," Spike responded gently. He almost expected her to draw back in fear, try to hide away from him, now that he could hurt humans. He waited for a reaction, braced himself for it by closing his eyes. He could see her reaction in his mind's eye. She was recoiled in absolute horror in his mental image, and putting a stool between herself and him as if it would afford a meek means of protection from the bloodthirsty monster. Her lips would be trembling slightly and her eyes would be huge and liquid. He heard the mental image of his girl whimper a quiet, 'don't hurt me, please' in that shaky way her voice got when she was scared. He saw her eyes well up with tears, saw her look at him a moment before turning around and running as fast as she could, in the opposite direction. He was used to that sort of thing now he supposed, or he should be, anyway. The people he loved running from him because he wasn't what they wanted him to be. He expected it.   
  
What she did next surprised no one more than him. Maybe it surprised her a little too. He suddenly found himself arm deep in Platelet, her hands wrapped tightly around his neck as she sobbed against him. "They were horrible Spike… I was scared…I didn't think…" she trailed off, crying softly. "They were monsters."   
  
Spike tightened his arms around her protectively, cooing words of reassurance in her ears, though he knew that she knew what those boys would have taken from her if they'd been given the chance. "It's all right Bit, I've got you." He squeezed her for emphasis. "I've got you."   
  
She nodded against him and tried to stop crying, though he could still feel her body give the occasional shudder of disgust. "Thank you, for protecting me," she said quietly, drawing the back of her hand across her eyes to dislodge the tears there.   
  
"Until the end of the world," he muttered back, petting her hair gently.   
  
"Spike?" her voice was small.   
  
"Yes, pet?"   
  
"You're more human than any of them. People like that." She wanted him to know that. He needed to believe it.   
  
"I'm a vampire, luv."   
  
"I know," she responded, hugging him tighter. And she accepted him. It made his throat catch slightly. Chipless, and violent, and undead, she accepted him. He was reminded yet again, why he loved this girl.   
  
"Let's get you home, Bit. Big Sis will worry," he murmured, pulling back slightly and looking at her still tear stained face. He pulled the cuff of his duster over his hand and wiped the liquid away from her cheeks gently.   
  
She nodded. "Let's go home." 

  
Riley searched the house on Revello Drive from top to bottom, but no Dawn. He sighed, wondering if checking the cemetery was worth it, or if he should look in the parks. Where would a fifteen-year-old girl want to go in the middle of the night anyway? When he had been that age he'd been home at 6 every night, doing his homework or playing football with his brothers. Times sure had changed.   
  
He considered the night he'd found Spike in Buffy's room, and how protective of Spike, Dawn had been. He wondered if she'd gone to his crypt. Or… what if Spike had come back and kidnapped Dawn?! Riley left the house and ran down the block at a dead run. If he managed to save Dawn, maybe Buffy would realize what a beast Spike really was. 

  
Minutes after Riley had left the Summer's house, Spike escorted Dawn through the front door and deposited her unto the threshold rather gallantly. He had been a Victorian gentleman, after all. Dawn smiled up at him. "I'm glad you were there tonight, Spike." 

"Where's big sis?" Spike asked, scared brow knitting. "She shouldn't have left you all alone at the Bronze."   
  
Dawn sighed. "I dunno... she was supposed to pick me up from school and take me to the dentist. She never showed, so I went by myself, and was on my way home, when I realized I forgot all about my big test tomorrow."   
  
"Buffy didn't help you?" Spike sighed.   
  
"No...she...uh..." Dawn paused. "Well, she's been kinda..."   
  
"With Cap'n Cardboard, eh?" Spike asked, trying to sound confident about saying that. It didn't quite play out.   
  
"No, no not at all." Dawn shook her head. "Spike…she's just been…well, kinda lost since you left."   
  
Spike's eyes widened and if his heart still beat, he was sure it would've stopped from the absolute shock of his Bit's statement. "What?"   
  
Dawn tried to suppress a small smile. "We were both pretty distraught..." She pouted, suddenly looking up at him those huge, luminous eyes. "How could you leave us?" Dawn asked, smacking him in the chest furiously.   
  
Spike frowned sadly, wanting to stake himself for the hurt in Dawn's eyes but caught her hand with his own instead, and held it. "I'm sorry, Little Bit... I thought it was for the best..." Spike sighed, squeezing her hand gently. "Your sis... and I...she needed me to leave..."   
  
"No Spike... she didn't! Don't you see, that's all the men in her life do… leave..." Dawn explained; her voice filled with sadness. She didn't want to betray her sister. She'd leave it up to her to explain the state she was in after he left.   
  
"I'm sorry, Nibblet. I'm here now, an' I promise you 'll never leave you again." Spike pulled her too him and hugged her gently. "Until Buffy finds out 'm chipless and runs a clothespin through me anyway...."   
  
Dawn gasped and pulled back from his familiar embrace. She couldn't believe she'd almost forgotten that! "How, how did you get the chip out? Is that where you went Spike?"   
  
He shook his head. "Nah. Was on my way to LA, when this thing was attacking someone in the graveyard..." Spike started, awkward to admit what a sodding hero he was turning out to be. "Some type of electrical demon..." He paused. "It shocked me, an' when I woke...presto, no chip buzzing around in my head."   
  
"H..how...did you know?" Dawn was almost afraid to ask.   
  
"I didn't kill anyone..." Spike said defensively, disappointment in his eyes. She thought he'd gone back to being a killer.   
  
"I know!" Dawn wanted to wash the look in his eyes away. "I know you'd never hurt someone unless they were bad... I thought you know, maybe you'd punched someone or something. Not killed anyone!"   
  
"How can you be sure, Nibblet?" Spike found her blind faith in him surreal.   
  
"Because you love us too much. Love controls every little thing we do in this world Spike. Love is stronger than anything, and you're no monster." Dawn explained.   
  
"I wish I could believe you," Spike leaned against the doorframe.   
  
"You can. You've risked so much for us Spike. You woulda died for us. The night Buffy died is when I realized how strong love could be. She'd die for me, as you would...for me...or for her..." Dawn stared at him, daring him to contradict her.   
  
"Right then," he stumbled nervously. "So after I woke, the girl I tried to..." he couldn't say it. "She came back and I well... I was a bit disoriented 'n whatnot, sorta knocked her down. Funny thing was, it didn't hurt. My instinct told me to keep on with the plan and leave SunnyD. I went to LA... killed a few demons...punched a guy harassing his woman and that's when I knew for sure the soddin' chip had been short-circuited..."   
  
"Well, I guess that's a good thing for you, right? No more neutered vampire..." Dawn smiled.   
  
"How is it, you trust me so, Nibblet?" Spike asked, even uncertain of himself.   
  
"Cuz I love you..." Dawn shrugged. It was that easy, as far as she was concerned.   
  
Spike groaned to mask his intense pleasure at her comment. "I've turned into a soddin' poof I 'ave..."   
  
"You have not!" Dawn shook her head. "You're still all bad... look at the hair… well not that you can… But you got the leather, and the hair and the attitude...the accent... and the nail polish. Well, not so much the nail polish. But you're bad… you're one big bad ass!"   
  
Spike raised his scarred brow. "Easy there on the language." He stopped when he realized what he'd said and groaned internally. "See!" He rested his head on the doorframe. "I'm a bleeding nancy boy..."   
  
"You are not! You kicked major...butt... tonight!" Dawn chose her words carefully this time, though her eyes gleamed playfully at her protector.   
  
He grinned in response, despite himself. "I did, didn't I?"   
  
"Yes, you did!" Dawn giggled. "So… why did you come back?"   
  
"Someone told me I was needed here..." Spike was honest. He'd leave out the karaoke bit; she'd never stop rubbing it in his face if he told her. " Plus…well...I couldn't stay away any longer. Bloody missed you two, pet. So, I'm risking my undead life in hopes of helping big sis, and her not staking me."   
  
"I won't tell her!" Dawn promised. "I swear Spike."   
  
"Thanks Bit... but if I don't, she'll never trust me again, if she ever did find out," Spike sighed. "She may just stake me...I don't know... but I gotta tell 'er."   
  
"Well… maybe if you tell her, and be honest, she'll believe nothing's changed," Dawn offered. "I know you're not gonna turn all bad..."   
  
"I wish I did," he mumbled under his breath.   
  
"Spike... You'd never hurt us. That chip didn't make you who you are. It may have guided you, but you decided who you are. A wonderful man I trust and love." Dawn smiled reassuringly.   
  
"Who just happens to be a vampire," Spike added.   
  
She shrugged. "Who happens to be a vampire."   
  
"Will you be all right?" Spike asked, changing the subject.   
  
"I'm fine. Going to look for Buffy?" she asked.   
  
"Yup, if I come back fitting in a lil urn, don't let her flush me down the toilet eh, Bite Size?" he reached up and rubbed her face with the back of his palm gently.   
  
She giggled. "No problem." she leaned up on her toes to kiss his cheek. "Be careful. Don't get staked."   
  
He grumbled about mushy stuff and rubbed his cheek where she'd come in contact with him, turning to leave. After a minute, he looked back. "If she comes back here, don't tell her 'bout the chip, kay, Platelet? I want her to hear it from me..."   
  
"Promise," Dawn flashed what she hoped was a passable imitation of the girl scout's honor sign as she watched him jog down the steps and down the block.   
  
She shut the door, and for the first time in days, she smiled. 

TBC... 


	14. Chapter 14

ImitorVitaProAmor14 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor**

** Part 14**

Buffy's heart sank when she reached the dentist's office and the lights were off and the door locked. She wasn't at school, she'd called all of her sister's friends from a nearby pay phone and she wasn't there... and she wasn't at the dentist. Fear racked her entire body. "Dawnie...where are you?!"   
  
"I don't know where she is, but I know where you'll be soon..." a deep voice hissed from behind.   
  
Buffy whipped around facing a vampire. She groaned. "I soooo don't have time to play with you."   
  
He chuckled, and sidled up to her. "It'll only take a minute, promise." He bared his fangs, expecting her to scream and try to run.   
  
She sighed dramatically. "You're right." She brought her knee up and hit his groin. He groaned, tumbling to the floor.   
  
She took out a stake and rammed it into him.   
  
He cried, and then exploded into a pile of ash. "Actually, more like seconds..." she mumbled, standing up and dusting herself off before continuing her search. She thundered down the street and checked every shadow, every whisper... It'd be best to follow this route home, because if Dawn did go to the dentist, and went home after... She wondered if she'd go to the Bronze. 

But home was closer, so she'd check there first.   


Spike wandered the graveyard near his crypt, listening for Buffy, but knowing she probably wasn't here. Why would she be? She was probably worried to death about Platelet. He wondered if he should check the Magic Box. She and the Scoobs might have been putting in a late night study and they'd lost track of time. He remembered falling asleep during a research session after Buffy had died… he'd woken up with screaming with his hair on fire at sunrise because the blinds weren't drawn all the way. He'd woken everyone up and Red and Tara had tried to put him out, while Xander just laughed. It had sort of been a bonding moment, he supposed. He hadn't made a snarky comment at Xander for laughing, and the whelp had actually asked him if he was okay afterwards. It was funny how grief had sort of pulled them all together.   
  
Realizing he was just wandering aimlessly with his thoughts, he stopped. Buffy wasn't here. He knew it, could sense it. It was something he'd always been able to do, when it came to her. Sighing, he spun around and decided to try his luck at the shop after all. He pulled out his cigarettes and lit one, figuring he could have himself a smoke before getting there. Giles had disallowed smoking in the shop after Spike had inadvertently gotten close to flammable magic powders and turned everyone's skin green for a couple of days. It hadn't been pretty. He smiled a little to himself, remembering the whelp's utter indignance at being called "Lizard boy."   
  
"What're you smiling to yourself about, Spike?"   
  
The vampire looked up sharply at the sound of that familiar, holier-than-thou voice, and sighed. "What do you want, Cardboard?"   
  
Riley growled. He was tired of being called various degrees of Captain something or other. "What've you done with Dawn?" Riley questioned, stepping up to face the impotent vampire.   
  
"What have I done with Dawn? What the bloody hell are you talking about, White Bread?" the vampire tossed his half used cigarette to the floor and squashed it with the tip of his boot.   
  
"She went missing. I'm looking for her."   
  
"Playin' GI Joe heroes again, are we Cap'n?"   
  
"Shut the hell up Spike, and answer my question, or I'll…"   
  
"You'll what?"   
  
"I'll kill you."   
  
"You get to try," Spike replied, a smirk on his face. "Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to visit the Magic Shop." The vampire made to move around the hulking soldier.   
  
Riley put out a hand to stop him, glaring down at the vampire. "You're not going anywhere near them. Where's Dawn?"   
  
"What makes you so sure I have her, Sherlock?" Spike drawled, getting restless. Bloody stupid commando boy. "Used your psychic powers? Caught wind of her scent? Oh that's right… you're regular Joe. No super powers. I suppose you just felt like picking on someone you don't think can fight back, then, is that it?"   
  
Riley growled. "I don't have time for your games. I know you took Dawn because I went to the Bronze. They said a girl matching Dawn's description left with an older guy with bleached hair."   
  
"And because there are no other freshmen brunettes and no other boys who bleach their hair in the whole wide bloody world, you miraculously came to this stunning conclusion?" Spike was getting bored, and the farm boy was getting more and more annoying. He grinned internally. It was good to not have to worry about a whelp like this killing him anymore.   
  
"Don't try me Spike, I'm short on patience tonight. Where is she?"   
  
"Safe'n warm at home and studying for her Great Expectations test in the morning, you great big ninny."   
  
"I don't believe you."   
  
"Then what the hell was the point in asking me in the first place?" Spike shot back. "Now move out of the way, I have places to be, people to see, that aren't you." The vampire shoved Finn out of the way and kept walking. He was through.   
  
Riley looked after the vampire incredulously, realizing that it had hurt when Spike had pushed him. But it obviously didn't have an effect on the undead one. "You killed her!!!" Riley yelled at Spike. "I knew it! The chip isn't working anymore, is it? And now you're going to go after them all."   
  
Spike cursed himself, forgetting that any pain caused to a human was supposed to activate his chip. He'd shown his cards before they were ready. He came face to face with Riley, the muscle bound idiot glaring triumphantly at the vampire. "The chip is gone, isn't it? You're going to kill them all."   
  
Spike refused to be judged by the likes of this replacement Angel. "Kill them? Not so much. I like them. I might just kill you, though."   
  
"You get to try," Riley responded.   
  
"Very original, I'm impressed, Milkman. But do you really want to have a go at this?" Spike held out his arms, as if presenting himself.   
  
"If it means I get to kill you, then you're on," Riley responded, raising his fists and dropping into a crouch.   
  
Spike made no move to do anything. He stood, smirking at the commando, reading the boy's face, his stance, his eyes. He had more than a hundred years practice in first fights, and there was nothing he liked more than a good brawl. Well, maybe a good brawl with the Slayer ranked higher. The boy, the boy here could have been a fighter all his life, for all Spike cared, he still didn't nearly have enough experience. Didn't have the grace and the intuition. The fighter's instinct.   
  
Riley growled, hating that cocky look on Spike's face, like the vampire knew something he didn't. He feigned an attack with his right and when Spike retaliated he turned sharply on his heel and used his other hand. But he didn't feel anything solid under his fist where it should have been. Spike had seen the change of stance halfway through its execution and had pushed his upper body backwards, out of Riley's reach, before getting under the exposed arm and punching the solider twice hard in the ribs. Riley grunted in pain, but managed to whip around with his right arm, catching Spike a superficial blow to the side of the head. It caused Spike to vamp out, but he simply shook it off and grinned. "Scared yet, boy?" he asked, circling a winded Riley like he was stalking injured prey.   
  
Riley took a deep breath to gather himself from the blows to his ribs and stood up again, rotating his shoulder slightly to ease the tension. "Not yet."   
  
"You will be," the vampire promised. Suddenly Spike darted in, and when Riley tried to counter, he spun to the right of the hulking commando and dropped low, sweeping Finn's feet out from under him. The soldier landed with a thud and a grunt on the hard packed earth of the cemetery. Spike looked down at the mortal boy, grinning. "I could kill you right now, you know."   
  
Riley rolled away and stood up, dropping back into a more defensive stance. "Why didn't you?" he asked, after getting to a safe distance to regroup.   
  
"Too easy so far," the vampire responded simply. "This is going to last, Cardboard. Believe me." He cracked his knuckles for emphasis. Riley felt the first twinge of fear of the evening, deep inside of his stomach, as he looked into Spike's sparkling, feral eyes. 

  
"Dawn?!" Buffy called out, reaching her house.   
  
"Hey," Dawn called from the kitchen, where she was fixing herself a study snack before getting started on Great Expectations.   
  
"Oh God, Dawn…where have you been?!" Buffy exclaimed, relief washing over her at the site of her sister warm and cozy in the kitchen.   
  
"Well, I had to walk to the dentist after school… and they were behind schedule so I had to wait until like, six before they fit me in, and by the time I got done it was dark…"   
  
"And you walked home boy yourself?!" Buffy yelped, disbelieving. "Dawnie you know better than that!"   
  
Dawn shrugged. "I didn't think it would be a long walk," she responded. "And I figured since you'd forgotten about me completely that something had come up."   
  
Buffy felt the guilt wash over her in waves. "God, I'm so sorry Dawn. We were researching this demon thing, and we heard news about Spike, and I just got completely off track…"   
  
Dawn paused. "You heard news about Spike? Like, what?"   
  
"We overheard some of the customers talking about how he saved a girl from a demon…"   
  
Dawn smiled to herself. She'd known he was a hero all along. "So, did you see him?" she asked, nonchalantly.   
  
Buffy looked back at her sister abruptly. "What do you mean?"   
  
The younger girl frowned. That means Spike hadn't found her yet tonight. Oops. "Um, nothing."   
  
"That wasn't a nothing!" Buffy responded, putting her hand on her sister's arm. "Are you saying he's back?"   
  
Dawn sighed dramatically. She'd promised not to tell about the chip after all, she supposed, not if he was back in town or not. "Actually…"   
  
Buffy's eyes got rounder, larger. "He is? You saw him tonight?"   
  
Dawn giggled and nodded. "At the Bronze."   
  
"You were at the BRONZE?"   
  
Yelping, the youngest Summers girl realized her slip. "Well…when I was walking home, I saw Lisa and some of the others, and they were going to go study for the test there, and maybe catch some of the live band," she babbled. She realized she couldn't tell Buffy about him saving her from the College boys, and stopped before she revealed too much. "And I saw him, and he walked me home."   
  
"Oh." Buffy smiled. "That's okay then."   
  
"He went to look for you," Dawn added, hastily. "He needed to talk to you."   
  
"He did?"   
  
Dawn nodded. "That's why I thought you'd already seen him."   
  
"Oh. I guess I should go…"   
  
"Yes, you should. Go now."   
  
Buffy eyed her sister. "You're anxious to have him back."   
  
"What, aren't you?"   
  
Buffy didn't answer, but got up. "I'm off then. Study."   
  
"I will."   
  
"Good. I'll be back soon. Oh… and call Giles at the shop, will you? Let them know that you're home? We were all worried sick."   
  
"Kay."   
  
Dawn smiled as she watched Buffy unconsciously fix her hair using her reflection in the microwave, and straighten her clothes. She was obviously in a much better mood than she had been earlier. Then, the slayer was out the back door, closing it softly behind her, smiling a bit. Dawn was so happy that Spike was back!!!   


Riley grunted in pain as his nose broke under the pressure of Spike's attack, and cried out as a booted foot kicked his calf in hard, causing the muscle to cramp. He fell to one knee with a startled yelp of pain. The commando pulled up and managed to block the next kick with his meaty forearms, deflecting what could have been a devastating blow to his collarbone. 

Struggling back to his feet, Finn ducked a right hook, only to have his chin snapped back with a smart uppercut. Retaliating blindly he lashed out and spun into a powerful kick, but Spike dodged in time to have most of the force miss him. The kick landed to the side of the shoulder, only causing the vampire to step back a little.   
  
Finn wiped blood from a gash in his temple from his eye and flung it aside, glaring at Spike before reaching into his boot and pulling out an army knife. He spun it in his hand and turned so the blade angled towards the vamp.   
  
Spike smiled. Now things were getting interesting. He dodged a double X motion from Riley's knife and pulled his stomach back by hopping on his tip toes and shooting backwards a step to avoid being gutted with a midsection slice. This reminded him of a street brawl on the London docks back in 1897. His mind wandered, and the sharp bite of the knife slashing across his shoulder to the base of his neck brought him back to the present. He growled ducked under the next swipe, butting Riley in the stomach with his head and bowling the commando over. 

Grunting, Finn took another swipe at Spike from the ground, only to have the knife kicked rather painfully from his hand, sending it flying to lay blade down in the dirt, quivering.   


Buffy strolled through Spike's cemetery slowly, trying to piece out exactly why she was going to see him in the middle of the night, for no apparent reason. She held back the urge to rush over there like her body wanted to, and instead, paced herself to a slow walk to give her time to think. She tried to tell herself she just wanted go see him to welcome him back, and thank him for walking Dawn home tonight. But she was still excited, somehow. He was back! He'd come back, after only a few days. This was a new sensation all together, for her, anyway. She smiled at the thought.   
  
She realized she might want to take this time to tell him how much she valued his friendship… tell him to never leave again, because it have devastated Dawn. And in a small way, she allowed herself to think; it had thrown her a bit off balance. She accepted him as a trusted ally and friend in her life now, and without him, it was as if she had lost an integral part of the Scoobies, like Willow or Xander. He was an important part of it all, now. Maybe she should…   
  
She stopped mid-thought, hearing fighting in the cemetery… the sound of punches and kicks, both landing and missing… and then… a grunt that could only be defined as Spike's. Was he already getting himself into trouble? She broke off at a jog towards the noise and hefted her stake, coming out from behind a group of trees along the walk. When she rounded the bend, she gasped and froze, not believing what she saw.   
  
She ducked behind some trees and bushes. Peering through the leaves she saw Spike and Riley fighting. 

Fighting!   
  
Spike was fighting! 

A human! 

Riley! 

She groaned. *Okay Bufftser, so got the point across already.* She just couldn't believe her eyes at the sight that unfolded itself to her in the dark shadow of the gravestones. Perhaps it was the shock of it all that leant to her choice of hiding here instead of stopping them, before one of them were hurt or killed. She stood, frozen in place as they brawled savagely on the field.   
  
"How'd you do it, Spike?" Riley said in between gasps of air. "How'd you get the chip out?"   
  
Spike just grinned. "Guess I was just having a real good day..." He blocked a tired, lazily thrown punch from Riley, and jumped back, energy coursing through him in wave upon wave of supernatural stamina.   
  
"I told Buffy you would kill her. I knew you would go after Dawn!" Riley swung another fist, only to have it blocked with two hands, and pushed roughly backwards. He grunted and felt his arm sprain, but thankfully, not break.   
  
"I did nothing of the sort you rotten wanker. I'd never hurt her, or Buffy or the Scoobies... You… you're another story. I could kill you for ever hurting her," Spike glared hard with his menacing yellow eyes.   
  
"So this is some type of justice thing?" Riley laughed. "You're the monster without a soul." He managed to duck a spin kick and he using the last of his strength, knocked Spike down with a kick to his leg. He stood over the fallen vampire. "You know she'll never love you. She might think she could, but all she'll ever feel for you is disgust and remorse. She may act as a friend to you, but only because she'd kindhearted enough to give everyone a chance... she'll never love you Spike. She only pities you." He chuckled, bitterly, eyes slightly crazy as he wiped the blood from his lip. "You remind her too much of Angel. You'll always be a monster Spike. Well, you'll be dust in a minute or so."   
  
Spike's undead heart cracked at his words. Part of him knew it was true, while the part of him that had always been ambitious wanted to believe it wasn't. He growled painfully, a strained cry of pain and anger that was louder than any physical wound Riley could ever inflict. Furious, he lunged forward quickly, as if powered by some supernatural spring, and tackled Riley to the ground. They rolled in the grass for seconds and Spike landed in a heap, close to where Buffy was. 

  
She gasped, her heart breaking. Her brain racked just how Spike was fighting. How did the chip stop working? Then she remembered back to the fight he left and the story she heard today about him rescuing someone from an electric type demon. The girl said she thought he'd been injured... dear God... he must've been electrocuted. The chip must've been disabled... She wanted to stop the fight, but deep inside, she knew they needed to do this. This would be the only way anything was decided. So she stepped back a little and watch the war rage on. 

  
Spike got up first and growled, fiercely growl. A monster's growl. He picked Riley up by his shirt. "I may be the slayer's lap dog, but at least she can confide and trust in me. At least she knows 'll always be there for her. I won't go running the other way when I make a mistake. Like you, boy. Why don't you stick to what you're good for, 'n run to get off from some two bit vamp whore?" He pushed the man across the grass. Glaring fiercely.   
  
Riley glared with back, with the devil in his eyes.   
  
"Ah... looks like 'm not the only one with a monster inside," Spike swiped his blood from his wound on his shoulder, bringing it to his lips. He tasted his blood. "Am I Cap'n...?" he snarled. "No matter what you are, human, demon...if there's evil in your heart, you're evil. I don't have to kill anymore, I don't want to, because I chose not to." he chuckled. "Although, you're making that a tough decision for me mate..."   
  
Riley had such seething abhorrence and disgust in his eyes as he struggled to his feet. "I hate you, Spike."   
  
"Feeling's mutual, mate..." He crossed his arms in front of him and regarded the human intently. "Trust me."   
  
"You left her too you know. She hates you for it too..." Riley goaded.   
  
"You see... I never really left her. I was always with her. Always will be. She's in my gut, in my chest and my head. She's all around me..." Spike sniffed and he swore he smell her perfume as he said this.   
  
Riley stood ramrod straight, hearing almost the same words from him as Buffy before. He really had been beat. He stood, snarling at the vampire. "I'm going to kill you, Spike. I'm going to kill you and she'll never know you even came back. Once she sees that you left her too… she'll get over whatever it is she thinks she feels for you... and she'll be with me..." Riley swore, almost maniacal in his vehemence.   


Buffy's eyes misted up, not believing the hate-laced words that came from Riley. He... he was the monster. His love for her had driven him over the edge. She frowned, watching on. Her gut told her something was about to happen. 

  
"And you say I'm evil," Spike chuckled.   
  
"You're filth, Spike... you're not worthy of someone like Buffy." Riley laughed. "You're beneath her..."   
  
Spike stopped dead in his tracks. He stared at Riley with trepidation. He put a hand to his cold heart and closed his eyes. His words making that night and her voice echoing in the alley.   
  
  
"It would never be you Spike.... You're beneath me..." 

  
*Damn!* Buffy cursed, hearing the familiar words being tossed out again like poisonous darts. Spike wasn't moving, and she knew they had hurt him fiercely. And when he snapped out of it, the vampire would probably snap Riley's neck. She watched him, facing in her direction. His eyes were shut tight and he was still, gathering himself. She knew she should stop this. Yet, she was rooted to her spot. 

  
Spike opened his pain filled eyes.   
  
"Hit a nerve did I?" Riley smiled with satisfaction.   
  
Spike smiled brightly. "I'll live..." he paused, his fangs bared. "But you won't." He was on him in a second. He gripped Riley's neck tightly, forcing him to bare his neck for Spike. He hissed and growled with anticipation. 

  
Buffy's heart broke and she stepped out of the bushes, her stake raised, however reluctantly. She had to stop Spike!   


Spike dove down towards Riley's neck and placed his teeth at the thin layer of skin above the jugular. Every fiber of his demon being begged him to do it, to just rip in and drink well, the blood of the man he had hated and envied for so long. The temptation was burning him up inside. Yet a face flashed before his eyes and he suddenly pulled back with a grunt of disgust, taking small solace from his inability to kill by the look of fear in Captain Breadbasket's eyes. 

He took a moment to calm himself and shook off his game face, throwing down the boy disdainfully. "You're not worth it, Finn. You just aren't bloody well worth it. I kill you now, and you'll be right. I'd have been nothin' but a beast with a muzzle on. And whatever it is I have with Buffy means more to me than killing you..." Spike stood tall over the fallen soldier. "I won't do it." Spike shook his head, turning his back to the commando, dismissing him. "Now get the hell out of here before I change my mind and I rip your throat out and dance in your blood."   
  
Riley watched in shock. He started back peddling on hands and feet until he felt the distinct crunch of a branch underfoot. Looking down, he picked up the thick wood and clutched it in his bruised, bloody hand. "You won't do it, fine." He got up slowly and started walking with purpose towards Spike's unprotected back. "I will..."   
  
"NO! Put it down now, Riley!" Buffy's voice rang out, disrupting the tense silence that had fallen on the battleground.   
  
Riley stopped and turned, surprised at her presence. "Buffy!" He paused, and looked at Spike, who had stopped walking the moment he'd heard Buffy's voice. "Buffy, he tried to kill me..."   
  
"And he didn't." Buffy walked towards them purposefully, placing herself in between Spike and her ex. She thanked God the vampire had once again, gone against the tide of his nature and chose the higher road. Because if he hadn't, she would have had to kill him. And that might just as well destroyed her.   
  
She stalked up to Riley, who still held his makeshift stake, ready to plunge. Shaking, anxious to plunge "I think its time you left, Riley."   
  
The boy looked incredulous for a moment, as if he had been the victim to some malicious wrong. Seeing the intent in his old love's eyes, his surprise melted and indignance flared. "Fine..." Riley spat, wiping some blood from his broken nose with the sleeve of his shirt. "I'll call you tomorrow."   
  
"I mean it's time you leave Sunnydale," Buffy restated as she glared hard at him.   
  
"So that's it, then? You choose him?" Riley's eyes widened in horror and disgust.   
  
"I didn't choose anyone, Riley. You eliminated yourself." Buffy stuck her chin up. "Go now. Please." Her eyes welled up, because in spite of what she'd seen tonight, there had still been the memory of him just 10 months prior.   
  
Riley tossed the branch he held at her feet. "Fine. You two deserve each other. Goodbye, Buffy." Riley stared at her one last time, then stalked into the night. She watched him leave, for what she hoped was the last time.   
  
After he'd disappeared, Buffy turned tearful eyes to Spike. She watched him, expressionless.   
  
He stood before her, letting her examine him like he was in a line up. Uncomfortable, he finally forced himself to toss her a short smile. "Hey, Buffy..."   
  
Her insides tingled at his voice, the familiarity that was to be had there. She watched him carefully. He stood before her, his eyes shining and cerulean in the moonlight, the paleness of his skin and hair contrasting sharply against them. "You came back..." she stated, still somewhat in disbelief.   
  
He almost couldn't believe that was the first thing she had to say to him. He'd expected a, 'how' or a, 'why didn't you kill him,' but never that. He cleared his throat, wiping away his initial response of, 'it just happened.'   
  
"I couldn't leave you or Dawn, pet..." he said after a while, taking a cautious step toward her and gauging her reaction. She didn't falter as he drew closer, and it served to embolden him slightly. "I just thought it was what you wanted."   
  
"I never want you to go, Spike," she tried to keep her composure. "Dawn needs you too much... and I think, I think I need you too..." she revealed.   
  
His eyebrows shot up, and he had to fight the hardest battle of his un-life to hold back the smile that threatened to break his composure. There would be time to smile later. But for the record, Spike could've died right then and there and been happy. "You…need...me?" he asked, pausing in between each word to make sure he was hearing and saying this correctly.   
  
"You're a Scooby now Spike, I need all my friends." She tried to clear up what she was saying. The question of whether Spike was something more than just a friend had yet to be answered, but it could be put off for now. "I'm sorry I made you feel you had to leave."   
  
Spike gave her an almost shy half smile and continued to close the distance between them. If friendship was the small part of her she'd allow him to have, then he'd take it. 

For now. 

He didn't even deserve that much from her, in his mind, when he speculated about it. "It's all right, luv..." He stopped his advance on her, when he was almost toe-to-toe with her. "I'd do anything for you, Buffy. You know that."   
  
"I know," she replied simply.   
  
"About General GI… er…Riley..." he started, his eyes darting away nervously.   
  
"It's okay, I heard everything..." Buffy stopped him with a hand on his shoulder. He shuddered involuntarily at the feel of it.   
  
"But, Buffy..." he started. "About the chip..."   
  
She turned his chin so his eyes were locked with her gaze, attempting to convey with her eyes the most trust and confidence that she could. "Tell me..."   
  
"I want to tell you, Buffy..." Spike whispered. "It scares me."   
  
"Why?" She frowned slightly.   
  
"I don't want you to feel like you've got to kill me, luv. I still want to be good... I didn't hurt Dawn. I swear. I'd protect you both with my life, chip or no chip." Spike grabbed her tiny, warm hands, almost desperate that she believe him.   
  
Her body tingled from his coolness, but it wasn't like the uncomfortable feeling she got when she sensed an enemy. Rather, it was a reassuring feeling.   
  
"This sodding chip in my head… Slayer... it may have started everything out, like you said. Like I was a serial killer in prison. But luv... I chose to be good, to try and help you, not because the chip wanted me to. The brain hardware doesn't make me love you, my gut does, my heart does, my soulless body does. I know you don't love me Buffy. I can't expect you too, but please believe I'm not a murderer anymore." Spike proclaimed, nearly on his knees, begging. "The wiring doesn't make me who I am. I do and you do, and Dawn does. Please believe me." He stopped suddenly realizing what a git he must have seemed to be, but not caring so long as she believed him. Because if she didn't, he'd be destroyed long before she reduced him to ashes.   
  
She stared at him hard, searching his eyes. They weren't soulful and sad at all, like Angel's, but she saw love in them, she saw faith in them, and she saw no evil.   
  
"After I found out about the bleeding chip, I ran to LA. I tried to deny at first, thought it was a bloody fluke or something. And I didn't want you to ever find out, I couldn't bare the thought of seeing the look of disgust in your eyes when you looked at me again. I could hear you in me head, saying, 'there he is, William the bleeding Bloody killer. Back again.' I was afraid you put the trust you have in me, all on this chip..."   
  
"Then why did you come back if you thought I'd stake you?" Buffy's heart was breaking for this vampire...this man...   
  
"I was told you were in danger..." Spike cupped her cheek. "I couldn't stand the thought of you...of...losing you again. I'd rather die protecting you and Nibblet."   
  
Buffy almost laughed. Not a, 'ha-ha you stupid fool' laugh, but a giddy, 'I can't believe it' laugh. "William the Bloody... Spike...you...put me before yourself?" she turned into his caress. "Again."   
  
"Buffy... I lov..."   
  
"No Spike, please don't." She turned away; still not ready to face the depth of his feelings for her. What she had initially thought a shallow pond had grown into a raging, bottomless sea of emotion. "I know you do." She sighed, brushing back her hair. "I believe you, I do." She turned back. "But I don't feel the same..." Do I?   
  
He swallowed his disappointment. "I know."   
  
She smiled at him shortly. "Thank you, Spike."   
  
"For what, pet?" he cocked his head to the side.   
  
"For understanding me. For accepting me as I am. For not asking for more of the slayer or more of Buffy." She smiled. "For just being my friend and accepting that for what it is. For coming back home." She gave him a hug. "Where you belong."   
  
Spike felt on fire for a moment. Her warmth made his body feel like it could burst with actual life from her touch alone. "I'll take you whatever way I can have you, luv." He held her close for a moment and breathed in her scent, resting his cheek on her hair. If only she could accept him for who he was as well, inside and out. He frowned, feeling a familiar sort of melancholy at his thoughts. Friend he would be, then. *Even if it hurts like hell*, he thought. And God, did it ever. 

This felt right. Buffy relaxed for the first time in a long time. Things were back; they were normal, like they were supposed to be. She sighed as the tension left her body and she rested her head on Spike's shoulder. She'd missed him. The thought of telling him flashed across her mind, but she stopped it. He must have known. She pulled back slowly after a second, looking up into his eyes. They seemed tired. Maybe a little sad. As they came in contact with her own and the two held gazes, they turned darker; they churned like oceans. He had one of the most expressive faces Buffy had ever seen. One just had to grow accustomed to the little things that made it that way, first. His brow creased slightly and his eyes turned downwards at the ends. His mouth twitched once in a while, but for the most part, stayed in a little line. He looked like he had missed her terribly as well.   
  
She made a mental note to talk to him about what had happened while he was gone, before pulling out of his arms completely. "We should go," she said, quietly.   
  
He nodded and let his arms rest against his duster slowly, as if reluctantly letting go of the feeling itself, even though she was already gone from them. "Yeah. Well… you know where to find me if you need me, luv." He turned to head back towards his crypt.   
  
"Spike?"   
  
He turned slightly, eyebrow arched in question. "Yes, Buffy?"   
  
She smiled. "Dawn really needs help with Great Expectations. I don't even remember reading it."   
  
His eyes suddenly became a lot less sad, and a genuine smile irked at his face. He was really quite handsome when he let himself smile like that. "Bit needs my help, then?" he asked in a teasing tone.   
  
She snorted. "Don't flatter yourself." Then she smiled at the familiarity of their teasing. It was what made them the way they were, a strong contributing factor to the bond they had formed. Here, tonight, it let them know that in spite of the chip, of Riley, of Spike's leaving, things were back the way they were supposed to be.   
  
"What would you and Bit do without me, cutie?" he asked, turning around, that cocky swagger back in his step. She thought about the question seriously, even if it had been asked as a joke. What would they do without him? She didn't really know. 

Spike put on his best, 'everything is normal in good old Sunnyhell' expression as he and Buffy walked back to her house. He was thrilled that she'd even let him within a fifty-mile radius of Dawn without the safety net his chip provided. Hell, he had half expected her to shove wood into his heart and smile while she waved 'bye-bye, William.' Hell, if he'd told the Scoobies first they would have killed him right off and Buffy would never have… He stopped. Scoobies. Oh God.   
  
Buffy turned around when the sound of Spike's footprints beside her stopped, and she looked at him. "What is it?"   
  
"The gang. I've got to tell them. 'Bout the chip."   
  
She frowned. "Right now?"   
  
He nodded. "The sooner the better, luv, you know that."   
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Let's go then, they're were supposed to meet back at the shop after the whole hunt for Dawn thing… they're probably still there researching and…"   
  
"No luv, you go'n be with Bit, she's been alone long enough. I'll go'n tell them myself."   
  
Was he suicidal? She gaped. "Spike you know that if I'm not there, they'll…"   
  
"No, we don't know, luv." He put his arms out to stop her tirade before it could start. "This is something I want to do by myself, Buffy."   
  
"What? Why?" They would kill him. Or try, anyway, now that he could fight back, she supposed.   
  
Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair, trying to find the best way to answer her. The way that wouldn't make him come across as the world's biggest wet puppy. "I…well…" He sat down on the curb, facing the other side of the street. "How do I say this?" the vampire chuckled nervously and reached into his pocket, absently searching for a cigarette. Then he realized what he was doing and stopped mid pat, looking first at Buffy, then to his hand. He brought it down and let it rest on the cement, fingers drumming a bit. "What to say, what to say…" he muttered to himself.   
  
Buffy smiled a bit at his antics to quell smoking around her. He was considerate too, who knew? She sat down next to him, close, but not touching. "Just tell me the truth, Spike."   
  
"Was afraid you'd say that." He fidgeted uncomfortably where he sat on the sidewalk. He supposed starting from the beginning was always best, and took a deep breath, more to prepare himself than for actual need of oxygen.   
  
"Luv, after you'd…gone…" She waited patiently while he gathered himself. "I was going to take a noonday stroll. Was going to go 'n meet Mister Sunshine for the last time, cuz it hurt so bloody damn much. It hurt to just be there, to be standing there alive, but all alone. I felt like someone had taken my insides'n crushed 'em against the heel of their boot'n spit on 'em before settin' fire to 'em. It was bloody awful. It was almost sunrise after the whole Glory business had finished and we'd seen you… lyin'… there, on that pile and… I broke inside. Shattered like a like I was made out of glass, 'stead of vampire. Was going to just stay out'n incinerate myself because I thought it might make the hurt leave me the hell alone. But Nibblet wouldn't have any of it. Girl reminds me a lot of her big sis, you know. She was bleedin' and scared, and she'd just seen you jump off a buildin' to save her life. She wouldn't let me do it, wouldn't see me kill myself. She told me that she needed me, the Nip, and that we needed to live by your words'n stay together and live." He took an unneeded breath and eyed Buffy, just to make sure she wasn't holding back a trail of laughter at what a wanker the former master vamp had become.   
  
But she didn't say anything. In fact, she put his hand on his forearm, gently. He recognized it as a gesture of comfort, and wondered what… oh bloody hell. It was because he was crying again. He hadn't even noticed. He held back the urge to laugh at what he'd become. He was crying, in front of Buffy. Like a right poofter. Swiping ineffectually at the tears running down his face, Spike blinked and looked skyward, calming himself down. "Well… those were a long three months luv, without you here runnin' everything the way you do. Red took over as leader, I suppose, knew she always had it in her. And I, I took care of Dawn. Like I promised I would. And to this day, 've only broken it once, you know."   
  
Before she could comment, he urged ahead with his sob story. "Anyway, like I said, they were a hard three months. It was torture everyday just knowing we had to go to bed every night, only to wake up to a world that didn't have you in it anymore. I remember just wanting the rest of the world to stop, to not move anymore and recognize what had happened to you. But it kept going, and we had to, too. But bloody hell, how it hurt. Everyone was hurting so much that if you reached out in front of 'em…" he articulated the point by pushing his hand out and wiggling his fingers a bit in front of him. "…you could feel their pain, wigglin' about around 'em like a wall, keepin' 'em off from really joining the rest of the world. Red said we should take up the patrols again, after you'd been gone about a week. Said that there was still a world out there that needed saving, and that she wouldn't let all your hard work'n sacrifice be for nothin' cuz your mates were too miserable to get off their arses and try'n preserve the work you did all your life. So I said I'd do it by myself that they wouldn't have to worry about it. I told 'em I'd patrol every night, then look in on Dawn, then go back to the crypt. I said it wouldn't be a bother, and that that way no one would have to worry about gettin' themselves killed doing a job they weren't cut out for. But she'd have none of it, that wicca. Said it was somethin' we had to do together. So we did. We trained hard, and we fought, stopped an apocalypse, killed a nest of vamps in the nieghborin' town even." He chuckled to himself a bit at the memory.   
  
"Those were bondin' times for me'n the rest of the gang, you know?" he asked, finally getting to his point. "We had to rely on each other, to live, like you said. Always knew you were a smart chippy. Anyway, we watched each other's backs cuz there was no one else there to do it for us, and we did good at it. Though it wadn't the same without you, because it hurt every time we dusted a vamp and we realized you weren't there in the middle of it all, fightin' your fight, we did it. Cuz there was no one else to. We saved each other more times those three months than I can count. We got to be…friends. I think." Spike shook his head. "What 'm sayin' is, this isn't just through you anymore, luv. Though you're an important part and everythin', and we're ecstatic your back…" he added hastily. "It's just…"   
  
"You want this to be about your friendship with the gang, not something they allow just because of me," she finished, understanding. "You want this to just be about you and them. To see if those months mean the same to them as they did to you, even though I'm back."   
  
He looked nervous, afraid he had hurt her feelings or something. "Yeah, luv. Something like that. Is that… is that all right?"   
  
She smiled, a little in surprise. Everyday, she saw him grow more. Saw a little more of that humanity that had always set him apart from his breed surface, and a little more of the demon in him recede.   
  
He took her silence at his question as a no, and instantly moved to apologize for being a terrible person, but stopped when he looked into her eyes. "Buffy?"   
  
She blinked back tears, feeling like a sap. "I'm so proud of you."   
  
He stared back in confusion. She was…did she say… was she really? His eyes lit up. She was. And those weren't tears of hatred, or loathing. She was proud of him. His heart soared. He realized one of the tears had escaped her façade, and he reached for it gently, catching it on the side of his index finger. "Hey now, no tears huh? We still haven't seen if they'll stake me or not," he joked quietly.   
  
"They won't, Spike."   
  
"We'll see." 

  
Dawn jumped from her deep concentration of Great Expectations when she heard the door close behind her. She whirled around, seeing Buffy. "Oh. Hey."   
  
"Hey, Dawn." Buffy smiled and sat down next to her sister on the couch. "How's it going?"   
  
"Slowly. Did you know that Dickens got paid by the word, so he made his sentences as long as possible?" Dawn rolled her eyes and set the book down on the coffee table. Then she paused, noticing the remnants of tear tracks on her sister's face. "What happened? You and Spike didn't fight, did you? And you didn't…" she trailed off, too horrified to say what she thought. Had her sister killed him? Had she not given Spike a chance to talk?   
  
"No! No… God no, I didn't kill him."   
  
The younger girl relaxed. "God, heart attack much? What's with the waterworks then?"   
  
Buffy shook he her head. "It's nothing. Spike was being sweet."   
  
"Spike is always…wait… did you say sweet? You admitted that he's sweet?!" Dawn giggled. "Finally."   
  
"What?" Buffy asked, wondering what her sister was laughing about now.   
  
"I've known it forever and you've known him two years longer than I have. You think it's the blondeness?"   
  
Buffy frowned but her eyes sparkled. "Yeah, well, get back to studying, freshman. Spike will be back in a while to help you."   
  
"Good!" Dawn exclaimed, relieved. "I'm sick of trying to analyze this myself. At least he knows what he's talking about when we go over these stupid books," the brunette lamented, over dramatically as she glared at the worn paperback copy that lay on the table in front of her. She frowned. "Where is he now, anyway?"   
  
"Impatient much?" Buffy shook her head. Then she stopped, realizing that her sister expected an honest answer. How would Dawn react when she told her that she'd let her protector go into uncharted territory without any backup? "He um, he wanted to go and tell the guys about the chip thing."   
  
Dawn balked instantly, like Buffy knew she would. "He WHAT?"   
  
"He wanted…"   
  
"No, I heard you. But I mean, WHY? They'll kill him! Or…they'll try to… and he'll have to fight back so they don't, and then that'll just seal it and… why aren't you with him?"   
  
"He wanted to do it himself."   
  
"WHY?"   
  
"Because…" Buffy paused. "It was noble. He was being noble."   
  
Perplexed, the younger girl sat down. "Are you drunk? I thought you'd die before you admitted he was noble."   
  
"No! No… I'm not drunk. And he wanted to do it alone. Because…" Buffy searched her mind for an appropriate answer, something Dawn would understand. "Oh, never mind."   
  
"Because he wanted to test how strong a friendship they all had?"   
  
"Okay, I guess you do understand." Buffy paused. "You don't REALLY think that they'll kill him, do you?"   
  
Dawn looked thoughtful for a second, and then leaned back into the couch, unsuccessful. "Um… I don't really know."   
  
Buffy sighed and mirrored her sibling's position on the couch. "Me neither. But he wanted to do it without me, and I said I'd let him."   
  
"If this kills him, you know that he'll never try to be noble again."   
  
"I know."   
  


TBC...   
****   
  



	15. Chapter 15

ImitorVitaProAmor15 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor**

** Part 15**

Spike walked into the magic shop, quietly, closing the door behind him. His mind was muddled with tens of thousands of different ways to explain his situation to the girls and guys of the Scoobies, and he had yet to decide on one. He'd hoped the walk to the store from near Buffy's would have taken a bit longer so he could decide, but it had gone by far too quickly. He hadn't been this nervous around humans since he had been alive. It was disquieting, and he wondered if the stake in his pocket was a good idea. 

The gang looked up from their books at the rustling noise he made when he walked, all expecting to see Buffy with a very chastened Dawn in tow. They were surprised to see the vampire. Not surprised in the abhorrent sense, Spike noticed. They actually smiled at him, seeing him back in Sunnydale. The whole thing made for weird feelings in the pit of his stomach. He thought it might be fondness, but the concept was almost so foreign to him that it was implausible.   
  
"Spike! I thought Buffy said you'd high-tailed it!" Xander greeted, glad for a respite from the constant research.   
  
"Um, yeah. For a bit. But I got bored," Spike shrugged.   
  
"So, where'd you go?" Willow asked cheerfully, in a much better mood after Dawn had called to tell them she was safe at home.   
  
"LA," the vampire responded. "Wasn't any fun. Guess we all know why Angel moved there."   
  
Xander snorted. "Hear, hear!" He loved Angel dissing of any type, after all. "Welcome back man. I thought I'd have to have my weekly pool game from Dawn from here on out."   
  
"Did you see Angel?" Giles asked conversationally, though he had turned back to his book.   
  
"No, wasn't in the mood to see the Poof himself. Um, but, I got a bit of news…"   
  
"We know already," Anya interrupted, pretending to research, though she really had a bridal magazine hidden in the depths of her volume. "We're very happy."   
  
Spike staggered backwards. "You do? You are?"   
  
"Yes, we heard about it yesterday. From a customer. Congratulations."   
  
"A customer?" Spike repeated, waiting for a stake to come from anywhere. "How the hell did a customer know?"   
  
"They said they met someone who knew the girl that you saved…or something like that," Xander waved. "Now you going to sit down with us or what, Spike-o?"   
  
Spike growled internally. That girl he'd saved had chattered that he could hurt people again? How did she even know? He was confused now. "So… you're all okay, with this?"   
  
"Why wouldn't we be?" Willow responded. "I mean, it's not like you did anything bad."   
  
"How the hell did you know that? You haven't been poking in my mind again have you, Red?"   
  
She looked up. "No, why?"   
  
He sighed. "I think I should be relieved. But I'm not. You're all treating this like a very small thing. I don't happen to think it's a small thing at all."   
  
"What do you want, a congratulatory celebration? Or perhaps a pastry?" Anya asked, slightly annoyed that he was cutting into her reading time now.   
  
"That's cookie, Ahn. But I agree. We're all very proud of you, Spike. Look, I give you a pat on the back." Xander made a patting motion with his hand. "Now pretend that the air under my hand was your back."   
  
"Are you all very stoned?" Spike questioned. "Do ANY of you realize what this means?"   
  
"Yes, we do realize what it means, Spike. Good job and everything. It shows that you're really on our side. What more do you want?" Giles asked, also growing slightly vexed. "And since you're here, why don't you help with some research?"   
  
"Can't," Spike responded, still slightly disbelieving. Did they really think he was such a ponce that he couldn't hurt them? Even if it WAS true, it sort of hurt his big bad pride that they hadn't even seemed slightly shocked at his predicament. He reminded himself that he should be happy.   
  
"Why not?" Tara asked softly. She motioned to the chair beside her, incase he did want to join.   
  
"Got to help Dawn with Great Expectations," he muttered.   
  
"I never liked that book," Giles admitted, absently.   
  
"This is bloody ridiculous," Spike reiterated. "I can't believe that after the big revelation you're all talking like I'd just figured out how to open a can of soup with my fangs."   
  
"Can you really do that?" Xander asked, finally showing some great interest in the vampire.   
  
Spike rolled his eyes. "You're a bloody weird lot, has anyone ever told you that?"   
  
"On a regular basis," Willow beamed. "Anyway, tell Dawn to have fun with Dickens. I loved that book."   
  
"You would," Spike responded automatically. Well, he supposed, it was good that things hadn't really changed. "Um…so…I'm going now. Not to kill anything, mind you. Just to go help with…English homework."   
  
"Yes. Very well then." Giles smiled. "Oh, and good work, once again Spike, for saving that girl in the cemetery."   
  
"Yeah, well…" Spike trailed off. "Wait a minute. Don't you mean, 'good work on not killing anyone'?"   
  
"Well, we realized that you might not have been able to kill the demon on your own, but we're glad you saved the girl, in any case."   
  
"The demon? Saved the girl? Has anyone ever told you people that your priorities are very screwed up?"   
  
"Well, we've saved the world even when Passions was on, Chip." Xander drawled, watching Spike head slowly back up the stairs. "Where else would you like our priorities to be?"   
  
The vamp stopped half step and nearly tumbled from loss of balance. "Chip?"   
  
"It's a new nickname I came up with for you. I figure since you call me Whelp and Boy all the time, I could think of something better than Evil Dead Junior. So I decided to use our favorite government toy. What do you think?"   
  
Spike shook his head. "I think… what we have here, is a failure to communicate."   
  
"What do you mean?"   
  
"I fought an electricity demon," Spike replied. He took the stake out from his duster pocket and tossed it to Willow, who 'eeped' and caught it, looking rather perplexed.   
  
"Um…thanks?" she asked, studying the stake to see if it was special or something.   
  
"It electrocuted me," Spike continued, slowly. He didn't want to confuse the lot again, after all. Stepping back down to the main floor of the store, in front of Willow.   
  
She looked back up at him, nonplussed. "Well, you look all healed."   
  
"Yes, vampire healing power. Yippee. Still missing Spike's point," Xander added to Willow's unimpressed response.   
  
Spike sighed and took Willow's hand, standing her up in front of him. He led her hand so that the tip of the steak he had tossed her was at his heart, directly.   
  
"Um, and it made you suicidal?" Tara asked, worriedly.   
  
"That's not a mystical property I've ever associated with an electricity demon," Giles murmured, adjusting his glasses.   
  
Spike groaned. "The chip doesn't work anymore, people. The electricity short-circuited the bloody wiring. I could kill you all right now."   
  
The vampire thought he heard several jaws hit the floor, and he closed his eyes, waiting for sweet oblivion. He'd promised himself he'd give them all the option to kill him if they were that afraid of him that they felt it needed to be done. "Is this a very bad joke?" Anya asked, finally closing her bloody wedding magazine.   
  
So much for drama. Spike opened his eyes then stepped away from the stake and shoved Willow, who fell back into her chair with a thunk. "Ouch."   
  
"Does it look like a joke?"   
  
Everyone who wasn't standing already, with the exception of Willow, stood up. Spike smirked and sighed simultaneously inside. This was more like it. He picked up the stake Willow had dropped and tossed it to Xander. "What do you think, then, mate?" 

Xander stared wide-eyed at the peroxide blonde as he unconsciously caught the proffered weapon. The grip on his stake was loose and his hand shook slightly. Dear God... "Um, well, I guess, Chip won't work for a name anymore..." 

Spike shook his head with a smile. "No, I guess not." 

"So..." Willow finally stood. "Are...are..." 

"Spike isn't here to kill us are you, Spike?" Tara crossed her arms with a smile. She might have be one of the newest Scoobies but then, so was Spike. She took the time to study the vamp and she was pretty sure he wasn't here looking to kill, but looking for approval. Spike was silent, wanting to hear what his friends had to say. He stared at Harris. His hand was shaking, his grip loose on the stake. He wondered what was going through the kid's mind.   
  
"Let me get this straight..." Xander lagged behind.   
  
"Are you all that daft?" Spike sighed. "I'm chip-less. I can kill, I can kill you all."   
  
"But...you…won't...right?" Willow giggled nervously, with a smile.   
  
"What do you think, Red?" Spike raised his brows.   
  
"I think you're testing us," Giles spoke up. "Very clever."   
  
The stake hit the floor with an echoing clack, like a pencil hitting the floor. Xander sunk in his chair. "This is why we don't be friendly with vampires. They're all nice and then WHAM! Demon's ready to kill. We didn't learn the first time?! Here was Angel all good and nice, Buffy boinks him and then the bad, bad EVIL vampire. Then he's good again... Well, that's not a good example cuz you were bad than you were good..." Xander rambled on trying to rationalize.   
  
"Xander! Shut up!" Anya groaned. "You're giving me a headache," she sighed. "Spike, you can't kill us." She paused. "Well, you can, but you can't, cuz then Buffy will be mad."   
  
"If he didn't already kill Buffy," Xander thumped his head on the desk.   
"I'm not making nice with anymore males. Males, vampires...bad... Riley bad....Angel, bad...Spike, bad..."   
  
Spike was quite disappointed. "Are you implying I'm going to kill you, Harris?"   
  
Xander groaned, lifting his head from the desk. "Aren't you?"   
  
"Spike's our friend!!" Willow pouted at Xander. "Shame on you..."   
  
"Yes...shame on you," Anya agreed, wanting to just go back to her magazine.   
  
"If he was evil would he be going to help Dawn with a book?! C'mon..."   
  
Spike watched the Scoobies babble on and argue. He laughed. He laughed hard. "Alright will someone give me a light of the stuff you're all on, cuz this is better than TV."   
  
"Wait a minute Blondie!!!" Xander pointed a finger at Spike, silencing him. He eyed the scoobs. "Ok...Spike's a friend now, yes? He coulda came in here and killed us all already, no? And he hasn't? Plus, he still seems the same to me..." he studied the vamp's whimsical expression. "Has it occurred to any of you all!!!!" Xander shouted, pausing. "That he may be here looking for our approval!!!! Shame on you all for not trusting in him!! He's not Angel!!" He looked back at the Scoobies with indignation. He picked up his stake and darted over to Spike.   
  
The Scoobies rolled their eyes at the man. He sure was quite slow and inarticulate sometimes. But they'd let him take the credit. In the end, they all knew Spike would know they all believed in him. Spike eyed him with care.   
  
"The only wood 'll be wielding around you Spike, is my pool stick when you beat me shamelessly at the Bronze tomorrow night," Xander lifted Spike's cool hand and placed the stake in his palm. "Welcome home."   
  
Spike raised his scarred brow. "Good show, mate." He smiled brightly at Xander's humor. The boy sure was slower than the rest of them, but he was a good person. Spike groaned. He was turning into such a Poofter. A bloody nancy boy... Lord help him... "Right then..."   
  
Willow clapped happily like a little child getting a pony ride. "Oh goody!! This means we don't have to stake you!"   
  
"And we don't have to die, and I can finish my reading..." Anya grinned.   
  
"Since when was research so interesting to you Anya?" Giles stared at her with a suspicious expression.   
  
"Uh..." she slipped the bridal magazine from the big magick book. "Well, electric   
Demons are quite interesting you know..." she babbled lamely, knowing she was caught, but putting up a fight of it anyway.   
  
"Well, love to help and all gang, but I have two very lovely ladies waiting for good 'ol Spike. Catch you all tomorrow. Har..." Spike turned to Xander and actually smiled. "Xander... catch you at the Bronze."   
  
Xander nearly fell into his chair. "Later Blondie..." he grinned, unable to be as serious as the vampire. 

  
A few short hours later, and with a proficient amount of Buffy's urging, Dawn was off to bed around nearly midnight. She felt she still wasn't ready for the test, but it was way past her bedtime now and she needed her sleep as much as Spike's tutorials.   
  
"You'll do fine, Nibblet. An' big sis is right, you need your sleep," Spike patted her shoulder affectionately.   
  
Dawn tried to hide a yawn, but couldn't, groaning stubbornly. "Fine, fine. Goodnight again, you two. Don't kill each other, please..." she shuffled up the stairs wearily.   
  
"See you in the mornin'," Buffy called. She then turned to Spike, and suddenly she didn't know what to say. She laughed inside. That had to be a first.   
  
"Well..." Spike gave a half smile, not knowing what to say either. "Guess its been one helluva night..."   
  
"Yeah," Buffy nodded, feeling at peace even after all that happened tonight. "So are you sure the gang took your chiplessness ok?"   
  
"I'm not a pile of dust, am I?" Spike chuckled.   
  
She smiled. "No, gratefully...you're not."   
  
"Why Slayer...are you going soft on me?" Spike teased.   
  
"Never, William..." She grinned playfully.   
  
Spike chuckled darkly, and cocked his head.   
  
Buffy nearly fainted in the knees. She found it so attractive when he cocked his   
head to the side. It was so cute. *CUTE!!!?!! Argh!!!*   
  
Spike watched some reactions cross her face. "All right, luv?"   
  
"Peachy," she nodded. "Something about midnight I guess," she covered lamely   
  
"Tis the witching hour," Spike agreed. "Perhaps that's why you're grateful 'm not a big pile of dust?" he raised his brows.   
  
She slapped his arm lightly. "Stop. I thought we kinda covered this..." she reminded him, before looking away, feeling suddenly fidgety.   
  
"Oh, we did? I musta been bloody sleeping!" Spike snorted.   
  
She glared. Why did he always have to push her to edge, and then right over? Didn't he know when enough was enough?! "I'll tell you what you are, Spike. You're a pain in my ass." She started for the door.   
  
"Well then!" he started, his accent thick. "You're the sunshine in my life pet. Literally, you burn me all over, inside and out." he gripped her arm, after she swung open the front door. He leaned in close to her and could feel the heat of her body, and her breath on his face. "You make me warm, luv. You make me so warm, I kin almost feel the blood flowin' in my veins again, feel my cold heart pumpin' back to life, so warm I might burst from the heat of your flames. You make me feel alive Summers..." he trailed off, seeing she could hear no more.   
  
What was supposed to be a sneer turned into an endearment. In Spike's sick, demented sorta way, of course. Buffy's tawny eyes gazed at his face, trying to be angry that she couldn't think of a come back. She was getting soft. Plus, what he had said had thrown her back. She started to close the front door.   
  
"I'll be off then, luv. It has been a long night. I bet we both could use a decent catnap. An' we've got research tomorrow. Never killed an electric demon before..." he headed for the door. "Dunno whether I should thank him first though..." he turned his deep ocean blue eyes to her. They sparkled like the ocean in the moonlight.   
  
"I always skipped out on physics, or shop… or, well, whatever class they were teaching electric stuff in. Maybe Xander will know how to dismantle it..." Buffy's heartbeat was accelerating rapidly, getting lured in by his eyes. She took a deep breath trying to calm her heart down.   
  
Spike could hear her heart jumping in her chest. He grinned, pleased with himself.   
  
She was almost enthralled, staring into his eyes. In turn, he almost, just almost felt shy under her gaze, but it felt too damn good for her to be watching him so attentively. "Or Red…" he whispered.   
  
"Yeah..." She needed to go now. She was starting to lose control of her breathing. "Well, goodnight, Spike. I guess you'll be going now..." She nearly shoved him into the night.   
  
Spike cocked his head slightly, his tongue darting across his lower lip playfully. "Unless you want me to tuck you in, Slayer..." he leaned in again, a purr escaping his throat before he could hold it back.   
  
Seeing his eyes up close, she could see her reflection clearly. The swirls of blue in his eyes were much like him, a mix of good and evil, light and dark. There was a tinge of gold flecks to the blue. It was as if the vampire in him demanded attention by standing out amongst the humanity of those supposedly soulless eyes.   
  
Buffy had been staring into those very eyes for so long, she almost swore there WAS a soul in there, somewhere. Not like Angel's, but a soul held under cover of darkness, longing for the light to free it. But, the gold flecks amidst the blue background held it firmly in place. She was suddenly reminded of this book she was forced to read in school, but winded up renting the movie for instead, The Outsiders. And something about 'staying gold'??? That settled it, school made no sense, and if Dawn could get outta it, she'd let her. Of course, school was probably easier to understand if you weren't a Slayer. Maybe it was just Spike driving her insane, to think such odd thoughts. It was completely ludicrous. Suddenly, she came back to reality and she realized she hadn't answered Spike's absurd offer. How did she answer him? Oh God...she couldn't think of a come back at all...   
  
He cursed his insides for letting out that blasted purring noise again. He sounded like a swaggering kitten. Spike watched a mix of emotions cross her face, but most prominently were her eyes, just looking straight into his. It felt as if she was searching for something deep within him. It unsettled him, though not in a bad way. Bloody hell! That was it; she was driving him to lunacy. He wanted to just grab her in his arms and kiss her breath away. He took an unneeded breath to control himself. "Well then ducks, 'm off. I'll see you tomorrow night at the Scooby meetin'," he stepped backwards onto the porch and winked at her. "Goodnight, luv..."   
  
"Goodnight, Spike..." she said softly. "Be careful." she whispered to him.   
  
"For you..." He ran his finger across her cheek before he could stop himself, a gesture of the lowly reaching towards heaven. "…always…" He backed away, down the stairs, before disappearing like the shadow he was, into the night. Buffy closed the front door and leaned her back against it, groaning. Why did he have to have such beautiful eyes?! They had such a powerful affect on her; she almost felt hypnotized. It was so powerful, and so frustrating all at once. She took a moment to gather her breath, before heading up the stairs to her bedroom, knowing she was to dream about those eyes all night. 

TBC... 


	16. Chapter 16

ImitorVitaProAmor16 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 16**   


Swirls of blue and white surrounded her, washing over her like transparent mesh sheets blowing with the wind. They surrounded her with the gentlest of caresses as she walked barefoot in a room filled with nothing but the blue light of morning. They blew against her bare arms like silk, whipping at her gently, like consiprational whispers. She stopped and sighed, feeling so at ease here. Her hair blew back gently as the breeze tickled her skin. 

Brushing her palms along her stomach, she found herself clothed in a translucent white dress, the hem of the skirt trailing at her feet in a short train. The sheer white fabric was worn over a cream colored material underneath. A matching shawl was tucked around her arms, lightly covering her bare back. She looked in a mirror and realized, she'd never felt more beautiful. Her skin was soft and glowing, her lips shimmering with a coat of gossamer, and her eyes sparkling darkly in contrast with the light that enveloped the room. She didn't feel scared or uneasy at all, even though she was clueless as to where exactly she was. The ground was silky and soft beneath her feet, like she was walking on the petals of wild roses.   
  
She set forth again, stepping into the mesh sheets billowing around her, and consequently, found herself traveling into darker shades of blue as she continued. Suddenly, little sparkles of light danced around the ceiling-less room. Fireflies danced their way around her, sparkling like star glitter falling from the night sky. Stars twinkled above, so close she swore she could reach out and touch them if she so desired. Stepping further along, she was no longer enclosed in a room as the walls disappeared, but an endless expanse of blue remained. An ocean of crystal blue water glimmered, and it ran across her bare feet, staining the hem of her dress. The water was cold, but it did not make her shiver. She felt at peace. She couldn't remember a time being more at ease, even in heaven.   
  
Her slayer senses told her she should find out where she was, and what was going on, but her heart was enjoying the serenity of her surroundings too much. She giggled happily, finding strangeness in her voice. She realized it was genuine happiness. When was the last time she'd laughed like that? When was the last time she was allowed to let her guard down and just have some fun? She couldn't even remember...   
  
Buffy kicked and splashed at the water playfully, grinning to herself. She twirled in a circle, the water swishing at her feet, letting the waves crashing into her calves. When she stopped, she heard soft music coming from the air. She searched for the source, but there was no player, no radio...it was as if the skies themselves and the mass of swirling blue overhead played the music by their own, invisible orchestras. Dark blue meshed cloths floated across her hands and feet, and she lifted them in response, suddenly dancing in the waves of the ocean. She swirled in circles, her shawl floating out like a cape at her back and her hair whipping in the wind. She smiled brightly, the cool breeze dancing along her skin. She skipped and danced along the shoreline, till her head spun and she needed to catch her breath. She stood, gasping softly for air. Her smile couldn't be flawed by anything. She was too happy, too at peace, it was complete solace.   
  
A dark blue scarf blew above her head and came down upon her face. It came upon her eyes and it grew tight as someone tied it, blindfolding her. The material was silky and dark, and she could not see. Yet, there was no fear in her heart at the sudden change. She breathed in and she knew there was no need to fear. She was at complete ease here, and this place protected her.   
  
Gentle hands were placed on her shoulders with feather light touch. The coolness of the contact made her sigh. It had grown so hot dancing. Then the water rushed in, lapping over their feet. The gentle hands turned her, and she wondered who her sudden companion was. Larger, masculine hands gripped her tiny ones with care, guiding her forward.   
  
She followed. They moved in what felt like slow motion to her. She followed this stranger without thought. Her heart told her she knew this man, yet she had no idea of his identity. The ocean continued to lap at her feet, cooling her warming body. She was being lead to a place filled with warmth. She could see the difference in the light, even blindfolded. It all seemed golden in the light. She felt the heat of flickering candles, and fire crackling. It was warm, but the breeze continued blowing coolly, and the ocean at her feet. The music was growing louder too, and they finally stopped. Her curiosity was eased by her passiveness with her surroundings. His presence was comforting.   
  
The music strummed softly, and suddenly, the hands of her companion brought her hands to his body.   
  
She rested her hands on his shoulders and she realized he was taller, and traced the contours of his form, a well-muscled chest and broad shoulder. Her hands traveled down his taut body teasingly, only to work their way back to clasp around his neck. She swayed slowly, the music moving her. 

His cool hands ran along her bare arms, into her hair, then one hand gripped at her tiny waist and he delved, basking in her beauty. She was almost an angel here, except he knew better. His other hand rested at the base of her neck, fingers woven loosely into her blonde locks. He swayed with her, the cool breeze blowing at the candle flames, and rustling her hair. 

_Listen as the wind blows_   
_from across the great divide,_   
_Voices trapped in yearning,_   
_memories trapped in time,_   
_The night is my companion_   
_and solitude my guide,_   
_Would I spend forever here_   
_and not be satisfied_   


She slipped closer to him, her head finding a resting spot against his chest. She breathed in and the familiar scent left her satiated. She smiled deeply as his arms encircled her, holding her tightly. 

_And I would be the one_   
_to hold you down,_   
_kiss you so hard,_   
_I'll take your breath away_   
_and after I'd wipe away the tears,_   
_Just close your eyes dear_

  
He relished in her closeness, drowning in her scent. Her golden wisps of hair whipped   
back against his cheek, tickling his skin. He trailed his palm along her bare back, tracing the contours of her shoulder blades. He felt her shiver and sigh with satisfaction. It was almost too much for him to take. He grinned to himself, her petite, but strong arms holding him flush against her. The winds blew around them in circles, swirls of blue forming a tornado of colored sky around them. The fireflies glowed effervescently around them, dancing. 

_Through this world I've stumbled_   
_so many times betrayed,_   
_Trying to find an honest word,_   
_to find the truth enslaved,_   
_Oh you speak to me in riddles and_   
_you speak to me in rhymes_   
_My body aches to breathe your breath,_   
_you words keep me alive_   


The song was the story of their lives. They both knew it, and they took solace in each other's embrace. As long as they had one another, there was solace in this contramundum. 

_And I would be the one_   
_to hold you down,_   
_kiss you so hard,_   
_I'll take your breath away_   
_and after I'd wipe away the tears,_   
_Just close your eyes dear___

_Into this night I wander,_   
_it's morning that I dread,_   
_Another day of knowing of_   
_the path I fear to tread,_   
_Oh into the sea of waking dreams_   
_I follow without pride,_   
_Nothing stands between us here_   
_and I won't be denied_   


He closed his eyes tightly against her hair and gritted his teeth. He was fighting back the tumultuous emotions bubbling inside of his body, so close to the surface. But before he could stop himself, he began to purr softly. He wished he knew how to cut that ridiculous sound out, but he felt her ease, even with the noise of an animal. Could it soothe her? Why couldn't it…the fact that a monster of a man was holding her and comforting her was already ludicrous. 

Yet, here they were dancing in the surf, surrounded by fireflies and stars.   
  
_And I would be the one_   
_to hold you down,_   
_kiss you so hard,_   
_I'll take your breath away_   
_and after I'd wipe away the tears,_   
_Just close your eyes dear..._

  
When the music ended and there was silence, the wind picked up and she sensed the candles flicker out. It was suddenly dark. But, it was still safe and serene. She lifted her head from his chest and she turned her gaze upwards, as if trying to see him through the blindfold. She wondered how his eyes looked as the moonlight bounced off the ocean. She deliberated whether or not his smile was as bright as hers. Her hand left his shoulder, traveling up his neck, tracing his cold lips. They weren't clammy or anything associated with what a person who was dead felt like. Their coolness was refreshing. The warmth of her skin made his lips warm to touch.   
  
She smiled at him. She placed her palm on his chiseled cheek. "Kiss me..." she breathed into the wind. He was too in shock to move at first. He pondered whether he knew it was him. Blindfolded, she would willingly kissing him. But what if she thought he was really someone else? His lips tingled warmly. She'd get to know him if she didn't know it was him. He'd make sure of that. When he felt some pressure from her, pulling him towards her, he fulfilled her request. His lips pressed against her softly at first, heat meeting cold. He felt his entirety jump and come to life at the feel of her full, warm lips. He purred again, with desperate want. He pulled her into his embrace and his mouth came down slightly harder on hers. Her mouth parted and he ran his tongue along her lips, which were swollen from his kisses.   
  
She met his ferocity with a gentleness all her own, and moaned softly, finally feeling what she longed for, for months. She met his actions with her own tongue, dancing along his. It was explosion after explosion, the two temperatures creating a battleground in the duel kisses between them. They returned each other's fire and ice with more of the same, neither willing to submit. She could feel her losing control from the intensity of his kisses. She moaned again when he began to gently suck on her lower lip and things began to slow, to something more tender. More loving.   
  
Finally, they pulled apart, leaving her gasping for air and him, nuzzling her neck affectionately.   
  
She grinned, pulling his head up. "I want to see you... I need to see you..."   
  
He was afraid to speak. He knew his voice would be a dead give away and the fear of seeing the loathing and disgust in her eyes made him scared. 

"Spike...please..." She caressed his cheek with the back of her fingers. "I...know it's you..." She paused, with a wicked smile. "It better be you..."   
  
He cocked his head to the side. How could it be? He grinned wildly and placed a brief, sweet kiss upon her swollen lips, as his hand slid into the hair, gently slipping the knot of the blindfold loose. He removed it tenderly, pulling away from her slightly. He stood then, staring at her, awaiting her reaction. 

Her eyes searched up, finding his moonlit face. She sighed with happiness, and smiled contentedly. "I knew it was you," she whispered softly, running a thumb along his cheekbone in what could only be called a lover's caress. 

He watched her intense, passion-filled eyes. "I'm glad you're happy..."   
  
"In this place...surrounded by comfort...and with you...how can I not be happy?!" Buffy smiled, laughing melodiously. "Spike, this is like heaven..." she stepped back, spinning again. "Only better!"   
  
Spike's undead heart threatened to pound against his chest with the sudden vitality he felt. He watched her gown flowing in the moonlight, her hair blowing against the breeze...her eyes shimmering with happiness. She was beyond beauty. She was perfection.   
  
"I feel so peaceful here. I..." she blushed. "I feel beautiful and warm and comforted..." She danced over to where the wind blew sheets of blue mesh across her. "It feels so good, every touch, every sound, every smell...it's so beautiful here. And the ocean!" She jogged over, jumping into the waves, despite her dress. "Everything here is so nice!" She made her way back to him, eyes glowing. "Can you feel it?"   
  
He nodded. "Watching you brings me more joy than anything, Buffy... Don't you know that?"   
  
She smiled and moved to kiss him again, this time, a familiar, gentle touch of the lips. "Spike, where are we, exactly?" she whispered up to him.   
  
He looked down at her, cupping her face. "My dreams, Buffy..." he paused. "In my dreams, you love me, as much as I love you. In my dreams, you're at peace an' you're happy, an' as painfully beautiful as you are in reality. In my dreams, you're not blindfolded all the time. I wish you'd see it when we wake up too, pet. Can't you see how much I love you?" he gripped her arms a bit tighter, not with anger, but with determination, as if he were afraid that any second, they would wake up. "Can't you look past the demon? Can't you see the part of me that loves you, slayer and all? Please...Please…Please..." he chanted, though he already felt them being ripped away from his dream world. 

  
"Spike!!!" Buffy screamed, eyes flying open, and she shot up. She heaved heavily, gasping for air as she was forcefully ripped from her dreams. She suddenly felt suffocated, and got out of bed, to open her window. She breathed in the night air for a moment and sighed. Her heart was racing like a freight train. Squeezing her eyes shut, she warded off the tears. Just what the hell was this all about?! And why did it take dreams of what could never be to put her truly at peace? She took a few more deep breaths; telling herself over and over that it had just been a dream. It hadn't been real.   
  
She wrapped her arms around herself, protectively. Yet, it had felt like so much more than an unintentional subconscious fantasy.   
  
She shivered coolly, bringing the window down, so as to leave it open just a crack. Satisfied, she then padded back over to her bed and climbed in, tucking herself into the covers. She raised her brow, seeing something lying at the foot of her bed. Reaching down, she grabbed it, plucking it off the floor. She gasped, realizing what it was. It was a beautiful, sheer white shawl. "Oh God..." she fingered the fabric. She recognized the fabric from the dress in her dream, but apparently, it had really come from her closet. A present from her mother, to match a dress she'd bought a few years ago… She wondered how it managed to get onto her bed. 

Shrugging mentally, she laid it onto her nightstand table and slipped down into the bed, shutting her eyes.   
  
Beside her bed a firefly darted out from the room and flew out into the night air. A gentle wind rustled into the room from the crack in her window, and the shawl blew and fluttered onto the floor. 

But there was no Spike.   


Meanwhile at the Hyperion Hotel in Los Angeles, Cordelia Chase broke out the gauze and bandages, as she and Fred helped patch up Angel's numerous wounds for what seemed like the umpteenth time in so many months. Her former boss looked like Swiss cheese, except with red, oozy holes. "Angel, you know guns? They have bullets, which cause hurt. You should duck."   
  
"Thanks for that new bit of information Cordy," he grunted, partially in pain from the clip that had been emptied into his person by a particularly zealous street gang and partially out of annoyance.   
  
Fred cocked her head to the side; nonplussed by the exchange, because in truth, it was something she had seen everyday for the past three months. She pressed gently on a strip of gauze, so it stuck to a wound lying on the place where his shoulder and chest met. Angel noted that her touch was infinitely more gentle and tentative than Cordelia's, who just seemed unimpressed by his ability to constantly get shot, stabbed, run over, or burned.   
  
"Does it hurt long?" Fred asked in that tremulous, sweet voice she had, pushing her glasses back up her nose. He didn't know why, but that made her seem adorably innocent, despite the hell she had been through back in Pylea.   
  
He smiled gently at the young woman. "It really looks more painful than it is."   
  
Cordelia smirked and pushed hard against one of the oozing wounds, causing him to hiss sharply and wince. "Yeah, impress the ladies some other time Macho boy, and stop flexing so I can get this thing to fit right."   
  
He opened one eye to look at Cordy, his body still bent slightly from the pain she had caused. "I survive street gangs, demon cults, and my own childer, but it's my secretary that kills me."   
  
There was a beat, as Cordy, slightly surprised, tried to figure out how to respond to that. "You made a joke. Too bad Wesley's not here. You might have scared him. He would have thought you were all soulless again."   
  
"Why is it that whenever I try to make jokes people automatically think that I've lost my soul?" he complained, creasing the entire plane of his face into one giant frown.   
  
"Because you're Mister Concrete-Face. Mister Granite-Features. When you make jokes you remind us of psycho boy again. It sort of takes getting used to."   
  
"I thought it was kinda funny," Fred offered, noticing Angel's wounded ego.   
  
He smiled crookedly. "Thanks."   
  
She smiled back enthusiastically before gently wrapping his chest with a strip bandage so that the broken ribs he had withstood from bouncing internal bullets would mend easier. He watched her intently. After Fred finished and tied it off, she patted it gently, as if commending the bandage itself for such good work. Angel's eye sparkled a bit before turned his attention back to Cordelia. "So when are Gunn and Wesley getting back?"   
  
"Do I look like a psychic?" Everyone paused. "Okay, never mind. Do I look like a watch?"   
  
"You look fine," Fred responded. Everyone paused for another beat, save Fred, who clasped her hands in her lap and waited expectantly for someone to talk.   
  
"Thanks, Fred," Cordy smiled. "Anyway, Wesley called and said he and Gunn should be back with your new book soo…"   
  
She never finished her sentence.   
  
Angel, despite his wounds, moved to catch her, before she fell onto the floor. It hurt like hell, and he bit his bottom lip to keep from crying out, while Fred immediately went to get a pad and paper. "Cordy? What do you see?" Angel asked eagerly as she held her head and moaned.   
  
"Give me…a sec, will you… you big…dope?" she ground out, in obvious pain.   
  
"Sorry," he responded, properly chastened. Fred scurried over and held out the pen and pad to Cordelia, her glasses in crooked disarray on her face. Angel mused that he'd really need to get her some new glasses; those big thick black frames always seemed to be falling off of her delicate little face…   
  
"Oh God! Dawn!!! He's going to… Don't touch her!!"   
  
The words Cordelia uttered were like being submerged in a vat of ice-cold water, and Angel was slapped; quiet harshly, back into reality. "Cordy?" he asked, his voice quiet.   
  
She groaned and shook her head, eyes watering slightly, weather from the pain or her natural empathy, no one could be sure. "God, Angel…something was taking her…it was going to feed off of her, drain her of everything."   
  
"Our Dawn?" he asked, anxiously.   
  
She nodded almost imperceptibly, the movement causing a fresh bout of nausea to wash over her. Fred produced the ibuprofen dutifully. Cordy smiled shakily and accepted it, pushing herself out of Angel's grasp and sitting back down on the couch.   
  
"When?" the souled vampire asked, eyes full of anguish. He'd once tried to drain Dawn dry himself, not so long ago. Now, now he had to protect that little girl that was Buffy's sister. He hoped she didn't hold a grudge.   
  
"Tomorrow…soon, I don't know…" the seer responded, clenching her teeth as the throbbing continued unmercifully on her skull. She vaguely wondered how Doyle had endured it for so long, the pain, both physical and emotional of others' torment.   
  
"We can't chance it…we have to go now," Angel stated. "Or it might be too late." He glanced at the clock overlooking the counter. "It's just past 2… if we drive fast, we can get there before sunup."   
  
"If traffic's not bad," Fred mused thoughtfully. "LA has a lot of traffic."   
  
Despite the current situation, Angel smiled a bit at the girl's random musings. "Yeah, Fred. Traffic can be a bitch." With that, he grabbed his shirt and his duster, mindful of his wounds, and headed for the door. "Call Wesley and Gunn. Tell them to hurry up and get back, Cordy. We're leaving for Sunnydale in 20 minutes. I'll go get the car."   
  
Cordelia downed an aspirin and watched him walk gingerly out of the hotel's double doors. "You know, we could call them and warn them. Why does he always have to have such a Batman complexion?" she muttered, rubbing sorely at her forehead.   
  
"I used to watch Batman." Fred smiled.   
  
Cordelia couldn't help but notice how charming the girl was, despite her wackiness. She could see why Angel had developed a soft spot for her, almost immediately. "C'mon Fred… we better go pack some things incase it's a longer trip than we think. Unlike some, we need different clothes to wear everyday." She pulled the other brunette up the stairs, grabbing the cordless and dialing Wesley's cell phone as she did. She'd have time to complain about her skull-cracking headache, later.   
  
  
20 minutes later, the LA gang was in the car and moving 20 miles above speed limit towards Sunnydale. "Tell me again why the hell we ain't just callin' her? You know Angel, telephones HAVE been invented since the 1700s…" Gunn drawled from the backseat of the speeding convertible, not too happy about being dragged off to Smallville, CA in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. "I mean, she's the Slayer right, ain't she supposed to handle this sort of stuff everyday?"   
  
Angel growled from behind the wheel of the GTX at the young man and pulled onto the highway at a rate of speed that would get them arrested. "The PTB's sent Cordy the vision. Which means they wanted ME to work on this. There's got to be something going on that they need ME for."   
  
"You sure they ain't just shittin' with you?"   
  
Angel glared at his coworker again through the rearview, but it didn't do much considering Gunn couldn't see it. "Look, if we can get this taken care of without Buffy finding out, all the better. We know that she doesn't need to see me."   
  
"Because you're still the most important thing in her life right now, and she thinks about and laments you everyday, I'm sure," Cordy drawled, bored.   
  
Fred pushed her glasses back onto her nose, sitting in-between Gunn and Wesley and asked completely innocently, "What's a Buffy?"   
  
Cordy smirked. "Good question." 

TBC... 


	17. Chapter 17

ImitorVitaProAmor17 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


**Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 17**   


  
Buffy was having trouble sleeping again. However, it wasn't the same, excited restlessness that had visited her with dreams of Spike, but rather something ominous and foreboding in the shadows of her mind. Her subconscious realized it was a prophetic dream and that she should pay attention, but natural fear kicked in as well and she immediately attempted to shy away from the images haunting her.   
  
She whimpered in her sleep in pain and frustration, as if the very life was being sucked out of her. A laughing, wrinkled old demon gaped and flashed before her, causing her to instinctively cringe and twist away. Then suddenly, a green light filled the peripheral edges of her vision, and with it, a warm respite from the cold ice of fear. It was something so magnificent and bright that it nearly blinded her. Yet it drew her towards it, with all its gentle purity. She wanted to reach out and just touch it, run it through her fingers. It was airy and light, playful. It swirled about her fingers like a butterfly, and a sudden pang of familiarity hit her as it flitted gracefully between her fingertips. Then the moment was ripped apart as she watched, horrified, as the warm, glowing energy swirled and compressed into a thick mass, before being forcefully pulled into the wrinkled form of the demon, where it promptly dissipated with an earth-shattering burst of power followed by the elated cackling of the wrinkle-face. The last thing she heard was a distinctively familiar scream…   
  
Buffy's eyes shot open and she gasped, filling her lungs with air. She held back the girlie scream that her body had initially wanted to let out, and sighed instead. Hand on her thumping heart; she shook herself. "God… is it soooo much to ask for a decent night's sleep?" she grumbled, turning on her side so she could survey the digital reading on her nightstand clock. 4 AM. Perfect. She'd gotten exactly three hours of sleep. Groaning tiredly, she rolled back onto her back, and tried to breathe slowly to calm her racing heart. Talk about the mother of all bad dreams. Buffy stared at the white ceiling of her room for several minutes, willing herself to calm down enough to think about everything she had seen rationally. She'd had prophetic dreams before, right? Sadly enough, this was definitely an experience that was not new. She mentally went through the steps of standard, required procedure after such a dream. What she needed was to write down the details right away before she could forget. 

Pulling herself into a sitting position, the Slayer grabbed a loose piece of paper from her nightstand and a pen from the top drawer. Uncapping it with her mouth, she reached over and clicked her lamp on, illuminating the room in a soft yellow glow. Then, with a still, slightly shaky hand, she began to write what she had seen in that vivid, horrible, strange dream. The next step would have to wait till tomorrow, for the Scoobies. 

  
In his crypt, Spike jerked uncomfortably awake, hand going to his chest and rubbing absently. What the hell had that been? He growled and vamped out, testing the air around him for possible danger. Not sensing anything, he shook off the ridged countenance of his demon and frowned. Being a vampire, his instincts were not just super-sensitive to the physical world, but also in superior tune with that of the supernatural. And something seemed off kilter. That little shock he had felt just a second ago, that spark from inside, it was a warning. Grunting, he debated weather it was worth the risk of getting up and trudging to the Slayer's, or the Watcher's to ask them if anything was going on. Then he realized how bloody ridiculous that all would seem if he rung the bell at 4 in the morning and asked if everything was okay because he'd had a jolt. 

He laid his head back down on his crypt and tried to get back to sleep. Still, he felt a certain amount of disquietude running through his veins, as if his demon was anticipating something, and preparing itself. He tried to shake it off as jitters from everything that had happened earlier this morning, and willed himself to relax. But he was itching, inside. Growling, he sat up again and tossed his blanket off. It felt like something was going to happen and he'd be damned if it got the jump on him or his.   
  
He sighed and grabbed his duster, swinging it onto his shoulders before exiting his crypt. He had time to do a quick sweep/looksee before sunrise. And he knew he wouldn't get any bloody sleep until he figured out was getting him all in a twist. It felt like there was something building, adding up, and getting ready to happen, soon. He strode out into he cool night air, his senses sharp and his body ready for anything. But in contrast to his inner turmoil, the outside was as still as…well, a tomb. Sighing, the vampire ran a frustrated hand through his hair and kept walking, in the direction (consciously or not) of the Summers's home. He walked quickly; wanting to make sure all was well there of all places, before heading back to the crypt in time that he wouldn't become the dreaded alter ego, Extra-Crispy Spike.   
  
And so was the reasoning that brought him there, and upon arrival, oddly enough, he saw a light shining from the bedroom window that was Buffy's. The vampire stood under the tree in front of her house a moment, wondering what she could possibly be doing awake at this time of night, or rather, morning. Furrowing his brow worriedly, he wondered if everything was all right. Had he missed some clue earlier that should have revealed to him how Buffy was feeling about the past days' events? Had her making Riley leave been harder on her than it had first appeared? He muttered to himself about being selfish earlier, and for not thinking about the effects of his battle with Cardboard might have had on her. She had cared for Riley once, after all. And a part of him realized that she could very well be taking this poorly, just because she was the kind of person that cherished everyone in her life, and mourned each of them, if need be.   
  
He contemplated climbing the tree to check up on her, but wondered if his presence would only bring a fresh bout of hurt to her. He was the reason, partly, for this entire fiasco in the first place. But the thought of her up there alone with no one to lean on tugged at him as well. He sighed and ran a hand through his already disheveled-from sleep-hair. Decisions were not always fun to make. It was a toss up between going in and possibly getting staked for his efforts, or going home, feeling guilty and wondering if he had caused some terrible pain in Buffy's life and hadn't been there when she had needed him.   
  
He smirked to himself after reciting his thoughts through his mind. The decision apparently, was already made, and he began to carefully scale the tree. A strange night when one would rather risk getting staked than having to deal with their own guilt for possibly hurting someone they loved. He was a right soft wanker, he was. 

  
Angel checked the clock on his dashboard as the convertible arrived in Sunnydale and allowed a grunt of satisfaction. They had gotten here with time to spare before sunrise. Deciding that there was time for a quick detour from the motel they were shooting for, the vampire hung a quick left and headed towards Revello Drive. The other members of his group were fast asleep in the convertible and thus, unaware of the side trip. The vampire was going to give himself this one, small allowance to perhaps, put his heart at ease for the night. It was just a crumb, after all.   
  
  
Perhaps the PTB's were bored in the world of fighting evil, and felt the need to liven things up. Perhaps there was some hand of fate mischievously playing with the strings of the lives of our heroes, just because they could, and felt that they should do as such. Or maybe Sunnydale just wanted to see another terrific kicking of someone's ass. One never really knew on a Hellmouth, but it happens nonetheless.   
  
Angel's convertible rounded the corner and drove down the street at a subdued pace, so as not to disturb any of the sleeping inhabitants of the neighborhood. The car pulled to a stop across the street from the Summer's home. He shut off the engine and pulled the keys, noting that his young friends were all still sound asleep, save for maybe Fred, who had woken once their momentum had stopped and was now looking around the quiet, suburban neighborhood with no small amount of fascination. "Where's this?" she asked him quietly, still fiddling with the loose glasses on her face.   
  
"This is Buffy's house," Angel responded quietly. "I'm just going to check in real fast. Stay here, okay?"   
  
She nodded and smiled. She always had a smile, for everything. Angel wondered if that was from having to live in a dimension where there was no laughter and she was making up for it, or if that was just in her nature. It was endearing, that sort of friendliness. "I'll be back in a second."   
  
She nodded and took her hand away from her face, folding it into her lap with the other one. "Okay." She smiled again.   
  
He returned the gesture, genuinely, and slid out of the car quietly, not bothering to mold himself into the gray shadows of the pre-dawn sky. There was no need for stealth now, he sensed no danger, and there wasn't time for that sort of grand entrance. Halfway across the street, a familiar scent caught his attention, and he barely kept from morphing, shaking his head and growling. Fearing that his senses were playing some sort of sick joke on him, he paused to take a figurative breath to gather himself. Then, he took another whiff of the air around him, listened to the demon pounding inside of him. There was no mistaking it this time, and all he could manage to think through his shock was an inarticulate, 'what the hell'. 

The subdued pace he had initially taken was then switched for something more frantic, as he dashed across the lawn. His instincts hadn't betrayed him, as he had first thought. And there, to confirm what he already knew, much to his utter disbelief and horror, perched Spike, on the tree just outside Buffy's bedroom. The very tree Angel had traversed countless times to steal a moment with his precious slayer, during what seemed, an eternity ago. The blonde vampire looked to be peering in, his brow furrowed with thought, probably about the best way to kill her, as far as Angel was concerned, anyway. Spike made as if to knock on the glass, but pulled his hand back, and morphed into his demon form first. Enraged, Angel did the same and presented his demon countenance to the forefront, before silently moving to scale the tree after his errant grand-childe. This time, he would really kill the bastard. 

Spike poised to tap softly on Buffy's window but paused when his senses screamed at him from inside. He allowed himself to morph to better analyze the situation, confused as hell with himself and his apparently, wacky wirings. That move gave him all the warning he needed, and he swung around the outstretched limb just out of the grasp of whatever it had been stalking up after him. On the belly of the branch's trunk, he growled and pushed himself back up the opposite side, back on top, landing in a defensive crouch on his toes. He glared into the night, senses on full alert.   
  
"I'll kill you before I let you hurt her, Spike."   
  
Spike was dumbfounded at the sound of the familiar voice, and let his guard down for a split second as realization hit him. It was just long enough for Angel to sucker punch him, sending him flying out of the tree and down into the hard packed earth just below. He grunted in pain, attempting to shake it off as his grand-sire landed lithely beside him, the perfect picture of glowing rage. Spike would have found it funny, if they weren't in danger of waking the Nibblet, which would make for a very brassed off Slayer to deal with in the morning…   
  
"Oh yeah…" Spike jumped to his feet gracefully, remembering that there was a smoldering, magnificently pissed 249-year-old elder just about ready to kill him. He spun to face his grand-sire, smirking, just because he knew it irritated him to no end. "Mind me askin' what the hell you're doing in Sunnyhell, Angelus?" he asked, conversationally.   
  
"I could ask you the same, boy."   
  
"You can? I'm glad for you, I really am. You're learning more every time I see you, Hair Boy."   
  
"You always did like to run your mouth before a fight," Angel growled in response. "Glad no one will have to deal with that ever again, after tonight."   
  
"Well, aren't we the strapping Super-Poof tonight? Mind tellin' me why you saw fit to toss me out of the bleedin' tree?"   
  
"What do you want with Buffy?"   
  
"What do mean, what do I…" Spike didn't get to finish his sentence, because Angel lunged at him again, growling like a rabid lion. Spike ducked around him fluidly. His grand-sire sort of sacrificed form for power when he was this brassed off, and Spike knew it. Had years of experience with it from the past, in fact. The younger vamp supposed he could take the split second his sire was off balance during the charge to get under his defenses and give it good, but he really wasn't in the mood for this right now. Instead, he stood and waited patiently for Angel to spin around. The elder vamp did it about ten times faster than Spike had predicted however, and a foot caught him on the side of the head, snapping his chin sharply to the right. William growled low in his throat. Bloody ponce always liked going for the cheap shots. Setting his jaw again, he slowly turned back to face Angel. "Angelus, listen you ragin' wanker…" He was cut off with a quick jab to the nose.   
  
Managing to dodge the next series of punches from Angel, Spike felt himself being backed up towards the bushes, and chanced a backwards glance to gauge the distance. He learned a little too late, that that had been a mistake, when his grand-sire's foot connected with his stomach. The force of the blow sent him staggering backwards, into the wall of Buffy's house, with a subdued 'thud'.   
That was it. That was bloody well it. Spike wouldn't let his poof of a grand-sire get away with that while he was too busy trying to not fight back. Charging forward, Spike tackled Angel and shoved him bodily into the trunk of the tree, before smashing his fist hard into his sire's nose. "Will you bloody well listen to me?!" he hissed, trying to draw back so they could talk. As much as he'd like to kill the grand-poof right here and now, he knew Buffy wouldn't appreciate it, and he barely, just barely, managed to contain himself and keep from fighting back in more than just self-defense. But Angel took advantage of Spike's charity and grabbed him by the collar of his duster, reversing their positions, and slamming Spike into the trunk, hard.   
  
"Listen? How about I 'bloody well' kill you instead?"   
  
Spike rolled his eyes at the threat that wasn't very threatening. "This is bloody ridiculous. Will you just LISTEN for a second?" Spike couldn't believe this. He really couldn't. In all the time he had been working with the Scoobies, none of them had even bothered to keep his volatile grand-sire in the loop by telling him he'd switched teams? He made a mental note about thumping Xander upside the head for it tomorrow, if he lived that long.   
  
"You know what? Fine. You've got one second to tell me what the hell you're doing here," Angel growled, right in the younger vampire's face as he held him off the ground.   
  
"One second? That's fair," Spike agreed. Then he swung both arms out and knocked the hands pinning his body to the tree away, before slamming the palm of his hand into Angel's face. The older vampire staggered back, clutching his bleeding nose and snarling. He was going to kill Spike now. He really was. 

  
Buffy paused in her writing when she heard a solid thump come from outside, against her house. Frowning, she set her pen and paper down, swearing to herself that if Spike was still out there… scratch that, she KNEW Spike was out there. She could feel him. Shaking her head, the Slayer got up off the bed and padded over to the window, annoyed face on and prepared to be thrown at her blonde vampire. Thrusting the window open and poking her head outside, she took a deep breath, ready to tell him that she wasn't above dusting him if it would get her some rest. 

And then she stopped when she saw what was happening. Spike was obviously fighting someone; she could tell who was who from the brilliant shock of hair that was uniquely his. She couldn't make out his opponent down in the dark there, however. She squinted, trying to make out the shape of it to discern if it was vampire or demon. Or worse yet, a drunk, royally pissed off, Riley Finn.   
  
She quickly got to her feet and sprinted back to her nightstand, throwing open the bottom drawer and grabbing a stake, just in case. Spike looked to be holding his own, but his opponent sure looked like he knew what he was doing. She ran back to the window, weapon in hand, and took another quick look. Whomever it was that her friend was fighting seemed to be getting the upper hand. Either Spike was holding back, or the thing attacking him was really very good. 

In a fraction of a second, the Slayer was crawling out the window and on the branch of the tree; stake tucked under one arm. She jumped gracefully down behind the warring creatures and poised her stake, when her Slayer-sense screamed "vampire" at her.   
  
Spike saw her, about to get the drop on Angel, her stake raised and ready to turn the bastard into dust. He sighed, knowing he was going to regret this tomorrow… "Buffy, no!!!!"   
  
And with Spike's warning, Angel spun around, vamp face still full on, growling savagely. Buffy paused, too shocked to move. Her stake stayed poised mid-air, when something inside of her warned that he might once again, be soulless. "Angel?" she asked tentatively. God, all she needed was Angelus showing up again…   
  
Upon seeing Buffy, and reading the half hopeful, half horrified expression on her face, Angel instantly reverted to his human mask. "Buffy?"   
  
"Good, you still remember each other. Buffy, luv, tell your wannabe knight in shinin' armor to bloody well put me down, eh?"   
  
Still shocked, Buffy lowered her stake as Angel morphed back to his human face. "Um, Angel… put Spike down."   
  
Now Angel was confused. "What? But he… and I saw him, and he was climbing the tree…"   
  
Buffy shook her head, not understanding a word of the babbling coming out of Angel's mouth. Instead, she looked at Spike, who was suspended several inches off the ground by the edges of his duster, slammed up against the back of the tree. "Spike?"   
  
"Saw your light on, was worried you weren't takin' everythin' that happened today well," he explained, shrugging a shoulder as far up as Angel's grip would allow. "Then all of a sudden, I get knocked out of the bloody tree by the Dark Avenger here."   
  
"Oh." She nodded, then turned her gaze back to Angel, who had watched the exchange with furrowed brow, and a frown that seemed to make his whole face stretch downward. "Oh! Angel, let him down, now!"   
  
Working on autopilot, he did as he was told, and dropped the younger vampire, who landed on his feet, smirking. He always had the most irritating smirk. "Will someone tell me what's going on here?!" Angel asked, looking from one blonde to the next.   
  
Spike looked at Buffy. "Seems the Scoobies and you… left out a bit of detail, pet. Apparently, Peaches'n cream here still thinks I'm evil."   
  
Buffy sighed. "I knew I forgot SOMETHING in my welcome back call."   
  
"You had a lot to talk about, luv. Back from the dead and all. Don't worry about it. Anyway, I was just droppin' by to see if you were all right. Got a strange feelin' while I was sleepin' and it wouldn't let up, kinda got worried. You all right?"   
  
"Yeah, I'm okay," Buffy responded, smiling at Spike in much the same manner Fred smiled at him, Angel noted. "Thanks."   
  
"So it's normal when you're up at 4 AM readin', then?" Spike asked, skeptically.   
  
She shook her head. "No…I had a dream… a nightmare."   
  
"You did? Was it one of your Slayer-y thingies?"   
  
"Yeah, I think so. I was writing it down."   
  
"Oh. Guess that explains a lot then." Spike smiled sheepishly. "So um, you're not all broken up about the Commando Kid, then?"   
  
"No, not as much as I thought I might be. I'm already over getting over him."   
  
"Good then. I was worried I'd mucked up or somethin' and left you all alone in your misery."   
  
"Nope, no misery here. Just bad prophetic dreams."   
  
"I don't suppose I should be relieved then, eh pet? What'd you see?"   
  
Angel coughed. "I'm still here."   
  
Both of them were smacked out of their private world and back to that annoying thing called reality at the irritated voice coming from beside the tree trunk.   
  
"You ARE still here. Why don't you get gone then, Poof?"   
  
Buffy smacked Spike's arm lightly. "He's obviously here for a reason."   
  
"Other than bloody sucker punching a bloke at 4am in the bloody morning?"   
  
She smiled a bit at Spike's overacted expression of disgust. "You're bleeding," she said softly, reaching up with her fingers to wipe some blood of off a small cut that had opened itself on his forehead. "C'mon inside, before you two are Crispy-Spike and Crispy-Angel… apparently, we need to talk." 

Angel looked back and forth between soulless vampire and the slayer, quite confused with the situation in its entirety. Buffy, was inviting Spike into her house?! Spike was not trying to kill Buffy? It was obvious they'd become...well, they formed some type of...no that couldn't be it. Buffy would sooner kill Spike than let him anywhere near hers. Maybe they just had an agreement of some sort. He remembered vaguely, Buffy telling him Spike was present during the Glory situation… but he'd written it off as a minor annoyance because quite frankly, in comparison to a hell god, that was what the arrogant boy had been. Everything else Angel tried to wrap his brain around made no sense.   
  
No sooner than had they stepped into the living room, Angel whipped on the two and put a hand to his head. "What the hell is going on here?!" he asked, trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt. Was it so hard to just call him and tell him what was going on every now and again?   
  
"Shhh..." Buffy growled. "Dawn's sleeping."   
  
"Sorry..." Angel responded, lowering his voice to a whisper. "But, I mean, you gotta understand my confusion here..."   
  
Spike snorted. "Course we understand it. You always were the walkin' wall of confusion, eh Grandpapa? I betcha my tree out there has got more brains than you. I know it has more bark, anyway..."   
  
Angel growled low in his throat. "Shut up, Spike." He spat the younger vampire's name out like it was poisonous.   
  
"Spike, please... No giant pissing contests this time," Buffy pleaded, eying her friend warily. 

He turned his gaze to her and... bloody hell... he relaxed his stance, doing exactly as she asked, because he still hadn't found a way of saying no to her and not feeling like a complete wanker afterwards. He was a bloody poof if there was ever one. Hell, bigger than cave man Angelus here. He may as well bow down and kiss her feet next. *Which...* he eyed her cute lil slayer feet...*wasn't a bad idea...*   
  
Buffy watched him staring at her intently and she flushed, thinking of her more pleasant dream of tonight. *Dreams... oh...right...* she thought, pushing herself back on track.   
  
"Angel..." She paused, trying to get her mind off of memories involving a blindfold and lots of kissage. "Why are you here?"   
  
"Wait a minute..." Angel put a hand up to stop her, because quite frankly, he still had no clue what was going on here. He noticed the intensity between the two of them, sure, that was hard to miss. Buffy was flushed, and he could hear her heart pounding in her chest. But he wanted to know WHY this intensity existed, in the first place. Had he accidentally stepped into another one of those damned alternate universes? "I still wanna know what HE'S doing here," Angel poked Spike in the chest.   
  
Buffy glared at him now, smacking his hand away from his grand-childe's. "Play nice. Spike's a good puppy now." 

Spike grinned that defiant, cocky ass son of a bitch smirk of his. "That's right mate, I've gone softer'n a marshmallow in cocoa."   
  
Angel raised his brows, fighting off the sudden fit of hysterical giggles ready to overtake him. One escaped his throat anyway, and at the mere sound of it, he nearly burst into outright laughter. "Spike, good? What are you talking about?" He laughed. "You're not serious are you? Cuz if you are… "   
  
"And I would let him into my house because of a joke?" Buffy crossed her arms, staring at Angel like he'd finally gone of the deep end.   
  
Spike growled at his sire's antics. "Hard to believe or not, Soul Train, but I don't need no stinkin' soul to wear a White Hat. I'm a good Slayer's pet sidekick." He raised his brows in defiance. "I've switched teams."   
  
Angel looked filled with disbelief. His eyes searched Buffy's. "And you really believe him?"   
  
"Why shouldn't I?" Buffy asked, feeling angered at Angel's disbelief. Did no one trust her judgment?! "I told you when I called that Spike helped me take down Glory."   
  
"Yeah, but Buffy you never explained that he was still here..." Angel added. "Or that he's supposedly switched teams. I thought he was doing it for some kinda reward, not out of the not-there kindness of his heart!" the elder vampire explained, looking into his ex-lover's eyes. Suddenly, he was afraid of the answers he might get.   
  
"See, short story version, grand-poof...is... I got this pretty lil chip from the government, made me work for me bread'n blood, changed teams, been fightin' the good fight. As of late, went'n got myself a good ol' brain zappin' heart startin' electrocution the other night. Presto, no more chip to keep back good ol' Spike." He wrapped his arm around Buffy. "Thing is, I still like me white hat. Now, 'm all poofter like, taking after your footprints, and the sort Poo-ba. Except I'm doin' a better job of it. Even called a FRIEND to Xander. Scarier than you ever thought I could be, eh Cow Eyes?"   
  
Angel felt a furious jealous rage course through his insides at seeing Spike's arm around Buffy. He was gawking at them. Buffy chuckled at the fish out of water impression Angel was doing and eased herself gently out of Spike's arm. "He's good Angel. If you don't trust him, trust me. Spike's a friend."   
  
"A friend?" Angel questioned, skeptical.   
  
They all knew there was more to the question.   
  
Buffy burned under the men's gazes. "Uh… friends. I said friends, did I not?" She fidgeted. "Anyway, what are you doing here?"   
  
"Cordy had a vision." Angel answered. He was satisfied with their talk yet, but he knew it would have to do for now. Dawn was in danger.   
  
"Oh no..." Buffy sat on the couch. "First my slayer dream... then Spike sensing it, and now Cordy..." She groaned. "If it's another hell god, I'm leaving the planet permanently."   
  
Spike sat next to her, a worried look on his face. "Pet..."   
  
"To the moon...no more afterlife stuff for me... no way..." Buffy assured him.   
  
Angel felt sick at their closeness. They looked so comfortable with each other, and quite frankly, it was wrong. On soo many levels. He sat down gingerly on a chair, away from any windows facing the rising sun. "We rushed out as soon as we could after the vision. Tell me about your dreams..." he asked gently, needing to keep focused on the job at hand before he turned around and ripped Spike apart for just being here.   
  
"Dream! Not dreams! Singular! Dream! There was only one dream tonight!!" Buffy assured him hastily, blushing slightly.   
  
Spike eyed her with care. "Everything all right there, luv?"   
  
She rolled her eyes. "Yes, momma vamp." She paused to shake her head, breaking eye contact with him. When he looked at her like that, she felt as if he could see right through her. "Anyway...about my dream...the prophecy type thing..." Her eyes darted to Spike, then she rested them on Angel. She explained the dream in detail especially the screams she heard at the end being Dawn's.   
  
Angel frowned, the worried expression on his face pulling it downward in great lengths. "Cordy's vision was about Dawn. She said she saw something touching her, draining the energy from her..."   
  
"That's how it felt in my dream..." Buffy frowned, fear working its way to her gut at the implications.   
  
Spike growled low in his throat and snorted. "No one's touching the Nibblet. This time 'll be damn sure no one dies. Not this time..."   
  
Angel listened to Spike's burst of arrogant bravado, still having a hard time grasping the fact that for once, Spike wanted to help, not to hurt. "We'll all protect Dawn," Angel offered, looking to Buffy.   
  
Spike snarled. Dawn was his to protect, and so was Buffy. These were his girls, damn it... Peaches gave up the right to them when he hightailed it out of Sunnydale like the coward he was.   
  
"What would want Dawn though? Why?" Buffy frowned, ignoring Spike's growls. "Who would need that much energy?"   
  
"I don't know. There was bright light, Cordy said... like in your dream..." Angel offered.   
  
"Well that just narrows it down right nice, Gramps. Right then, well done! A big ball of shiny light wants my Bite Size! Good show detective Holmes!" Spike barked at Angel in irritation, the sarcasm rolling off of him in waves.   
  
"Spike..." Buffy chided gently. "It won't help Dawn any if you two can't get along..."   
  
"Bloody hell Slayer," Spike rumbled. "This is Nibblet we're talking about! We need to figure this out!"   
  
"I know! I'm worried too, but all this fighting and strutting isn't helping!" Buffy's voice held a pleading note to it. "Please..." she pushed him, her voice now filled with a weariness he hadn't noticed earlier.   
  
"In Cordy's vision there was a bright light. We should work from there..." Angel started to suggest, but was interrupted.   
  
"Hey!" Cordelia's voice entered the room. "Didn't anyone tell you its not nice to talk about people when they're not around..." she smiled sleepily in greeting, stepping through the front door and closing it behind her. "So we all decided for a 4 AM reunion and… Holy!!!!" Angel's link to the PTB's stumbled back at seeing Spike.   
  
"Buffy!! That's Spike!"   
  
Buffy groaned and dropped her forehead on Spike's shoulder wearily. There was no way Dawn was going to get any sleep through all this racket. "Cordy!! Quiet!"   
  
"But…but..."   
  
"Hey, cheerleader..." Spike waved, putting on his most evil smile. Cordelia nearly fainted. "You look smashing as ever, pet."   
  
Delia ignored him. "What's he doing here?"   
  
"We really need to call LA more often, cutie," Spike muttered gently to Buffy, her head still against his shoulder. He enjoyed both the feeling of that, and the one from Cordelia's complete and utter shock.   
  
"Tell me 'bout it," Buffy mumbled in response, her mind in over drive.   
  
Footsteps padded down the stairs, causing everyone to look up.   
  
Spike looked up to see Dawn's sleepy face. "Nibblet!"   
  
She smiled weakly. "Spike..." she paused, noticing more people in her living room. "Cordelia... Angel..." She reached the bottom of the stairs. "What are you all doing here? At sunrise?" she grumbled. "And waking me up 2 hours before I have to be up! I have a test tomorrow, you know!"   
  
Buffy wished that tests were all Dawn would ever need to worry about. She sighed. That was all Dawn did need to worry about. It was her job to worry about protecting her sister. "Nothing, Dawnie. Angel decided to come say Hi. Go back to sleep..."   
  
Angel gave her one of his infamous, stern, disapproving looks. "Buffy..."   
  
"You heard big sis!" Spike interrupted Angel. There was no way he was telling his Little Bit that she was in danger. Not yet. And especially when she had school to worry about. "Off to bed, Platelet."   
  
"I wanna know what's going on..." Dawn whined, trying to con her protector with a fierce pout.   
  
Spike got up. "It's really nothing, Bit... Go get some more rest. Don't want you to forget our lessons for the test cuz the Poofter and company wouldn't let you sleep," Spike winked.   
  
She yawned, relenting. "Okay...okay…but you're dishing tomorrow." She reached out sleepily and hugged Spike. "Night."   
  
Spike smiled and embraced his girl gently. She was too damn cute to play tough guy with when she was all sleepy like that.   
  
Dawn eyed him, realizing that he'd let go of the bad ass image long enough to give it to her good. "Going soft on me?"   
  
"Regular poofter I am," he responded with a bittersweet smirk, whispering just so she could hear him.   
  
"Goodnight," Buffy smiled.   
  
"Night everyone," Dawn called back over her shoulder, footsteps heavy with sleep as she made her way back upstairs.   
  
Angel couldn't believe what he'd just seen. And he knew he'd seen it, William the Bloody...hugging...a child... and enjoying it, but he couldn't seem to cram the concept into his already overworked brain. Just what the hell... His head threatened to explode under the impact of all this new information that it wasn't ready to accept. He shook it off dazedly, rationalizing that there were other matters at hand of greater importance, for now.   
  
Once Dawn had returned safely to bed, Angel spoke up again. "I think we should tell her she's in danger."   
  
"Real smart idea, Angelus. Are you always this brilliant? Right...you are... with the whole lot of trouble you got me and Dru in back in the old country, guess I should have remembered. You were a bloody idiot then, and you are now..." He paused before continuing his assault by doing his impression of Angel. "Let's see, I'm Angelus, the great big cotton poof ball. I have an idea! Why don't we go get a 15 year old girl outta her nice warm bed and scare the bloody hell outta her hours before she has to take a big exam?!" Spike scoffed, angry. Only when he received a flagrant look from Buffy did he rolled his eyes and stop. "Bloody hell..." he mumbled, feeling more whipped now than he had in months.   
  
"The only danger Dawn needs to worry about is passing her test," Buffy agreed with Spike in a more politically correct manner, eyes still on Spike, as if she was reassuring him of his fears. He held her gaze for a moment, and then gave an almost imperceptible nod of his head, communicating to her that he would stand behind whatever decision she made. That decided, the Slayer turned calmer, if not bone tired eyes to Angel.   
  
"Once we figure out what's going on, we'll tell her."   
  
"Okay... is no one else shocked and amazed at Daddy Spike here?" Cordy stared at the spot where Dawn and Spike hugged. "Like...hello??" She raised her hands and waved them slightly, to emphasize the point.   
  
"Cordy, Spike is of the good now. That's all you need to know," Buffy rubbed her forehead. She was so tired, but something told her, she'd get no rest tonight. Today...   
  
"Right then," Spike broke the silence that had built, seeing Buffy on the verge of falling asleep right then and there. "What say we meet at the magic shop in a few hours? Maybe Giles knows what's after Dawn, and we can figure out how to hack it into little pieces with our great big weapons."   
  
"Good idea," Cordy agreed, as tired as the other mortal in the room. "C'mon, Angel... we'll drive to a hotel fast. We may make it before sun up and that way, I won't have to vacuum you out of your seat."   
  
"Here's hoping for no vacancies then," Spike snorted.   
  
"And just how are YOU getting home before sunrise Spike?" Angel snapped, irritated to the edge by Spike's garish remarks.   
  
Spike slunk back onto the couch next to Buffy. "I'll just stay with my FRIEND, the Slayer til then." He casually rested an arm around Buffy's shoulders and smirked.   
  
Buffy groaned, leaning on him. "Stop it you two." She couldn't stand the remarks anymore and had tried to sound annoyed, but the yawn that punctuated her mid sentence did little to aid her. She knew the best way to keep Spike silent, was to give him what he wanted. Sad to say… it was her attention. But as long as it would just get quiet, and the possible threat of her vampires throttling each other would go away, everything would be of the good.   
  
"Anything you say, luv," Spike patted her arm, proving her theory right.   
  
Angel was completely fed up at the sight of them like that. There was nothing more he wanted in the whole wide world right now than to wipe that smug look of William's face with a sledgehammer. Turning away from them, he realized that he and Buffy needed to talk, alone, sometime. But now was not that time. He stood up and gestured Cordy ahead of him. "We'll see you all later. The whole crew is with us."   
  
"Even Fred," Cordelia added, upbeat.   
  
"Fred?" Buffy looked up.   
  
"Well, we really do need to keep in touch more," Cordelia stated, shaking her head as she left the Summer's house.   
  
"Bye, Buffy..." Angel forced a smile.   
  
She smiled, eyes half open. "Bye, Angel."   
  
"Later, Granddaddy..." Spike waved.   
  
Then the guests were gone, the door was shut, and there was silence.   
  
Spike expected Buffy to jump off his shoulder, break his nose, and push him out the door. "Guess I should make a run for it, then, eh pet? If I sprint, I can make it back to the crypt before morning fries me."   
  
"Stay." Buffy said it before she had a chance to think it over. "It's too late…er…early for you to make it back," she muttered tiredly. It would be okay.   
  
Spike's undead heart did a little leap and perhaps, a few cartwheels in his chest. "Really?"   
  
She nodded, beginning to fall asleep again. "Watch Dawn..."   
  
He kissed her forehead. "Till the end of the world..."   
  
"And me..." she drifted off, head resting comfortably on his shoulder.   
  
He gently rested her head against his chest and grabbed a nearby blanket, covering her. He sat back, the slayer in his arms. He wondered if he was dreaming. 

TBC...   
  
  



	18. Chapter 18

ImitorVitaProAmor18 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 18**   
**** ****

Dawn stretched her arms out above her head with a sigh as she pounded down the stairs. She had set her alarm early, so that she'd have plenty of time this morning. She held her notes from Spike's lesson clutched in one hand, planning on reviewing them over a good breakfast. If Buffy had started cooking...if she hadn't, she'd kill her. She pounded into the living room to retrieve her school bag, but skidded to a halt, her eyes bulging at what she saw. A giant Cheshire cat grin formed slowly on her face as realization sunk in and she had to cover her mouth to curb the fit of giggles threatening to erupt from within her. The scene before her gave her a funny sense of deja vu. The other day she caught Buffy amidst a Spike dream. Now...here, on her couch, in the darkened living room... was Spike and Buffy... fast asleep, and most importantly, together. Dawn fought the urge to shout in happiness and wondered in passing if she had a camera handy, somewhere. 

She felt the grin threatening to split her face, and had to bite the insides of her cheeks to keep it from doing just that. Buffy was spooned tightly against Spike, her head resting on his chest, feet curled on the couch, and her arm draped along Spike's lap, clutching the blanket that covered them. Spike's head was tilted back, and close to her hair, his own arms wrapped around the slayer in a protective, possessive embrace. They fit so well together. It seemed like such an intimate moment and Dawn instantly wished she could take herself to school and not wake them, but Buffy would be really mad if she went alone. She stepped over to them carefully, rubbing Buffy's arm gently. "Wake up, Buffy..." she whispered, trying not to wake Spike as well. Buffy groaned tiredly and snuggled deeper into the nook Spike's arms formed around her. 

Spike tightened his grasp as she moved closer to him, not showing any signs of waking up. 

Dawn frowned. She hated to do this, but... "C'mon Buff..." She shook her sister a bit harder. 

Spike stirred, eyes opening at the intrusion. He blinked, disoriented, trying to see straight and figure out just what in the hell was going on at the same time. 

"Sorry, Spike..." Dawn apologized giving him her most regretful expression when he turned to her and partial realization dawned. "I got school..." 

Spike nodded with understanding, yet he couldn't remember exactly what was going on right now. "Nibblet..." he said, trying to gather his bearings. 

"Yeah?" she turned those gigantic eyes on him. 

He moved to sit up when he realized there was weight in his lap. "Buffy?" Spike shifted, studying the precious cargo in his lap. He beamed brightly all of sudden, not ever feeling so good in his whole existence. He remembered. 

Dawn grinned, seeing the perfectly goofy smile that graced his usually hard features. She'd never seen Spike smile that way before. It gave her butterflies to see him so happy. "I'll go and start the breakfast. Give you a minute to wake her up good and proper," Dawn teased. Spike was too amazed at the sight before him to toss a quip back at Nibblet so just made due with an offhanded nod in her general direction. He was afraid to blink, afraid to move. 

Dawn turned and bounced into the kitchen, air in her step. She wondered if Spike liked bacon and eggs??   


Spike wished for nothing more than to stay like this forever, but Dawn did need to go to school. He frowned regretfully, not too thrilled with the thought of disturbing the precious cargo lying ensconced in his arms. He cradled her against him tenderly, tilting her head back into the crook of his arm. He looked around, making sure he was alone with her. 

He looked down at her beautiful, sleeping face. He pulled her close to his chest, cuddling her, resting his head against hers. He nuzzled her close, drowning in her scent, her presence. He fought to keep back a purr, but to no avail, as it vibrated down low and throaty in his chest. He sighed, pulling back after a moment, just to look at her. Her head fell against his chest, and he freed the hand cradling her body close. He cupped her cheek, grazing his fingertips along her smooth face. Smiled gently, and at the irony that she was unconscious, he wished he could kiss her. His fingertips traced her lips and he shuddered with want. 

Buffy began to stir faintly in his arms. She shifted, feeling comforted by the presence around her. She smiled in her sleep. 

Spike would've dropped her, had they not been sitting. She smiled! Smiled at him! Well...she didn't bloody well know it was him, he rationalized, but the smile had done him in. He continued rubbing small circles along her cheek with his thumb. "Buffy..." 

She murmured and pushed against him, burrowing her head into his chest. "Hmm..." 

"Buffy..." he repeated, gently stirring her from the haze of rest, though he almost regretted it. She was so precious, so innocent and sweet like this. The girl was at peace in her sleep, so far away from the daily trials of her life that rocked the world. She seemed genuinely happy. Not at all like she was when she was awake. How carefully guarded and scared she was, when she was awake. Here, she was just asleep, relaxed, at peace. Spike wondered if this was the side of Buffy he'd always dreamed of knowing. Waking up with her in the morning, and touching her, feeling her warm body... the closest to heaven he'd ever know. Taking note she was still asleep, he leaned in close to her. He felt her hot breathing on his face. He would take this moment. Maybe daydream a little. He would say I love you, and she would smile back, instead of rack her features with revulsion. "Buffy, I love you..." he murmured, before he could stop himself. 

She moaned tiredly, stretching her legs like a cat. "I know..." she mumbled, still quite asleep. 

Spike squeezed her closer. And he wondered. "Could you ever love me?" he asked softly, more to himself than to her. 

"Spike...?" she sighed. 

"Yes love, it's me..." Spike's heart threatened a beat, anticipation driving him wild. He tightened his grasp on her. Wondering how she would react when she awoke, finding them like this. He hoped she wouldn't hate him. "Please..." 

Buffy yawned and she stretched. "Spike..." she mumbled, eyes opening. Her eyes widened at the implication of those words and at seeing those swirling, charming blue eyes up so close. "Whoa!!" she yelped. Buffy jumped, scurrying out of his arms. 

"Spike?!" 

Spike's heart plummeted to his boots, but he forced a small smile. He let his grasp on her go, wordlessly. 

Buffy's heart raced wildly. "What... what??" 

"You asked me to stay, luv," Spike reminded her softly, his heart breaking.   
Buffy's eyes scanned his disappointed face. Her heart began to slow and her mind began to clear as she thought back to last night. "Oh...right..." she suddenly remembered her sleep filled plea from scant hours ago. She felt her face go bright red. 

Spike cocked his head to the side, seeing her face flush. Was she embarrassed?   
"Well...uh..." She patted down her tousled hair, realizing that she must look awful....   
Spike felt a smile play at his lips. God, she was beautiful... 

"Thanks...for...staying..." she stuttered, nervous at his closeness. She pulled the blanket off, feeling a need to inspect her clothing. 

"Didn't touch you, luv, swear..." Spike frowned at her. Did she really think him such a monster?? Okay...not that he wasn't thinking about it, a lot, but he'd never... 

Buffy frowned, hating the look on his face. "Don't be silly! I don't think you..." she paused not able to pull off the lie. Instead, she changed the subject. "That was really sweet of you to stay with me." 

"Anytime," Spike responded. *Whenever she wanted, whatever she wanted, whatever she needed,* he added in his mind. 

Buffy felt nervous butterflies playing in her empty stomach at the smoldering look he was sending her. She took a moment to study him, and realized with no small amount of delight that his hair was all disheveled and curly, and his eyes reflected the color of a thunderstorm sky. He looked so...oh God...yes…so cute. She subconsciously found herself inching her way back into Spike's lap. 

Spike wrapped his arms around her, unsure of what she was up to. "What is it..." a small finger came to his lips. 

"Shh..." Buffy whispered, leaning close to his face. She had no idea what had possessed her, but she was moving on him, and she had no control. He looked too damn adorable like that, all disoriented and tousled. "Spike..." she traced his lips. Her eyes looked away from her finger, and into his eyes. Her hand cupped his chiseled cheek and she grinned at him. "You're so...beautiful." She spoke with perhaps not love, but definite fondness in her voice. She had no idea where all this was coming from. Her heart pounded so hard, it might explode. Spike was afraid the sun was going to come in and burn him to toast at any second. Had he heard her right? Was she really sitting in his lap, cupping his face? Was she really that close? Was her heart pounding that fiercely? It couldn't be... 

Buffy smiled at him, brushing the pads of her fingers along his eyes till he closed them. She closed her own eyes and leaned in. 

Spike knew this wouldn't last, but he would treasure this one moment forever. There was no one to stop this from happening. He'd finally get his one good day. 

Buffy pressed her lips against his gently, and the coolness of his mouth made goose bumps prickle on her arms. She groaned softly, inviting him to kiss her back. Something inside her burst and she felt so free and dizzy. Her mind spun, her heart pounded so hard she felt her ribs ache. It was so amazing. Spike pulled her small frame into his and his lips pressed against hers. He was kissing her. Kissing his slayer. He remembered the feel of her lips from months ago, when he'd kept Dawn's identity to Glory secret. Dear God, he thought he'd died then and here now, was his slayer in his arms, kissing him. He treasured the feel of her warm, salty lips, wanting to get to know every part of her   
mouth. He felt so hot inside, his insides threatened to come to life with the mere touch of her mouth to his. He moved to deepen the kiss, parting his lips gently. Buffy pulled suddenly back, staring at him with big eyes. "Whoa..." 

Spike looked at her, burning so much with want heat that it lit his eyes. "What's wrong?" 

"This..." Buffy got up, backing away. "It's... Spike, I just can't..." She panicked. The desire for him was eating her up inside. She wasn't ready for this. Not yet. She couldn't give in to her feelings for Spike. The hurt in Spike's eyes made her cringe, but she stood her ground. "Please understand... I…we shouldn't, it's wrong… I'm sorry…" 

Spike closed his eyes, and wanting nothing more to explode at the girl and call her some flimsy tease. But, that was the farthest thing she was in his eyes. She needed time; she got it. He had all the time in the world. "It's okay. I didn't mean..." 

She shook her head. "No, it wasn't you..." Buffy blushed at their situation. She'd never figured herself to be this sort of spot with him. "I...uh...better get dressed." 

Spike nodded from the couch. "Alright, luv..." 

She got up hastily and made her way towards the stairs. Spike watched her go, wishing he could say something, anything to fix whatever weirdness there was inevitably going to be after that one, amazing, perfect moment. Instead, he was mildly surprised when she turned around at the base of the stairs to look at him. "Spike?" 

"Yeah, love?" 

There was a slight look of mischief in her eye, and he was relieved that she was communicating to him that their little transgression had not after all, created any awkwardness between them. "Don't tell anyone that I said this, but, you're a better kisser than Angel." She smiled and laughed impishly at the completely taken look on his face and went up the stairs with a toss of her hair. 

He watched her go with no small amount of awe. Did she just… she just… and they… and in the end, everything was still all right. Her marveled at the implication for a moment, but was thrown off the track when the smell of something distinctively on fire hit his senses. He jumped to his feet and dashed for the kitchen. "Nibblet?!"   


Angel couldn't sleep. He knew he should get some rest, but the constant plague of nightmares involving Buffy, Spike, and Buffy and Spike touching constantly tormented his subconscious. He made a face and rolled on to his side, trying to erase that particularly unpleasant implication. There was no way that Buffy would ever… He sighed, realizing he was in denial. He'd been with those two less than an hour earlier, and he'd seen something deceptively tender and comfortable with their presence around one another. He supposed he could chalk it up to a close friendship in the rational part of his mind, but the way they had looked at each other spoke volumes for the part of him that really mattered. He wondered vaguely, if Buffy had lied to him to save from hurting his feelings. Had she told him that she and Spike were simply friends to perhaps, ease the pain that would be inevitable if he were to find out the true nature of their relationship? 

He growled. She wouldn't lie to him. After all they had been through together, he knew that she knew that they respected each other more than to lie. Though he had to agree that her being with Spike was something worth hiding. He pulled another face, and tossed onto his back again. What the hell was going on with them, then? Buffy told him they were just friends, her and Spike, and he owed it to her to believe her. He knew she would never lie to him just to save her own face, and she knew that no matter what, he'd still have her in the highest of esteem. The bottom line was, she would always tell the truth to him. So what, then? Because he knew, but the looks and light touches and comforts exchanged between his grand-childe and the love of his life last night had been more than platonic. As far as he had seen, they had practically embodied the picture of the blissful lovers. It just screamed it to him. But if he trusted his instincts on the matter, it would most definitely mean that Buffy had lied to him. It made him feel bad to even think that about her. Then what? 

A third possibility loomed on the edge of his consciousness like a bad omen, encroaching on the territory of his thoughts like a silent, stalking predator, ready to pounce upon him and rip everything he deemed probable into bloody, bloody shreds. He fought it, but with each passing moment, it became a more and more likely truth amidst his random rationalizations and post-rationalization refutes. And then it was there, the only real reason that made any sense, despite his desperate want to refute or rationalize it, tuck it away in a little box and throw away the key. It refused to be pushed away and with a brash arrogance that reminded the souled vampire of Spike, it yelled and mocked at him with its truth. His golden, precious, flawless, sweet Buffy was madly, unquestionably, irrefutably, in love with a monster. She just didn't know it yet. The dark part of Angel prayed that she would never know. Prayed that that dark little secret hiding within her seemingly flawless depths would stay in its death-like slumber just below the surface, never to awaken and be forced to the light of day. 

Laying on his back and staring at the pockmarked, water stained ceiling of the 24-hour motel, Angel made his realizations. Then he puzzled over them, over and over until it was quite clear that there would be no sleep on his part, and he got up and got dressed. Then he proceeded to sit at the small desk provided by the motel sitting parallel to the entertainment center, and thought some more. He told himself Buffy had fallen to Spike, devastated after the second man of her life left her, and she'd just needed something, anything to latch onto. But then, he realized she deserved more credit than that. She hadn't always needed someone. She'd been strong enough to rely on herself and that inner strength he had seen in her the first time she'd thrown him up against the building with all the ferocity and fire that the years and forged into a strong, smart, independent woman. But if she was so smart, so strong, so independent, then why was she currently ensconced in a heated tryst with an undead, soulless, demon? 

That was another excuse his rational mind was thinking up to make the rest of him feel better. He knew it, and decided to stop it right there. Spike had always been different. He could never quite be completely boxed and grouped with all the other undead, soulless, savage beasts of the night. Angelus, one of the aforementioned creatures, had recognized that in Spike, but had pushed past it as something unique to the boy, which accounted for his unrestrained savagery at times. He'd recognized in Spike a passionate being who simply longed for a good fight. Spike had never truly troubled himself in his kills as Angel had, and at the time, he had thought Spike simply didn't have the patience to artfully execute a plan and a kill. In truth, Spike hadn't had that sort of murder in him. He'd been a killer yes, but he didn't like murder unless he could help it. 

Spike had avoided the cream of society that Darla and Angel had enjoyed tormenting for their wealth and their weakness. He'd in truth, preferred a good fight, a fair fight, and perhaps, dinner afterwards, if he was hungry. Angel remembered a time when Spike had jumped into a fight with 5 burly, seriously pissed of sailors just because he thought it would be fun to try his luck and throw in with some real brawlers. Spike hadn't even used his demon visage the entire battle. He'd just fought. And when he'd defeated all opponents, five grown men unconscious on the floor, Spike had only taken one to feed on. When questioned on the waste of 4 other perfectly good kills by Darla, Spike had shrugged and tossed the dead body of his meal to the floor and stated quiet simply that, "he wasn't that hungry." 

Dru, the mad sire that she had been, had simply laughed and clapped her hands at her brilliant creation, cooing about what a, "delightful, hooked question" her boy was. Spike had bowed and proceeded to fawn over the insane beauty, completely ignoring the bodies strewn about on the floor. Angelus of course, would have none of that. The present day Angel winced when he remembered the sound that those men's necks had made, snapping in the quiet of the night under the heel of his exquisite boots. He'd laughed at the sound, and bowed with flourish at Darla's approving applause. His sire had turned to Spike then and with a certain air of distaste stated, "watch and learn William, from a real vampire." 

Spike had very irreverently told her to fuck off, saying, "What's the point of killing them if they aren't going to be eaten? Bloody waste of good food, if you ask me. Now they just rot." 

Angelus and Darla had both looked at him with uncontrollable disgust, and proceeded to ignore him. He'd always been a lesser vampire in their eyes. Looking back now, Angel wished he had realized the validity of his grand-childe's claims. Maybe if he had paid heed, it would have purged the blood of some needless murders from his already besotted hands. 

But he was off track. This entire time of realizing that Buffy was in love with Spike, he had been hoping Spike would rear from that love in disgust, because well, he was a vampire, without a soul. But looking back, Spike had never been a conventional vampire, if anything. The nonconformist in the boy had gone against everything that grand-sire and great-grand-sire had attempted to impart on him, on the mere premise that he disliked labels, and even more so, boundaries. He'd strove to break those lines that held him back from anything. Once, Spike had gone a week without killing any of his meals just to prove to Darla that he was in control of everything. Not the bloodlust, not his sire, or his family. He was the bloody boss of himself, and no one else. When he was told to respect his elders, he had openly laughed at the master's name and was a constant source of horrendous nicknames for Darla and Angelus in like. The only reason they hadn't killed the impudent rat, Angel surmised, was that he'd kept Dru occupied and out of the way. And lastly, when Angelus had told Spike to avoid the slayer if he wanted to live, Spike had immediately gone and looked for her, found her, and killed her just because his grand-sire had said with an almost smug certainty, that the girl called Slayer would be the one to kill young, ignorant William. Spike had always rebelled, just because if there was anyone who could, it was him. 

And so yet again, why shouldn't Spike defy convention? Why couldn't he love the slayer? If any soulless vampire could feel emotion, it would be Spike. Just because he'd always strove to be different. And the look that Angel had seen William give Buffy the night before only served to concrete the evidence that the elder vampire had so vehemently attempted to deny moments ago. Buffy loved Spike. And Spike almost certainly, loved Buffy back. Angel nearly laughed at the irony that punctuated it all. The one slayer that could love vampires had found the one soulless vampire, which could love the slayer. It might have been funny, if it had been anyone but his Buffy. Sadly, Angel picked up the phone and called Giles, pushing all thoughts besides those of his given mission form his mind. There were other, more urgent things to sort out first.   


Giles picked up the phone, looking up as the door opened and a flaming blanket ran it, cursing non too gently as Tara and Willow moved instantly to his side to put him out. "Hello, Magic Box… oh, good morning, Angel," Giles greeted surprised to hear the vampire's voice after so long. "Um, you're in Sunnydale? Oh dear, is something the matter? No, I haven't talked to Buffy yet, I imagine she's dropping Dawn off at school. Great Expectations test and whatnot. Spike? He just arrived, why? Oh, okay then. Yes, be here within the hour if you can, he'll have filled us in by then. Very well. Goodbye." 

"Was that Angel?" Willow asked; looking concerned as she folded Spike's blanket for him and laid it off to the side while he and Tara patted his smoking hair back into place. 

Giles nodded. "Um yes, apparently, last night, they arrived and stopped at Buffy's. Cordelia had a vision." 

"Oh. Not another apocalypse, I hope?" the witch asked, brow furrowed with worry. 

"Um, I'm not sure. But they'll be here soon, and until then, Spike is to tell us everything he knows." 

Spike looked up at the sound of his name. "What was that, Rupert?" 

"Um, Angel just called." 

"Oh. Right then. Cordelia had a vision. Nibblet's in trouble. Something nasty wants a bite of her, again." 

"Oh, dear." Giles went a little pale at the possibility of another hell god. 

"Now, none of that Watcher, this time is going to be different from last time. Nibblet doesn't have a hair harmed on her pretty lil' head and Buffy comes home safe'n sound, you hear? Even if I bloody well have to die again to see it." 

By Spike's tone of voice, Giles wondered which of them the vampire was trying to convince. The Watcher's features softened, realizing perhaps for the umpteenth time, how fervently a supposedly soulless killer could care for two young women. 

"So, are we in research mode, then?" Willow asked, ready to break out the books. 

"Um…what exactly are we you know, looking for?" Tara asked quietly, eyes on Spike. 

He pulled Buffy's dream journal out of the inside pocket of his duster. Buffy'd told him to bring it this morning while she dropped off Dawn at school. He'd read over what she had written on last night's dream while he had been putting the flames out of the remnants of Dawn's catastrophic attempt at breakfast, and he, for one, didn't like one bit of what he'd read. He was tempted to just go down to Willy's, get the lowdown on every single friggin' demon within Sunnyhell limits and slaughter them all. It would be nice and clean. He'd get rid of all the potential danger to his Nibblet and Buffy, and he'd be the only one running the risk of any injury. It was a bloody brilliant plan, if anyone asked him. He'd even proposed it to Buffy just before she'd left with Dawn that morning, but she'd just looked at him with that, "Are you crazy? You'll get murdered!" look she sometimes gave him when she thought he was being brash. He supposed it was good to know she cared, in any case. 

Willow poured over the contents of the dream journal, scrutinizing every small detail present until it was either engrained in her brain, or had burst into flame from the intensity of her study. She made a face. "That sounds horrible!"   
  
"Bloody right it does," Spike agreed, running a hand through his messy hair. "Worse is, Puffy's here." 

"P-Puffy?" Tara asked, curious. 

Willow smiled at her lover. "Angel." 

"Oh." Tara smiled, because she'd never heard of anyone calling a vampire Puffy. But if anyone would dare call one by such a name, it would be Spike, she supposed. 

"And he's bringin' his whole bloody surrogate Scooby gang," Spike added, looking disdainfully on some unspecific point on the table top and contemplating a smoke. 

"Hello Scoobies, I come bearing gifts of food and drink!!" Xander exclaimed, shattering what little tranquility was to be had in the shop as he barreled in, arms laden with donut boxes. "Okay, maybe just food. I don't have enough hands to carry coffee and or blood for everyone," he mused, plopping the box down on the table, followed by a bottle of blood fresh from Willy's for Spike. "Okay, does blood count as food or drink for vampires? Because if it's drink, then technically, I brought food AND drink, and I was right the first time." 

Willow giggled and looked at Anya, who followed her fiancé into the shop. "You let him have donuts on the way down here, didn't you?" 

Anya sighed. "Well, they only had two chocolates left at the shop, and we decided we had to eat them on the way here so that no one would feel left out when they didn't get a chocolate." 

"No chocolate?" Willow pouted. "Lemon jelly?" 

"Surprisingly," Xander stated sarcastically, "they had plenty of those left." 

"Yeah, cuz they're bloody nasty," Spike snorted. "You get my raspberry jelly, whelp?" 

Xander rolled his eyes, just because it was a familiar part of the ritual, and nodded. "Four raspberry jelly's for you, you great big strange, food eating vampire you." 

"And yes, we got good old glaze," Xander stated, before Giles could cut in and inquire as to his preference. 

Tara didn't say anything, as per usual, and Xander smiled, grabbed a napkin, and with flourish, produced a maple frosted rainbow sprinkle donut. "And for the lady…" 

"Oh! Donuts!" 

Everyone looked up at the familiar, yet strange sound of Cordelia's voice as she held the door open to allow a smoking; blanket covered Angel to run inside. 

"Cordy! Angel! Why are you here?" Xander asked, puzzled. 

"The cheerleader had a vision 'bout Nibblet," Spike explained, tearing his donut in half so he could dip it into his blood. No one made a face at this except for Cordelia, because they'd grown used to it. 

"Vision? Dawn's in trouble? What? Where? When? And why didn't anyone tell me to get more donuts?" 

"Donuts?" Gunn peeked in, looking around. "Man, I'm starved. Got any glazed?" 

Xander regarded the newcomer warily. "Who's this?" 

"That's Gunn, Xander," Willow explained. "He's part of Scooby the Deux." 

"Scooby? Like the dog?" Gunn asked, grabbing a glazed donut from the box. 

"No, like the bleedin' mouse," Spike drawled, annoyed when Cordelia took one of his raspberry donuts. 

Angel looked at the food for a second, then grabbed a glaze and handed it to Fred, who studied the offering intently for a moment, before beaming radiantly at him and accepting it. His eyes sparkled in return, and he took the half full container of blood left over from Spike's share. Tara noticed he was going to drink it straight from the bottle, but moved to get him a cup instead. "Where's Buffy?" the elder vamp asked, as usual, getting straight to the point. Spike rolled his eyes and grabbed another jelly donut to set to the side for the Slayer when she got back. Last time he'd eaten all the raspberry jelly's she'd nearly staked him then and there. 

"She's dropping Dawn off at school." 

"What?" Angel gaped. "She could be in danger, and they're still taking her to school?"   
"If she doesn't go to school, social services has threatened to take her from Buffy and put her in foster care," Giles responded, taking his glasses off to polish them. 

"Oh," Angel muttered. "We'll wait for Buffy to get back then." He sipped his mug of blood thoughtfully, regarding his surroundings and the people there curiously. He knew everyone but the blond girl who had gotten him the cup. She looked almost petrified by the large influx of new people suddenly appearing. So much so that she didn't even protest when Wesley grabbed the maple sprinkle donut off of the napkin on the table, not thinking it belonged to anyone. 

"Hey! Bloody well give that back," Spike protested loudly, causing the ex-watcher to jump slightly. 

"Excuse me?" Wesley asked the vampire warily. 

"If it's out of the damn box, then it's someone else's, you git. Give it back to the lady." Spike nodded towards Tara. 

Wesley looked from the pilfered pastry to the young lady looking down at her hands in her lap, fidgeting. "Oh…pardon! Was this yours?" 

Tara nodded timidly, and was about to offer that he have it anyway. 

"Take it pet, the guests can make do with whatever's left," Spike urged her softly, so as not to startle her. 

The LA gang watched the entire scene with no small amount of interest at the gentle way the supposed infamous slayer of slayers treated one young girl. It was all rather hard to take in. 

"Wait, he's a vampire, right?" Gunn broke in. "Ain't he supposed to be evil?" 

"He is evil," Angel shot back. 

Spike flipped his grand-sire the bird, but said nothing in his defense. 

"H-He's not evil," Tara protested quietly. "He's my friend." 

Spike smiled at her, eyes showing his gratitude. "You know it, pet." 

Cordy's eyebrows shot up. "I come back to Sunnydale and find myself in the middle of a vampire rehab program. You guys do know that the last time I saw Spike that he tortured Angel horribly?" 

Xander's eyes practically lit up and he looked at Spike. "Did you make him cry?"   
"No, but I think we pissed him off royally," Spike responded. "Wish I'da known we were gonna be friends, Harris, I'da taken pictures of that whole thing for you." 

"Ah well, it's the thought that counts," Xander answered, patting Spike on the back. 

"What thought?" Buffy asked, making an entrance by coming in through the back door from the training room. "Wow. Lots of people here. I hope there's food for me?" she asked, bouncing in. Spike held up the raspberry filled that he'd saved, and she took it, biting into it and making a face of happiness. "Mmm, best flavor," she murmured contentedly, automatically taking the seat between Willow and Spike. She finished half of the donut in no time, hungry because there hadn't been time for breakfast after they'd put out the mess (and the fire) Dawn had made. "So, what've we got so far?" 

"No more donuts," Xander responded sadly. "But that's about it. We were just starting when you got here." 

"Oh. Kay…So what do we know?" Buffy asked, feeding the last of her donut to Spike when she was unable to finish and wiping the powered sugar on her fingertips on the blonde vampire's jeans. Angel growled low in his throat at the gesture, but said nothing. It had seemed an unconscious effort on Buffy's part, and on Spike's as well. They fed each other often?! 

As I sensing his animosity, Fred reached under the table and brushed her hand against Angel's and squeezed gently. He returned the gesture unconsciously, and it calmed him down some. But not a lot, because quite frankly, Buffy feeding Spike was a decidedly domestic, relationship-y thing to do, and it was unnerving. Somehow, Angel couldn't take his eyes off of them as they sat side by side however, and he watched with an almost morbid sense of awe in the ways they interacted. The research began, and Angel attempted to concentrate, though the little foibles of his ex-lover and childe proved too much for him to bear over time. Perhaps it had been an imagination marred with jealousy, but he saw in every little gesture, communication or touch between the two as something intimate. An hour later it reached breaking point, when Spike leaned in to whisper one of his infamous humorous anecdotes into her ear regarding some silly looking demon that he'd found. She'd laughed at him in response, a genuine, true, shoulder shaking, crinkle-eyed laugh. It had been a completely silent expression of mirth, but it had been enough, and Angel's resolve broke like the poorly constructed dam it was, letting flood waters of a long remembered, painful past wash upon his consciousness to plague and mock him. He excused himself with a grunt and stalked towards the back for some privacy and a place to reflect, delighting when he found himself in a training room, complete with a punching bag. It was no Spike, but he supposed it would do for now.   


Everyone looked up as Angel made a low noise in his throat and got up, duster swooshing behind him as he made a quick exit. 

"What? Was it something I said?" Xander asked, though everyone present knew he'd only said it to break the uncomfortable silence that had suddenly appeared rather than out of any remorse he might have felt for teasing the souled vampire earlier. 

"Only if he's just gettin' that comment 'bout the torture now, Harris," Spike responded, not looking up from his book. "Wonder what's got Grand-poofy's panties all in a twist?"   
"Duh?" Cordelia responded, pointing to Buffy and Spike, who sat shoulder to shoulder. "Any more touching and you'd practically be straddling each other. What do you THINK crawled up his pants and bit him in the ass?" 

There was complete silence for a moment, and then all heads turned to Buffy and Spike, as if Cordy had uttered something completely unfathomable and they had to see for themselves. Said perpetrators jumped apart under the scrutiny instantly. "What?" Buffy glared. "It's crowded in here!" was the lame excuse. 

Anya looked at Cordelia. "I was just about to say the same thing. Are you an ex-demon, too?" 

Cordy made a face. "You're an ex-demon?" 

"I'm Xander's fiancée." 

Delia turned to Xand. "And I dated you?" 

"And now you're dating, who… Mister no one?" 

"He died. Bite me, Harris." 

Xander couldn't think of a reply to that, so he looked down with a quick, "I'm sorry." 

"I'm going to go talk to him," Buffy muttered, getting up. She stopped with Spike's hand on her arm. "What?" 

"Lemme talk to grand-papa first, pet. Do the whole punching bag thing; get it all out of his system. He can be a bloody hair-puller when he's pissed." He got up before she could protest and gave her his most reassuring look, slinking out of the room in a much less poofy-glorified manner than his grandsire. Buffy frowned at the thought of him being Angel's punching bag for no reason (because there was no reason for Angel to be mad, dammit!), but relented the fact that he wished to deal with the brooding vampire first. She trusted his instinct. 

In a moment, Spike was standing in front of the door to the training room, mentally preparing himself to enter and at the same time, wondering when he'd become such a glutton for punishment in the first place. He grinned after a minute. "Oh yeah."   
  
  



	19. Chapter 19

ImitorVitaProAmor19 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 19**   


He cracked the door open just enough to slide through, closing it quietly behind him.   
"You really don't want to be in here, right now." 

Angel's voice was punctuated, and Spike squinted into the farthermost recesses of the room, making out the dark lump of giant that was his grand-poof. "Damn right I don't want to be in here right now. But I don't want Buffy in here so you can make with the bloody lectures and the…" Spike paused to arraign his face into a giant frown and did a fair imitation of his sire's broody voice. "I'm better than you because I'm a selfless prance who thinks that makin' everyone miserable is better than takin' any risks," lecture you like to give her." 

Angel growled. "I'd stop boy, because really don't want to have to kill you. You know what? On second thought, keep going. I would LOVE to kill you." 

"Your threats haven't gotten any bloody better with age," Spike snorted in unconcerned response, plopping down on the couch next to Angel. He pulled out a cigarette and stuck it in his mouth, before realizing that he was supposed to be quitting (right?). He paused, debating whether or not he could sneak it, before seeing Buffy's face. He growled and pocketed the smoke in annoyance. 

"She's making you quit," Angel commented seemingly out of the air. 

"Yeah. Bloody girl could ask me to shop at Gap or sell my car, an' I'd do it." 

"She has that effect on people." 

"You would know." 

There followed, a decidedly uncomfortable silence between the male vampires. Angel, knowing his grand-childe was waiting for him to make the first move so he could respond appropriately, sighed and eventually found voice to say what was on his mind. "It kills me every time I see her." 

There was another pause as Spike regarded the older vampire's admission. "And I think it's killin' you even more that it doesn't ache as much for her when she sees you in return." 

Angel growled. "It's not like that at all. I left in the first place so she could move on."   
"Keep tellin' yourself that, poofter. You're still convinced you're the love of her bloody life, and you're actin' like a wet puppy 'cause she doesn't feel that way anymore. She's not all teary-eyed and whimper-voiced just 'cause you show up. And now you're wondering what the bloody hell went wrong." 

"I'm not." 

"You're not the all important Angel anymore, is what you are. She's been goin' forward with life, you know. Like you wanted her to. I wish you'd stop actin' like a wanker about it, because this keeps goin', and she'll start to feel guilty for not hurtin' like you still hurt. She'll feel guilty 'cause she isn't in as much pain as you are. She's that kind of person." 

"She is. But I'm not. Hurting about this. I'm happy that she's over me." 

"So says the rain-shelter that's your brow, mate." 

Angel glared. "I can still kill you, you know." 

"You ever notice how repetitive you can be, Angelus? Let it bloody go. We both know you wouldn't kill me." 

"I hate you." 

"I hate you more." 

"I doubt it." 

Spike decided to leave it at that. "So you're not over her, then?" 

"I don't think I ever will be." 

"I can see how that's possible." Spike sighed and leaned his back against the couch. "I can also see how much it'd bloody hurt if you weren't over someone who was over you."   
"The worst part of it is what she's moved on to." 

"The Commando Kid left, mate." 

"You mean Riley?" 

"Yeah. He hightailed it when she wasn't needy enough." 

"I knew that boy was stupid." 

"Finally, something we agree on." 

"But I didn't mean him." Angel turned to his childe, eyes flashing yellow in the dark room. Angel regarded Spike seriously. "How long?" 

"How long, what?" Spike returned, genuinely confused. Angel had a bad habit of asking stupid questions whenever it came to Buffy. Actually, Spike considered his grand-sire stupid all of the time anyway, but he got down right ignorant when the Slayer was involved. 

"You and Buffy…" the older vampire trailed off, as if the thought were too painful to finish. 

"Well, aren't we the big ball of clarity tonight? How long me and Buffy, what? How long 'ave we been working together? One and a half years. How long me and her been friends? Six months. How long I've been invited into her home? Since the time you tried to send us all to hell. Reinstated four months prior. How long I been a part of the gang? Officially? Three and a half months. How long you've been depraved? Too long to be healthy." Spike knew exactly what his grand-sire was getting at, but he didn't want to talk about it, especially not with him. Because then Angel would only dredge up painful truths about how undeserving of someone like Buffy Spike was. And since Spike was an expert at avoiding questions, that was good enough for him for now. 

Angel growled in annoyance at the impudent vamp. He'd really thought he and Spike could have a serious conversation for once, grand-sire to childe. But apparently, the question proposed was one the younger vampire wasn't too comfortable talking about. "Don't pretend you don't understand what I'm asking, William." 

Spike flared indignance at Angel's use of that infamous, patriarchal, condescending voice coupled with his human name. "Oh, so now we're getting all into the dominant Alpha male thing, then? Puffin' up'n tryin' to be the Big Bad again, Angelus? I don't bloody well know what the hell you're talking about. You come here all mighty on your high horse'n askin' all sorts of fuddy-duddy questions. Then you expect everyone else to immediately know what you're talkin' about. My advice? Talk in complete sentences. 'How long' and 'you and Buffy' don't constitute as such. If I went up to a bloke on the street 'n asked him, 'How long?' followed with, 'You and Buffy… he might think I was crazy. Or you, actually. Yeah, I think he'd think I was you." 

Angel sighed. "You're babbling." 

"Oh, lookie, another nonsensical sentence." Spike glared and looked away, growling internally. 

"You only babble when you're avoiding something, Will." 

"Now that? That was a complete thought. You're improving. Good show." 

"Spike, don't make me kill you." 

"Well now you're just being stupid again." 

"Boy, don't tempt me." 

"And the evolution of Angelus takes a giant leap backwards, ladies and gentlemen. Apparently, devolution IS possible." 

"Spike, do you EVER know when to shut up?" 

"You really want me to answer that?" 

Angel sighed and tried to calm himself down before he lost his temper. He should have known Spike would push and push until he was threatened with intense bodily harm and in worse cases, death. "How long have you loved her?" Angel ground out, finally. There, he had said it. The rest was up to the annoyance he called family. 

Spike didn't act at all offended at the question, which when combined with Angel's condescending voice, sounded more like an accusation than an inquiry. Angelus had expected the boy to rage and deny every word of it, just because he was Spike and that was what he did with everything. But instead, the younger vampire just shrugged one shoulder haphazardly and looked downward, contemplating how to answer. "Too bloody long," he admitted after a while. 

"And how long has she…" 

"She never!" Spike responded, protesting Angel's second accusation vehemently. He would not let Angel take that tone about Buffy. That, condescending, betrayed, disgusted tone. He had no right to flaunt it in her face, and Spike would send either or both of them to hell before he let his giant poof of a grandsire use that tone of his to hurt her, again. The blonde refused to let Angel make her withdraw herself into shame and self-loathing just because he could, with his holier-than-thou attitude and his, "I'm your first love" trump card. 

"Look Angelus, no matter how much I care for the girl, she'd never act on it." Spike held his arms out. "Look at me, big, murderous monster, right? You know she's too good for that. A second time, anyway." 

"You think that?" Angel growled. "Maybe she thinks it too. But the rest of us, Spike? The rest of us aren't a part of the little bubble you and Buffy have put around yourselves to keep you safe from the big bad world. The rest of us are part of the world where the vampire loves the slayer, and there's a possibility she loves him, too. The rest of us are in the world where it' so fucking obvious that even Giles sees it, and apparently, has come to terms with it." 

Spike scoffed. "Well everyone else's livin' in my fantasy apparently, why the hell aren't I?" 

Angel shook his head. He couldn't believe he was doing this. "Don't tell me you haven't seen it, William. You two act like the world's foremost lovers, and apparently, you haven't even touched each other yet." 

"There's always been fire," Spike responded, trying to act indifferent to his grand-sire's insight. "But she'd never love me." 

Angel stood up. "I wish I could borrow your bubble, Spike," he said softly, regarding the younger man. And he did; he really wished he could pretend like Spike and Buffy, pretended and be completely oblivious to what was obviously happening around them. He wished that he could be blind and not see it as it made its way across the horizon in a painstakingly slow process of three steps forward and two backwards. He wished he could ignore it, like everyone else was trying to do. But it took a fool not to see it, immediately. Then again, Spike had always been a fool when it came to love. 

Angel decided it was time to impart some of his own hard won knowledge on the childe he had abused more than instructed when the younger had been in need of tutorials on being a vampire. The lessons had changed over time, but Spike still needed a boot of wisdom now, as he had back then. Perhaps, a different kind of knowledge, but the kind THIS Angel was willing to share, this time around. 

Angel's eyes were full of pity. "Be careful, William. What you're getting into? It WILL destroy you when you have to give it up. And you know you'd have to, one day."   
And true to form, Angel watched as everything he said went in one ear and out the other. Spike just snorted in response as he stood up. "Can't lose what you never had, Cream Puff." He paused, debating whether to elaborate on that, but ultimately deciding that his time talking with his family was done. "'m gonna go get Buffy now, so she can clear herself up in your eyes, wash away your lil fears that she's hooked up with another demon. Girl's got a right to defend her good name. You stay here. Brood for a bit. Yank out whatever's gotten shoved up your arse, or work out your frustrations on the punchin' bag. Somethin', I don't care what. But when she comes in and talks to you, you respect the lady. She's not the same girl she was when you off'n robbed the cradle three years past, grandpapa. You give her her dues, you hear?" He narrowed his eyes at his elder. "And if you make her cry, I WILL kill you." 

Spike whirled and strode out without a backwards glance. 

Spike appeared from the back room unscathed and strode up to the table with a set chin.   
"Wow, Chip-less, you're still in one piece." Xander gave Spike his best shit-eating grin. "Is he? Alive? Er… undead?" He set his book down and looked hopefully at his former vampire nemesis, recent vampire pool pal. "Please say no, please say no..." he chanted under his breath, hands clenched into fists. 

"He's alive," Spike responded, sounding, not too surprisingly, unhappy about the fact as he plopped into his seat. "Sorry to burst your bubble, Harris." 

Xander unclenched his hands and shrugged indifference. "Well, I guess that's the problem with that pesky immortality thing... no death..." he responded with a thoughtful frown before sticking his head back into his book before Buffy could chide him for his continued hostility towards her first love. 

Spike allowed his eyes to sparkle a bit at the boy's enthusiasm. Hell, he could be vice-president of the "Angel is a Poofter" club. Spike supposed everyone knew who the president himself would be. Deciding Angel still needed some time to cool off before he told Buffy to talk to grand-poof, the vampire picked up his book and stared straight down into the yellowed pages, his mind musing more over what Angel had said, than on the actual printed words themselves. 'Living in their own bubble...' Spike snorted at the very thought. Even in their supposed bubble, Buffy didn't love him. When would he learn that she never would?! But... there had been kissing in their bubble. Kissing could lead to more kissing… and maybe love. He growled and subdued the prancing romantic within, telling himself they needed to get to work on finding a demon fitting the description of the one Buffy had seen in her dream. Nibblet was the important thing now.   


Buffy ignored Xander's hostility towards Angel, because she was used to it, and knew any protests on her part in favor for her ex would simply fall on deaf ears. Her eyes fell on Spike instead, and she wondered what had been said between the two vampires, grateful that they hadn't seen fit to come to blows. Curious, she contemplated asking him outright what had gone on, but was pretty sure, if she knew him, and she did, that she wouldn't get a solid answer from the younger vampire. He seemed confused and more than slightly irritated, not paying any attention to the book in his hands no matter how hard he tried to. She supposed she would have to talk to them both. 

Studying the one that she had come to know as friend over the last year and a half, Buffy raised a brow, wondering what he was thinking about right now. "Spike..." She nudged him, gently bumping her shoulder against his. His eyes darted in her direction before returning futilely, to the text. 

"Yeah, Slayer?" 

"What…" 

"Go, speak to him." Spike stated calmly. Too calmly. He rolled his eyes, aching for a cigarette. He hated to chance sending her in there to Peaches because he knew there was a high possibility, in spite of everything he'd attempted earlier, that the older vampire would hurt her again. But, he supposed, those two needed to talk. And Angel needed a good, swift arse kicking, but that may have been asking for too much. "Go on, Buffy! Untwist his knickers...we've got work to do!" he urged, annoyed. 

Buffy sighed, hearing as well as seeing his barely contained frustration quiver just below the surface of what he thought was a cool, indifferent demeanor. Little did he know that she saw right through it, and was nonplussed by his annoyance. "Okay, I'm going. Just get yours untwisted too, will you?" she countered, standing up quickly and stalking towards the back room. As she grew nearer to her final destination and it began to sink in that she was going to talk to Angel about her non-relationship with Spike, her heart began to pound faster and louder in her chest with its nervousness.   
  
Just what the hell was she going to say to Angel? She opened the back door and jumped slightly at the sound of his fist connecting with the punching bag. She stepped further into the room, closing the door quietly behind her. The click caused his eyes to flicker in her direction, but his fists never wavered from course. "Hey..." 

He growled, hitting the bag as hard as he could again before turning to her quietly, huge dark eyes regarding her with all their sorrowful familiarity. "Hey Buffy..." 

"So..." She averted her eyes, darting them all over the room in an attempt to forget the look in those eyes. She finally rested her gaze on the couch, satisfied with looking at anything but him. "Uh..." 

"Buffy, I wanna be straight with you," Angel started, cutting off the uncomfortable silence with his usual precision. "I don't like the idea of Spike being so close to you. He's dangerous." 

Her indignance flared at his comment, far outweighing the awkwardness she'd felt seconds before. "I'm a big girl," she stated defiantly, looking straight at him. "I don't need someone to hold my hand all through life and tell me what's good for me and what's not. I've taken care of myself before, you know." 

"I know you have, but Buffy... you can't blame me for being worried. And confused. Very confused about this whole situation. I thought the exact reason you left me was because I'm a demon. A vampire," Angel stated, frowning until his brow folded over his eyes. 

"Whoa..." Buffy crossed her arms and regarded him skeptically. "YOU left ME." she snapped. "Remember?" 

"Well, yeah. But I did it to give you a normal life!" Angel responded. "A husband, children, stability..." 

"Yeah, because all those things are right up a slayer's alley..." Buffy shot back, eyebrow arched high and arms still crossed. Angel's subconscious alarmingly reported to him as it studied her, that she was picking up his grand-childe's mannerisms. 

"It's what you wanted, wasn't it?" 

"What I want, and what I'm allowed Angel, are, and have always been, two very different things," she answered coolly. 

"So... you're saying you do you want Spike?" Angel felt sick at the very thought. 

Buffy's heart stopped. "Huh?" 

"You heard me." Angel said. "Is he what you want now?" 

"That's not what I said at all! And even if it was, what would it matter?" He noted that she was almost as gifted at dancing around questions as Spike was.   


"What does it matter?! What matters is that he's a ruthless, violent, evil, demon!" Angel countered, snarling. "He's a killer! I've seen him do it, countless times. I've seen him enjoy it." 

"He's not like that, not anymore," Buffy defended, shaking her head. 

"Why? Because he thinks and you think he loves you?! C'mon Buffy, open your eyes!" Angel couldn't believe how unrealistically she was behaving. 

"Why can you be good and he can't, Angel? Just because you have a soul?! Spike lost that chip in his head, and the only thing stopping him from becoming a monster again is his free will. He's gone from killing humans to killing demons because he can, and he wants to!" Buffy argued. 

"And what about when he gets bored with killing demons? What about when he suddenly feels like a nip of human blood? What about when changes his mind and suddenly decides to kill you, and Dawn, and the others?" Angel's anger was growing into a hysterical rage any denialist would be proud of as he tried to rationalize everything that was going on here. 

"He won't kill us. He loves us. All of us," she said it quietly, refusing to meet his eyes yet again. 

"How can you be sure? How can someone without a soul love, Buffy?" Angel frowned, doubting it was possible. 

She shrugged. "He loved Dru. For more than a century." 

"Drusilla was his sire," Angel stated. "He was supposed to fawn over her." 

"It doesn't matter. He really loved her." 

"What is wrong with you!?" Angel growled, his frustration growing to an almost immeasurable level. "Can't you see how wrong this is?!" 

"Wrong?! Spike loves me, he's changed his whole life around to help me, because he loves me! How is that wrong, Angel? He won't turn on me, he won't. I know it in my gut. My instinct says so." 

"How can you know this?!" Angel needed a real, believable answer, demanded one that could put his teetering foundation of belief back on solid ground. 

"Just… because!" She held back the urge to just slug him and blinked back sudden tears of frustration from her eyes, refusing to let him see her cry over this. She would never let Angel's hold on her make her ashamed or sad again. She was in control of herself, now.   
Angel lowered his voice, reading the war that was going on in her mind over the entire situation. "Please... Buffy..." 

"Spike doesn't have a soul, you're right about that. He's still a demon, and he doesn't have that chip in his head anymore, but he's still...he's here, helping me, in love with me, even if he knows I can't love him back." Her eyes grew icy. "Angelus could never have loved me..." 

Angel felt like he'd been taken down by a preemptive strike directed straight through the heart. He growled, feeling slightly betrayed, but even more so, feeling envy and jealousy at the truth behind her words. 

"Evil...Angel... when you were evil, you were bent on killing me, destroying everything I ever loved. Spike's changed his mind about what he wants to do with his life, even though he still feels like he's evil. I don't understand how it is, but it is." Buffy finished, releasing a shaky breath and wiping the mist from her eyes. "You loved me Angel... and maybe you still do. But when you were evil, you never loved me. That just proves to me, that as sick and twisted as you think Spike may be, his feelings are genuine." 

Angel remained silent; trying to push back the raw emotion he felt to absorb everything she said. He mulled it over in his mind several times. When he finally spoke, there was still anger in his voice. As controlled, as he liked to be, he could not help that. "Buffy, just because I made mistakes, doesn't mean you have to compare me to Spike." 

"You asked me to," Buffy shot back. And he realized she was right about that. He had asked her to. "You and Spike? You're nothing alike, Angel." 

"He's a soulless killer. A monster." 

"You don't need to be soulless to be a killer," Buffy replied, shrugging. "Look, I..." She paused to frown. "I loved you Angel, with all my heart, but I've moved on. I tried with Riley and it wasn't right." She paused. "A part of me will always love you, but I know we're never going to be together. But just because that part of me still loves you, I don't think it's right that you use it to influence me, day after day, whether you meant to or not. I shouldn't live my future based on what we had. Please don't use our love against me." 

"God, no. I don't want that. I'll always love you, Buffy." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I love you, and it makes me worry. Look, I know Spike." 

"You know William the Bloody. I know Spike. The person he is now." Buffy brushed back her hair. "He's totally different, Angel. He's changed; he's trying to be good. He can love, and he does love. Just like you can. Believe that, please. Trust my judgment." 

"Buffy... I want to... I do..." Angel revealed to her, though so much doubt coursed throughout him that it almost made it impossible. "It's just..." He ran his fingers through his hair again, a habit borne of frustration. "It's hard to trust, knowing what I know." 

She quirked a brow at his admission. He knew something she didn't? "What, Angel?"   
  
He almost didn't know how to respond. How could he tell her that he didn't exactly trust her judgment because right now, it was clouded with emotion? With an emotion that never made things clear, at that. Inwardly, he knew he had to reveal the reason behind his doubts regarding her judgment about the situation. It was a biased judgment. Deliberating the things he could say in his head, he caught her eyes once more, and reminded himself that this girl, that had made him feel human, should know exactly what he thought. "I know that you love him." He said it so quietly Buffy had almost missed it completely. 

Buffy had the decency to look slightly surprised at his ruminations before she sighed and sat down, folding her hands into her lap. "No, I don't." 

"Buffy…" Angel's tone pleaded with her to give him the truth. They owed each other that much. 

She folded her hands in her lap and took a deep breath. She did owe him that much. "I care about him." 

She said it so softly Angel's heightened hearing almost missed it. "How much?" he asked, avoiding eye contact with her as he let himself come to terms with hearing the truth about what a blasted part of himself already knew was real. 

"That, I really don't know. In fact, I avoid thinking about it all together." Her eyes searched his, knowing there would be disapproval there, perhaps even anger and loathing. She saw a strict resolve instead, like he was holding himself in check for her benefit. She felt an extreme respect and gratitude for him at that moment, for doing this for her, as much as it obviously pained him. She reached out to him. "Angel, I…" 

"No, don't apologize," he stopped her. He could handle this. He had to. And Spike was right. She didn't need to cry any more than her calling had already warranted. Life was already hard enough, ten times more so when topped off with the duties and sacrifice of a slayer. If he loved her, he didn't need to add to that already overflowing plate of suffering and forfeit. He paused, searching for something to say to respond to her slight admission. "He makes you laugh." It was the best he could come up with at the moment. 

Her brow furrowed, and she looked at him a little strangely. Of all the things she had expected him to say to her, that had probably been at the bottom of the list, right before, "I give you two crazy kids my blessing." 

"He made you laugh," Angel repeated. "When we were researching just now… It's…it's good to see you laugh like that." He seemed almost awkward in approaching this, like he'd stumbled upon some vast, unknown territory of unmarked wilderness and was feeling his way through it not only blindfolded, but deaf as well. He fidgeted a little. "Does he make you happy?"   
She didn't know how to answer that double-edged question, and instead, shrugged one shoulder, much in the same manner, ironically, as Spike himself. "He's been a good…"   
"Buffy, I thought we were being honest." 

"Okay, he's more than a friend. I haven't thought about it much more than that. Usually, when I think along those lines, it stops, right there. Because going further would be too much thinking on things that I shouldn't be thinking on. He's more than a friend. Period." 

He heard the 'but' tone in her voice, could read it like it was the written word of the divine lying upon the page of her face before him. "But he does make you happy," he finished for her, answering the question she had rather gracefully, if not consciously, slid around and avoided. 

She frowned thoughtfully. "I don't know. I've never really been really sad when he's been around. Lately, anyway. Sure, I've been exasperated, and annoyed, and embarrassed, and angry, but I've never been sad." 

"Do you think you and he could ever…" 

Her head shot up, and she looked at him, surprised. "No! Of course not. It's wrong," she muttered hastily, shaking her head. 

He frowned. "Buffy…" 

She sighed at his ability to weed out the lies she told to both him and herself. "Okay, I thought about it, a few times, maybe. But that's all I did. I played the 'what if' game, but, who hasn't? Right?" 

His lips formed a line, and there was more reluctant resignation in his eyes now, instead of barely contained annoyance. "Yeah." He wondered how he was going to ask his next question. "So one day, you don't think that…" he trailed off listlessly. 

"I don't know. Maybe." 

"Do you feel like you could love him?" 

"I don't think it would be hard to," she revealed, quietly. "He's a good man, past that rough exterior." 

Angel bit his tongue. Spike had always been different, he reminded himself. And if any a vampire could be defined as a 'good man', he supposed it would be his grand-childe. "So what's keeping you and he from trying, now?" 

Her eyebrows quirked in utter amazement. It sounded like he was TRYING to push them together. Though she supposed, his had been a valid question. If she thought that maybe one day she could be with him, what kept her from trying in the here and now? Because perhaps, there would be no 'one-day' for her in the near and distant future. This, today, tomorrow, might BE her one-day, if the record on slayer life spans held true. It was a valid question posed from Angel. This might be her moment of happiness, and she could be wasting it away. What exactly was it that kept her from Spike, besides her own fears and the fact that society dictated that slayer and vampire were to remain as enemies and just enemies from now until eternity? 

She was stunned by all the questions that her ex-lover's initial inquiry had posed, and turned to face him, her eyes, wide and luminous with surprise, seeking his dark, sad ones for answers. The look that passed between them asked the question, because words were obviously not needed here. Angel shrugged, revealing to her that he was fully reconciled to the strange hand that fate had seen fit to deal him at this point in time. "He makes you happy," he stated simply. 

She smiled faintly, and some of the shadows lifted from both their countenances. She hugged him, a tight embrace which he returned readily, closing his eyes at the memory that touch evoked. She sighed against him, and closed her eyes. "What do I do now?" she asked, her voice muffled by his coat. 

He patted her gently. "You'll figure it out. You always have."   
  


Spike growled and tossed another book aside, raising a cloud of dust into Cordelia's face. "Watch where you're throwing the must factories, blood breath. I'm trying to concentrate here," she snapped, fanning the air in front of her face. 

"And we all know how hard you have to work to get THAT done," Spike sniped back, picking up another book and earning a glare from the former cheerleader. "What the hell are we looking for exactly? The only bloody description is "wrinkly demon" from Buffy's damn diary… how many 'effin' demons out there fit that mold?" 

"Hey, I happen to know exactly what we're looking for. I saw it in my vision." 

Spike rolled his eyes at Cordy. "Great. The very life of my Nibblet is in the hands of a Sunnyhell cheerleader. Witness my jumping for joy." 

"Hey, I happen to be a LINK to the Powers That Be, Mister-Impotent Vampire. At least I HAVE a purpose. And stop referring to Dawn like she's a cheese cracker." 

"Those are NIPS, you bleedin' idiot." 

"Oh whatever." 

Xander looked at Spike. "You see what I had to put up with?" 

"And I thought Dru was bad." 

"HEY!" Cordelia protested. 

"Yes, as interesting as your banter is, I think some of us would like to actually return to the task at hand. I'm sure Dawn will appreciate it later," Giles cut in, giving Spike a stern look. Chastened, the vampire looked back down at his book, but not before flipping Xander the single fingered salute when the boy was about to tease him for succumbing to Giles's "school marm" voice. Xander just smirked instead and resumed reading. 

"Ooh! Oh! Is that it?" Willow exclaimed suddenly, amidst the chaos of the research table. She dropped a huge tome in front of Cordelia and pointed to a rather unflattering image in the far left corner. "A… Vidartha demon? It says he sucks out life forces for the energy. Like a big…thing that sucks energy. And it says he can control it, in its different forms. It's got to be him, right? I mean, look… wrinkly." 

Cordelia studied it. "No, I don't think that's him…" 

Everyone looked at her incredulously. 

"Yeah, kidding. That's definitely him. Wrinkles and all." 

"Say anythin' in there bout minions or the lot?" Spike leaned over, taking a look at the dusty volume. 

Willow skimmed the description of the demon. "It doesn't really say..." 

"Well he must be weak or something. If that electric demon has any particular part in this..." Giles looked over Willow's shoulder. 

"Maybe now that we know what kinda demon he is, we can find some more information in other books," Xander thumbed through another large demon guide. 

"Way to go Mr. Unambiguous," Spike snorted, with an exaggerated roll of his eyes. 

"Look Chippy, just cuz I said you were my pool partner doesn't mean I still won't stake you," Xander threatened, half-heartedly. 

"You didn't have the stones to do it last night did you?" Spike raised a brow, unimpressed. 

"If you two are finished with your shallow banter, can we get back to the whole, Dawn's life is in danger thing?" Willow interrupted, looking at both with her 'disapproving' expression. Both dropped their heads slightly. 

"Sorry." 

"Sorry, Red." 

Suddenly, Tara let out a small yelp. "I…think I f-found something...maybe?" 

"What is it?" Giles stepped around the table to peer over the blonde witch's shoulders.   


Anya leaned over to see what Tara had found. "Looks like him again..." 

"Says that the Vidartha demon lives on peoples life forces, energies... It's lived for over a century undisturbed, it's very concealed. Not many instances of its attacks were ever reported because once the life force was drained from the victims, they disappear. So most cases just get written up as missing persons..." Tara paraphrased, her heart filling with fear for Dawn. "In a weakened state, having not fed off many life forces, it seeks help from its minions..." Tara continued. "It ends there though. No description of any electrical minions..." she paused. "But, it does say that it is easy to kill, if you can get to it. Vidartha appears as a wrinkly, purple scaled demon with 6 arms, 2 of which are tentacles." 

"Ugly bugger..." Spike muttered. 

"Aren't all demons?" Gunn replied indignantly. 

"Hey!" Spike growled. 

"Yeah, hey! Helllooo!! Ex-demon here!" Anya waved. 

"Sorry, gotta get used to this..." Gunn shook his head. "Angel's one thing, y'all are another..." 

"Well, it amazes me how any of you deal with the poofter on a regular basis," Spike crossed his arms, his eyes sliding towards the training room door. 

"Better him than a Billy Idol wanna-be," Cordy snipped back without missing a beat. 

"Say now..." Willow pouted. "Leave the poor…guy er...vamp... well, leave our friend alone!" 

Cordelia stared at Willow wide-eyed. "God, I like how the good old Sunnydale crew can't even tell the difference between soulless bloodsuckers and friends now." 

"Well speaking for Spike, more so than any others, I suppose. He's proved his loyalties more than once, Cordelia, I assure you it's perfectly fine," Giles explained lightly, as if her sarcasm were of no consequence. "Now, please... I know we all have our differences..." the watcher surveyed the room. "Well, quite large differences at that..." he corrected. "But I know we all care for Dawn, so please, let's concentrate!" 

"Uhh..." Tara frowned, having flipped a page. "I think we better get Buffy out here..." 

Spike didn't like the shy girl's expression. Tara was a very timid soul and the expression on her face was total fear; something people like her usually kept to themselves. "What is it, Wicca?" 

Giles, who now hovered over Tara's shoulder, look bothered as he studied the section she was referring to. "Spike... go get Buffy." 

"Bugger all..." Spike muttered, pushing himself up from the table. He turned, his duster whisking out behind him. "'Nother Armageddon at hand I'll bet..." he mumbled irately, stalking over to the door. 

Not bothering to knock, he barged in, swinging the door open with a whoosh. "Slay..." he was cut off by the overwhelming feeling that slammed into him as he studied what he saw. He was sure if his heart could function, right now it would stop, wither up unto itself, and die. Leaning there against the doorframe for support, the vampire felt an indescribable burning within him, and he remembered it from when he'd been mortal; when Cecily had rejected him. Fighting to remind himself that this was to be expected, he shook off the damned emotions that he wasn't supposed to feel. After what seemed an eternity to him, he got hold of the reins to some degree and shoved under them the mortal he once was, along with the emotions he wasn't supposed to have. As a vamp, he headed straight towards the woman in the room, reminding himself that he was beneath her. 

Within a few more moments, the feeling had passed enough for him to speak. He felt the burning inside him turn to flames of anger, something he was better acquainted with. "Hate to break up the lovers' reunion and what all, but we got trouble the two of you might wanna hear 'bout." Spike raised his voice to a cool level of irreverent detachment. 

Buffy jumped at the sudden, familiar voice. She turned to see Spike leaning against the doorframe, looking rattled and furious. For a moment she wondered what had brought that expression on his face, but suddenly realized that the scene between her and Angel on the couch didn't look promising. *Oh...so not of the good Buff. Talk to him...* she told herself. "Spike..." 

"The Wicca's found something; think you might wanna get out here before Nibblet's life is in anymore danger," Spike interrupted, cutting her off completely before turning to Angel. "So save the kissing and making up for later, Romeo." 

"Spike," Angel said his grand-childe's name calmly, flatly, to show that there was no emotion behind it. He didn't want to rattle things between him and Buffy, more so than already, in any case. 

"Spike..." Buffy started also, getting up off the couch and walking towards him. 

"Yes, you're both very articulate, my name IS Spike... I'm surprised you remembered," Spike quipped, pushing himself from the door. "Now, if you'd hear what I'm sayin'..." 

Angel looked at Buffy with a guilty expression. He gave a half smile of support before leaving the training room, having to push past Spike who was still blocking the doorway.   
Buffy looked towards Spike. "Can we talk a second?" 

The vampire almost heard the plea in her voice, but decided he wasn't of the right mind to deal with her, his sire, and the thought her and his sire together at the moment. He could handle Dru leaving him, and could handle the Initiative neutering him, but he could not handle loving someone who would never love him in return, or who couldn't seem to get over her first love. "No time, Slayer. Platelet's in danger." Spike turned his back on her. 

"Spike! Please!" Buffy's heart hammered. *God, what was going on with her?!* She felt panicked. "I need to talk to you." 

Spike turned his head back slightly, looking at her from the corner of his eye. "Save it, Slayer." he turned back around, walking out of the doorway. "I don't really fancy hearing anything you have to say about you'n Peaches right now." 

Buffy felt her heart clamp around itself rather painfully and she fought back tears. She clenched her fists at her side and took a deep breath before stomping out of the room. If he wanted to be that way, that was fine. Dawn was in danger; Spike problems could stand to wait until later.   


The gang looked up at her as she entered the room. 

"So what's going on?" she crossed her arms, feeling cold. Her eyes drifted towards Spike who sat at the table, fingers drumming on the surface impatiently. His eyes deliberately avoided her. 

"We've discovered what kind of demon is after Dawn," Wesley reported, happy to finally speak up. 

"What is it?" Buffy asked, getting in business mode. 

"It's called a Vidartha demon," Giles started. He then went on to explain what they had discovered up until Spike left the room. "The bad news is, once the demon is has consumed enough life force and energy, it is restored to its full power..." 

"Lemme guess. Another Armageddon, end of the world bit?" Buffy quipped wearily. She was tired of everything trying to end the world. 

"Well, yes... in time, but I'm afraid that's not even the worst of it..." Giles took off his glasses. 

"What's the worst of it?" Buffy asked, dreading the answer. 

"Buffy... the power that lives within Dawn alone is enough to not only restore this demon to full status, but quite possibly it will make him immortal as well..." Giles's hand shook, reaching into his pocket for a tissue, anything to clean his glasses with. 

"Destroying the world from there would be quite simple." 

"Bloody hell..." Spike growled, standing. His nerves were shot and he began to pace. 

"So all we need to do is keep Dawn safe and go slay this demon," Cordy stated. "Not too difficult!" 

Everyone groaned. 

"Bollocks..." Spike patted his pockets. "I need to step outside." he sighed, feeling his pack of smokes. 

"Spike... dear... its daylight still," Anya frowned, pointing to the thin veil of light that could be seen behind the store's curtains. 

Spike growled, the sound rumbling low in his chest. "Then to bloody hell with you lot…" He pulled the cigarette to his lips and lit without giving a second look to Buffy. He knew if he did, he'd put the damn thing out right then and there. 

Buffy ignored Spike and concentrated on a plan of action. "So what about the demon that attacked Spike?" 

"We find it and put its lights out permanently," Xander offered. 

"I can't pull Dawnie from school, the social workers are still hounding us..." Buffy began to panic. She could never be calm when it came to Dawn. 

"So we wait till after school, and take her somewhere she'll be safe," Angel spoke up. "In the meantime, Wesley, and Gunn will start looking for this minion." He offered, looking at the two of them, who nodded. 

"Guess Ahn and I can start looking too," Xander offered. 

Buffy smiled at her friends. "Thanks guys." she turned to Willow and Tara. 

"Guess you want us to look for some type of spell?" Willow smiled. 

"Anything, even a protection spell..." Buffy pleaded. 

"I'll continue to research," Giles nodded, putting his cleaned glasses back on. 

Buffy checked her watch. "Dawn gets out in an hour, so 'll go pick her up then. Come sunset, Spike, Angel and I will start looking too." 

"I suppose Fred and I will have to help Giles..." Cordy grumbled, looking dejectedly at the stack of still unread volumes on the table. She hated books. Fred smiled and patted the actress on the arm. 

"Actually Cordelia, I need you to get a list of all the power sources and supplies in Sunnydale," Buffy told her. "It's time we put this demon's lights out for good."   


Dawn groaned as the lunch bell rang for a second time, sounding the end of the period. She gathered her trash into her brown bag, before tossing the whole thing into the trashcan. The few the friends she ate with everyday had run off to their lockers together before class. She'd grabbed her school bag earlier, opting to take it with her so she wouldn't be late for her next class. Her teacher was a real brute. 

Stepping out into the hallway of the school, she strolled down towards her class, ignoring the bustle of kids grabbing books from lockers. She opened a doorway to the staircase and found it quite empty, since most kids were still at their lockers. She took the stairs up, her footsteps echoing in the empty hall. 

Her heart pounded, realizing just how alone she was. She sighed, shaking her head. She really needed to stop worrying bout being alone. It always seemed like an instinct to her to look over her shoulder. She supposed it came from being stalked as first; the Slayer's little sister and then the Key, for her entire existence. Dawn had to remind herself that it was daylight, she was in school, and no one would be looking to hurt her... 

As if on cue, the lights went out and the area grew completely dark, except for a thin sliver of sunlight coming from the small window a stairwell below. 

Dawn gasped, gripping the banister of the staircase with fear. She didn't feel good about this at all… 

A siren rang, and she knew it was the signal for the teachers to evacuate the building. She started back down the stairs, two at a time, towards the first floor exit. Reaching the small window near the lower stair well and she squinted in the dark, out trying to find the door.   
  
The area suddenly filled with a bright light and she heard the sound of live electricity buzzing, like wires had been cut. It sounded close by, perhaps at the staircase she'd just come down from. She grabbed the door handle in the dark, pulling on it sharply. It was locked. 

Dawn's heart pounded in fear, realizing that the only other exit was back where she'd come from. The room grew deliriously brighter and she turned to face light, instinct telling her to run, but ration trying to tell her it was probably just some faulty wiring. Her eyes widened upon seeing a hulking form of pure electrical energy standing right in front of her. She screamed, trying to back away, but only succeeding in thumping into the wall beside the door. 

The minion tilted it's head to the side a bit, as if reading her, or studying her. She regarded it wearily, hands pressed up against the cool wall behind her, waiting for it to kill her. The demon, after a moment, seemed satisfied with what he had found, and zapped a small bolt of electricity at her, stunning her. 

The force slammed her head back against the wall with a painful thud, and she sunk to the floor, with a little moan, unconscious. 

The minion's electrical power dimmed slightly, allowing for gray, alligator skin-like arms to reach down and pick her up. It turned and headed for the basement, where it would escape through the sewers to its lair. It buzzed happily; sure that its master would be beyond pleased with the energy that emanated from this one.   
  



	20. Chapter 20

ImitorVitaProAmor20 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come 

outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and 

the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 20**   


The sun was taking its sweet time coming down, and the others had call with no reports of the minion. 

Buffy paced the back room, fear tugging on her heart. She looked at the papers Cordy had gathered and wondered what place to check out first. It only seemed logical an electric demon would be based at some type of supply base, or near to. 

Someone shuffled into the back room, quietly. 

She turned to the footsteps to see a brooding vampire, ironically, not the usual one, who was completely avoiding eye contact with her. *Brooding must run in the family*... she thought. All she could think of was Dawn right now, but hearing and feeling Spike's frustration, she ached to make things okay between the two of them. 

Spike pushed his anger aside for a moment, trying to think how much the Slayer must be worried bout the Bit. Hell, he himself was on the verge of another demon massacre, reminiscent of the one he'd gone on shortly after Buffy's funeral. He shoved his hands into his jean pockets, looking at the floor instead of at Buffy, unsure what to say or if he should say anything at all. He wanted to hear what the Slayer had to say about before, with the Poof, but his main concern was Dawn right now. He wondered what profound revelation had occurred hours before in this very room that could bring back the Slayer and her angelic vampire... 

Buffy sighed, knowing he'd stay silent forever if she didn't speak first. "Any news?" 

"No," he replied shortly. 

She made as if to say something to him, but thought better of it and lowered her gaze, beginning to pace again. Her heart hammered with every footstep and turn. She stole a quick glance at Spike and her heart leapt a bit, seeing the look of concern in his eyes as he watched her pace. She finally stopped and faced him, arms going around herself, as if shielding herself from his scrutiny. "Spike, I know what you must be thinking right now..." 

"I'm thinkin' we should be doing something for the Bit right now and instead we're all pacing like caged lions," Spike responded nonchalantly, shrugging. Hoping, that maybe if he concentrated on what was really important, it would make him stop hurting so they could avoid talking about it all together. He was brooding and miserable enough as it was. 

"I mean about me and Angel," Buffy responded, as always, tenaciously holding firm to her resolve. 

"I don't care what the two of you do," Spike shrugged his shoulders again, with obvious envy in his voice. 

"Let's not play these games, please," Buffy stepped closer to him. "Spike, stop acting like a jealous boyfriend." 

"What?!" his eyes widened, and they looked somewhere between "caught red handed" indignant, and enraged. "I am NOT bloody jealous. Especially of the Grand Poo-ba." 

"So then why are you giving me the cold shoulder now?" Buffy challenged. 

"You 'ave no idea what you're talking bout luv," Spike denied, gaze fixated on the covered curtain behind him. "This is the way I always am." 

Buffy gripped his arm, pleading him to look at her. "Spike, please...listen to me." 

"Even if I were jealous, which I'm not, we shouldn't be talking 'bout this," Spike responded, using his reasonable voice even as he avoided her eyes. If he made contact, he'd break down. "Dawn's in danger." 

"I know she is, and we're doing all we can, but Spike... I can't stand this silence between us!" Buffy gripped his arm harder. Her other hand reached out under his chin and she gently turned him to face her. "Look at me, please." 

"I don't wanna hear your sympathies Slayer, 'm not hurt bout you and the poof. Should've known it would come to it, 'sides, he's got what 'll never have luv. A soul," Spike tried to shake from her grasp. This time, she let him loose. 

"You don't need a soul Spike. I like you just the way you are," she said softly, her stomach filling with butterflies. 

He looked purely skeptical at her admonition. She knew that look. It was the look that said he didn't want, nor would ever need, her pity. 

Nervous wasn't strong enough a word to describe what she was feeling right now. That, added with his blatant his skepticism of her word, made her almost faint. But seeing that he was still listening to her, in spite of his doubtfulness, though not looking at her, she drove herself forward. She had come this far, right? Why not go all the way? Angel had been right. 

"It's not Angel I want to be with Spike..." 

Spike's eyes finally shot up to her face locking with hers. He felt stunned. "What?" 

"I don't love Angel anymore, not like I used to," Buffy revealed. Her lips felt dry and she ran her tongue over them, searching for words. "It was a lifetime ago." 

Spike felt his body go warm at her motion. "What are you saying, Slayer?" 

Buffy shook nervously. Why was this so scary? So hard? She leaned in closer to him, the hand gripping his chin, now stroking his cheek. She closed her eyes, leaning her forehead against his, and the entire world seemed to fade away. Somewhere in the back of his mind, Spike recalled something about a bubble… 

"Spike, I want..." 

"BUFFFYYY!!!!!" Willow's voice screeched, shattering the moment. Both heads jerked towards the door. 

Buffy shot out of Spike's arms in an instant, charging into the other room at the distress evident in her best friend's voice. 

Spike stayed rooted to his spot for a moment, physically shaking in his knees. He took a moment to compose himself, then charged into the room after her. There was business at hand, after all. 

"What?!" Buffy searched the room, looking for the immediate danger. "What is it Will?!" 

"It's Dawn..." Willow's eyes were filled with worry, her hand holding the receiver of the phone. "Xander just called..." 

"What happened?!" Buffy's heart stopped. 

"There was...a...an...incident at the school. Dawn's missing!!" Willow cried.   


Vidartha leaned against its self made throne of smoothly carved stone, listening to the hum of generators above it, buzzing with power that humans had learned to harness over time. His kind had been the first to do so, mold lightning and earth and rock to their needs when they arose. It realized that with the containment of such power so nearby, it made life easier for him, as he did not have to wait for the next electrical storm to conjure or re-power of its servants. Closing its thickly lidded eyes, the creature listened to the flitting of life essence within, consumed from a human the day before. It was a delightful feeling, but not quite enough. At the rate it was going, the demon would have to consume one hundred creatures before it would be restored and it could resume its rest. It hated the world, the loud, squabbling creatures that ruled it and the rumbling, disgusting ones that growled below it. It wished to return to its resting place once again, after gaining enough power to survive more centuries of undisturbed rest. However, the creatures of today seemed remarkably weaker, less powerful, than those the centuries before. Perhaps it was with the comforts of harnessing the power of such forces like electricity that made their lives more comfortable. The less hardship endured, the weaker they seemed to grow, until each life force seemed a shadow of its potential potency. Vidartha would need so many more today than he would have in the time of the Romans or the Greeks. There had been strong souls. The creature recalled somewhere in the recesses of its memory needing only 20 Greek soldiers those centuries ago, to survive until now. Perhaps it had gone too long without sufficient food, that put it in its current, weakened state. If it had woken perhaps, last century, it would have no need of its minion to gather food, as it would have been possible to do so itself. It hated being reliant on something that was not truly alive, nor truly dead. But, it was necessary. 

Sighing, the demon settled into its self-made seat and waited for its minion to return. By nightfall, it would have gained and stored sufficient energy from its last meal, and could use the precious little extra it had stored to perform the ritual to vacuum the life from its next victim. Thus the cycle would continue, until it had stored enough excess, and could sleep again.   


Buffy almost staggered backwards at her best friend's news. "What?" 

"They took her," Willow repeated, looking wide eyed and a little frightened. "In broad daylight! They're not supposed to do that!" 

"What, because it says so in the demon villain's guide to dos and don'ts?" Gunn drawled. It earned him a fierce look of reproach from both Angel and Giles, and the young street fighter backed off slightly. "Sorry." 

"Do we have any idea where they might have taken her?" Buffy asked, trying to keep her voice calm. Dawn wasn't dead yet. She had to believe that, in any case. 

"Not yet…" Tara started. 

"But we can do a spell," Willow finished for her girlfriend. "We can um… we can…"   
"S-Set it to find D-Dawn's energy l-level…" 

"And it'll show us where she is…" 

"W-Well, not EXACTLY, w-where she is, but um…" 

"Nearby." 

Buffy looked back between the two witches. "All right. Get started on it. Um…Gunn, Cordy, Fred… see if you guys can't find anything on the Internet. Look for power surges, electricity failures, anything." 

"Right." 

"Okay." 

"Giles, Wesley… I need you to find more about this guy… see if you can't find out how he eats….takes…does whatever he does to his victims, and if there's any way to reverse it, or stop it once it's started. And Giles, call Anya and Xander, tell them to keep looking for Dawn, there's a chance that maybe she just ditched… and if she did, she is sooo dead…" 

"What about us?" Angel asked, having for the first time, seen Buffy in control. The confident woman in charge here was definitely different from the naïve, sometimes-uncertain teenager he had once known. Inwardly, his smile was bitter. Things had changed. The girl he had known once upon a time had been the love of his life. Perhaps the one before him now, was a completely different entity. He had to accept it. 

"Angel, Spike, come with me to the back. We're getting weapons ready." Turning around, she marched back into the training room, desperately in need to busy her hands. 

Spike and Angel regarded each other for a moment, both wary at the prospect of having to be in the same room together. The younger vampire clenched his jaw for a moment and almost abruptly, stopped glaring at his grandsire. The two formed a silent agreement then and there that now was not the time for any sniping; no matter how much they disliked each other. They owed it to Buffy, and to Dawn to concentrate on the task at hand. Spike whirled first, following after Buffy, and Angel followed him. 

Gunn looked around to all the others remaining in the room. "Is it really a good idea to let those three be alone together?" 

Cordy snorted as she revved up the computer near the office. "YOU want to tell Buffy she can't?" 

  
The Slayer grabbed a large; double sided axe and threw it in Spike's direction. The vampire plucked the proffered weapon from the air without missing a beat and grabbed a stake and a sword, which he tossed back to Angel. The elder vampire caught the blade and whirled it in the air around him twice, to gauge the balance of the weapon. The metal sliced through the air with a whistle inaudible to the human ear, its speed balanced with power in a light, but deadly frame. It was a good sword. Buffy pulled her own sword from the rack and handed it to Spike, their hands brushing slightly, with fingers curling slightly towards one another in a lingering touch just long enough to make a point to Angel though not long enough to be noticed by either of the participants. He spun the sword again and wondered if he hadn't really lost this girl a lifetime ago. 

Spike studied Buffy carefully, but let her take charge of the dilemma, giving her space. She had always been her own strength, and he knew she appreciated the others' faith in it. He believed in her ability. She still however, looked troubled. "Bit'll be all right, pet." He said it quietly, while loading a crossbow with an iron tipped bolt. He used a light, confident tone, in part to quell her anxiety without making her feel awkward about it. 

She paused in what she was doing for a second, as if processing his words, before resuming. "Yeah. She will be." 

"We'll get to her in time." 

"Yeah, we will." 

Angel didn't say anything, and for once, Spike was glad his grand-da decided to refrain from being stupid. He supposed even the densest things could be subdued by a common fear. 

Buffy stopped and looked at Spike after a moment's passing, allowing a small smile when she realized what he was doing. "Thank you." 

"For what, pet?" He looked completely innocent, not a small feat for a vampire who had not only seen, but committed horrendous wrongs in his day. 

"For seeing right through me and not saying anything about it," she admitted, settling a stake into the waistband of her pants. 

He returned her smile a little awkwardly. "We will get her back." 

"I know. But I'm still scared." 

"I'd be worried if you weren't, luv." 

"Do you think she'll forgive me?" 

"For what?" 

"For not being able to protect her, again." 

"Now what the bloody hell does that mean?" 

"I let another psycho path get a hold of her, Spike." 

The vampire snorted. "Oh, I'm so sure it was by choice." 

"I'm supposed to protect her." 

"And you have been. And you will again. Now buck up, Buffy. We'll have none of that slowing us down. I need your head in the game, baby." He paused, his voice catching a little as he realized what he'd called her. Hopefully, she hadn't noticed. "We um… we concentrate on Dawn now, and we forget playin' what if, all right? It's already a bloody dangerous game as it is, an' we need to be in it all the way, pet." 

She looked down at the floor, properly chastised, with a small, frustrated smile on her face. "We'll get her back, and she'll be okay." 

"That she will, luv." 

  
Angel faded back a ways into the shadows on the fringes of the room when he realized that to the other two within in, he no longer existed. Instead he loaded fresh stakes into the spring loads strapped to either of his arms and listened painfully, if not voluntarily, to the simple conversation playing out before him that at the same time, held so many layers it was almost impossible to discern the true meaning of any of the words spoken unless you were one of the two involved. He put a knife in the inside of his duster while he watched from the outside of the bubble.   


Dawn's eyes shot open and her first reaction was to move. She made as if to move her rather uncomfortably positioned body, her mind fuzzy, and not quite able to register whether or not she was standing or sitting. Her hands moved slightly and she was alerted to a jingling sound. She moved them a bit more and felt rings encircling her wrists, and the back of her hand hit a wall. Great. She was chained to a wall. Her toes scrapped lightly along the cement floor, barely touching the ground. Heart pounding heavily, she gasped slightly, coming fully awake. 

The sweetness of oblivion gone, she went instantly from groggy to scared out of her mind and she tugged futilely, trying to break the chains that bound her. When her efforts were rewarded with absolutely nothing she began to panic, her feet scrambling under her in an attempt to gain some solid footing. 

"Ahh, don't move child... you make so much noise…" a voice hissed from the darkness.   
Dawn's fear doubled and she froze. She wasn't alone. Her eyes widened and she scanned the dark, cement room. Squinting in the darkness, she tried to see who her abductor was. "Who are you?!" 

"That is of no concern to you. Soon you will not be alive," the voice hissed, closer than before. 

"T-t-that's what you think. My sister's the Slayer, and, and she won't be very happy about this, and… lemme tell you... she's killed a hell god, so you'll be a piece of cake!" Dawn responded, not sounding as sure as she would have hoped. 

"Silence!!!" it warned in annoyance, the room echoing with the sudden rise in volume. 

Dawn felt choked by the heavy feeling of fear in the air. She gasped, willing her eyes to search harder. "What are you? What do you want with me?!" 

"I am the lifestealer. And I want your power, sweet one," it revealed. "I can feel your strength, from here. It radiates through the whole room, courses through your blood, singing. There is more power in you than in the entire, pathetic place of those who dwell above..." 

Dawn could almost feel the smug smile on the face of her captor. She pulled at her chains, trying to break free. She had to get outta here. 

"You'll never break those, little girl. The power within you is pure energy but on the outside, you are still a child..." it trailed off for a second, making an odd sighing sound. "I've never felt such power before. With your power, I will be invincible..." 

"Who are YOU!?!" Dawn cried, trying desperately. 

Buzz's and claps of electricity suddenly filled the room, and the question was almost lost. 

Dawn felt her hairs stand on end. That was the same sound she heard before she was attacked at school. 

The room was suddenly brighter, and the electric demon appeared, igniting the chamber with its illuminating light. It zapped and buzzed colors of blue, yellow and white. The gray skin underneath was scaly and wrinkled. 

Dawn's eyes grew even wider and they adjusted to the light and she looked on in disgust. It was so ugly and disfigured. 

"Now, now dear. Don't look so disgusted. "You'll hurt Fortis' feelings..." that familiar voice hissed in her ear. "After all, I'm sure you'll see much worse soon..." 

Dawn turned her head away from the demon called Fortis and she screamed in pure horror at the demon near her side. Her feet backpedaled on the wall as she scurried away from it, as far as the chains would allow her. 

Vidartha laughed wickedly, its snake-like tongue darting out his fangs. "I am Vidartha, child and soon your power will be mine." 

Dawn fought the urge to either hurl or pass out. The repugnant looking demon was over 7 feet tall, with 4 arms, and 2 tentacle-like extensions. Its long, scaled body was shades of dark purple and yellow-green, its tentacles pink and yellow. It had 4 horns protruding rudely from his head, all sharp and black. His head had the shape of a crocodile's, with long, overgrown fangs and a snake-like tongue hanging limply from its mouth. He was by far the most loathsome looking creature she'd ever seen. 

To her shock, a long spiked tail popped out from behind too. It whipped back and forth much like a puppies tale in its excitement. He laughed wickedly, only too pleased by Dawn's reaction. His tongue slithered out, coming to a stop near Dawn's cheek. 

She pulled her head to the side sharply, avoiding contact as she yelped. She squirmed against the wall, praying the chains would break. Not that she could get very far with Vidartha and Fortis here. What did this thing want her power for? And what power was it exactly, that she had? How did they know she was The Key? She thought only Glory would want The Key. Confusion only made her fears deepen and she felt tears begin to roll down her cheek. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, her heart screaming out for Spike and Buffy.   


The sun was shortly gone, replaced by the rising moon and the chirrups of crickets in the air when the gang was on the move. Willow and Tara led the pack, a glowing orb floating above the palm of Willow's hand, illuminating the their path. The orb was connected to Dawn's aura, and would lead them toward her indefinite location. 

Cordelia, Fred and Gunn had come up with 4 closed down energy supplies in Sunnydale and 25 power outages over the past week. They were chasing down the 2 furthest power plants from town to be safe. 

Xander and Anya continued their search for Dawn in town. They'd checked her friends, the Bronze, home, Spike's crypt; everywhere Dawn had been renowned for running away to. Nothing came up, so they were headed for another power supplier on the other side of the city limits. 

Giles and Wesley hadn't been able to find much more on Vidartha, than they had already known. He sucked his victim's dry of all life energy, and they vanished. Giles mentioned something about the transfer requiring a connection to Dawn, most likely by a simple touch. 

The watcher had offered to join Buffy, Spike, Angel, Willow and Tara, but Buffy declined his and Wesley's help, afraid they'd be hurt. Instead, she pleaded for him to continue searching for Dawn. Fred had stayed behind with them, searching as well. Though there wasn't much any of them could do. 

"Anything yet?" Buffy bit her lip with worry, gazing at Willow. 

"I can feel her getting closer, but there's so much energy in the area... It's sorta hard to concentrate..." Will's eyed never left the orb in her hand as she spoke. Her other hand was enclosed in Tara's, drawing strength from her to keep the spell up. 

Buffy lengthened her stride, passing Willow. They were close, that was all that mattered. Once they neared a power supply, she'd know exactly where Dawn would be.   
"Slow down Slayer," Spike's thick accent commanded, as he jogged to draw up alongside her. "You're makin' it harder on Red by rushing 'er..." 

"I can't waste anymore time, Spike, she's close, I feel her..." Buffy continued her pace. Her heart pounded with terror. "God help anyone who hurts Dawn... I'll rip them apart with my bare hands!" 

Spike walked beside her, keeping a silent, concerned vigil. His eyes kept slipping over at her, though he tried very hard not to stare. He knew he shouldn't think such thoughts at this time, but he couldn't help but notice how beautiful she was when she was determined and angry and in total Slayer mode. She was like a goddess: golden hair floating with her long, confident steps, her hands clutching her crossbow, knuckles white with her grip, her lips pursed in anger, her normally timid, tawny eyes alight with fire, and dear god her body was making Spike think wicked, completely inappropriate thoughts. 

Yet still, he noticed the fear behind the fire in her eyes, and the slight, uncertain hesitation in her pace every so often. He gritted his teeth and gripped the handle of the battleaxe under his duster. Someone was going to pay for making her like this, and even more, for thinking they could hurt Dawn, his Lil Bit. They were gonna pay in body pieces and blood, whatever shade or texture it may be. 

He stole another quick glance over at Buffy wondering if he should reach out to her, comfort her in some way if possible. He ran his blunt teeth over his bottom lip thoughtfully, waging a battle inside his mind of what to do. He didn't want her to think he was taking advantage of the situation, but he also didn't want her to think he wasn't concerned. He groaned softly, feeling like a complete wanker. 

So before he could give it a second thought and curse himself for being an idiot, he reached over and put a hand on her shoulder lightly, to find it trembling in the minutest way. His eyes fell on her and he gave her shoulder a soft squeeze. 

Her eyes locked with his and she felt a wave of calm come over her. Taking a deep breath, reached nodded slightly; answering the silent question he'd posed. His head moved slightly in return. 

She smiled a fleeting smile of reassurance, feeling a bout of renewed strength from their silent communication. She reached up, covering his hand on her shoulder. She gave it a squeeze and her warm fingers lingered on his grasp for a moment. It was amazing how just a look and a touch could renew her spirit and push away her doubt and fears. It was truly a gift; his silent vigil at her side gave her more strength than she'd ever possessed. She pulled his arm off her shoulder gently. The spot he touched burned white hot. 

Spike expected her to let go of his hand, finally repulsed at his cold touch. Instead, she laced her her fingers around his, gripping tightly. He was surprised, but made no noise of it. One didn't look a gift horse in the mouth, or some other clichéd saying like that. 

Buffy avoided eye contact, blushing from her show of affection. She wanted to return his affection and support for once. Dawn was important to him too, and he must be as afraid as her. 

She finally braved a look at him, and she nearly collapsed at the intense gaze he had on her; not to mention the beautiful smile on his lips. She ached to just pull him close, and let him hold her. Let him tell her that everything would be okay, Dawn was safe, the world was safe, and she was loved. But now was not the time. 

She turned her head from him. There'd be time later to kiss him and tell him she wanted to give him to give her the chance to love him back. Once Dawn was safe, she'd deal with her feelings for Spike once and for all. Her mind shifted back to the Slayer: rescue sister mode. With Spike at her side, she felt confident that Dawn would be okay. 

"Slayer, look!" Spike pointed, his keen eyesight spotting a tall building up ahead.   
"Looks like the SunnyD Main Power Supply Terminal. Perfect hideout for General Electric and the Vidartha..." 

Buffy's less-keen eyesight squinted in the dark of the night, searching ahead. Finally, she could read a sign stating what Spike already saw. "This is it!!" 

"I hope so Buffy," Willow frowned. "The orb's sensing too much power all at once, its hard to decipher Dawn's in all this..." the orb in Will's hand glowed a strange mix of different colors, like a disco ball. 

Angel stood beside Tara and Willow examining the building. "Should we split up?" 

Buffy examined the area. "I don't think we'll need to." Bright lights shimmered in the dark night, coming from the power supplies wires. "If the bastard's starting his ritual, he'll have to be doing it from the generator room." Buffy turned back to her friends. "Will, Tara, you sure you guys wanna go in there?" 

"We can help, spells and s-stuff," Tara nodded. "Once we get to Dawn, we may need t-to use our magic." 

"Okay," Buffy nodded, relieved to have magic aid. Not to mention, two vamps who would stop at nothing to help her. "Let's go then!" She stormed off, kicking in a door. 

Angel stood behind a moment, amazed at the strength this once fragile girl now possessed. Even though he'd seen it again and again tonight, he was in awe of the changes she'd made in her life as she grew up. *Well, all changes except for her love for Spike* he snorted mentally, storming in after the two witches, bringing up the rear.   


Dawn squirmed; pulling and digging her feet into the ground while Fortis pulled her by the chains around her wrists. He was dragging her to a room lined with huge barrels of humming, pulsing sound. A generator room. She doubled her efforts against the minion, seeing Vidartha in the room, hissing, waiting. 

"Glad to see you could join us dear..." Vidartha hissed. 

"Like I had a choice?" she shot back, furious. 

He ignored her impetuousness. "Your time has almost come, old one. Your power will bring me invincibility!" 

"She will give you great powers, master and we will rule the world!" Fortis tossed her down at his creator's feet. 

"What are you going to do to me?" Dawn's asked, not sure whether to be completely afraid or inconsolably furious. 

"Dear, I will draw from your body all that gives you the inner strength of the ancients, until you shrivel up and vanish into oblivion," Vidartha responded, drawing it's lips into what could be considered a smile. One of his tentacles stretched out and plucked another human Dawn hadn't noticed in the shadows before. He pulled the unconscious human to its body, tentacle wrapped around it. "Watch and observe if you're curious, child. It will be more painful for you however. Someone of your caliber will need to be awake so I can absorb your powers." 

Dawn's heart pounded heavily in pure terror, watching the helpless male in the vile creature's tentacles struggle feebly, though to no avail. 

"Fortis, some power please," Vidartha laughed. Why use his own strength gathered from the days when the humans' generated power could do the same job? 

Fortis shot a blaze of power to the electrical wires in the room into one of the generators. The bolt hit the wires, buzzing them to life. They sparked and sizzled with power. 

Vidartha closed his beady eyes, as the power radiated to him, making him glow white with energy. 

Two of his four hands came from his sides and Dawn noted with no small measure of disgust that they were shaped like suction cups on the underside of an octopus. He placed them over the human's ears and began drawing the power from the man.   
  
The man's body glowed white, crinkling and wrinkling as his life essence was drained. He soon caught fire from the intensity of the transfusion and vanished in a wall of smoke and flame, leaving behind a smell that made Dawn nauseous. She screamed in terror as the last of the human dissipated, too frozen in fear to do much else. She screamed loudly, over and over. 

Vidartha turned, laughing magiacally. "It's your turn, my dear..." He felt the surge of energy from the simple human he had just taken. He'd needed the mortal's power to absorb this special girl's essence. Once all of her essence was obtained, he would be unstoppable. His tentacles whipped out at Dawn, grabbing hold of her. 

Dawn's screams grew so loud, her throat burned. She wriggled furiously in its tight grasp, but there was no freeing herself. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly, knowing this would be the end for her. She thought of Buffy and Spike and the gang. She hoped they knew she loved them. 

Her tears poured down her face as she tried to think of something else besides the pain she was about to experience. 

Vidartha's suction-cup hands closed in on her head, and he began sucking her life essence, already feeling a super charge. 

Dawn screamed in pain as the hands pulled at her head. She could feel her very being drifting from her body. This was it; her life was over.   


"Which way?" 

Willow studied the orb, still glowing in her hand, and turned left. "This way…we're getting closer…I think." 

"What's the plan?" Angel asked, senses on full alert for any potential danger. 

"Get in, save Nibblet, kill everything else, get out," Spike muttered back to his sire in annoyance. 

Angel snorted. "Oh, very well thought out, as always, William. How about a plan that won't get anyone killed?" He looked at Buffy. "What's the real plan?" 

She looked slightly guilty, her eyes sliding back in Spike's direction. Angel's mouth flailed open and shut several times. "You've got to be kidding me." 

She shook her head. "We don't have time for anything elaborate." 

"Sheah. And it's not like you've been opposed to the rush in wieldin' the burnin' torches an' the pitchfork before, Angelus," Spike added, just to annoy his grand-sire. He turned serious at Buffy's slight expression of warning. "Sorry, baby," he muttered, instantly chastened. 

"Once we get Dawn back you two can do the macho stomping thing as much as you want," she promised. "C'mon…" 

"We're almost there…the orb is starting to change color…" Willow announced. "It's either down this hallway or that one…" She moved the glowing ball of light from side to side, pursing her lips. "Um…this one…" 

Suddenly, Dawn's horrified scream split the air. The redhead's eyes grew wide. "Y-yeah…definitely this one…" she muttered, waving her other hand over the orb, causing it to disappear in a small flash of light, leaving only a trail of curling smoke behind. Spike didn't comment about the neatness of the trick, as per usual, but instead, with a growl that startled even Angel, pushed ahead of everyone and sprinted down the hall before anyone could say a word. Buffy followed not a foot behind. 

Angel looked back to the two witches. "They're going to get themselves killed," he rumbled in irritation. 

"They kinda get loopy about Dawn," Willow responded, taking off after her best friend. "Which is why we've got to be the reason people. C'mon!" 

Hearing her scream had been horrible. The fear and the hopelessness projected from the voice of his girl sent him into a mind-numbing, paralytic fear and at the same time, an all encompassing, fearsome rage. He projected himself forward unwittingly, honing on the source of his treasure's fear, which radiated from the area in waves. His demon hunted it, drew him towards it without an unsure step. His heart raged at it, vowed that on his love for the girl, he'd destroy whatever it was that had dared touch a hair on his keep's precious head. 

Spike flew towards the door marked "Generator Room" like the demon possessed that he was, and stopped only minimally at the door to gauge its reinforcement before plowing through the wood and snapping the inconsequential thing they called a latch from where it was lodged into the jamb. The door splintered inward with an echoing crack, and the furious vampire kicked the offending shards of wood and plastic from his path as he stormed in, drawing his battle ax from within the inside of his coat. 

The site that greeted him forced a strangled roar from his throat and he lunged forward without so much as a thought. It was touching HIS girl. It held her in its limbs, drawing from her the light that he knew was inside, that beautiful shine that was hers to have and hers alone. The ax made it's decent towards a protruding tentacle of the fiend holding Dawn without missing a beat, and was scant inches away from lopping the offending limb off when Spike felt an enormous shock plow through his chest, knocking him backwards into the wall with enough force to dislodge some of the plaster from it. He grunted and shook himself, staggering to his feet, even as Buffy came barreling through the hole he'd made in the door. He looked up to see what had hit him, and saw the demon he'd fought a few days ago lumbering towards he and the slayer, crackling and buzzing sounds which the vampire guessed were annoyances. The shock he'd received would have been enough to kill him if he'd been alive in the first place, and he struggled with the humming his head was doing, wondering which was from his own head and which was coming from the nearby generators. 

The electric minion extended an arm in the direction of Buffy's blind side as she raced towards Dawn, sword drawn. Spike growled and sprung, tackling her even as an enormous boom filled the air and the blow intended for the slayer slammed into the wall behind her. "Force like that, it'll kill humans!" he growled, letting Buffy up. "Angel and I will take care of Zap to it, you'n the Wicca's get Bit out from Big Ugly…" he breathed. She nodded, gave him a look that conveyed her need for him to be careful and her wish of good luck. He smiled that devil may care smile of his back at her, his way of telling her not to worry, and with a growl, launched himself at the electric minion, Angel not far behind. 

Buffy hefted her sword and swung boldly at the demon with it's tentacles wrapped around her baby sister, only to have one of the slimy extensions disengage from the mist of green energy that had started to form in the room and swat at her. The slayer ducked reflexively but the back and forth movement of her attacker was faster than she had anticipated. She grumbled in annoyance as her weapon was knocked from her grasp, falling with a clatter to the concrete floor. She flipped into a somersault to avoid the still flailing tentacle and dove towards the dropped blade, picking it up even as she rolled to her feet.   


Spike ducked a ferociously aimed bolt of electricity and Angel followed suit, but not before both vampires smelt the distinct aroma of singed hair. Biting back a snarky comment regarding his grand-poof's precious follicles, the younger vampire took the small opening he had from the recoil of the demon's arm and ducked under its defenses, muttering a quick oath as he kicked the creature in the chest, only to feel the bottom of his shoe grow incredibly hot, the shock sending him reeling backwards into Angel. 

"Sorry," he grunted, springing to his feet again, as the older vampire also gained his feet. 

"This isn't working," Angel muttered, hair still smoking. "We can't use metal weapons. It'll just fry us." 

"So glad you figured that out, finally," Spike drawled insolently, motioning to his discarded ax. "But most of us already got there, Peachy." 

"So what are we supposed to do?" Angel spat back, annoyed with his grand-childe's sarcasm. 

"Still got a stake?" Spike murmured, extending his palm towards Angel. 

Releasing the spring mechanism on one wrist, a stake snapped into his fingers. Spike snatched it without hesitation. "You really think this is going to work?" Angel asked, raising an eyebrow at his descendant skeptically. 

Spike shrugged. "Haven't tried it yet. Might as well give it a go before you end up needin' Extra Strength Rogaine," he responded smugly. Angel sent him a look of death, but released his other stake and stepped to the right of his childe. 

"On three," Angel instructed, eyes locked on the monster. 

"Right." 

"One…two…" 

Spike leapt forward before Angel could finish counting. 

"Dammit, Spike!" Angel growled, vamping out before following the younger vamp. 

Stake drawn, Spike ducked under a blast of lightning that issued from the minion's hand, and using his momentum to send the stake in his arm flying forward, he embedded his weapon into the creature's forehead, piercing skin and bone. Spike drew back as fast as he could, even as the wood blackened from the charge it received when in contact with the demon's body. Angel followed after Spike with his own stake, plunging it into their opponent's chest when it still lumbered forward after Spike's what should have been fatal blow. "Well, that didn't work," the older vampire quipped, dodging a bolt of electricity the immensely brassed off minion shot in his direction, the blackened wood still stuck in its forehead and chest. 

"Was worth a shot," Spike shrugged casually, dodging himself.   


The green haze was growing in the room now, swirling in concentration around Dawn and the demon in particular. Buffy was vaguely aware of the sound of Willow and Tara murmuring in unison somewhere in the background, and heard Angel and Spike's grunts and growls. She forced herself to concentrate on getting Dawn out of danger, and dove towards the demon, only to be knocked back by the force of the energy surrounding it. She stared at it in surprise. "No…" she muttered, throwing her sword point first into the field. The weapon hit the invisible wall and crashed to the floor. "Dawn!!!" she shouted, rushing towards the wall, intent on punching her way through it. 

"Buffy, wait!!" Willow called. "Give us a second…" 

"What are you…" Buffy was cut off when the loose tentacle took another swipe at her. She dodged it by scant inches, swinging her head down and dropping her shoulders to avoid it. 

Willow turned back to Tara and took her hand. The witches stared at each other a moment, and linking thoughts; they concentrated on Dawn and the glowing energy that poured forth from her. Suddenly, both girls' eyes filled green, matching shade with that of Dawn's mist, and turned towards the girl called Key. "Return!!" they shouted in unison, extending their free hands at Dawn.   


"Now what?" Angel grunted, patting down a small flame that had erupted on the lapel of his duster. 

"Got one more stake?" Spike asked, noticing the demon was a little tipsy from injuries it had already sustained. 

Angel pulled one out of the inside pocket of his duster and tossed it at Spike. "So glad you came up with such a new and improved plan," he drawled. 

Spike flipped his grand-sire off, before moving to the right a bit. "Distract it." 

"What?" 

"Distract it. Wave your hands around and dance like a bloody monkey like Harris does, I don't care. Just get it off my back long enough for me to get in. Bloke like that's got to have a power switch somewhere, an' if it's not the head, and not the heart, should be round back…" 

Angel growled. "Fine… just…don't get killed." 

"Why Cream Puff, didn't know you cared," Spiked drawled, moving off as Angel called for the demon's attention. 

"Care? I don't, but Buffy does," Angel responded, low enough so that he wasn't heard by his annoying descendant. After a second of internal debate on how to draw the thing's attention, he sighed, and threw his arms up, waving them wildly. "Hey ugly! Over here!!" 

"Oh, very original," Spike muttered to himself, circling around to the demon's blindside. He silently crept around his opponent in a broad half-arc, coming up to it's left as it threw shocks and made unintelligible noises of anger at Angel, who had taken to picking up pieces of smoldering debris to toss at it to keep its attention off of Spike. Spike waited until he was completely behind the minion, and studied it intensely, ignoring the eye stinging brightness radiating from its body. 

He used his hunter's instinct to look for any anomaly, something out of place in the otherwise uniform makeup of his opponent. Squinting into the light, he studied the gray skin underneath, while at the same time making a list of things this demon would need. A master… he looked over to the demon that Buffy and the Wicca's were handling…check, master. He tried to ignore the fleeting sense of dread that filled him upon seeing his Pigeon in that monster's grasp, and reminded himself that these sorts of things had to go one step at a time. Back to the minion, then. Power like that, needed a source of electricity, something to draw its energy from once its personal supply was used, recharge its batteries, so to speak. Right, there were generators all around. Power source, check. Minion would need some way of getting the power from the generator into himself too, right? A plug, or something. Spike squinted harder, looking for something along the demon's body. Outlet…outlet… he stopped. 

Well ha bloody, ha, someone had a sense of humor up there. It figured the anomaly he was looking for would be right on the demon's ass. Rolling his eyes, Spike aimed his last stake and threw it, hard as he could.   


There was a roaring noise as Willow and Tara finished whatever spell it was they had been doing, and before long, Buffy realized that the noise was coming from an enraged demon, as the green mist swirled away from the creature in a magnificent show of light and energy, coming together in one brilliant sweep before diving back towards Dawn, where it belonged. It slammed into the teenager forcefully; so much so that Buffy half expected her sister to be knocked across the room. But Dawn remained stationary, as the last of the light returned to its rightful owner. "Can I hit it now?" Buffy asked Willow, lifting her sword, realizing the roaring demon still had its slimy tentacles on her sister. 

"Go for it," Willow prompted her friend, smiling tiredly though triumphantly before turning back to her lover. She squeezed Tara's hand. "Good work." 

Tara smiled. "You too."   


Angel could smell the distinct scent of burning leather as he narrowly missed the last blast from the electricity demon, growling in his mind for Spike to hurry up, even as he picked up a large sized chunk of smoking plaster and tossed it at his enemy. It bounced off the creature's head and fizzled, though not before the demon's attention was grabbed and it roared in annoyance. Angel dodged another blast and hastily tried to pat out the small flame that had erupted on the tail of his duster. 

Suddenly, his opponent bellowed like an animal and clutched at its backside, growling and howling in a mixture of rage and pain. Angel stopped running but still regarded it warily, picking up another chunk that had been dislodged from the wall in the melee, ready to throw it should he find the need. 

The vampire let himself relax when the demon suddenly disintegrated into itself, giving one last anguished cry as it did so. From behind it's ashes stepped Spike, grinning that cocky ass son of a bitch grin he was so famous for, and looking none the worse for wear after their little fiasco. Angel clapped out the last of the flame nipping at the end of his duster. The elder vampire was about to tell the younger where he could shove that grin of his, but before he could speak, Spike looked over towards the remaining action, where Buffy had plunged a sword into Vidartha's belly, causing it to let go of Dawn, though it's tentacles still flailed dangerously close to the weak, disoriented little girl. Angel watched as Spike jumped the railing between them and the main floor of the generator room, duster flying as he ran at inhuman speed towards Dawn.   


"Dawn!!! Watch out! Get out of the way!!" Buffy yelled, trying to pull her sword out of the demon though the depth she had lodged it in made the task rather difficult. She looked towards her sister, who appeared on the verge of collapse and finally pulled her sword out, aiming for one of the tentacles before it could hit Dawn. It looked as if she would be too late, until something all in black save for a brilliant shock of hair dove past her. 

"Got her!" Spike called without turning around, heading in straight line for Dawn. "Kill it." 

Spike dove before the tentacle could recoil into Dawn, grabbing her around the waist and pulling them to safety as the extension snapped sharply, cracking the air he and his Nibblet had occupied seconds before. He reversed their positions so he hit the floor first, and cradled her tightly in his embrace. Weak as she was, she still let out a whimper of pain upon impact, and the sound nearly broke his heart. "Sorry, beauty." 

"Spike…" she murmured tiredly. "Is it…is it really you?" 

He nodded and held her there on the floor, even as the sound of demon parts getting hacked by both the brooding one and a furious slayer sounded in the background. "Yeah, it's me. In the flesh, Sweet Pea." 

She relaxed a little against him, and her eyelids fluttered in exhaustion. "Smelled like you," she revealed weakly. "So, it's okay now?" 

"I've got you, Bit, don't worry," he assured her gently. "It's okay, I've got you." 

"Good. I knew you'd come." She sighed softly and went limp in his arms, allowing herself to pass out for the first time since the blinding pain had started, knowing she was safe now, and that everything was going to be all right.   



	21. Chapter 21

ImitorVitaProAmor21 Disclaimer: All characters and places, etc... belong to Joss and all those lovely people involved with making our fav tv show.   
We only chose to borrow these characters for a bit to do what we enjoy doing. All that we own is our lovely plot! No   
copyright infrigment is intended in any way shape or form. 

With that out of the way... 

Title: Imitor Vita Pro Amor (Imitating Life For Love) 

Authors: Peroxide Pest and Nocturne Wytche, AKA Celeste and Debbie 

Spoilers: All Seasons 

Dedications: Well, I'd like to say thanks to all those wonderful S/B writers out there that have inspired me and my sister to come   
outta our shells and see what y'all think of our lil fics. We'd probably like to thank each other for putting up with each other and   
the sort, and of course for being so good at writing together, you can barely tell where one of us begins and one ends. Also, to   
our sister, Keren, who still loves Angel, we forgive you :P Lea, thanks for all the help and support, blessed be sister. 

Distribution: Please e-mail us if you're interested in hosting the story on your site, do not take the story without our permission, please. We like to know where our work is going and we love to see it on different sites, so for us not to know would be torture... really.... Thanks so much :) 

Summary: A few unsuspected visitors come back to good ol' SunnyD and cause some more havoc in our favorite slayer's life.   
She must also decide where her feelings for Spike lay. A run in with a demon changes things for Spike. S/B 

Rated: R just to be safe 

Note: songs come into a lot of play in the next few chapters, just to let you all know. Sorry if it becomes a nuisance, but hey   
its the music of our character's hearts :P Or something to that affect... Plus, it leads to plenty of s/b romantic tension, which we   
all love! Also, no copyright infringement intended on these beautiful songs, that are the backgrounds to the soul of this story :) 

P.S.: We've also come to notice that Spike purring...is a GREAT thing :P *EG*   
P.S.S Due to 2 mentions we've fixed the format so its easier for you all to read and enjoy, and we're such sticklers to please   
our fans; its fixed :P enjoy! 

Without further blabbings, the final chapter:   


** Imitor Vita Pro Amor******

** Part 21**

Spike narrowed his eyes into slits and let the dart fly. It hit the board 15 feet in front of him with a thud and a twang, landing scant inches from the center. He muttered in dissatisfaction and picked up the next one. 

"You've improved since the last time we did something of this sort," Angel mused aloud, sipping at his beer but not really indulging heavily as the two soaked up the Bronze atmosphere. 

Spike spared a sideways look at his sire, who stood leaning against the edge of one of the Bronze's many pool tables. "I've had practice." 

"They told me." 

"They? Oh, you mean the funny voices in your head that only talk to you when you're alone?"   
  
"Your friends." 

"My friends. And what exactly did the friends I'm not supposed to have, but have anyway, say to you about me?" Spike drawled, letting the second dart go. It landed slightly lower than the one before it, and he growled in annoyance. Angel just loved to throw him off balance, didn't he? 

"They told me that after Buffy died, you trained. Everyday. For hours. They told me you broke yourself trying to be good enough to protect Sunnydale." 

The younger vampire avoided eye contact with his grand-sire as he took up his last dart. "Yeah, well, they lied to you." 

"Did they?" 

"Only reason I trained like I did was to keep from takin' myself out for a noonday stroll. Had to do something with myself to make up for the grand fuck up back on Glory's tower. Had to be good enough to protect Dawn till the end of the world," Spike responded. "Don't make it sound more heroic than it is, Poofter." 

"It was heroic." 

"It was selfish. Was for my own gratification, all right? No other reason for it than it made me feel better 'bout myself," Spike shot back, glaring at his too calm elder.   
  
Angel shrugged. "If that's what makes you feel better." 

"It bloody well does, so can we all shut the fuck up and play the soddin' game?" 

Angel regarded his childe for a moment, before getting up from his spot against the pool table. He grabbed three blue tailed darts. "All right," Angel conceded, closing one eye and cocking his head slightly as he aimed his projectile. "You know, it was weird, coming back here and seeing you and Buffy on good terms." He let the dart fly. "I've seen a lot of things in my time, but I never thought I'd ever see that." 

"Well bully for you. What's next, Northern Lights maybe? Ripley's Believe It Or Not?" 

The darker vampire ignored his insolent younger. "How does it feel, fighting for the good side?" 

"I don't fight for any side," Spike snorted derisively as he slammed down half of his Guinness, taking Angel's vacated spot against the pool table. 

"No sides huh? So what are you doing now?" 

"'m fightin' for Dawn, and the Scoobies. For Buffy. No one else." 

"You think it's selfish to fight for the people you care about?" 

"Maybe." 

"Newsflash, my boy, it's not like that. The more you fight for the people you love, the more you sympathize with other people, and the people they love." 

Spike growled. "Where's the sappy philosophy all leadin' to, Peaches? Cuz if you'd just skip to the point, we could save everyone a lot of time." 

Angel looked nonplussed, and threw another dart. It landed to the right of Spike's. "You saved a girl the other night, near the woods. For no other reason than to save her." 

"Do the damn Scoobies file reports on me and give 'em to you for interrogation fodder or somethin'? What the hell is this?" 

Angel threw the last dart, and it landed on the line beside the bulls-eye. "Just be honest with me for a second, Will. What made you save that girl?" 

Spike eyed his grand-sire warily. He was met with the elder vampire's usual, stoic, patient façade, and knew that the Grand Poo-ba would push, and push, and push until he got the truth. The younger vampire sighed in defeat. "Thought about Dawn," he admitted, quietly. "Thought that maybe that girl bein' dragged off by some big nasty meant as much to someone else out there as Dawn meant to me. Would have destroyed me if I'd ever lost Sweet Pea the way that girl was goin' to go if I let it happen. Thought maybe if I let someone lose their girl, they'd be in as much pain as I would if I'da lost Dawn. Didn't think anyone deserved that much hurt." He shrugged one shoulder casually and pulled out a cigarette. It was on his lips and he was searching for his lighter before he remembered that he wasn't supposed to be smoking anymore. Growling, he spit the whole stick out and kicked it halfheartedly across the floor. 

Angel came back to lean on the pool table beside Spike, and the two vampires faced the dartboard across the way together. There was quiet, nothing save for the pulsating music and the chatter of the people around them. The older vampire cleared his throat after a beat. "Yeah. So. Welcome to the good guys." 

"Just call me Poofy The Second and give me my bleedin' cape and tights," Spike sighed in response. Angel nodded sympathetically and motioned for a waitress by the bar to bring them two more beers. 

"It gets easier with time, Spike." 

"No it doesn't." 

Angel shoved his hands into his duster pockets. "Yeah, you're right, it doesn't. I guess I was just trying to make you feel better." They sat for a while longer, both brooding. The waitress brought them too more beers, studying both a little before heading back to the bar. They looked more related at that moment than anyone might have ever pegged them for before. 

"It's hard, but it's worth it, you know," Angel offered after a bit. 

Spike's gaze traveled slowly upwards from the floor, across the bar to Buffy's table. She sat with her group of friends, old and new, talking and laughing while Dawn sipped her soda and bobbed her head to the music in the most delightfully adorable fashion. William the Bloody smiled tenderly. "Yeah. It's worth it." 

Angel stood up. "I'm going to go get Fred. Teach her how to dance. I'm not sure she remembers music." 

Spike eyed his sire, and instead of the usual look of animosity he had when dealing with the older vampire, his eyes sparkled a bit mischievously. "Takin' a shining to that one, yeah?" 

Angel ignored him. "You should dance too. This is a nice song." 

Spike stood up beside Angel. "You're subtlety's improving." 

"Yeah, but like you're dart game, it's still slightly to the left," Angel shot back, though there was no vehemence behind it. "Come on." He led the way through the crowd, weaving a path towards Buffy's table. Spike followed behind, a bit reluctantly. 

"Wait a bloody minute here, Cream Puff. You mean to tell me you're actually pushing me towards the love of your life?" 

Angel thought about the question for a bit, seeing as it had been a completely valid one. He was Buffy's first love. She had been his everything for the longest time, as well. It took him a while to find the difference between what she and he had had, and what he saw between her and his grand-childe now. But he found it, eventually, and shrugged in response to Spike's inquiry. "I was just her first love, you know." 

"So kind of you to constantly point that out. But it still doesn't answer my question. Why me?" 

"I was her first love. It isn't the same as being the love of her life, William." 

"So you're saying…" 

"Love her. Take care of her. Make her feel something that I never could." 

"Oh, and what might that be, exactly?" 

"Everything." 

Spike decided it was time to shut up.   


"Don't look now, Buffy…total hotties at ten o'clock," Dawn giggled, looking over her sister's shoulder. "And one of them's so obviously checking you out." 

"He's not coming over here, is he?" Buffy replied, not interested in the slightest. She was preoccupied with things of greater consequence than the college boy with the crush. She had to find Spike and talk to him. Tonight. She was going to face him tonight. At least, it was what she told herself she was going to do… 

"He's doing the moth to the flame thing…all intense and sexy… and he's headed right over here," Willow giggled, sharing a look with Dawn. 

"He is sooo hot, Buffy, you need to turn around and see this guy," Dawn prompted. 

Buffy sighed. "Look, I don't care how cute he is," the slayer stated, putting her foot down as she began to turn around and face whomever it was that had caught Dawn and Willow's attention. "I'm going to tell him right off that I'm just not interested and that he should…" She trailed off as she turned around and saw Angel and Spike headed straight for them. She looked at her sister and her best friend. "That was not even funny. And you…" she pointed at Tara. "No warning?" 

"They w-weren't lying… totally cute guys…" Tara mumbled in a combination of complete shyness and sly wickedness. 

"And the blonde one wants you," Willow added, giggly. 

"Willow! That's your friend Spike that you're talking about!" 

"Well, he does. He's all up into the Buffy package. It's cute." 

"Yeah… way cute," Tara agreed. 

"And Spike has a nice ass," Anya added. Xander made a face. 

"That was the last thing I ever wanted to hear from my fiancé…" 

"Yet completely unsurprising that we heard it anyway," Cordy put in without missing a beat. Xander looked at her. It was like she never left Sunnydale. 

Angel reached the table first. He coughed, eyeing everyone there. "Um, does someone want to dance?" 

Gunn looked surprised. "I almost saw Angel sing, now I gotta see him dance?" he asked, incredulous. "No thank you. In fact, turn that to a hell no. I'm out for the night ya'll. Might be safer if I go look for some vamps to dust." He put his drink down and left the table. "Who knew sittin' back at the shop with Watchers one and two would have been safer than clubbin' for the night?" he muttered to himself, on the way out of the door. 

"I'm going with him," Cordy stated. "This way lies too many bad memories." She looked at Angel. "I'll see you back at the hotel." 

"Yeah. Okay." Angel watched her follow Gunn before turning back to the ladies at the table. "So…dance?" 

"Dance?" Fred asked, adjusting her glasses and pushing around the ice in her glass with her straw. 

"What those people are doing all around," Xander pointed out helpfully, motioning to the clubbers sprawled all over the floor around the room. "Well, I guess it passes for dancing in some circles." 

Angel held out his hand to Fred. "C'mon. I'll show you." 

She stood up, taking his hand gently. "There wasn't any noise like this on Pylea." 

"Yeah, Lorne told me about that, not having music. It's not that bad, the music, that is. Most of it anyway." 

Buffy watched them go. "I like her." 

"She's been through a lot," Willow agreed. "It's good that Angel's trying to take care of her." 

The slayer regarded the two on the dance floor thoughtfully. "Yeah. He'll be good for her. And I think she'll help him a lot, too." 

Spike slid into the seat Gunn had vacated next to Dawn. "How you feeling, Platelet?" 

She smiled and shook her glass, causing the ice to clink inside. "Building back my strength. Which is cool, cuz I've never had so much junk food in my life. I'm glad we threw in this extra Bronze night to celebrate me not being dead. How 'bout you? I mean, how are you feeling? Okay?" She looked slightly guilty as she asked him that. 

"Slightly sore in parts, but better, pet." He ruffled her hair fondly, which caused her to roll her eyes and pat it back down. 

"Thank you for treating me like I'm five years old." 

Spike smirked. "You're treated how you act… Brat." 

"Punk," she responded, though there was never any real vehemence behind their teasing. After a second she settled back into her seat and followed her sister's gaze out on the floor to Angel and Fred, who were dancing comfortably with one another. "Is that total cuteness or what?" 

"She's a sweet girl, that one," the vampire agreed. "Never thought I'd see the day the Poof…er…Angel danced like that, in front of people," Spike admitted. 

Buffy turned back around from studying her old love and his new friend. Surprisingly, she was fine. Better than she thought she'd be. And she agreed. It was cuteness. If anyone could help Fred get over her horrendous experience in Pylea, it would be Angel. "He looks good when he smiles like that," she said quietly. 

Spike looked down at the table. He didn't say anything. It must have been hard for her, if how hard it was for Angel was any indication. Not to mention he hated that Puffy could make her voice go all soft like that. 

Buffy bit back a little smile at his antics. What was it about her that got him so worked up when she even mentioned another man? What did he see in her that so many men before had looked past? It was strange, watching him react to every little thing she did, made her feel like the most important thing in the world. "Spike?" she asked, breaking the quiet at the table. 

He looked up. "Yeah, pet?" 

"Dance?" 

He gave her a look that told her she already knew the answer to that. Smiling, she got up and took his hand without thinking or hesitation, and led him out onto the floor. She was going to talk to him. She had Willow's resolve face on. On the inside. She was going to talk to him, and they were going to dance, and she was not going to care about anything but those strange feelings that her body associated with Spike, and Spike alone. 

When they found a spot on the dance floor he made to go as they had danced before, hands at her hips and arms outstretched so as not to alienate her with his presence. But before he could finish the gesture, hands were wrapped around his neck and a cheek was pressed firmly against the juncture of his throat and shoulder. He almost leapt from the shock of it and at the same time was too paralyzed to move. What a strange, strange world he, William the Bloody, lived in. He decided to close his eye and just enjoy it. For however fleeting a moment it might be. 

_Well I'm wrapped around your finger_   
_I'm never letting go_   
_You know I'm happy just to linger_   
_And let the feeling flow_   
  
Buffy closed her eyes for a moment, gathering strength from his presence while at the same time, marveling about the irony of the entire situation. She was using Spike to pull herself together enough to be able to talk to Spike. How much had she come to rely on this man for over the past few months? The past few years? In her head she began ticking off the things she loved about him… the things that made her laugh and the things that made her angry but which she loved anyway. The list grew rather long, until she was uttering such trivial lovesick proclamations as to the way he sometimes had his shirt half tucked in and half out when she went to see him at his crypt. Perhaps the thing about him that popped up most in his favor to her was his ability to always be completely honest with her but not alienate her with that honesty. She mused that he'd always been confrontational, in any case. And his ability to read human emotion was startling, for someone who wasn't supposed to feel them, let alone be able to see them. He always seemed acutely aware when Tara was feeling timid, or Dawn was feeling afraid, or she herself was feeling uncertain. And he always adjusted himself to suit them, whether to be Tara's clown, Dawn's protector, or her confidence. 

_This must be an illusion_   
_I know this can't be real_   
_But right here and right now_   
_This is paradise I feel_   
_I never thought I'd find someone to move me_   
_Someone who could see right through me_   
_You found your way into my head_   
_Where even angels fear to tread_

She opened her eyes slightly to look at him, and a little smile of delight lit up her face when she read the pure bliss written across his face, from the lightly closed eyes, to the almost wishful expression on his face. Marveling at the thought that she could in turn, make him look so completely content, she sighed and drew herself closer to him, inhaling the scent that was uniquely him, and until today, had no idea she'd memorized and come to cherish. She exhaled with a small sigh of satisfaction. He did this to her. He made her calm, and made her relaxed, and then turned right around and made her angry, made her exasperated, and made her laugh again. 

_Don't wanna go out walkin'_   
_Don't wanna take a drive_   
_Don't wanna move from this sweet spot baby_   
_While this feelin's still alive_   
_The way we fit together_   
_It's like we're meant to be_   
_And right here and right now_   
_This is paradise to me_

His hold tightened on her at the small noise of pleasure she'd made, and he wondered when he had fallen asleep, and when he was going to wake up. It all seemed unreal, this. And dream as it may be, he wasn't looking to wake up, anytime soon. He emitted a low, contented growl from the back of his throat and laid cheek against the soft pillow of her hair. Maybe there was redemption to be found for a creature like him in the world after all.   


Angel laughed when Fred finally got the hang of it, laughing delightedly. "This sounds nice," she commented, nodding with enthusiasm. 

He nodded. "You're doing well. I haven't danced in a long time either." And as if the Powers were still mocking him, the music changed. Something slow, and something sweet in all its sadness. The movements of the humans around them slowed to match the melancholy beat, and Fred looked slightly bewildered at the drastic change of pace. 

"Did it stop?" she asked, looking around. 

"No, it's just…different," Angel explained, hesitantly. "See… like… um, like this…" he put his hands on her waist, lightly. She looked a bit startled at first, but eased into it with his cues. "Just put your hands on my shoulders," he instructed softly. She complied readily, still looking rather uncertain, though smiling at him luminously anyway. He returned it. "Okay?" 

She nodded. "Okay." 

He moved his feet slightly, and she mimicked him. "Good." 

"I think I remember this," she said after watching their feet move for a little bit. "Except I was standing on feet." 

"You mean when you were younger?" he asked. "With your dad maybe? Unless you mean you stepped on someone's feet on accident…" 

"No… I was standing." She looked upward thoughtfully. "Daddy liked country music," she blurted. Then she laughed. "That was a long time ago, though." 

"But you remember what this is… that's good," Angel urged gently. "See if you can keep remembering." 

"Okay…" She laid her head on his chest. "Just tell me if I do anythin' wrong…" She turned up so that her chin was poking him slightly so she could look at him. "Okay?" 

He nodded. "Sure. Yeah."   
"Kay." She turned her cheek back against him and closed her eyes. He looked down at the head of dark hair pillowed against his shirt for a second and smiled ironically. Who would have known this was how things would be, merely two and a half years ago? 

He spared a look forward, over Fred's head, and saw Buffy and Spike dancing together. He watched them for a second, their eyes closed and completely self-satisfied expressions on both faces. 

_Wish I could be the one_   
_The one who could give you love_   
_The kind of love you really need_   
_Wish I could say to you_   
_That I'll always stay with you_   
_But baby that's not me_

He remembered a story in the back of his mind, of a place a long time ago, where there had been a girl that looked like that in his arms and everything had seemed right. Back then, it seemed that there would be happy ending for both the girl and he together. That happily ever after that everyone dreamt of when they were that much in love. Watching her now, through different eyes than those of the man in the story, he realized perhaps there could still be happily ever after for them, if not them together. 

_You need someone_   
_Willing to give their heart and soul to you_   
_Promise you forever_   
_Baby that's something I can't do_

So this was it then. He was really, fully, 100% coming to terms with everything that was his old life here in Sunnydale. He belonged to LA officially now. Buffy, and the Scoobies were a cherished part of the past that he had to let go of but would always remember fondly. They'd moved on from him, as well. They had Spike now. Buffy had Spike. She didn't need him, didn't need him to come running to her rescue every time he thought she was in trouble. 

_Oh I could say that I'll be all you need_   
_But that would be a lie_   
_I know I'd only hurt you_   
_I know I'd only make you cry_   
_I'm not the one you need_   
_I love you, goodbye_

Maybe he should have just used the phone to call and warn Buffy of the danger, like Cordy had suggested. But at that moment in the past when he'd decided to rev up the convertible and drive for the Hellmouth, he hadn't known. 

_I hope you can_   
_Find some way to understand_   
_I'm only doing this for you_   
_I don't really want to go_   
_But deep in my heart I know_   
_This is the kindest thing to do_

He hadn't known that he was the last person Buffy needed to protect her. She could do it herself. What she needed now, what she'd grown to need since he'd left her, was someone who was just there. Someone who didn't assume she needed taking care of. She needed someone who could comfort her without making her feel weak. Who could just look at her and know exactly what she was feeling and thinking and wanting. Who didn't let her fool herself into thinking certain things just because they were easier than the truth. 

_You'll find someone_   
_Who will be the one I could never be_   
_Who will give you something better_   
_Than the love you'll find with me_

She'd grown up a lot these two and a half years without him. She'd become strong and beautiful, confident. She wasn't that unsure teenager that needed protecting, and needed softly murmured reassurances whispered in her ear to soothe her. Maybe back then those sorts of things were what Buffy had wanted. Today, in this day and time, it was the last thing she needed. Spike had been there, had comforted without pushing, had reassured without babying. 

_Oh I could say that I'll be all you need_   
_But that would be a crime_   
_I know I'd only hurt you_   
_I know I'd only make you cry_   
_I'm not the one you need_   
_I love you, goodbye_

Maybe the worst part of it was Buffy had moved on. He still loved her. Still ached to touch her every time he saw her, remembered her kiss and the feel of her, the sound of his name on her lips. He remembered every little thing about her in painstaking, graphic detail, and she'd moved on. He hoped she would cherish what they had had during their once upon a time forever, hold it in her heart as he did. If she didn't, perhaps that would be enough to undo him. 

_Leaving someone_   
_When you love someone_   
_Is the hardest thing to do_   
_When love someone as much as I love you_

Fred murmured something about fried chicken and biscuits against his chest and he took a moment to watch her, before training his gaze back on Buffy and Spike. They fit together well, those two. He hated to admit it, to even think it, but the proof was there. And the proof went farther, when he looked at Dawn, and how much she adored Spike, and at Xander, who with whom he had even grown to be buddies. Anya appreciated his opinions and liked his style. Tara loved the vampire like a brother and Willow enjoyed his company and his humor. 

As for Buffy? Buffy lived for her banter with Spike, ached for his support, hated his wit, was comforted his presence, was enraged by his tongue and captivated by his voice. She was frustrated by his gall, bashful from his intensity, and vexed by his honesty. She needed his perspective, craved their dance, and despite what she might have said if told, she always seemed mesmerized by his eyes. 

_Oh I don't wanna leave you_   
_Baby it tears me up inside_   
_But I'll never be the one you need_   
_I love you, goodbye_

That was it, then, wasn't it? Buffy and Spike stood in their own light, dancing on the other side of the room, blissfully inattentive to anything but the music and the presence of one other. This was really the end now. Angel saw the figurative book with "Buffy and Angel" written across the cover flip the last page in his mind. It was strange for the 250-year-old vampire to come to terms with this sort of thing. Yet there it was. The end. Big, beautiful, gold letters in classic script, sprawling the very last page of his and Buffy's story. The book was pushed to the side, away from the light, so that a new story could take its place. The end. 

_But it's not gonna work out_   
_I love you, goodbye_

The pain, it ached, but it wasn't so raw now that he'd coped with it, accepted it. And with the end, Angel decided that tonight would be as good a night as any to leave Sunnydale for the last time. The end of the affair with the Hellmouth and its inhabitants had really begun with his 100 years in hell. It reached its epoch tonight. The end. He was going back to LA and the life that he had started there. 

Angel turned away from Buffy and Spike as the music faded, looking instead to the door he had seen Gunn and Cordelia go out of moments before, and then down at Fred, head still feather light against the place his heartbeat would be if he had one. The end of something old always led to the beginning of something else. 

With that in mind, he stopped moving, and nudged the girl in his arms gently. "Fred…" 

She looked up and smiled. "Yeah?" 

"We're going back to LA now." 

"Now?" 

He nodded. 

Her smile brightened, if it were possible. "Kay. It was nice here." 

"Yeah. It was nice. But it's time to go home." 

"Home is nice, too." 

He released her, and she took his hand and led them towards the door. "Can we stop at Taco Bell on the way?" 

"I don't see why not." 

Angel left the Bronze without a backwards glance, knowing he didn't have to say goodbye, because he already had, a long time ago.   


The music stopped and Buffy ceased her movements along with it. She decided it was time now. No more playing, no more lies and no more waiting. It was time to face her fears, and try to be happy. Like Angel had said. She wanted to be happy. She was ready. 

Spike's body complied with hers and came to a halt, his eyes opening slowly, reluctantly, so as to meet her own. "Pet?" The voice was barely above a whisper, questioning and longing all in one syllable. 

"Can I tell you something?" she asked breathily, detaching her head from against his chest so she could look up into his eyes. 

"Anything." 

She chuckled to herself. "I told myself this should be hard, that it should never be this easy, but I look at you and it doesn't seem that bad." 

"What's bad?" he asked, concerned. The hand resting against the small of her back clenched and his arms tightened on her slightly by his unconscious effort. 

She shook her head and unwrapped her arms from around his throat, resting her palms on the curve of his shoulders. Running her thumbs in small circles against the leather of his duster, she tilted her head slightly to the side and relaxed back into his embrace. "I had this speech all planned out. I was going to wow you with my insight and wit, and you were going to be completely taken with every word I said." 

He laughed quietly, deeply, in the back of his throat. "Pet, you could say the whelp's name all night and I'd still be captivated by you." 

She turned slightly pink around the ears and looked downward. "You're a strange vampire," she revealed softly. 

"But that's why you lo…er… like me." He looked to the floor as well, aware of the slip he'd made and the futile attempt to cover it. 

Her eyes twinkled, seeing him look like that. It was the singularly most adorable, most endearing thing he possibly could have done at that moment. "Yeah… about that…" She put her hand under his chin and brought it upwards, so he'd look at her. 

"About what?" 

"Me liking you." 

"Yeah?" 

"I don't." 

He paused, motionless for a complete moment, and then she watched as he shattered right in front of her. It was the kind of shattering that held nothing back. It let her know that if there was one way to destroy the vampire that she could never kill before, she had found it. Buffy instantly felt bad for saying what she had. "Spike, look at me," she prompted gently, voice quiet but still demanding. 

As much as he didn't want to, he forced those completely exquisite eyes of his open once more, and looked at her. Simply because she'd asked him to, and no matter what she did to him, he would always do what she asked of him. "Let me finish," she whispered, hand against his cheek. 

"Back at the shop, when we were talking? I thought I was going to let you know then, you know? It would have been less dramatic that way. I thought it would be easier, and everything would just go perfect from then on. But I think this is better. There's nothing else for me to think about right now, like there was back at the shop. Back at the shop, I was thinking about you, and Angel, and Dawn, and it was all a mess. But now, I can concentrate on what's important." She paused, taking a deep breath. "When Angel and I were in the training room, he asked me what made me happy." 

"Sounds like the sort of question Poo-ba would ask," Spike said softly, though with more resignation than vehemence in is voice. 

"He's smarter than you give him credit for you know. He made me think about some things for the first time. Things I'd been feeling. And sure, it was all, I feel, but I don't act sort of thing, and I did that 'cause it was safe, you know? They were the sort of things I didn't want to deal with. But Angel made me think. They're not the kinds of things that will just go away, you know? You either deal with them or you regret every second of your life afterwards for ignoring them." Her other hand drifted to the front of his duster, and she rubbed the collar in-between her thumb and forefinger absently. "I can't really remember the big speech I was going to give you back at the shop…" 

"This one seems big enough to make up for it," he responded, that ironically defeated look still on his face. 

"Yeah, well, I'm done now. With the talking. Mostly. I thought that the big, eloquent speech would make it easier for me to say what I have to say, you know? But now that we're here, and I'm doing the talking, I'm thinking that maybe it's not. It's already easy, with just you here." She paused. "Right. Done talking now." 

"Is that it then… you don't like me?" 

"Yes." She got that heartbroken look again, felt his arms detaching from where they rested around her. Her own hands shot to his to stop them, gripping the inside of his elbow almost desperately. "Because I think I might love you." 

He completely froze for the second time that night. Only longer than before. She felt like she was being studied under a microscope, and shifted uncomfortably under the intensity of the look she was under through him. But it kept coming. He didn't move, still as death (which she supposed was appropriate), eyes locked on her. The only sign that he had comprehended what she'd said was the flash change his eyes had gone through, from that dull, depressed color of periwinkle to a sparkling, crackling cerulean that might just sear her from the inside out if allowed to continue as they were. "Say something?" she pleaded softly, brow furrowing with slight worry. "Please?" 

His response was to place his hands on either side of her face, a genuine, almost disbelieving smile on his face. "Buffy…" 

She unconsciously leaned into his touch. "Hmmm?" 

"I'm going to kiss you now." His voice was thick with emotion, and he swallowed heavily. "And if you don't want me to, you'll have to bloody well kill me." He waited a beat for her, letting her come to terms with the possible ramifications of what was about to happen between them. He didn't want any regrets. 

Her hand went up over one of his resting on her face, and she squeezed it gently. "I'm ready." 

Or she thought she was ready, until Spike kissed her. Really kissed her. Not a soft peck like earlier, or the brush she'd given him the day he'd sacrificed his physical health for that of her sister and herself. This was different than all of those times; this was real. 

His palms loosened on her cheeks, and slid down to her shoulders, pulling her flush against him, in an attempt to broaden their contact, make them closer because their bodies sung for any touch. His cold lips danced across hers, the sense of dabbling in forbidden passion like this driving him to the edge and pushing him completely over. He felt himself lose all awareness of his body and held her tightly, as if he was free falling. 

She sunk against him, melting into his embrace, molding herself against him. She gripped his biceps tightly, attempting to stay upright when everything else seemed to be falling away around her. Her world spun incredibly fast, and even with all the slayer strength in the world, nothing compared to the strength of his kiss. The raw passion that burned from him, the desperation and the longing that were depicted in his touch swirled into a sweet cacophony of sensation and she longed to draw him closer, couldn't stand the thought of any part of her out of contact with him. She moaned in pleasure as his lips parted slowly, and the kiss deepened. 

The soft sounds of want emitting from her urged him boldly on. His tongue traced hers, and the heat of her body pushing so readily against his was melting his insides. He let out a soft growl of want, and his hands tangled into her hair, needing her closer, nearer, more. The intensity made him feel as if he was drowning in her, and he was perfectly fine with the thought of it. They were fire and ice, burning and freezing each other to the core, neither submitting, but instead joining to find middle ground, coming together to form something balanced and just as powerful. 

Buffy's heart hammered so eagerly in her chest that she was afraid she would pass out. The need for air registered as insignificant in comparison to being held like this in Spike's arms. She wanted to kiss him forever; she ached for him to never stop touching her. His tongue danced with hers fiercely and she felt her hands moving of their own accord from his arms, exploring up his back, to his neck, his hair. 

She slipped her fingers through the platinum curls aligned in glorious disarray on his head and entwined them in her hands, holding on for dear life. To the very last second possible, she waited, until her lungs protested and she drew back scant millimeters, gasping for air, her cheek pressed against his. Her eyes studied him intensely, and the jolt of pure ecstasy merely looking at him evoked the realization that she was beyond intoxicated with this man; she was madly, irreversibly, undeniably, incredibly in love. 

Spike found himself drawing shuddering breaths to calm himself when she broke from him, feeling as though he'd lost an essential part of himself the moment the kiss ended. He opened his eyes, half afraid that everything that had just transpired would fade into another dream if he did. But when he saw her leaning against him, clutching him desperately and staring at him with eyes smoky with desire, he smiled. He placed his hand on her face, finger brushing her lips in disbelief. These lips had kissed him. These lips had kissed him, and told him that they loved him. He was mesmerized by the mere thought of it all. 

Buffy found looked into his normally sky blue eyes, and found a spark of sapphire as they danced with the heat and emotion she had brought out in him. She never dreamed herself capable of doing that to a man, yet here he was. Completely, irrevocably in love with her. She leaned into the hand he'd placed against her face and pressed a kiss to each of his black-nailed fingertips, lips forming a smile as he traced them reverently. 

That had been a first kiss. A real first kiss, with the intensity of a typhoon and desperation that sang like the wind after being tied and thrust back in the dark for so many months. It had been wild and raw, and one of the most beautiful things she'd ever experienced. What she longed for now however, was a simple kiss from the man she loved. She giggled softly as he brushed her cheek, that purring sound emitting from his throat again. She wrapped her arms around him tightly and leaned inward, to better hear him. "Have I ever told you how much I love that?" 

He smiled now, the most soulful, most heart wrenchingly tender smile she'd ever seen. It was almost a sheepish, timid in its shyness. He brushed his lips against hers softly, relishing in the feel of her; the scent of her; the sound of her rapid heartbeat, pounding against his chest. "Can't seem to control myself when I'm around you," he admitted. "Can't stop doin' it, can't get a grip on myself. Just happens," he murmured. 

She kissed him gently, hands still wrapped in his hair. She rested her forehead on his and smiled her own, slightly abashed smile. "You make me feel so alive," she admitted softly. 

"_Me_? I make _you_, feel alive?" Spike whispered, his voice deep and husky, disbelieving in its sincere confusion. "Pet... Its you that makes me wanna feel alive." He thumbed her cheek affectionately. "Makes me want to live just to be with you. Never want to stop touching you…" 

She smiled tenderly. "Good, cuz alive is good. Being with me, of the good. Touching me, even better. Kissing me again, even more better. Holding me waayy good, dancing with me, very sexy, and feeling you close..." she paused, with her head cocked to the side. "You want me to continue?" 

Spike growled softly with emotion. He dived in fiercely towards her lips again, but to Buffy's shock, found contact with a tender, soft touch a vampire shouldn't possess. He kissed her gently. There was a tenderness in his touch that she'd never felt with anyone else before. This kiss was one of those heart stopping, movie ending, credits rolling, happily ever after kisses. It was perfect. 

The world around her faded to a dull murmur, and her thoughts dissipated into just the sensation of touching him. For Buffy, there was only the feel of Spike's lips against hers, the sweetness and the fire from their contact the ultimate culmination of perhaps one of the longest, strangest courtships of all time. But it was right for them. 

Inside both Buffy and Spike there was a spark, igniting what they both knew was something great. Something bigger than the both of them, something messy and fearsome but at the same time, the most beautiful thing either had ever felt. Here it was. The beginning of something great. The end of everything that no longer mattered. He was Spike, and she was Buffy, and this was where each of them belonged. Spike took a moment to look at her, ending their cavalcade of sweet kisses once more, his cobalt eyes questioning her. 

"What is it?" she asked, lips swollen form his ministrations and still longing for more. 

He cocked his head to the side, the way he so often did when he was amused or studying something. He gave a sideways smile, taking her in. It was all too much to believe. "I wanna look at you." 

"Okay…" she chuckled softly, turning red. 

"I wanna see your face," he admitted, voice suddenly tightening up as he debated within himself over whether to continue or not. 

She eyed him, slightly worried. 

He let out an unneeded breath, and with that, some of his fear. "I wanna see your face when I tell you again, and it actually means somethin' to you, luv..."he clarified, smiling self depreciatingly at his nervousness. She never thought he was more adorable than right now. "Buffy, I love you... with everythin' inside me, good and bad. I love you with all I want to be for you, pet. I love you for every breath I imitate, for every beat my heart misses, and for every time yours beats for me." He paused. "I love you, I exist for you." 

The purity of his words, uncensored and unscreened, flowing from him without restriction hit a chord within her. She physically shook with the magnitude of his revelation. She couldn't quite hide the tears in her eyes, and after a minute, decided it wasn't even worth it to try. What this man did for her was more human than any person she'd come across in her lifetime. He changed his entire world, flipped upside down and backwards for her, and did it with, or without, her love in return. 

Well there'd be no more of that. No. She smiled up at him, with a reassurance that had never existed before her time with him. "I love you too, Spike…" There, she'd said it. And meant it. And it might just have been one of the easiest things she'd ever had to do. 

He pulled her close, hugging her tightly. He'd go on like this for all his unnatural life if it meant having her. It was worth it. Why have one good day, when you can have thousands?? 

She buried her head in the nook of his neck, pressing her lips to his cool skin in a gesture that was so intimately familiar she wondered if she hadn't done it a thousand times before. This was better than heaven, better than the peace she'd thought she'd found after she'd died. This was the sort of love that kept one tied to the earth, something really worth living for. She snuggled close to him, and promised herself that she would never let him go, because this was better than anything on heaven or earth. Better than anything she'd ever known. And it was just starting. 

As Buffy danced in Spike arms that night, and as Angel and company headed back towards LA without a backwards glance, a new story began. It slid into place where the old, dusty volume scrawled with "Buffy and Angel" on the cover had sat before, and with new life, a new fervor and shine that the old volume no longer possessed, it opened to the first page. The first of many to follow. The older book was shelved gently to the side along with many, many others, to be stored and reopened from time to time upon any feeling of nostalgia, but never to be revised. The new book stretched a firm spine and strong, straight pages, eagerly receiving the name to which it belonged to the page: "Buffy and Spike." And thus began its story.   


The End   
(_The Beginning_) 

Well, thats all folks... Don't worry, we all know its not really the end, but a new beginning. Please leave feedback and email us if you'd like to distribute the story! I hope you all enjoyed it, and look out for sequels! ;) Thanks!   
  



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